In a world where dating often starts with a click or a swipe, finding a genuine Christian man can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. While they may seem scarce, they do exist, and hope, just like you, to find a life partner who shares their faith and values. Whether you’re a teenager just beginning your dating journey, a widow looking to move forward, or anywhere in between, this Bible plan is designed for you.
Dr. Doug Weiss
Day 1
Scriptures: Proverbs 4:6, Proverbs 16:3, Colossians 3:17
WHAT IS YOUR WHY?
When it comes to dating, we often jump in without asking one of the most important questions:Why am I dating? Society, family, and even church culture can make it feel like dating is an inevitable part of life. You’re expected to find someone, fall in love, get married, and start a family. But before you dive into the dating world, it’s crucial to take a step back and reflect on why you’re doing it in the first place. Are you dating for entertainment? For validation? Or are you dating to find a future spouse?
The answer to this question sets the tone for how you approach relationships. If you’re dating for entertainment, you might view it as something temporary, something to fill your time. If it’s for validation, you may be looking for someone to affirm your worth or attractiveness. But if you’re dating with the intention of finding a spouse, your mindset shifts entirely. You’re no longer just looking for someone to spend time with—you’re seeking a partner for life, someone who shares your values, your faith, and your vision for the future.
It’s a little like the difference between leasing an apartment and buying a home. When you’re leasing, you may invest a little, but you know it’s temporary. You’re not committing long-term. But when you’re buying a home, you evaluate everything more seriously. You want to make sure it’s a wise investment, something that will last. This is the same with dating for marriage versus dating for other reasons. If you’re dating to marry, you take the time to evaluate the person deeply and make sure you’re on the same page about life and faith.
The Bible provides us with guidance on being intentional in our relationships. Proverbs 4:26 says,“Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.”This applies to dating as well. Take the time to be honest with yourself about your motivations. Look at your past relationships—were they based on emotion, or did they have a deeper purpose? Did you go into them with clear intentions, or were you just swept along by feelings and social pressure?
Being clear about your “why” also helps you recognize the other person’s intentions. Is the man you’re dating looking to build something lasting, or is he just focused on temporary pleasure or validation? By understanding both your own and his reasons for dating, you can avoid unnecessary heartbreak and set yourself up for a God-honoring relationship.
Day 2
Scriptures: Proverbs 4:23, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, Jeremiah 29:11
SETTING BOUNDARIES…AHEAD OF TIME!
As you begin your dating journey, it’s essential to have a clear understanding of boundaries. For Christians of all ages, setting healthy boundaries early in a relationship is key to honoring God and preserving emotional and physical purity. However, in the world of dating, where emotional and physical intimacy can easily blur lines, establishing boundaries from the beginning becomes crucial. So, what does it mean to set boundaries in a Christian relationship, and why is it so important?
It’s easy to think that the boundaries conversation only happens when you’re in the moment, but they begin way before that. Many Christians, unfortunately, fall into what I call “planned accidents.” These are situations where boundaries are crossed not because someone intended to, but because they didn’t plan to protect them. When you don’t think through your boundaries and discuss them early in a relationship, you can create a space for “accidents” to happen.
Boundaries aren’t meant to hold you back; they’re about protecting your heart, your faith, and your future. They help create a foundation for a relationship that’s rooted in trust, respect, and God’s will. Proverbs 4:23 tells us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Guarding your heart means protecting it from unnecessary hurt or emotional entanglement, especially in the early stages of dating when you’re just getting to know someone.Setting emotional boundaries early in dating means taking the time to really understand who this person is, rather than rushing into deep emotional involvement. When you protect your heart, you allow yourself the space to discern whether your relationship is aligned with God’s plan.
Equally important are physical boundaries. We live in a culture where physical intimacy can quickly become a priority, but as Christians, we are called to treat our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Respecting physical boundaries isn’t about being “old-fashioned”—it’s about honoring God, your body, and the person you are dating by not rushing into something that could cloud your judgment or harm your spirit. It’s easy in the modern dating culture to feel pressured to lower or eliminate boundaries to avoid “missing out” or being seen as “too rigid,” but as Christians, our ultimate standard is what pleases God—not what’s popular or convenient. Boundaries are a reflection of self-respect and faithfulness to God’s design for relationships and waiting to share sexual intimacy within the context of marriage is one of the ways you align with God’s plan for relationships.
