Hoping Through Hurt: 5 Days of Biblical Counsel for the Holidays

Scriptures: Proverbs 3:5-6, Philippians 4:4-7, Mark 14:3-9

A Biblical Way to Manage Stress 

God created us, and he understands our bodies’ stress mechanisms inside and out. The Bible is filled with wise counsel on how to deal with stress: 

• Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal if you are under chronic stress (Ps 139:23–24). 
• Pinpoint areas in your life that are creating tension, weariness, and anxiety (Ps 46:10). 
• Ask the Spirit to show you how you can better manage those stressful areas (Ps 90:12). 
• Read the Bible with an eye on examples of Spirit-inspired stress management (Pr 3:5–6). 
• Take prayerful, significant steps to help you avoid stress (Php 4:6). 

Stress Decompression: Waiting on the Lord

My disability requires me to live according to Galatians 5:25. To “keep in step with the Spirit” is to obey the pace he sets for the day. 

• Listen to his promptings, not only first thing in the morning but throughout the day. 
• Stay connected by asking God questions throughout the day: “Lord, should I say no to this request?” or “What are your priorities for my afternoon?” 
• Be sensitive to warnings from your conscience. 
• Realize God is mostly interested in your relationship with him and others. 

Waiting on the Lord goes against our human grain. But while we may regret a hasty decision a million times over, we will never regret waiting on the Lord. 

Are you dealing with a need that’s pushing you to hurry or add something more to your schedule? Fight the temptation to run ahead of the Lord. Lay your desires and petitions at his feet and wait for his peace (Php 4:6–7). 

Just Do What You Can

Sometimes after a busy day, I wonder, Am I doing “the Christian life” right? I found a reassuring answer in Mark 14. A woman poured expensive perfume on Jesus’s head. Those gathered there were indignant over such a waste of good perfume. “Jesus replied, ‘Leave her alone. . . . She has done what she could’” (vv. 6,8). Often I feel I have done stupid things. But like the woman in Mark 14, I have done what I could. That’s all God asks. 

Sometimes we feel guilty if we can’t accomplish everything that we hope to. We keep adding things to our schedule. If you are feeling weary and tired of trying, do what you can in service to Christ. It will be enough.

Scriptures: Luke 11:5-13, Deuteronomy 31:6, Job 42:4-6

Is God Listening?

Suffering hurts. It confuses us. It’s an unwelcome surprise. We may wonder if God is even listening to our cries. It’s easy to believe that God is either absent or indifferent to our pain. But God has not forgotten you and yours. God’s Word assures us, “He will not leave you or abandon you” (Dt 31:6). God has the answers to your questions, and he wants you to keep asking them (Lk 11:5–13). Nothing can stop him from hearing and rescuing you. But he will do so according to his plan and in his perfect timing.

Learning from Job

Job was a good and prosperous man who loved God. But overnight, Job became a miserable, rejected beggar. He began to ask the natural, human questions of every sufferer: Where is God? Has he abandoned me? Why won’t he answer my prayers?

After losing everything, Job suffered the added burden of ridicule and shame. He cried out for God to declare him innocent. But God was silent, seemingly not listening to Job’s pleas (Job 3–37).

Job’s “comforters” believed that if they found out what Job had done to offend God, then his problems would be fixed. We also often believe that by answering the “why” of our suffering, we can fix the situation. This too is wrong. Job, knowing he was innocent, repeatedly called on God to appear and defend his reputation. When God finally appeared in a whirlwind (Job 38), Job and his counselors were stunned. God revealed that he had heard every word.

And God hears every word of your prayers, too. As he was with Job, he will also be with you the whole time and will never leave you. God spoke out of the whirlwind and offered his presence. Job responded with faith (Job 42:4–6).

Although God is always close by, we can feel alone. We must remind ourselves that regardless of how we feel, God is with us and wants our relationship to grow as we bring him our questions and listen to him in the Bible. God is not silent. And he speaks as someone who understands suffering from the inside. You have a God who understands suffering and draws close to you in your pain. That’s how God responded to Job’s questions, and it’s what we need the most.

Scriptures: Genesis 1:31, Genesis 2:18-23, Isaiah 62:5, 1 Peter 2:21-25

Managing Your Emotions

Emotions are a powerful part of our lives. But do we have to be controlled by them? You can learn to identify and understand your emotions, turn to God for help and hope, and even make your emotions work for you instead of against you. It starts by understanding how God made you and your emotions. 

Emotions Are Part of God’s Good Creation

Feelings are a “very good” part of who we were created to be (Gn 1:31). We experience emotions because God does and we were created in his image. God grieves, rejoices, weeps, exults, is angry, and loves (see Gn 6:6; Is 62:5; 63:9; Jr 31:20; Hs 11:1–8; Eph 4:30). 

