For some kids, making friends is hard. A child might not know how to start a conversation, or how to join a group at play, or how to maintain friendships. Thankfully, the Bible is a friendship how-to. In this three-day plan you’ll meet Jose, a boy who’s feeling lonely at school. See how the Bible helps Jose learn how to make and keep new friends.
Image by TinnaPong/Shutterstock.com. We would like to thank the Theology of Work Project for providing this plan.
Day 1
Scripture: Philippians 2:3-4
Jose looked across the playground at a group of boys kicking a soccer ball. He wanted to join in, but his feet seemed glued to the spot where he was standing – right outside the door of his new school. How do kids make new friends? Jose wondered.
The doors opened and a boy Jose’s age walked onto the playground.
“Hi! You must be new,” the boy said. “I’m Martin.”
“I’m Jose,” he replied. He couldn’t think of anything to say after that.
“What do you like to do, Jose?” Martin asked.
“Monstergo!” Jose gushed. “I have more cards than anyone I know!”
“Never heard of it,” said Martin.
“Well, I always win because I have four fire dragons. Once my cousin played a water serpent against me, but I still beat him.”
“Well, later MonsterKid,” Martin said, before turning and running towards the soccer field.
“I was just about to ask what you like to do!” Jose called after him. But Martin didn’t hear.
You might think you’d make friends by impressing people, but no one wants to be friends with a bragger. When you talk only about yourself, people think you’re vain or selfish. Better is to be humble, as Philippians 2:3-4 suggests. Ask about the other person and what interests them.
Think about a conversation with a friend as a game of trading information. Try to listen more than you talk. Listen actively by looking at their eyes and pointing your body in their direction.
Try this: Parents and kids, practice a trading-information conversation. Pretend you just met and you’re trying to get to know each other. Take turns talking and listen actively. Kids can also get practice making conversation by talking on the phone with another kid.
Prayer: God, help me speak humbly and listen actively. Give me someone new to talk to today. I want to learn from you how to be a friend. Amen.
Day 2
Scripture: Matthew 11:29
Jose approached the soccer field. There were several boys passing balls back and forth. A ball rolled towards Jose. Someone yelled, “Kick it back!”
Jose didn’t move. “Are you going to play a game?” he asked.
“No,” the boy answered. “Just messing around.”
“You should play a game,” Jose said. “With teams.”
The boy shrugged and ran down the field. He didn’t say anything more to Jose.
How was Jose supposed to make friends if everybody ran away from him?
Making friends is work. Jesus even described his friendship as a type of work. When he said to his friends, “Take my yoke upon you,” he was describing a harness that helps two oxen work together. The yoke helps them move in the same direction. Cooperating like the oxen do is key to making friends. When you’re trying to join in with a new group, first watch what they’re doing. Don’t criticize or try to change their game. Do what they’re doing (as long as it’s safe). People will see you as a friend if you’re moving in the same direction they are.
Jose noticed two boys crouching near a soccer goal. There was a snapping turtle inside the goal. Every time a boy got close, the turtle would bite.
“What are you doing?” Jose asked.
“Trying to move this turtle, but it’s mean.”
Jose thought of a way to work with the boys. “Maybe you could pick it up with something, like a stick.”
“Or if we had two sticks we could pick it up like tongs,” a boy answered. “Let’s try!”
“I’ll help you,” Jose said. “I’m Jose.”
“I’m Carl. I don’t like turtles.”
“I like frogs,” Jose said, trading information with his new friend.
“My brother had a pet frog,” Carl said. “Until my mom found it.”
Jose smiled. Together Jose and Carl looked for sticks.
God created us to be friends with him and friends with each other. At the same time, God gave us a job, taking care of creation, like making sure a turtle gets safely out of the way. This job is so big that no one can do it alone. That’s why Ecclesiastes 4:9 says that two are better than one. People working together get better results, and they often get to be friends.
Try this: Brainstorm places where you can meet people while working together, like a volunteer group or a sports team. Try one new thing this week.
Prayer: God, give me work to do today, and friends to do it with. Amen.
Day 3
Scripture: Proverbs 18:24
The snapping turtle was still sitting in the soccer goal, even though Jose and his new friends had tried pushing it, poking it, and lifting it between two sticks.
“I know, let’s flip it!” Carl said. He put the end of his stick under the turtle and pushed hard. The turtle flipped into the air and landed on Carl’s leg.
“Argh! Get it off!” he screamed.
Jose burst into laughter. “That was dumb!”
“Owwwweeee!” Carl yelled as the turtle bit him. He scowled at Jose. “Stop laughing, jerk!”
Jose put his hand over his mouth. Carl stared at him with eyes like lasers.
“I’m sorry,” Jose said. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” Carl said. He wiped his nose. After a minute he said, “That was pretty cool, right?”
“Totally cool!” said Jose.
Being a friend means caring about what the other person might be feeling. This is called empathy. When you see someone hurt or embarrassed, do you laugh? Or do you show concern and try to help? If your first response isn’t that of a real friend as described in Proverbs 18:24, then you can practice your empathy.
Try this: Practice figuring out how people feel. Read the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:30-37) or another book you like. Discuss each of the characters in the story: What does each person feel? What do they want? How do we know it?
If you want people to stay your friends, it’s important to stick by them when something goes wrong. Don’t make fun of a friend who is hurting. Say sorry even if it’s not your fault. According to Proverbs 18:24, this is what real friends do.
Prayer: God, here’s a prayer for the friends I haven’t met yet. Make them happy. Help me be a good friend to them. Amen.