Healthy boundaries also give the other person an opportunity to demonstrate respect for you, your faith, and your values. Mutual respect should be a part of the foundation of any God-centered relationship. When both people are on the same page about boundaries, it deepens trust and solidifies a partnership based on shared faith.
Remember, setting boundaries is about creating the kind of relationship that reflects God’s heart. It’s not about restrictions, but about creating a space for God’s love to flourish between you and your partner. Dating with boundaries may not always be easy, but it will always be worth it in the long run. As Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Trust in God’s plan for your dating journey, and trust that He will guide you in setting the right boundaries for your future.
Boundaries protect not just your heart, but your walk with Christ. As you begin this dating journey, remember that God’s design for love and relationships is far better than anything the world can offer. So, plan for success. Think through your boundaries now, write them down, and commit them to prayer. In doing so, you will be setting yourself up to walk in wisdom, honor, and integrity, knowing that you are protecting what is precious—not just for yourself, but for the future that God has for you.
Day 3
Scriptures: Proverbs 19:2, Ecclesiastes 3:1, Proverbs 14:29, Lamentations 3:25-26, Proverbs 16:32
THERE’S NO RUSH!
When we talk about the process of dating and seeking a future spouse, time becomes one of the most valuable assets in discerning whether a relationship is truly built to last. The principle of time allows you to truly get to know the person you’re considering marrying—not just in the highlight reels of your time together, but in the day-to-day grind of life. Time gives you the opportunity to observe how your potential spouse handles challenges like stress, conflict, rejection, and even success.
Scripture reminds us of the importance of wisdom in decision-making. Proverbs 19:2 says, “Desire without knowledge is not good—how much more will hasty feet miss the way!” Rushing into a relationship or marriage can often lead to decisions based on emotion rather than grounded in spiritual wisdom. Many Christian women I have counseled have shared regrets about rushing into marriage, feeling the weight of that decision only months into the relationship. This is often because they didn’t give themselves enough time to see how their partner handled key aspects of life like anger, authority, or personal responsibility. Love, especially the kind that builds a God-honoring marriage, can wait.
If you find yourself in a relationship where the man is pressuring for a quick commitment, it’s a sign to pump the brakes. Time allows you to evaluate the situation with clarity and reason rather than being swept up in emotional highs.
For Christian women, particularly those who have been married before, the wisdom of time becomes even more critical. You might feel a sense of urgency because of your stage in life, but the evaluation process shouldn’t be skipped or rushed. In fact, it should be even more thoughtful. As Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” This includes relationships.
It’s also important to recognize how sexual involvement can cloud your judgment and blur your spiritual discernment. The moment you engage in physical intimacy, your ability to evaluate the relationship with a clear mind diminishes. This is why maintaining sexual purity can protect your heart and your mind from making hasty decisions that you may later regret.
So how long should you date before deciding? That’s something you’ll need to figure out in the context of your relationship, but the principle remains: time is your ally. Take the time to evaluate, to pray, and to seek God’s wisdom. Love can wait, and so should your decision-making process. Time, after all, can help reveal truth.
Day 4
Scriptures: Philippians 4:8, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Matthew 5:28, 2 Timothy 2:22
THE CONVERSATION YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
When it comes to dating as a Christian woman, there are certain topics that can feel difficult to approach—pornography being one of them. Yet, as challenging as it may be, it is crucial to have open and honest conversations about it early in the dating process. In today’s world, pornography has become one of the largest addictions within the church. The unfortunate reality is, most men you date will have been exposed to it in some way, whether it was in their past or even a current struggle. If we shy away from this topic, we may be ignoring something that could deeply affect future intimacy and trust within the marriage.
Talking about this issue honestly can shine a light into the realities occurring inside your relationship. If a man hides this from you or avoids the conversation, it’s likely a red flag. His secret struggle can cause shame, intimacy issues, emotional distance and spiritual insecurity, which can and will impact his future, which will also impact your relationship.
