This 7-day devotional for men covers various biblical topics relating to sexuality, helping men find freedom, healing, strength, grace, and purity as we seek to honour God in this area of our lives. Written by Matt Cline of Restored Ministries.
Impactus
Day 1
Scriptures: Genesis 3:21, Genesis 3, Genesis 4, Colossians 1:22-23
Freedom from Sexual Shame
You might think you have to carry shame and guilt because of past sexual sins.
Shame goes hand-in-hand with both sexual addiction and sexual avoidance in marriage.
Sex is powerful, beautiful, and beneficial in many ways, and God talks about it throughout Scripture from Genesis to Revelation.
God also has an enemy that wants to pervert His good design, which is why there’s so much sexual perversion in this world. Thieves usually only counterfeit what has the most trading power, which speaks to why the enemy’s approach towards counterfeiting sex is so rampant. Sex has power.
Often, when spouses make mistakes, there can be a disconnect with their intimacy caused by resentment or shame.
Think about the enormous loss that Adam and Eve suffered when they sinned. They went from Paradise to a sinful, broken world. They could have been bitter at each other and ashamed over their own misconduct. Instead, they received God’s garments of grace that covered their shame, which brought them together in unity.
Genesis 4:1 is the first verse that speaks to Adam and Eve living in a broken world as a consequence of their sin. It says, “Now Adam had sexual relations with his wife, Eve, and she became pregnant.”
They sought unity through the powerful, beautiful act of sex. They were called to be fruitful and multiply, and although they had screwed up in the past, their acceptance of God’s grace led to unity, which led to them fulfilling God’s purpose for their lives.
Often, our problem is that God’s grace doesn’t make sense.
What does make sense in our minds is to beat ourselves up, carry shame, and feel dirty because of the sin that we’ve committed. It doesn’t make sense that God honours our confession of sin and our repentance by totally removing our sin from us. It doesn’t make sense that He would present us as “holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation — if you continue in your faith” (Colossians 1:22-23).
But He does.
Accepting God’s grace in your life for any sin is essential to your prospering sexually and in other purposes that God has for you to carry out.
Prayer: Lord, forgive me for my sins, sexual or otherwise — thank You that you hear me, forgive me, and cleanse me of all unrighteousness. Amen.
Reflection: Why do you think it is so hard to let go of shame? What more can we do to get better at this?
Day 2
Scriptures: Matthew 5:27-28, Colossians 3:1-2
When Jesus Steps Into Sexual Temptation
In Matthew 5:27-28, Jesus is certainly emphasizing the importance of not lusting after those we aren’t married to, but He’s making another important point here as well.
Naturally, if you commit adultery withsomeone, as Jesus says here, then you must also be committing adultery against someone. With this statement, He is speaking to both married and singles, so in either case, who would the listener be committing adultery against?
We are certainly committing adultery against our spouse if married, but there is more to it than that. Jesus has also established a covenant with us and is jealous for our hearts and minds. When we gaze lustfully at a person we aren’t in a marriage covenant with, it’s committing adultery with that person and also against our covenant with God. He wants to be the ultimate object of our affection rather than seeing us take a lustful glance at someone made in His image.
Jesus is welcoming Himself into these moments by essentially saying, “Remember your covenant with me. Let any beautiful person remind you that they are just a hint of the immense beauty I possess.”
In highlighting the people’s focus on not committing adultery, Jesus also tells the audience that they have only been thinking about this issue on an earthly level. He wants us to set our hearts and minds on things above, not earthly things (Colossians 3:1-2) so that we are constantly growing in our awareness and awe of the One who truly satisfies our hearts.
Next time you are tempted to look at someone with lust, ask Jesus what He thinks of that person, pray for them, and then praise God for the beauty of His satisfying presence.
Prayer: Lord, I invite you into my heart, my mind, and my eyes in this area of struggle. Help me to be faithful to my spouse in every way (if married), help me to honour Your daughters, created in Your image, and help me to remember my covenant with You, who alone can fully satisfy my heart.
Reflection: Think of someone you have looked at or thought about inappropriately. Pray for them as Your Father (and theirs!) would want you to pray for them today.
Day 3
Scriptures: 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20
Sanctifying Sex
In 1 Thessalonians 4:3, Paul writes that it’s God’s will that we should be sanctified. In other words, He wants us to become transformed and set apart for God’s special use. It seems like a general instruction.
