Hurt by Christians: 8 Days to Bring Healing and Hope

Scriptures: Ephesians 4:31-32, Matthew 5:9, Colossians 3:13

From Hurt to Hope

If you have been going to church for any amount of time, the chances are high that you have seen or participated in fighting, bickering, gossip, poor attitudes, and even seen people leaving the church over these issues. You have probably seen taken part in cliques, knowingly or unknowingly shunning someone by not greeting or acknowledging them. You may have seen a pastor or someone in church leadership acting in a way that is contrary to how a “good Christian” or someone in authority should act. You may have also seen someone in authority in the church completely misuse their position for their personal gain or sinful pleasures. 

The hurt someone faces when they have a conflict with a fellow Christian can sting even more than the same conflict with someone who doesn’t know Jesus. Why? It is easy to have high expectations of Christians, putting them on a level of perfection that only Jesus can obtain. 

The result of such hurt can lead to damaged relationships, loss of church members, loss of relationship with God, someone choosing never to go to church again, and even closure of a church completely. I’ve been witness to most of these, including the last one, and they are painful when you experience them. They may make you question your faith and put walls up that keep people out in order to not be hurt again.

Our verses today give guidance on how we should forgive one another as Christ forgave us. We are called to be the peacemakers. Notice this is not referring to the other party or parties involved. We are only accountable for our personal actions.

The goal of this Bible plan is to bring healing to circumstances where you may have been hurt by other Christians. It is also designed to prepare you for future conflict, standing firm in your faith, while also showing the love of Christ in all you do. 

Tomorrow we will look at how conflicts in the church is not a 21st century issue.

What negative situations with other Christians have you experienced or seen others experience? 

What was your reaction to these situations as they were happening?

Scriptures: Galatians 2:11-15, Romans 14:10-18, 1 Corinthians 5:1-9

Nothing New

Before we dive any deeper into what it means to be hurt by Christians and how we can heal from it, we need to take a detour and briefly discuss the history of the Christian church.

It’s easy to think about conflict in the Christian church as a 20th or 21st century issue but that is incorrect. The early church was filled with people not only trying to figure out Christianity but overwhelmed with sins and questions about how to follow this Jesus that was being preached to them. There is no doubt Paul and other church leaders had their hands full.

For one, the church was new; they did not have the Bible as we know it today. They had letters written to them and the Holy Spirit to guide them, but they were still figuring things out, like what to do with food offered to idols (Romans 14) and whether or not you need to be circumcised for salvation (Acts 15:1-2).

There were racial tensions between Jews and Gentiles to the point that Paul had to correct Peter, in front of others, saying he should not force Gentiles to follow Jewish customs (Galatians 2:11-15). Peter was the one who received a vision from God that they should be witnessing to Gentiles, and yet there was conflict between Peter and Paul over what customs should still be followed.  

There were a lot of questions among the early church about how to act under Roman rule and aggression. Paul addresses this in Romans 13. Many wanted to rise up and overthrow the government and Paul had to remind them to submit to their governing authorities (v.4).

There were counterfeit teachers rising up in the church and Paul had to warn new believers to not listen to any teaching that was different than what was brought to them, or listen to different a “Jesus” than what was preached (2 Cor 11:4). 

There was sexual immorality in the church, just read 1 Corinthians 5:1-9 for more details. There was disunity, threats of lawsuits among believers, and Christians who did not grow in their faith but stayed on “milk” instead of solid food (1 Cor 3:2).

And yet with all these struggles, sin, and discord, the church grew and grew because of the power of the truth of God. No one could extinguish the fire of the Holy Spirit that burned in new believers.

You could say that the church today should know better since we have a couple of thousand years of practice along with the full Word of God, and you might have a point. However, we have to realize that the main problem is a sin problem and as we will discuss tomorrow, it is a human condition that will not go away until God makes everything new.

Tomorrow we will look at how all humans are born into the sin condition.

Write down some of the problems you see the church and Christians face today.Are these new or old problems? 

What do you think Paul or Peter would tell the church today?

Scriptures: Romans 3:23, Ephesians 2:3, Romans 5:12, Romans 7:15-25

The Human Condition

Let’s take a step back from how Christians should or should not behave and look at the state of the fallen world. All humans are born into sin. Sin is not a learned behavior, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23). If you’ve had kids or been around kids of any age, you can see not only their sweet, innocent nature; but also their selfish and demanding one. 

Romans 5:12 tells us that sin entered through one man, Adam, and how through that sin, death has spread to every living thing. Sin is the disease for which there is only one cure. The cohesive narrative of the Old Testament decisively points to Jesus; the author and finisher of our faith.

