Friendship

Scripture: Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Loneliness 

What does it mean to be a follower of Jesus Christ? This plan is part of a series called Follower, where we have looked at different subjects in Jesus’ life. One of the things you will see is that Jesus was big-time about relationships. Jesus was a great friend. I want you to learn more about the friendship of Jesus and the friendships we have with other people. 

Did you know that you and I need friends very deeply? We were wired for friendship. We were wired to be connected to one another. That is why, throughout the Scriptures, Jesus talks about friendships, His love for the disciples, and His love for the crowds and different people. Our wiring for friendship is a God-given thing. 

However, the sad truth is that humanity and society are struggling with loneliness more than ever. In Great Britain, they just appointed a minister for loneliness. A government official is to handle the loneliness that’s going on in Britain. An article was written about it, titled “Why Are Millennials So Lonely?” It stated that loneliness is worse for your health than smoking 15 cigarettes a day. 

A survey found that the number of Americans with no close friends has tripled since 1985. And it appears this decline is most prevalent among millennials. Loneliness is a huge problem. Why are so many struggling with it? Well, there are basically two reasons. 

One, loneliness is contagious. You get around somebody who is lonely, and it makes you lonely. Misery loves company. 

Two, all of our devices that supposedly keep us so connected actually often disconnect us. Tablets, iPads, and smartphones keep us isolated. The funny thing is that when we do feel isolated, what do we do? We go right back to our devices. Isn’t that interesting? It is a vicious circle that goes around and around. 

We’re in this vicious trap of doing what makes us lonely over and over. Billy Graham, the famous evangelist, once said, “Loneliness is no respecter of persons. It invades the palace as well as the hut. The kind of society that we live in can contribute to loneliness. Mobility and constant change tend to make people feel rootless and disconnected.”

Through the next days on this plan, I would like us to look at what it means to be a friend and what the friendship of Jesus means. You can be a good friend to others and meet people whose friendships will bless your life. We need God’s help. He can provide great friendships in our lives. 

Scriptures: Matthew 11:19, Proverbs 22:24-25

Friends of Sinners

Jesus was a friend of sinners and saints. Sometimes as believers, we believe that we are only supposed to befriend the saints, right? We form our little cliques and believe we should not hang out with any of those people whom we view as sinners, but if we think about it, we were and are all sinners. Jesus is the most excellent example in our lives; He was a friend of sinners. 

In the Gospels, including the book of Matthew, we read that Jesus was a friend of tax collectors, sinners, drunkards, and gluttons. So much so, that people told Him, “You must be just like them.” 

You see, Jesus Christ did not hang out with sinners to justify and participate in sin. He stepped into their lives, desiring to make a difference. He wanted to shine in such a way that they would be able to see something better, something greater. He wanted to show them that there was more than the lifestyle they were living. 

We should hang out with people that do not know Christ. But we do not hang out to justify our participation in sin. We hang out so that we can show them something better that will make a difference in their life. We befriend people to be able to connect with them and show them the love of Christ. We have to show care, but we also have to be careful.

In Proverbs, it says, “Don’t make friends with anyone who has a bad temper. You might turn out like them and get caught in a trap.” Do you ever get around somebody and start complaining similar to the way they complain? You start getting mad like they get mad. Do you ever get around somebody else and begin to gossip a little bit more than what you would really want to do? Because they just kind of pull that out of you. We can actually get pulled down. If I were to stand up on a chair, it would be easier for you to pull me down than it would be for me to lift you up. We have to be careful. 

We can get influenced and, all of a sudden, become materialistic, angry, or gossipy. Then, the sea has begun to come into the boat. Either you’ll get pulled into the same stuff they’re doing, or they’ll get in trouble for it and you’ll get thrown into the same lot as they. Bad company corrupts good morals. George Washington said, “Associate yourself with men of quality if you esteem your own reputation, for it is better to be alone than to be in bad company.”

Yes, be friends with sinners. Why? Because we are all sinners and struggle with sin. Do not become a holy huddle as a church. But be careful. Step out in confidence and make a difference in those who need Christ. Begin to pray for people you know need Jesus, and allow the Spirit to guide you in befriending and ministering to them.

Scripture: John 15:14-15

Friends of Saints

Jesus was a friend of sinners, but He was also a friend of saints. In the book of John, He called his disciples his friends. They had obeyed Him, and He taught them about God.  

