Has something happened that you didn’t see coming? Are you in an emotional place you never planned to be? Grief shows up in our lives uninvited. Unhealed grief has sent me to the emergency room and onto my knees in prayer. What I discovered in the Psalms helped me heal, and I want to help you too! Scott Savage
Day 1
Scriptures: Psalms 22:1-2, Psalms 23:1, Matthew 27:46
“I want a divorce.”
“She didn’t make it.”
“We’re letting you go.”
These phrases, and others like them, often trigger the beginning of an experience of grief. Something you didn’t see coming led you to a place you never planned to be.
As a pastor, I see grief hit people like a wave that so many try to avoid. They run from the pain and loss. Terry Wardle, an author and mentor to pastors, once wrote, “Ministry is a series of ungrieved losses.” But grief doesn’t discriminate based on our titles. Life is truly a series of ungrieved losses if we run from intense emotions like grief. However, in many cultures (including the American culture I call home), grief is avoided, misunderstood, and ignored.
I spent years letting my losses stack up. Not realizing how much I had endured and how much I was hurting, I ended up in the ER with a blood pressure of 199/120, and as my anxiety waned and my BP lowered, it became apparent that I had some work to do.
That event led me to discover two things. One, I had been running from grief. Two, grief is the ground where an encounter with God can happen. My second discovery is reflected in the Psalms.
Psalm 23 is a familiar passage. However, Psalm 22 is somewhat unknown. It was originally used at funeral processions in Hebrew culture. From the first verse, it has a very different tone than Psalm 23.
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest.”
Grief often creates an intense longing to be near God. When God seems distant, the sense of isolation can become overwhelming. David longs for God to not be far; he yearns for God to be near him. David isn’t asking for God to solve his problems, but to be with him in the midst of his problems.
It’s this very cry of yearning and a sense of being forsaken that Jesus quotes on the cross. The words “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” that we read in Psalm 22 are later quoted by Jesus in Matthew 27.
I hope you realize that Jesus knows grief just as much as you do. In Isaiah 53, the prophet speaks of how Jesus would be well-acquainted with grief. In John 11, we read about Jesus weeping at the death of Lazarus. Later, Jesus grieves during His arrival in Jerusalem because the people resisted His presence and the salvation He offered them.
If you’re reading a plan about grief, I’m going to guess that you are in a tough season, perhaps a brutal time of grief.
My former pastor Jason once told me, “Scott, peace is not the absence of trouble but the presence of Christ with us in the trouble.”
I wanted a life where I could get to a place of peace that included an end to trouble, pain, and grief. But, as my pastor reminded me, that wasn’t the experience of Jesus. It’s hard to swallow, but there is no way through life without experiencing grief.
That’s the difficult news. The good news is that we have a God who is well-acquainted with grief. He hears us when we cry to Him. And He draws near to us when we are in pain. Our grief can drive us away from Him or our grief can drive us to Him.
Tomorrow, I’m going to show you how David draws near to God in Psalm 22 and how he navigates difficult emotions without embracing the lies our Enemy whispers to us during grief.
Day 2
Scriptures: Psalms 22:3-10, Mark 14:32-34
Have you ever seen an Emotion Wheel? (If not, do a Google search when you finish this devotional) An Emotion Wheel is an incredible tool my therapist used as I worked on befriending my emotions. I had no idea there were so many emotions I could feel!
As I’ve gotten to know my emotions better, I now notice emotions more easily in others, especially as I read sections of the Bible like the Psalms.
When we read Psalm 22, we get a sense of the wide range of David’s emotions. He begins the chapter by exploring his anguish and feeling like God is distant. In the very next verse, though, he pivots to describing the glory and faithfulness of God. Then, he immediately turns back to his intense feelings, calling himself a “worm” and recounting how people mocked him. Once again, he returns to recounting God’s work in his past and his trust in God’s character.
Reading Psalm 22 can feel like emotional whiplash as David goes back and forth between positive and negative emotions, trust and doubt, and discouragement and hope. If it feels like David is all over the place, that’s because he is! And when you and I are grieving, we are all over the place!
Grief can twist our sense of self. We don’t see or perceive accurately when we’re grieving. When we are exhausted, we may be observant of events, but we are untrustworthy interpreters of those events.
Several years ago, I got some news that frustrated me. I didn’t respond well. Luckily, a co-worker in the next office over had her door open. As I sat down, she asked me if I needed to talk. I proceeded to vent my intense emotions, along with a recap of events.
When I finished my rant, my friend didn’t respond as expected. She didn’t take my side or join me in my frustration. Instead, she asked how I had been sleeping lately, how much caffeine I’d been drinking, and when the last time was that I had some time off. I answered her questions while wondering about the relevance of what she was asking. She pointed out that over the years, she’d noticed my perception to be less accurate when I was emotionally compromised and physically tired.
Her comments showed me the link between my energy level and my ability to perceive an intense situation. That day, I walked back to my desk, chewing on her words and thanking God for her discernment.
I encourage you to be careful about making decisions and permanent assessments when you’re grieving. Be skeptical of judgment and the narratives you create as your emotions are overwhelming or intense. Remember what we explored on day one. Your grief isn’t bad and your emotions are a place where you can encounter God’s presence.
Perhaps what you need isn’t a bunch of answers. Perhaps what you need is a good night’s sleep. What if you went for a long walk or hike outside without listening to music or a podcast? What if you went and sat near a lake, river, or ocean for a while?