Jesus overcame and defeated death on the cross; He died once for all mankind and gave His life as a ransom for many (Matt 20:28). For all who repent and believe in Jesus have an assurance of salvation and eternal life with Jesus forever.

It’s important to note that although Jesus defeated sin on the cross, He did not destroy our sin nature completely. It is still present and needs to be controlled with the power of the Holy Spirit, alive and at work through a relationship with us. 

Paul discusses this dichotomy in us, between the Spirit of God and the spirit of this world (our flesh). We may want to follow God’s law but we are at war with the sinful nature inside of us. By God’s grace and mercy, we have deliverance from this sin nature but free will is still at play. We do not become God’s puppets once we accept Jesus. We have to renew our minds daily and not be conformed to this world (Rom 12:2). 

This process of sanctification, changing our minds to become more like Christ, does not happen overnight. A person does not become a Christian and immediately has the perfect mind of Christ. In fact, we will never be perfect, only Jesus is. We do, however, immediately receive access to the Holy Spirit, our Comforter and Counselor, and thus begins the journey of our Christian walk that will be filled with victories and struggles. 

The important thing to remember is progression, not perfection!

Tomorrow we will discuss how all Christians are in different stages of a race. 

How do you see the sin nature show up in Christians? 

What are the best strategies for having control over our fleshly desires? 

How do you know when there is sin in your life and when it needs to be dealt with?  

Scriptures: Hebrews 12:1, 1 Peter 3:15, Ephesians 4:14

Running the Race

People have no shortage of opinions on things and Christians are no different. Christians usually have an answer for what they believe and why. They can tell you all about what sin is, what political party to vote for, what grace is and is not, if you can lose your salvation, what denomination to follow, what the end times are going to look like, and especially what OTHER Christians are supposed to believe. 

This is especially the case on social media, from what I have seen, the typical Christian response to online forums or posts, to either believer or non-believer, has no shortage of opinion and “fact” based reasons as to why someone else is wrong and why they are right. 

The missing piece to this formula is love…

But, what’s love got to do with it?

With discernment, it is very important to know what you believe and why. You should be able to give an answer for the hope that lies within you (1 Peter 3:15). The world, the Internet, and books are filled with more information that you can absorb in one lifetime. The Bible has to be the foundation for all discernment. As we grow in maturity as Christians, we will be more and more confident, moving from milk to solid food as the Bible talks about in Ephesians 4:14.

As we build a solid foundation in our faith, how does that affect how we treat others?

We should grow in truth, but how do we share it?

It’s important to note that not all Christians are in the same phase of their walk with the Lord. We are “running the race” as Romans explains a race with runners at various stages. We can’t look at our position in the race and ridicule someone else for not being as far along. Encouragement goes a lot farther than discouragement. This doesn’t mean you have to ignore heretical statements spoken by another Christian, but maybe it does? It depends on the situation. If it happens online, you can simply log off or scroll past. You do not need to engage in every conversation or attack on the faith. If it’s a fellow Christian who has given you a platform to be able to speak in their life, then provide correction with love if they are in a position to hear. 

Someone who has been a Christian for a long time can forget what it was like to be newly saved. It can be overwhelming at first trying to understand the Bible. The world will tell you that it is filled with contradictions and antiquated ideas that aren’t relevant today. Newer Christians sometimes don’t know where to start, what to study, or even what to believe. If you include the fact that many churches focus on a “salvation message” without encouraging discipleship, newer Christians are left at the starting line without any fellow believers to help them on their journey. 

Paul knew what he was talking about when he compared our Christian journey to a race! Jesus waits for us to finish, ready to say “well done good and faithful servant.” Every pain we face, every doubt we overcome, and every battle we wage is worth patiently enduring the journey to get to the finish line and see our Savior at last!

Tomorrow we will look at how the church body is supposed to love sinners.

Knowing that all Christians are in different stages of the race, how can you show grace and love to those around you today? 

If you need to share truth with someone, how can you do it with love but without condemnation?

Scriptures: James 4:1-6, Matthew 9:10-13, John 8:2-11

Hospital for Sinners

St. Augustine is attributed as saying, “The church is not a hotel for saints, it is a hospital for sinners.” 

This quote is not referring to the unsaved, but the saved as well. We are all sinners and as we discussed yesterday, Christians are in various stages of the race. It is unreasonable to expect every member of a church to exercise Christ’s perfect, selfless love all the time. It just doesn’t happen since it is impossible. We all fall short and that is ok.

Jesus drew sinners in by interacting with them. In Matthew 9:13, Jesus says, “For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Jesus also rebuked the Pharisees on multiple occasions. (These were the high religious leaders of their day, learned men who knew the Torah inside and out.) Jesus rebuked them for their piety and pride and thinking themselves better than others. Jesus never rebuked sinners other than telling them to, “Go and sin no more” (John 8:11). 

