Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 13:13, 1 John 4:16, John 13:34, Romans 12:21

The Greatest of These Is… 

I’m so glad you decided to begin this study! At one time or another, all of us deal with certain people or relationships that add stress and make our lives difficult. But how we respond in these situations can make all of the difference. When we choose to truly love people, it leads to change and breakthrough in not only our lives, but the lives of those around us. 

What is love? Love is what motivates people to get up each day and keep going. Love gives life purpose and meaning. People in the world are looking for love, but they are really looking for God because He is love (see 1 John 4:16). God cannot do anything but love because love is what He is and who He is.

It also helps to know what love is not. Love is not talk or theory, and it’s not simply a sermon. It may produce feelings, but it is much more than a feeling, because we can love by choice even when the feeling of love is absent. 

See, we don’t have to feel like doing the right thing in order to do it. This is what it means to love people who are hard to love. It means to treat them as Jesus would treat them, no matter how they have treated us. As Jesus said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another” (John 13:34 NKJV). 

For instance, my father abused me and my mother abandoned me to the sexual abuse my father perpetrated on me, yet God asked me to take care of them as they got older. I’ll confess that I was never once excited to go to their assisted living apartment and eventually to the nursing home to visit them. But I went because I knew it was the loving thing to do. I didn’t “feel” like spending my hard-earned money on them, but Dave and I still bought their clothing, made sure they had groceries, took them to medical and dental appointments, and helped them in other ways. 

So I want to ask: Where does loving people fit into your list of priorities? Are there individuals in your life God’s calling you to love, even if you don’t necessarily feel like it? As we begin this journey, I encourage you to keep these questions close to your heart and see where God is leading you. 

Practice Loving Others 

As we practice loving people on purpose, we will develop the habit of loving others. However, people who don’t make a priority of loving will find that love is not their default behavior. 

If you want to love people, you will need to take time to listen to them and find out what they want and need. Do they need encouragement? Do they need financial help? Do they need to be included in family activities because they are single, widowed, or lonely? We usually assume that people need and like what we do, but we are all different and everyone feels loved in different ways. 

My husband loves sports and I don’t care much about them or know much about them. In fact, sports would be the last topic I would love to have a long conversation about, but recently Dave and I went to lunch and I spent our time together asking him sports questions and letting him go on and on about the various qualities of different players and their records. 

Nothing gives people more joy than feeling loved. We can tell someone we love them, and it is meaningful, but when they feel loved, it is much, much better. People will always remember how you made them feel when they were with you, even if they forget what you said or did. 

Now, I don’t consider my husband to be someone who is difficult to love, but the same principle applies. Love is a choice, and we can develop a habit of loving others if we choose to do it. Instead of always thinking, Oh no, it’s that person again, we can make a new habit of finding ways to be good to them. 

Romans 12:21 says that we overcome evil with good. Love is the greatest thing in the world, and it has the power to change even the hardest of hearts and defeat the enemy and his plans here on earth. 

Prayer Starter:

“Lord, as I start this study, I ask for Your help to begin seeing the people in my life in a whole new way. Please open my eyes to others’ needs and help me to make a habit of finding ways to be good to them. I can’t do it in my own strength, but I ask for Your help to change the way I think, speak and act around those I would normally see as ‘difficult to love.’ In Jesus’ name, amen.”

Scriptures: Mark 9:23, Philippians 4:13, Matthew 7:13-14

“It’s Just Too Hard!”

When it comes to loving people who are hard to love or forgiving someone who has caused us pain, there’s one statement I often hear people make: “It’s just too hard!”

This cannot be true because God will never command us to do something that is too hard to do. Some things may be hard, but they are not too hard. I believe God anoints (empowers) His people to do difficult things at times. He comes alongside us and helps us do anything He asks us to do. If we believe it is too hard, we’ve quit before we have even tried. But if we believe that, with God’s help, we can do anything we need to do, then we are well on our way to success.

The apostle Paul writes, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13 NKJV). In the Amplified Classic version, this reads: I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency] (AMPC).