You might be wondering how to even start this conversation. It’s understandable that you may feel uncomfortable, but avoidance is not the answer. Setting the tone for honesty from the beginning of a relationship builds trust. I recommend proceeding with this conversation like this:
“______ I need to talk to you about something very important to me, is that ok? I want to ask you a few things and that you be 100% honest with me. Lying about this will hurt me deeply. Can you do that?”
If he agrees, then ask.
1. When was the first time you were exposed to pornography?
2. Since then, how often have you looked at pornography?
3. When was the last time you looked at pornography?
Even if he is the godliest person you know, even preparing for the ministry, you might hear real numbers that will alarm you. You might feel hurt, angry, betrayed, and a myriad of feelings. However, you might want to practice your responses for a couple of days before asking him, so you can honor his honesty with you by saying some of the following responses.
1. Thank you for being honest.
2. I’m going to need some time to think about this.
3. I appreciate you telling me. What are your plans to get and stay free from pornography?
4. Would you be willing to talk to a pastor or another man about this to get accountability and freedom?
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Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
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Remember this: you are not responsible for fixing anyone’s issues with pornography. It’s not a reflection of your worth or beauty. Many men have been exposed to these issues long before you entered the picture and it is their responsibility to take the actions to be accountable and heal. As you reflect on this time, I want you to also ask you to look inwardly at your own behaviors.
Day 5
Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 6:14, Amos 3:3
DEALBREAKERS
Identifying your deal breakers is one of the most important steps in building a relationship that honors God and protects your heart. Deal breakers are about knowing what aligns with your faith, values, and life goals. In a culture that often encourages or pressures extreme compromise in the name of love, it’s essential to be intentional about what you are and aren’t willing to compromise.
One foundational deal breaker is being equally yoked, which is rooted in scripture. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” This principle is crucial because your faith forms the bedrock of your life. When two people aren’t aligned spiritually, it can lead to deep-seated conflicts down the road, even if everything else seems to match up in the early stages of dating. Being equally yoked means that you and your potential partner are committed to walking with God together and building a relationship rooted in Christ, while also aligning on other foundational things as well.
It’s important to remember one of the best pieces of advice when it comes to dating: “Never date someone you wouldn’t marry.” Dating is the path to marriage. If you’re dating someone who doesn’t align with your values, your vision for the future, or your deal breakers, then continuing the relationship may only lead to heartache down the road. The truth is, if you wouldn’t consider them as a lifelong partner, why invest your time and heart (and theirs) into something that won’t lead to a godly and fulfilling marriage?
This is where deal breakers come into play. Whether it’s being equally yoked, aligning on the desire for children, or having similar lifestyle choices, knowing your non-negotiables helps protect your heart. Some deal breakers can be about personal preferences, and there’s nothing wrong with that. God has designed each of us uniquely, and what works for one person may not work for another. Perhaps you know that you want to marry someone who desires to have many children, or maybe you feel strongly about marrying someone who prioritizes physical health or financial stewardship. These preferences reflect your personality and the life you envision, and it’s okay to hold onto them as you date intentionally.
The wisdom behind this concept is also echoed in Amos 3:3: “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” Walking together in life, especially in marriage, requires that you share foundational beliefs and values. If you’re not aligned in key areas—such as faith, purpose, and how you view the future—your relationship may feel like an uphill battle. Without this agreement, you may find yourselves constantly pulling in different directions, which can cause tension and division in your relationship. This is why recognizing your deal breakers early on is so important—it allows you to walk together in unity with someone who is truly heading in the same direction as you.
Remember, nobody is perfect – and neither are you. But, it’s important to have clarity on what you can work through in a relationship and what you cannot compromise on without putting your faith, future, or emotional health at risk. I want to encourage you to take the time to reflect on what matters to you before you dive deep into a relationship. Having these conversations early on, with both God and trusted mentors, can help you avoid heartache and set the foundation for a Christ-centered relationship that can thrive for the long haul.