Obedience brings greater friendship with God. If you obey Jesus, you are going to walk with Him in intimacy and friendship. You and I have the ability to be friends of Jesus. You get to be His friend and your obedience, your walking with Him in the ways that He commands, actually deepens your friendship with God. I have been walking with the Lord for about 31 years now, and I want you to know that Jesus is my best friend. I have grown in that friendship and that relationship with Him in good times, in bad times, in up times, and in down times. His friendship means more to me than any other friendship on earth. He’s my friend. But the intimacy of my friendship with Him grows by my obedience to what He says.

The proximity with God, if you’re a believer in Christ, never changes. The Holy Spirit lives in your heart. God is not way over there, and you are way over here. Nevertheless, the intimacy in your relationship with God can change. That intimacy is based on our being followers of Christ instead of running away from Christ. 

Jesus was a friend of saints; Jesus was a friend of sinners. For both, we sacrifice, share, befriend, connect, and love. Which one do you need more of in your life? Are you surrounded by friends who do not walk with God? Or do you have so many friends from church that you do not have one lost friend you can reach for Christ? Have you gotten so cloistered that it is just you?

I came to Christ when I was 16 years old. I didn’t know anyone who went to church. Everybody I knew was partying. I had my fill of sinners. Then I started to discover some saints. In college, I had a perfect balance. However, when I went to seminary, I went way over in the saint category. Since I am in ministry, I have many saint friends, and I love them all, but I have to work on having friends outside of the church because my vocation has sheltered me. I’m praying for a sinner friend struggling with a certain sin. I want to minister to them. 

Are you in a place where you need more friends who already have a relationship with God, or are you in a place where you need to intentionally reach out to more people who do not have a relationship with God? We need to be around both types of people to be able to walk as Christ did.

Scripture: Matthew 9:36

The Close and The Crowds

Jesus was a friend of the close and the crowds. The close were those who were around Him a lot, yet He also made friends with the crowds. His disciples journeyed with Him and were often around. Through the Scriptures, we see Jesus taking others up on a mountainside and in the garden. He wanted His close friends to go away with Him for a bit. You and I need close friends. However, what we do not need is a ton of close friends. A Russian proverb says, “An old friend is better than two new ones.” It does not matter how many Facebook friends you have, right? Not all of them are real friends; many are acquaintances. Keep a few friends close, just like Jesus did. Invest in those close friendships, so they grow and flourish.

In Matthew, we read that Jesus felt compassion for the crowds. We want to be able to have crowds of friends. They could be acquaintances at the office, friends on the football team, wherever you’re cruising along, or friends in big settings. We need big friendships. 

What Jesus models are the balance between being an introvert and being an extrovert, isn’t it? Extroverts tend to like the crowds a lot more, while introverts tend to like just a few close friends. It’s the picture of my marriage. I’m an extrovert. I love to be with more people. My wife likes it a little bit smaller. She’s an introvert. We will go to a party or outing, and she will ask, “How do you walk around and talk to everybody at the party? How do you do that?” This is what I tell her: “I’m shallow, okay? That’s how.”

Jesus was the perfect blend of extrovert and introvert, wasn’t He? We see Him go away in solitude on the mountain. We see Him teach a small group of disciples. But we see Him on the hillside, having compassion for the crowds. Jesus was that perfect connection, and that’s what the church has to be. Christians should be a connection between the close and the crowds. We want to reach the world, but at the same time, we want to have groups and Bible studies where we connect with one another on a personal basis. It’s the crowd and the close.

Scriptures: James 2:23, Job 29:4

A Friend of God

You can be a friend of God through Christ. Do you think it’s cool to be friends with somebody rich? You get to be a friend of God. Do you think it’s cool to be friends with somebody popular? You get to be a friend of God. Do you think it’s cool to be a friend of some athlete? So what? You get to be a friend of God through Christ. That’s amazing. 

Job says, “I was in the prime of life, God All-Powerful was my closest friend.” The Scriptures also say that Moses spoke to the Lord just as a man speaks with a friend. In James it tells how Abraham became God’s friend. Simply embrace the thought that you get to be God’s friend. How does this happen? Through Jesus, His Son, who came to Earth. If you will place your faith in His death to be the payment for your sins, and receive Him in your heart as your Savior, that is how you are connected to the Father. 

You place your faith and trust in Jesus, as well as allow the Holy Spirit to come live inside of you. And now you have a Friend who is closer than a brother because He is in your heart. You know what is amazing about this? He is all you need. You can step out with the sinners because you do not need what they have. You don’t have to worry about being rich enough, or pretty enough, or this, or that. You can stand in confidence, knowing that He can be your place of security. 