But then, he gets very specific: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality…”
Why does Paul go right from being sanctified on the whole to then specifically highlighting sexual immorality as opposed to other sins?
First, as with our culture, the city of Thessalonica was rampant with sexual sin. To become sanctified, Paul addressed their most significant problem first.
Secondly, our sex drives have much power, so learning to get them under control in a God-honouring way will be a sanctifying process where we learn to rely on God’s love and strength in our weaknesses.
1 Thessalonians 4:4-5 then says: “…that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honourable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God…”
God isn’t simply concerned with us avoiding sin, although that’s obviously crucial. He takes it further by commanding us to control our bodies in a way that is holy and honourable, not like those who do not know God. He highlights that those who don’t know God don’t control themselves because knowing God is the key. Rather than avoiding sexual immorality in our own strength, what can it look like for your relationship with God to be what drives you to holiness and honour in your sexuality?
If sexual sin is a problem area in your life, don’t bury and suppress it. Bring it into the light with the Lord in prayer and with others so you can be fully sanctified.
Prayer: Lord, may I honour You with my body, my mind, and my life. Give me the strength to live rightly before You, and draw me deeper into communion with You.
Reflection: Do you have another man (or men) you can talk to about these things in your life? If so, what benefit has it brought you? If not, what steps must you take to make it happen?
Day 4
Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, 1 Corinthians 6:12-17
Sinning Against Our Own Bodies
1 Corinthians 6:13 says: “The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.”
What we do with our bodies must matter.
If you were driving someone in your vehicle, would you throw crumbs all over your car’s interior? Would you make it as dark as possible for the ride?
Of course not.
Isn’t it sad, then, that we put so much filth and darkness into our bodies, which are the temples of the Holy Spirit?
We carry God’s Spirit within us but are often apathetic towards having clean bodies both physically and sexually.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
If you give me money for a guitar I’m selling, who would own the guitar at the moment of the transaction? You do, of course, since you paid the price for it. But what if I refuse to give you what you paid for? I’d be breaking the law.
When Jesus died on the cross, He paid for our bodies. We are then instructed to honour God with them…because, after all, they’re His.
Earlier, in 1 Corinthians 6:18, it says: “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.”
Wait a second, though. Wouldn’t doing drugs and eating like a glutton also be sins against our own bodies?
Well, this devotional isn’t talking about health consequences but rather about sex and our bodies through a lens of valuing our spiritual covenant with Jesus. The value God places on our bodies and sex explains why sexual sin is the only sin against our own bodies.
Sex matters to God.
And so do our bodies — to the point that He paid an incredibly high price for them.
How can you honour God with your body today?
Prayer: Lord, show me how to honour You in every part of my life today, including with my body.
Reflection: Spend some time meditating on that phrase — “to honour God with your body.” Take note of what comes to mind as you reflect on that today.
Day 5
Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, 1 Corinthians 6
Sexual Pleasure in Marriage
As we have looked at already this week, 1 Corinthians 6 speaks to the covenantal relationship that God desires regarding our bodies and sex drives. This is relevant for single and married men because it teaches us a healthy view of sexuality, regardless of our relationship status.
The very next chapter, 1 Corinthians 7, speaks to this same thing, only now it’s between a husband and a wife.
Understanding first how to honour God with our bodies and sex drives will enable us to honour our spouses in the same way.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Notice that each spouse serves the other sexually. The marital duty isn’t simply pursuing intercourse or sexual release in marriage but rather serving your spouse sexually in a way that honours them and God.
God has authority over us and chooses to be endlessly loving, patient, and kind. He wants to give us pleasure (Psalm 16:11) and fulfill our hearts’ desires (Psalm 37:4). In giving us authority over our spouse’s body and vice versa, God instructs us to die to self and serve our spouse.
Today’s passage is sometimes abused by husbands who use it to force their spouses to submit to their sexual desires, but that is very different from what the passage says. Their body isn’t there for us to use for our pleasure, but rather, we have the authority that nobody else has to love them and touch them in a way that brings them pleasure, and vice versa.
In yielding the authority of our body to our spouse and honouring God with our bodies (1 Cor 6:20), there is no room for us to pursue sexual pleasure for ourselves alone.
There are questions about why the Bible isn’t explicit about masturbation. Still, when we understand God’s selfless design regarding sexuality, we see that there simply isn’t room to justify pursuing sexual pleasure for ourselves.