The capacity to experience “negative” emotions is also part of God’s good creation. Without “a helper corresponding to” Adam (Gn 2:20), God declared it was “not good” (Gn 2:18), suggesting that some negative emotion was involved. But sadness didn’t turn to depression, loneliness to despair, or frustration to rage. God created Eve, to whom Adam emotionally responded, “Wow, she’s like me!” It seems reasonable that prior to the fall, “negative” emotions were simply the catalyst that produced more brilliant positive emotions. 

Broken by Sin

After sin entered the world, feelings became twisted and warped. Before the fall, Adam and Eve knew nothing of shame, grief, depression, anger, fear, or discouragement as we experience them today — the instruments or results of sin. Now, sadly, we sometimes almost wish we could go through life numb to avoid the wretchedness bad emotions produce. 

If Not Feelings, Then What?

When Jesus prayed in the garden before his arrest, he was “deeply distressed and troubled” (Mk 14:33). Soon after that, he was arrested, tortured, mocked, insulted, lied about, and unjustly sentenced to death. 

So, what is the example Christ left for us to follow, as expressed in 1Pt 2:21–25? He trusted his Father to set things right and lived to please his Father. This was the pattern of Jesus’s ministry from the beginning. 

Jesus could live by truth because he lived in complete dependence on the Author of truth. Similarly, we can do nothing without Jesus’s help (Jn 15:5). Jesus clings to the Father; we cling to Jesus. When feelings seem ready to overwhelm us, we can receive his grace to help us live as he lived (2Co 10:6).

Scriptures: Psalms 88, 1 Corinthians 15:25-26

Grief: Finding Hope Again

God’s great story of redemption has much to say about your story of grief and how it fits in the larger story of God’s plan. Your loss is precious and unique, utterly unlike anyone else’s. The goal of this article is not to squeeze you into a “one size fits all” mold. Rather, it is to help you see how the great themes of God’s story speak with power to what you face in the death of a loved one. 

You Cannot Prepare for Death

Whether death results from a sudden accident or a long illness, it catches us unprepared. Death is so deeply emotional and stunningly final that there is nothing you can do ahead of time to sail through your moment of loss. 

No matter how unexpected or how predictable, death shakes us to the core. The pain is inescapable. You will hurt. You will grieve. Don’t feel guilty or embarrassed if you feel unprepared to face it. There is no way to prepare for what you are going through. But just knowing that may help you. 

You Are Never Alone

The experience of loss is powerful. It is normal to feel as if no one has been through what you now experience. People surround you, yet you feel like you are all by yourself. Psalm 88 says, “You have distanced loved one and neighbor from me; darkness is my only friend” (v. 18). The psalm begins and ends in darkness and isolation. Where is hope in the hopeless cry of this psalm? Psalm 88 gives us hope in our grief precisely because it has no hope in it! It means God understands the darkness we face. He is there with us. The Lord of light is your friend in darkness. The Lord of hope is your companion in your despair. The God of all comfort waits faithfully near you. 

Grieve in a Different Way

God doesn’t call you to stifle your grief or put on a happy face when you are crushed. He doesn’t expect you to hide behind religious clichés and theological platitudes. But he welcomes you to look at death through the eyes of Christ. The comfort and hope he provides does not remove your grief but allows you to grieve in a new way. And he promises one day to take you to a place where you will never cry again.

Scriptures: Genesis 16:7-14, Exodus 2:23-25, Psalms 73

When Bad Things Happen

Why does God let bad things happen? You might think there would be one, simple, clear verse in the Bible with an answer: “Because you didn’t have enough faith” or “Because God gave people free will.” Your friends might have offered you these pat, easy answers, but the answers God gives in the Bible are not simple; they are much more profound and ultimately, more satisfying.

God Understands Suffering

When your life falls apart, you want someone in the universe to hear how difficult your struggle is and affirm that you are not wrong to feel so much anguish. God sees and hears us in our suffering (Gn 16:7–14; Ex 2:23–25). Consider Jesus. While he lived among us, he experienced undeserved deprivation, ridicule, and cruelty, and then he suffered unimaginable physical and emotional pain as he died on the cross for us.

God cares enough to do something about suffering, though it’s often not what you might expect or want. He comes near to us, and in his presence we are revived to withstand what we’re enduring.

Suffering Is an Invitation to Draw Near

Suffering shows us what is in our hearts. Suffering burns away self-deception by making us aware of what we turn to apart from Jesus to make our lives work the way we want.

Suffering teaches us to depend on Jesus. When Jesus responded to temptation in the desert with perfect trust, he passed the test of faith not just for himself, but for all who put their faith in him. So don’t be discouraged when suffering in your life exposes your unbelieving heart. Instead, confess your lack of faith to Jesus and ask him to fill you with himself.

Practical Strategies for Change

Pray through Psalm 73 and ask God to help you say, along with the psalmist, “Who do I have in heaven but you? And I desire nothing on earth but you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, my portion forever” (vv. 25–26).

There are many other similar psalms. Find one that expresses your heart. Make it your personal prayer to God and live it out: Confess that God’s purposes are good even when you don’t fully understand them. Ask God to show you what is in your heart. Remember God’s mercy to you, and thank him for it.