Grief can make it hard to see clearly. So, while you continue to grieve, it might be time to do what you can to restore your vision and invite others with more objectivity to help you make sense of what you’re feeling or seeing.
Jesus invited His three closest friends to the garden as He prayed and grieved over the weight of surrendering to go to the cross. If the only one to ever live a sinless life chose that, then we’re probably going to need some people to support and encourage us as we grieve, too.
Tomorrow, we’re going to explore our grief, specifically in a place where it often remains hidden.
Day 3
Scriptures: John 2:13-16, Psalms 22:1, Ephesians 4:26-27
Most people I work with as a pastor grew up in one of two family types.
Some grew up in a family where anger was always present and never restrained. There was screaming, fighting, and maybe even abuse.
Others grew up in a family where anger was never allowed and always repressed. There was a lack of honesty and very little emotion.
In both instances, we need to recognize an important truth. If anger is not possible, neither is healthy grief. Anger is an essential element in the grieving process.
Years ago, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross created her Five Stages of Grief model, describing how people go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These five stages can come in any order, but all are important and necessary.
Anger is an emotion God gave us. When grief produces anger, however, there is an opportunity to sin.
This opportunity is why the Apostle Paul told the Ephesians to be angry and not sin. Anger itself is not a sin, but it often causes us to act in sinful ways.
Have you been struggling with your anger lately? Do you know where that anger is coming from?
I remember a time when I was angry at God. My best friend died suddenly of a seizure in his sleep at age 17. I was angry at God because I recognized the hole he left in his family. My friend was the glue that held them together. His laughter defused his family’s anger. His joy carried them through adversity. How could God allow this?!
The Bible never condemns anger outright. For example, in John 2, Jesus discovers money changers in the temple, taking advantage of those coming to worship. In anger, He makes a whip, chasing these people and turning over their tables in the temple. Jesus models a healthy expression of anger.
Instead of repressing our anger, Jesus models how to express it without sin. Repressed anger, like unexpressed grief, is toxic. Anger like that can eat us alive from the inside out.
Are you angry at God? Have you expressed that to Him like David did in Psalm 22:1? You may have grown up in an environment where getting mad at God was not allowed. However, if God calls David a man after my own heart and David could write psalms like Psalm 22, you can express your anger to God. You cannot have a thriving life with God when anger is bubbling under the surface.
The only way David got to a place where he could praise God during and for the events that induced his grief was by expressing his grief before God honestly.
Perhaps today, you need to get a journal and write a raw and honest prayer to God that expresses your grief and anger. What if you found a room where you could scream at God? What if you sat down with a trusted friend to process the emotion you’re carrying?
Tomorrow, we will wrap up this series on grief with some good news about how God works as we grieve.
Day 4
Scriptures: Psalms 23:1, Psalms 34:17-18, Matthew 5:4
Do you want to feel closer to God? Do you want to know God better?
If you answered those questions with YES, you are not alone. Many of the people using the Bible app today feel the same way.
Contrary to popular opinion, the times when I have felt closest to God have not been the moments of joy but my deepest pain. Grief, not happiness, is where I most often encounter God.
What if we can feel closest to God in our darkest hour? Before you brush aside this thought, read the passages attached to today’s reading. In Psalm 34 and Matthew 5, we see Jesus and David stating that grief leads to an encounter with God. In those moments, God does not despise nor hide from us. He hears us and draws near us amidst our deepest pain.
In Psalm 22:1, David does not call for God to fix his situation. He calls for God to be near and not far off.
What David writes in Psalm 23 shows that he discovered God’s presence in the middle of adversity. There is no indication that Psalms 22 and 23 were written simultaneously or one after the other. But, their inclusion in this order in Scripture offers a plan for how we respond to grief.
First, take your grief and anger to God. Before you vent to a friend or post something raw and unfiltered on social media, lament and grieve with Him.
As I write this paragraph, I am grieving a hard call I made as a pastor. The loss this decision represents broke my heart.
Here’s what I discovered from that experience. Ultimately, what makes the difference in our life with God as we navigate grief and anger is not our circumstances changing or God stepping in using miraculous means. The big difference comes through surrender.
We hate and avoid letting go, but when we take our grief and anger to God, we surrender those things to Him that we tried to control. When we come to the end of ourselves, though, we often find the beginning of our life with God.
Second, after taking out your grief and anger to God, leave it there.
We often find ourselves continually angry because we take something to God and pick it back up later. We tell others to take it or leave it. Here, I say – take it AND leave it. In Psalm 23, David embodies a surrendered posture where he trusts God and allows God to lead him through dark and dangerous places. This posture of surrender is essential to experiencing God in grief.
Third, be patient and embrace God’s grace.
As you read passages like Psalms 22 and 23, remember two things. One, they were written over some time and not one sitting. Two, they reflect a rather significant journey. The writers did not arrive at these conclusions immediately.
While you can read these two chapters in a few minutes, David’s emotional and spiritual journey was slow and messy. God meets us with His grace in those messy moments. He walks with us as we wrestle with Him until we finally surrender.
Through my grieving, I have learned encouraging truths – God is more patient with us than we realize. He is more patient with me than I am with myself. He is never in a hurry. His grace will not run out as my struggle takes longer than anticipated. These same truths apply to you and your healing process through grief.
I pray that you open your heart to God amidst your grief and find His comforting presence nearer to you than you could ever imagine. I have been an honor to serve you over the last few days.