Let’s estimate, for example, that the average church has 95% saved Christians in it. What would happen in a church, in your church, if there were instead 95% unsavedpeople in it? What if you opened your church to the homeless and anyone came through on a particular Sunday? How would the 5% of Christians act toward the unsaved? Would they be offended if any of the unsaved cursed, smelled bad, blasphemed God, smoked, or caused a scene? Christians might even welcome it and ignore the offenses after they consider the source, counting it as suffering for Jesus! And yet the same Christians may refuse to forgive their fellow Christians for similar offenses because they should “know better.”

The truth of the matter is that many Christians, especially American Christians, live in a comfortable church experience. The worship is just the right volume, the message is the perfect blend of truth (maybe) and not too much conviction, and the thermostat is set at just the right temperature. They are surrounded by likeminded Christians and if there is someone they don’t like, they can easily avoid that person or shun them with the hope that they don’t return.

This is THE problem with why it hurts so much when Christians offend us. We don’t see it coming. We don’t anticipate our bubble to be popped in such a way from someone we consider to be safe. We build our life in such a way to avoid disappointment and pain. It is just a natural human response. 

I’m not saying anyone should necessarily enjoy being hurt or betrayed, but we have to understand that all humans have the propensity to fail us, to fail God, and yet God still loves you and those that offend you equally.  Believe that God understands more than anyone the failure of humans, and God offers mercy in spite of these shortcomings. These people are the very reason Christ went to the cross!

Tomorrow we will look at how we too are called to show mercy and turn the other cheek.

What is the culture like in your church towards sinners and those who may not “act” Christian? 

How do YOU act towards these people?

Who is someone you can pray for right now that is not a Christian?

Scriptures: Matthew 5:38-41, Romans 12:20, 1 Thessalonians 5:15

Turn the other cheek

Now that we have established that churches are filled with sinners, saved and unsaved sinners, we should not be shocked when interpersonal conflict arises. Gossip, slander, and betrayal will still hurt, but if we prepare ourselves in advance for this to happen, our response will be more filled with love and grace than the typical human response of anger and revenge. 

Jesus flipped the standards of Mosaic Law on its head during the Sermon on the Mount, no longer holding them to an “eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” from Exodus 21:24. Jesus then ups the ante, “If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go a mile, go with them two miles.” It’s easy to read these verses and think, “surely Jesus didn’t mean for me to do that!” 

Jesus sets a standard for not seeking repayment or revenge. We are not only limited to these examples He used. In any other situation where we are taken advantage of, we should love our enemy and pray for those who persecute us. However, if someone walks up to me at church and slaps me in the face, you know that I would need some Holy Spirit intervention to not act in my flesh! We will not be perfect, yet Jesus says, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matthew 5:48). Once again, Jesus is setting the standards so high that we will spend the rest of our lives running the race and learning to be holy. 

Our response to evil or malice against us gives us the opportunity to let Christ be the Lord of our life and our actions. We are able to show others Jesus by our love because God IS Love. Romans 12:20 describes providing for your enemy as “heaping burning coals on his head.” I feel this is saying that our kindness will either light a fire under our enemies to convince them to change or the fire will consume them with their own guilt and tormented conscience.

Some people are insecure and seek attention, while some have unresolved conflict with others, so they take their frustrations out on those close to them. Still, some people just have basic personality clashes. Though it is not malicious in nature, not every person will get along together. 

Our response is always a choice. Does that mean we have to sign up to be used or abused? Not necessarily.  You have options in the friends you make and the church you attend (more on that tomorrow).  So what is God saying? Use discernment and seek God’s desire for you in any situation. Maybe you need to address the situation instead of fleeing. Maybe God wants you to show love to that person in a way they have never experience before and in doing so they see God alive in you! 

Tomorrow we will look at what you should consider in choosing a church.

What conflict have you faced in the past with another person and how did you handle it? 

Do you feel it was the right or wrong way based on the verses we discussed?

Scriptures: Hebrews 10:24-25, Ephesians 4:4-6, Psalms 133:1

Discerning with church decision

“The day we find the perfect church, it becomes imperfect the moment we join it.” Charles H. Spurgeon

A church is the corporate gathering of the body of believers to worship God and then GO and do His work. Too often Christians use church as the one and only chance they have to hear the Word of God and be in community with believers. We should use our time at church to edify each other and learn from the Word so that we can then be the hands and feet of Jesus during the week. 