See, if we train ourselves to think we can do all things through Christ, we will find that nothing God asks us to do is too hard. The truth is, thinking something is too hard is what often makes it too hard for us.

In Matthew 7:13–14 (AMPC), Jesus talks about setting before us two paths to travel through life—and we must choose one. He offers us a narrow path, which although it is “contracted by pressure,” leads to life. He also offers us a broad path that is easier to travel but leads to destruction. Our temptation is to take the easy way, but that is not the best way. This could be a place where many people would use the excuse, “It is just too hard.”

It is interesting that the narrow path—the one that leads to life—includes pressure. This is because our enemy, Satan, will do anything he can do to prevent us from taking the path that leads to a life we can enjoy.

So, I encourage you: When it gets hard to love someone else, listen to God and walk down the path He’s set for you—one step and one act of love at a time.

Prayer Starter: 

“Lord, when I feel like it’s too difficult to love someone, please give me the encouragement and peace of mind I need to keep going. I want to rely on You and not just my feelings in the moment. When the situation seems impossible, remind me that through you all things are possible. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

Scriptures: Titus 2:11-12, Romans 1:28-31, Luke 9:23, Luke 22:33-34, Isaiah 53:3-12, Matthew 5:16, Ephesians 4:2

What in the World Is Going On?

I think the topic of love is so relevant in today’s world, where it seems like so few people can get along and conflict surrounds us on all sides. I believe people are more easily offended now than at any time I can recall. And in certain instances, some people appear to be looking for excuses to be offended.

Other times it can be more subtle. Someone who may not be actively engaged in conflict may find themself disagreeing with others about something and allow it to destroy a relationship.

The truth is, moral values are rapidly declining, fewer people are going to church, and integrity is something that very few people even understand. Honor and faithfulness are fading character traits. Many people are greedy, selfish, rebellious, and haters of what is good (see Romans 1:28– 31).

So, the question is, how are we supposed to truly love people in the midst of all of this?

Jesus managed to maintain both love and peace in a world where He was misunderstood, hated, and rejected (see Luke 9:22; 23:33–34; Isaiah 53:3–12). So, too, many people today seem like ticking time bombs. They may struggle with deep-seated anger. And many are at a boiling point, where if we make one tiny mistake, they’re likely to explode. But that doesn’t mean we should give up!

The simple truth is, we can’t just hide from all the people who are difficult or need to know Jesus. Our first inclination may be to run and hide, but God is calling us to be “bright lights” in a dark world (see Matthew 5:16).

I think there’s sometimes a temptation for Christians to pull away from the world and desire to not associate with unbelievers at all. Yes, it’s true that we don’t want to continually hang out with others who are involved in sin or who will be a bad influence on us. However, I like to say, “Spend time with unbelievers as long as you are influencing them and they are not influencing you.” It is time for believers in Jesus Christ to take a stand, let our lights shine, and make ourselves available to God for His use.

I believe that God has placed each one of us where we are for the express purpose of representing Him to the world around us—whether it’s a neighborhood, a school, or even your place of employment. God has His people everywhere, and Christians must stop hiding and being fearful of being rejected…and focus on sharing the goodness of Jesus Christ with others.

Do you know that one of the most powerful things you can do is just be kind to people and do kind things for them? What if you decided that every day you would do something—a random act of kindness—for someone in your life that you deem “hard to love”?

Remember, the Lord asks us to be kind, gentle, forbearing, long-suffering, and patient with others—just as our Lord is with us (see Ephesians 4:2). Because it’s God’s goodness and kindness that gets people’s attention and draws them to Him. The love of God can melt the hardest of hearts!

In the process of reaching out to others, God also does something miraculous in our own hearts. We become more patient and compassionate, and our desire to love people becomes greater than our desire to be their enemy.

Yes, the world can be messy, and people can sometimes wear us down. But there’s something greater than hate and conflict—the love of God. And each of us have the privilege of sharing it everywhere we go.

