Grieving Well

Scripture: Matthew 5:4

Losing a loved one can cripple us emotionally and challenge our faith and even our worldview. Others have asked me over the years when I have lost different family members how I keep going. They observe that while I grieve, I don’t fall apart. While some of that may be wrapped up in personality or simply the way I process things, I believe the largest reason is I believe what I preach. When I say “God’s got this,” it’s because He really does. When I remember those who have gone before me, I take comfort in knowing how much better life has become for them and how much better it will become for me when it’s my time.

I would encourage you to wrap yourself in what you believe. Meditate on God’s promise of a better life after death. Allow him to be your anchor, where nothing can move you, even grief. First, God is sovereign, which means He is in complete control of every situation. Second, He has a glorious future waiting for those who have placed their trust in His Son, Jesus Christ. If you truly believe that, there should be nothing this earth can throw at you that would cause you to fall apart. 

PRAYER: Father, fill us with a deeper sense of who You are. Strengthen my confidence in You. Allow me to see that when death takes someone I love, Your hand has never left the situation. You have a plan for all of us who believe in You, a plan that involves a glorious perfect existence forever in Your loving presence. Feed my soul while I grieve the loss of someone I love. In Christ’s name, amen.

Scriptures: John 6:67-68, Romans 8:28

When tragedy strikes, many might question whether or not God is good. When the Lord takes someone we love home suddenly, it might seem as though God is selfish. A lot of people have walked away from the faith because they hear Christians preaching about a good God who takes those we love from us with no explanation.

To respond to that, I would first say, if you get rid of God, you’ve still got your problem. There’s still sickness and evil. I think about Jesus’ question to Peter in John 6:67-68. He says, “Will you leave me?” And Peter’s answer is, “Where would we go? You have the words of eternal life.” The point is that you haven’t solved your problem by running from or denying God.

Second, have you ever noticed we only question the goodness of God when bad things happen? We accept His goodness in the good times, but we deny His goodness when things go bad. We have to put the badness of a situation against the history of God’s goodness.

Third, we get to that age-old question: why do we have all of this pain, and how can a good God allow evil? God has given humanity a choice. With that choice comes the potential for both good and evil. Freedom allows evil to exist, but we make evil happen. That’s why we need a sovereign God, who can and does intervene in our situation and effect good out of the bad. He really is in control even when the affairs of your life are out of control.

PRAYER: Lord, I choose You and Your ways over the ways of humanity. I acknowledge that You are in control and even though life is filled with both evil and good, You can work all those things together for a greater good. Help me trust fully in this truth. I choose to trust You regardless of the pain I face. In Christ’s name, amen. 

Scriptures: Deuteronomy 29:29, Isaiah 55:8-9, Matthew 6:25-34

How can you have boldness in your faith if history and circumstances have been difficult? How can you find bold faith, particularly when you’ve prayed for God to help, and He doesn’t? Or when you have lost someone suddenly? Or lost a loved one whom you depended on and loved deeply?

If you’ve experienced God’s goodness in the past during a difficult time, certainly that helps. It gives you the confidence that He’s able to handle your today or your tomorrow. Then you have to trust in the fact that whether He heals your pain immediately or not, He does know what He’s doing, because you’ve seen it before.

We must remind ourselves of the times when He has come through, so we can walk in faith when He does not come through in the way we want Him to. We know He’s good. We know He loves us. But we also know He’s sovereign. We must remember all three of those at the same time.

The whole book of Job centers around the question, “Why do the righteous suffer?” Deuteronomy 29:29 says that He has secret things in which He does not answer the whys we seek. That’s His prerogative. But you have to believe that God knows what He’s doing when He’s not doing what we want Him to do or when we want Him to do it. Because we have a history of knowing what He can do, we can know what He might do whether or not He does it.

PRAYER: Father, I ask You to fill me with Your peace. I know You work things out in Your own good time, but give me the confidence that Your ways really are best for me. And if I must endure a difficult season, give me the strength and the peace of mind to make it through, stronger than I was before. Thank you for Your never-ending care. In Christ’s name, amen.

Scriptures: Philippians 1:23, Psalms 116:15

Grief comes to each of us in different ways. Not everyone grieves in the same way. Some grieve longer. Some do not get to the hope that God provides without going through a valley or a season. Some of you are in a posture of anger about something that’s been allowed to happen in your life. You are not alone.