Knowing that we cannot find a perfect church does not mean we should give up on church altogether. The Bible instructs us to not to give up meeting together as some do, but encourage one another (Hebrews 10:25). We should use discernment when we have a conflict with someone else, knowing that it is perfectly natural. It will happen. Sometimes we are called to leave a specific church (again with God’s wisdom and not human emotion). 

Unfortunately, the reasons that some Christians choose a church can be very shallow. They may range from the programs offered, the friends who attend, the celebrity status of the lead pastor, the types of lighting and fog used in worship, the proximity to their house, etc. These may be benefits and are not wrong in and of themselves, but we need to first ask God where He wants us to attend. Sometimes we are called to attend a church that needs help, that doesn’t have it all together and other times we are called for a season to be planted so that we can grow and be discipled.

A person may also blindly follow their denomination out of tradition without fully understanding what they believe and if the Bible agrees with it. It’s important to know what a church believes and why and, most importantly, if it aligns with the Bible.

We have to make sure the church we select has a sound doctrine and believes in the inerrancy and authority of the Bible. However, we are personally responsible to disciple ourselves. A sermon cannot replace our time with God or reading the Bible during the week. We would not eat physical food once a week, and likewise, we cannot eat spiritually once a week either. 

Psalm 133:1 says “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” When we fellowship together as the apostles did in the book of Acts, it was more than just one day a week, they lived life together! We should spur one another on, strengthen our faith, comfort each other during grief, and sharpen each other in the knowledge of God.

It is not fun to “shop for a church” but, more importantly, it is damaging to not be connected with a body of believers. We should not take a decision in the church we attend lightly, but we also cannot run away at the smallest offense either. When we are led by the wisdom of God and not our wavering thoughts, we will have God’s peace about our church decision.

Tomorrow we will look at what it means to “be the church.”

How do I know I am in the right church now? 

What has God told me about where I am at and how I should be serving or continue to serve?

Scriptures: 1 Peter 4:10, 1 Timothy 3:15, Ephesians 3:10-11

Be the church

1 Peter 4:10 instructs “each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” God has given each one of us gifts, both spiritual and regular. We should use these gifts to serve others, both inside and outside of the church. We are called to serve and to be the least in the kingdom, all for the glory of God. This may mean that you agree to serve in a capacity that may not be your first choice, but it is a need in your church. 

John F. Kennedy famously said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.”  I feel the same way about the church; ask not what your church can do for you, but what you can do for your church. We are the body of Christ and we are the Church. Yes, there are benefits we receive by going to church, but too often Christians feel that church is simply something you “show up to” on Sunday and forget about the rest of the week. If we truly are the Church, we need to be concerned with how we are showing Christ’s love in everything we do, all week long. If we truly are the Church, we will let our emotions, feelings, hurts, and desires come second to furthering God’s kingdom here on earth. 

John the Baptist said about Jesus, “He must become greater; I must become less” (John 3:30). If we adopt this as Christians, we will put our desires and wants on the back burner. This means if someone offends us, if someone does not show love to us, or if another person or ministry is in the spotlight and we are not, we focus on being faithful to where we are called and proclaiming Jesus wherever we go. 

Paul wrote to Timothy on how “people ought to conduct themselves in God’s household, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and foundation of the truth” (1 Timothy 3:15). We have a responsibility as Christians, once we claim that we belong to Christ, to conduct ourselves in a manner that is worthy of that calling. We are not responsible for anyone but ourselves and we need to examine our heart daily, root out any sin that creeps its way in, and pursue holiness as Jesus is holy (1 Peter 1:16).

The church, although filled with flawed humans, has an important role to play in the redemptive plan of God. What was revealed through Israel in the old covenant now has a place for Jew and Gentile to come to the throne of grace and obtain the salvation promised to all who believe and repent. This is described in the Bible as a, “mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things. His intent was that now, through the church, the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms, according to his eternal purpose that he accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Ephesians 3:9-11).

The frustrations and struggles we face in church need to be laid at the foot of the cross so we can move forward and continue to fulfill the honor of being a part of this plan of salvation. This is true of all persecution we may face, which the Bible guaranteed would happen (2 Timothy 3:12). 

Read Hebrews 11, the heroes of faith who went before us, named and unnamed, who faced persecution and were martyred for their faith are an example to us all. When we put in perspective the rejection that we face at the hands of fellow Christians, we need to remember how small it really is in the history of faith, especially compared with the suffering that Jesus faced on the cross through no sin of His own. 

When we bless those who persecute us, when we love the unlovely, and when we share the hope of Jesus to those who are lost, we allow our fruit to be seen by all and the name of Jesus to continue to be proclaimed!

How am I being “the church” by what I do and say on a daily basis? 

Do I attend church for only what I receive or for also what I can give?