Prayer Starter: 

“Lord, help me stay focused on You and Your desires. Don’t let me get distracted by all the problems in the world—the hate, strife or bitterness. But instead, help me to center on what I can do right now to truly love others—even the ones who are hard to love. Use me as a bright light everywhere I go. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

Scripture: John 13:34

Loving Others—Dents and All

John 13:34 is such a simple scripture, but it says so much! Jesus instructs us to love one another as He loves us. How does God love us? He takes us the way we are and helps us become all that we should be. So, the question is: Are we willing to do this for other people?

My husband, Dave, did it for me, and had he not loved me unconditionally, I probably wouldn’t be in ministry today. See, God wants to use people to help other people; however, in order for Him to do so, we have to be willing to love those who are hard to love. When Dave prayed for a wife, he asked God to give him someone who needed help, and God certainly answered his prayer because I needed a lot of help.

I like to share this example. Many years ago, I shopped at a grocery store that featured a cart containing cans of food that were dented or missing their labels. Everything in the basket cost 10 cents, but if you bought a can without its label, you had no idea what you’d get.

Back then, we were always short on money, so I would buy several cans hoping for peaches, applesauce, canned vegetables, or something else we would enjoy. Occasionally I got something good, but sometimes I got dog food, cat food, or something we would never eat.

When I chose dented cans, of course, I got the ones with the smallest dents. And I believe we often take the same approach with people. Everyone comes with some dents in their personality, some characteristics we may not view as positive. In addition, people aren’t always labeled, so to speak, which means we may think we’re getting one thing…but end up with something entirely different.

Like those cans, I had lots of dents because of the abuse in my past. And Dave definitely got something different than he thought he’d get! But thankfully, Dave chose to love me until God healed me and my dents. The truth is, I think very few men would have done what Dave did. Most people are too addicted to their own comfort to be willing to suffer in order to give God time to heal another person. But Dave was a godly man, and an unusually patient one. He learned early in our relationship to enjoy the parts of me that were enjoyable and turn the ones that weren’t over to God. He knew he couldn’t change me, so he prayed for me and went about enjoying his life.

I truly believe a key to being able to love someone who is hard to love is to enjoy the good parts of that person while you are waiting for God to deal with the bad parts. You may think, Joyce, there are no good parts of the person I am dealing with. But that simply isn’t true because everyone has some good qualities. If we’ve focused on their negative aspects consistently for too long, we may stop seeing the good parts, but they are there if we really look for them.

God wants us to enjoy our life, but being miserable because someone else has problems doesn’t help them or us. I was unhappy, but Dave wouldn’t let me make himunhappy. Although this infuriated me, it also helped set me free.

In the end, Dave was so loving and peaceful that I eventually wanted what he had and got serious enough in my relationship with God to start facing my issues and receiving healing. That’s exactly what you can be to the difficult people in your life. So I encourage you: Love others the way God loves you, because it could make all the difference in someone’s life.

Prayer Starter: 

“Lord, I want to learn to love others for the good in them, even if all I see at the moment is the bad. Please, let me show Your love through my attitude and actions, and give me the desire and patience to do what You are asking me to do. Help me to love others the way You love me. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

Scriptures: Ephesians 4:31-32, Ephesians 5:1-2, Matthew 19:26

Disagree Agreeably

We often find loving people who don’t agree with us more difficult than loving those who do. When everyone thinks as we think, loving them oftentimes is much easier. But respecting everyone’s right to have their own opinion is an important key to loving people. See, when we try to convince people to change their mind and agree with us, and if we continue doing it long enough, it usually ends in anger. People want freedom; they don’t want to be controlled and manipulated.

The way we treat people with whom we disagree is important. Life is simply too short to argue and be angry and unforgiving. We don’t all agree, but we can learn to disagree agreeably.

Dave and I have certainly had to learn how to disagree agreeably to stay married for 55 years. We are two very different people, and there are things that are important to me that just aren’t important to him. Likewise, some things that are important to him are not important to me.