You might be saying, “It’s not fair,” or “I’m angry.” First of all, God allows anger. You don’t need to feel guilty because you’re angry at God. The three chapters of the book of Habakkuk are the words of a frustrated, angry man. “How could you allow this God?” I only ask that you exercise your anger respectfully. God already knows how you feel, so hiding it doesn’t make it disappear.

Also, you’ve got to have the right theology of death if you are to grieve well. And by “grieve well,” I mean grieve in such a way that you honor the one whom you have lost while also allowing yourself and those around you to heal and move on.. If you don’t have the right theology of, death, you will view death only as a negative. Yet in God’s economy, He makes an astounding statement. 

He says, “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His godly ones” (Psalm 116:15).

Paul also says in Philippians 1:23, “But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for thatis very much better.” You do have to have an eternal perspective. If we keep that in mind while expressing our honesty to God, we keep the right perspective in our pain and in our tears.

PRAYER: Father, I believe that You have my best interests at heart even in the midst of this tragic loss. Even when I do not understand why You allow such loss to happen, I commit myself to You and to Your perfect will. Fill me with Your wisdom, so that I might respond better to loss and rise above my own pain to a place of healing and restoration. In Christ’s name, amen.

Scriptures: James 2:17, Acts 16:22-30

Compared to other people, when you watch them in the midst of their own tragedy or you observe how they grieve,  you might think, “I don’t have enough faith.” Some of what goes on in this season of grief has to do with your theology, belief, understanding, knowledge and wisdom. But much also has to do with your personality. Depending on those things, you may weather the storm better or worse than others. 

So, how much does your own personality and experience have to do with your ability to handle grief well?

Maybe it’s a combination of things. People have different emotions. They react differently to different circumstances. God has made some more emotionally sensitive to tragedy and hardship, and that might mean they grieve harder and longer than others. Others might bounce back from the grieving process quicker, either because they are more driven or stoic. The point is that God made each of us different, and it’s natural to assume that some will find the grieving process more arduous than others.

But remember what faith is. It’s not a feeling. Faith is demonstrated in your movement (James 2:17). Most people have more faith than they think they have, but their emotions cloud whether it’s faith or not. So, don’t mix the two because sometimes they are together and sometimes they’re not. Sometimes you have to trust God in the dark. It’s pitch black, and you have to do like Paul and Silas did. You have to praise Him at midnight when you’re in the chains of your pain. One way to exercise faith is to praise Him in the midst of your pain. You may not feel like praising Him and your praise doesn’t have to come with smiles and happiness, but you can will yourself to praise God by affirming His control, wisdom and power even in the midst of loss. 

PRAYER: Lord, seeking You is not easy when I am in pain. All I want to do is crawl up into a ball and give up on life. So, I need You more than ever; I need Your comfort. I need Your insight, so that I might make more sense out of this dark place in which I find myself. Send your Spirit as a comforter, and allow me to handle the pain as one who is a child of the kingdom of God. In Christ’s name, amen.

Scripture: Proverbs 16:9

For many years now, there have been some radical ideas in the Christian church regarding faith, how to exercise it, and what to expect from a sovereign God when you do. Some suggest that you need to positively confess what you want from God (removal of sickness, ongoing safety, no experience of loss, etc.) and believe in all your heart for it, and He will grant you whatever you pray for. Some have exercised faith in this manner for loved ones who were sick, only to watch the sickness claim them in death. So, was their faith too weak? No.

While we are all called to be bold in our faith, we must also balance that with the knowledge that we serve a sovereign God, Whose will sometimes requires that people we love to pass on. We cannot control God. Faith means we must trust even in the face of pain and loss. We must participate with the process of grieving so that those who remain in our lives while on this earth will still have access to our hearts and health, love and gifts. We must grieve well not only for ourselves and our own healing but for the rest of our loved ones who need us and want us to be present with them.

.PRAYER: Lord, strengthen my faith so that I might have the boldness to ask You for the things that You want for me. Remind me that you are not a God I can manipulate or control, but rather a God I can approach. Give me the heart to believe that what has happened in this loss can serve a greater good for You and Your will for my life. I am grateful for Your presence and Your faithfulness in my life. Right now, I come to You asking that You would pour out your Spirit on me. Continue to strengthen me when I must carry the weight of great loss. I ask that You would give me a supernatural peace. Keep me from holding my grief inside or from allowing it to dictate the way I live my day to day life. Help me to approach my loss as a process, one where I can grieve well and recover well. In all things, I surrender my will to Yours, my heart to Yours, and trust that as I walk through the valley of death, You really are with me, guiding me and comforting me. In Christ’s name, amen.