How can you love God and love your spouse with your sexuality today?
Prayer: Father, forgive me for where I have sought sexual pleasure for my own sake alone. Help me to live in the holiness that You have called me to.
Reflection: Give some thought to this question: what would it look like for you to live out 1Corinthains 7 perfectly in your life? What changes need to be made to get there?
Day 6
Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 10:5, Psalms 62:2-5, Isaiah 43:1-2, John 10:10
Captivating Fantasies
Fantasies are captivating. They can suck you in to where you feel captured, enticed, and helpless.
Have you ever had a fantasy that seemed so strong that you couldn’t shake it for hours or even days?
The hold that a fantasy can have over us is real.
2 Corinthians 10:5 says, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
Fantasies are usually against the knowledge of God.
God says you will be satisfied in Him (Psalm 62:2-5). Fantasies say you’ll be satisfied with them alone.
God says He has peace for you in your storm (Isaiah 43:1-2). Fantasies say they’ll give you release from anxiety.
God says abundant life is manifested in His presence (John 10:10). Fantasies say life would be best with their manifestation.
This 2 Corinthians verse speaks to the power of God that is in you. God fully believes you can take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ. This includes sexual fantasies.
Consider this: When somebody is taken captive by the police, they’re arrested and put on trial before the judge. Are they guilty? Are they innocent? The judge considers the facts and then decides one of two things. Either the captive is innocent and is therefore allowed to run free in society, or they’re guilty and get locked up so they can cause no more damage.
When we dwell on fantasy, something different happens: we let the guilty, destructive thoughts run free while the pure and innocent thoughts are locked up and put away.
The tempting thought of, “You need to experience this,” is often stronger than, “Jesus, thank You that You are better and bigger than this. Teach me through these thoughts.”
Do your fantasies captivate you, or do you take them captive before Christ?
Next time you have an unhealthy sexual fantasy, surrender it to God and thank Him for the abundant life of peace and love that you have in Him. Ask God to guide your mind to see your thoughts in the same way that He does.
God’s love for you is bigger and more satisfying than any fantasy could ever be.
Prayer: Lord, give me the courage and the drive to take captive every thought and give it to You. Purify my mind and my heart.
Reflection: Most guys have some “standard” fantasies that their minds go to. Take time to deliberately acknowledge and renounce them before God and with another man you trust.
Day 7
Scriptures: Romans 8:6, Song of Songs 1, Song of Songs 2
Intimacy & Intercourse
“Don’t have sex until you’re married.
“Porn is bad.”
“You don’t want to get STDs or have a child out of wedlock.”
Young singles often hear these prominent messages regarding what to do with our sex drives. While the statements are true, the focus tends to be on the negative side of sex, as we fail to hear the side about why God thought sexual desires were a gift for us.
Most of us haven’t been discipled in biblical sexuality, so while the desires rage within us, we learn about sex from ungodly sources, which leads to confusion and shame.
Romans 8:6 says, “The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”
God’s ideal is not that we feel constant shame and guilt around sexuality but that we embrace that part of ourselves. He wants us to learn to submit to His leading so that we’ll have peace in stewarding our sexual desires instead of shame.
In the Song of Songs, two lovers are excited about their upcoming union. They can’t wait to sleep together and fully embrace the excitement of their godly sexual expression together. They know that the desire is good, but it is essential to not awaken it until the right time (Song of Songs 2:7).
This is a good thing.
God created sex with numerous benefits. He even designed it to be enjoyable. Often, we focus on the end goal of intercourse and orgasm, but even in foreplay and the emotional connection, there is joy to be had.
We were made to desire pleasure, enjoy beauty, and long for the touch of our lover. God has made us capable, by His Spirit, of stewarding these well.
Whether you’re married or single, consider:
- How do you feel about sex, being naked together, foreplay, and anything else associated with this gift from God?
- What are your feelings and beliefs about sex that came from porn, media, secular research, or ungodly influences?
- What would you believe about sex if you had only learned about it from Scripture?
Talking about our feelings and beliefs with our spouses and/or God-fearing friends is beneficial.
God wants us to enjoy the gift of sex in a God-honouring way, without the feelings of shame and confusion.
Prayer: Lord, help me view this area of my life only through what You say about it, and help me avoid the lies and pulls of any ungodly influence.
Reflection: Review the three questions listed above. What insights do you gain about yourself, God, and sex?