You can step out with the saints, the crowds, the close ones, introverts or extroverts, and know that your heart and foundation are still on the Savior. God is the Friend who speaks to you in the silence. He speaks to your soul. Jesus loves you.

Billy Graham said this, “There are thousands of lonely people who carry a heavy and different burden of grief, anxiety, pain, and disappointment. But the loneliest of all is the one whose life is steeped in sin.” Sin will put you in solitude. Jesus comes to forgive our sins so that you don’t have to be lonely. Jesus wants to be your closest Friend. From that closeness, you then can take a step out in any direction, because you have firm security on the Rock of Ages, in Jesus Christ.

Scripture: Proverbs 27:17

Pray for Friends

If you don’t have friends, let me encourage you: Pray to Jesus and ask God to give you good friends. At one of our campuses, a pastor’s mom said this, “When it comes to friends, you can either have 100 pennies or you can have 4 quarters. And it’s far better, to have 4 quarters than to have 100 pennies.” Many of us just need four quarters. We just need a few friends in our lives. 

Pray that God would give you a friend. Jesus, who is your Silver Dollar, loves to provide quarters. He will provide pennies, too. But let the silver dollar of Jesus be your number one friend. He changes everything. There’s a wonderful and old hymn, and it says this:

What a friend we have in Jesus

All our sins and griefs to bear

What a privilege to carry

Everything to God in prayer

O what a peace we often forfeit

O what needless pain we bear

All because we do not carry

Everything to God in prayer

Oh, what a friend we have in Jesus. He can provide you the friends that you need. It changes everything to trust in the Lord. He begins to change you, and you become a friend to other people.

This is a great poem: “I went out to find a friend. I could find no one there. I went out to be a friend, and friends were everywhere.” When we go out to be a friend, that’s how we attract friends. 

We are not meant to do life alone on earth. God wants us to have friendships. I encourage you to pray this prayer if you need a friend today. “Father God, thank You for being my friend. Thank you for loving me so much and being mindful of my needs here on earth. You know the blessing friendship is to others, so I ask that You provide that one friend in my life. I put my trust and faith in You that You will provide the right friendships in my life. Give me the wisdom to also be a good friend to someone. In Your name, I pray, amen.” 

Scripture: Proverbs 17:17

You Are a Friend

I want to finish this plan with four points that Christ showed us in His friendships that we can do in our friendships as well. 

Number one: Compassion. The more you know and reflect Jesus Christ, the more compassionate you will be towards others. Whether you befriend saints or sinners, you will be able to come around them with compassion, not judgment. Jesus looked out on the crowds with compassion.

Number two: Conversation. Jesus had deep and meaningful conversations with others. As we grow in our relationship with Christ, and we have Christian friends and friends who do not know Christ, we should be able to ask others how they are doing. It is ok to interact with each other on a surface level, but we should be able to have real conversations, ones that touch the soul. We should be able to build one another up. 

Number three: Be loyal. If we walk with Jesus as our Friend, we’re going to be loyal friends. When you text somebody who is going through a hard time and tell them you are praying for them, or you get a cup of coffee with a friend, you are a loyal friend at that moment.  We have all gone through difficult times. If you run in when it feels like everybody else is running out? That makes a huge difference.

Number four: Growth. If you are walking with Jesus as your number one friend, then there’s going to be growth in your life of being a friend. The people you interact with in your friendships should also be motivating you to grow. You should have friends in your life that challenge you to be better. My wife and I will sometimes be around older couples and say, “Let’s be like them.” 

Jesus loves the saints, the sinners, the crowds, and the close. He wants to be your Friend. When I came to know Christ as my Savior at 16 years old, I had all these friends and was so worried that the Lord would take my friends away. But I took that step and believed that there was a Silver Dollar there. I trusted Jesus Christ as my Savior, and 31 years later, I want you to know that I did lose some friends. You are not going to walk with God and not lose some people along the way. But let me tell you, those friends that I lost were probably not going to stick around anyway. I almost got off of not walking with God because I wanted to keep this crew together that—guess what?—wasn’t going to stay together anyway. 

Trust Jesus because He is your friend. He will give you the strength and ability to be a friend to others. Allow God to do His work. People need friends. You need friends. We have to be able to walk these things out as followers of Jesus Christ.