In the earlier years of our marriage, I simply couldn’t understand how Dave could think the way he thought when his perspective or opinions did not agree with mine. But I have since learned that we all see things from different perspectives. If we want to have peace in our relationships, respecting each other’s right to their own opinion is very important. When we respect that right, we don’t argue with them about what they think, or make comments that make them feel that something is wrong with them because they feel the way they do. We may have discussions over topics or situations about which we don’t agree, but a discussion is not the same as an argument.

Peace Is More Valuable than Being Right

To me, having peace is worth withholding my opinion and not needing to have the last word in a disagreement. It’s worth saying, “I may be wrong,” or even “I am wrong.” And it’s worth saying, “I am sorry,” or “Please forgive me.”

I remember how totally miserable I was the last time Dave and I had an argument over a difference of opinion. I was so upset that it actually made me feel bad physically for two days. Even after we both said, “I love you,” it still took time for my emotions to calm down. I can tell you that what we argued about wasn’t worth the price I paid emotionally and physically to defend my opinion. Love gives up its right to be right, but I forgot that momentarily—just long enough to get into trouble and say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Let’s imagine for a moment what our world would be like if everyone would do what I have written about here and that, when they fail, they would quickly apologize and get back into peace as soon as possible.

It’s a lofty goal, but as I have said before, if each one of us will do our part, it is possible because all things are possible with God (see Matthew 19:26). So, work for peace and unity in all of your relationships and love everyone. Even when you might not agree, love them anyway, just as Jesus does.

Prayer Starter: 

“Lord, help me to be a source of peace to those around me. I want to be able to show love to others—even if we don’t always see eye to eye—and learn to ‘disagree agreeably.’ Help me to remember that being kind and loving is more important than getting the last word or having to be ‘right.’ I can only do it with Your strength. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

Scriptures: Philippians 1:6, Romans 12:21

Love Works One Step at a Time

Hopefully by now you are ready to let God help you love everyone—even people who are hard to love. As we finish this study, though, there’s something I’d like you to think about: In the process of our quest to learn more about love, we want to make sure that we are not the one who is hard to love.

I admit that I was very hard to love for many years. Because of my abusive past, I wanted to control everything and everyone, so I was only happy when I got my way. But I am so grateful to God that He has changed me and now I can be happy even when I don’t get my way.

The truth is, the healing of a wounded soul begins with facing truth…so if you are hard to love, it’s time to own it and ask God to heal you. Healing won’t come immediately, because God changes us little by little, but we can celebrate any kind of progress and expect more to come.

Now, don’t make the mistake of thinking that you cannot begin loving others more because you are hard to love. I think the more you love others, the more you will receive a harvest of healing in your own life. And if there is anything you realize you need to change in your life, ask God to help you. In addition, study His Word on that topic so your mind will be renewed in that area.

As I’ve discussed, the world is filled with evil such as hatred, strife, selfishness and bitterness. However, God says that we overcome evil with good (see Romans 12:21). Love is the ultimate power, and it has the ability to do more than we ever imagined.

As we conclude this study, I encourage you to be good to everyone and stay focused on love. Love God, love yourself by receiving God’s love, and love other people. Let love flow out of you like a river! In addition, appreciate people who help you and tell them that you appreciate them. Compliment people, encourage them, smile, be friendly, and be very generous. Be helpful, kind, forgiving, and difficult to offend.

In order for us to do these things, we need a lot of help from the Lord, so don’t forget to lean on Him and ask for His grace frequently. There will be times when we will fail, but we can ask for forgiveness and start fresh again. Love never fails and it never gives up!

I’m so glad you were part of this study, and I hope you recommend it to other people. Because love is what people in the world are looking for even if they don’t know it. A revival of God’s love being poured out through His people will heal our broken world and empower us to leave a powerful, positive legacy to the next generation.

Prayer Starter: 

“Lord, as I finish this study, please help me remember the lessons I’ve learned. When I come across people in my life who are hard to love, let me be a light that directs them to You and Your amazing love for us. And when I’m the one who’s hard to love, help me recognize where I can improve and grow so that I can be at peace with others. In Jesus’ name, amen.”