I Forgive You, But…

Scripture: Colossians 2:13

“Life Can Be So Unfair “

Barbara came to church not long after my husband, the founding pastor, had unexpectedly died, and I had taken over his job as pastor.

Barbara caught my eye because she seemed unhappy and downtrodden. Her shoulders were hunched over, she didn’t make eye contact, and looked as if she would cry spontaneously. 

When I greeted her, she looked down as I shook her hand, murmured “thank you,” and walked away. I wanted to speak with her longer, but she slipped away.

One Sunday, I finally managed to catch her and asked, “Is there anything I can do for you?” She started to shake her head, but somehow mustered up the courage to ask, “Could I meet with you sometime?” 

I agreed, and we set up a time to meet.

At our meeting, Barbara was dry-eyed and matter-of-fact as she spelled out how from the age of two or three years old, she had been abused physically and emotionally by several male family members.

As a result, her adult life was a mess. Her three children each had different fathers, and none of the men had stayed. Now she was struggling not only to raise three children but to form relationships with anyone, even friends and coworkers.

If you heard her whole story, you would understand why. She had no normalcy in her past, no way of knowing how to engage with people in a healthy way, and it affected every area of her life. My heart broke for her. 

After meeting with her several times, I was at home praying for her one night: “Father, this is so unfair! It’s not Barbara’s fault that she was born into this abusive family, yet her life is a mess because of what those horrible people did to her. How can I help her? It can’t be hopeless. Is there an answer?”

And the Lord said, “Yes, there’s an answer.”

I said, “I knew it! What’s the answer?”

I was totally surprised. He said, “Forgiveness.”

That stopped me short. It wasn’t what I was expecting. I said, “No way! Are you sure, Lord? It doesn’t seem like forgiveness will help her get over everything that’s happened.”

And then the Lord told me something that I’ve never forgotten. He said, “Forgiveness is how my relationship started with you.” Wow, that’s something to think, isn’t it!

Scripture: Joshua 24:15

“Supernatural Help to Forgive”

When the Lord told me that forgiveness was the answer for Barbara, I realized there was more to forgiveness than I had thought. 

Each of us started our relationship with God through forgiveness. Colossians 2:13 says, “When you were dead in your transgressions …, He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our transgressions” (NASB). 

Think about it. God made us alive together with him by forgiving us!  Forgiveness is God’s recipe for fresh starts. After all, it’s how he started you and me over again. He made us new in Christ, where old things passed away and all things became new (2 Cor. 5:17). He transformed us into brand new, born-again, righteous beings by forgiving us. 

In fact, God’s way of dealing with mankind is forgiveness. It’s his go-to reaction with human beings and his very nature! In Isaiah 43:25, he says, “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins.” God never has unforgiveness in his relationship with you. Never. 

The good news is that as born-again Christians, we have God’s very nature inside of us, so we’ve not only been forgiven, but have the capacity to forgive. We just need God’s supernatural help to do it!  As we soak our spirits in God’s Word, it gives us the strength we need to do things God’s way. 

But even though we have supernatural help, forgiveness is our choice. God has created us with our own will and freedom to choose. In Deuteronomy, he says, “I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live” (30:19). He does give us a clue when he says, “Choose life!” But it’s always our choice. 

Later, we see Joshua exercising his own right to choose:  “Choose you this day whom ye will serve . . . but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15). 

God won’t ever make you forgive; it’s your choice. The good news is that he’s standing by, ready to help. He just wants you to want to forgive. When you ask for his help, he’s right there to supernaturally put you over. 

Scripture: Ephesians 4:32

“Forgiveness Unclogs Your Blessings Pipe”

The more Barbara and I studied, the more we learned that forgiveness is how God deals with mankind. He is not a grudge-holder, but a forgiving father. Since you are his child, you should (and can!) also be a forgiver. It’s for your ultimate benefit. Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die; it’s not hurting the one you’re holding a grudge against, it’s hurting you. 

Unforgiveness is going against God’s principles. If I don’t choose to deal with people in the same manner God does (by forgiving), then I’m disobeying his many admonitions to forgive and I’m outside of his realm, so I can expect the result of that in my life. I can’t go against his nature (by harboring unforgiveness) and expect his blessings to flow. 

In other words, if we harbor unforgiveness, we’re “clogging the blessing pipe.” All of God’s blessings belong to and are always flowing to us in Christ Jesus (Eph. 1:3), and he always loves us (Jer. 31:3). But when we disobey his command to forgive, that clogs the pipe. There is something standing between us and his blessings, and that thing is unforgiveness. Unforgiveness puts us outside of his promises.

One the other hand, when we do choose to forgive, we’re right there in his bailiwick. I know bailiwick is a funny word, but Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines it as “a special domain” or “a jurisdiction.” When we choose forgiveness, we’re right there with God in his domain; we’re in his jurisdiction, which means all that he is and all that he’s promised is available to us. You could say he lives in “forgiveness land” where forgiveness is the way of life.

But if we choose to keep unforgiveness, then we’re outside of his jurisdiction, out of the reach of his blessings and protection. I don’t want to be there, do you?   

I’m glad to live in God’s domain and receive his blessings. I’ve discovered that one of the requirements for living there is that I must also forgive, as he does. Ephesians 4:32 says it this way: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.” So I’ve decided (and I hope you do too) that I don’t want to live in “grudge-holding land” because God’s not there! I want to choose forgiveness, and keep my blessing pipe clear. 

Scripture: John 10:10

“Do You Need To Forgive God?”

Honestly, some of us need to forgive God. When something bad has happened in our lives, or something didn’t happen the way we expected, it’s easy to ask, “How could God let this happen?”

But God is not your enemy. His intentions and actions toward you are always good. First John 1:5 says that “God is light and in Him is no darkness at all,” and James 1:17 says, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.”

God is only good, and his mercy endures forever (Ps. 118). He doesn’t change back and forth from good to bad. You can trust him (Prov. 3:5–¬6) because he always has your best interest at heart. So don’t hold any anger toward him. Just tell him how you feel and let it go.

The devil wants you to believe that the bad stuff is God’s fault or that he allowed it; God doesn’t care or he’s mad at you or he’s just not paying attention. The devil knows that if you’re mad at God, he’s got you separated from your help! 

When my first husband died at 37 years of age, his sudden death left me parent to two teenaged sons and pastor to our church. At the time, people said to me, “you’re so brave to keep holding onto God after what happened.” I guess they meant that they might be mad at God over such a thing.

But my thought was, “This is no time to let go of God!” I knew I needed his help to get over my husband’s death, pastor a church, and raise two boys. Why turn my back on the One who could help me! 

Besides, I knew that God didn’t “take” my husband. My Heavenly Father is a loving Father, who wants only the best for his children.  All evil comes from the devil. 

There’s an easy way to tell if something came from God or the devil. In John 10:10, Jesus says, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” 

That’s pretty black and white, isn’t it? If there is stealing, killing, or destroying happening, it’s the devil’s doing, not God’s. 

Scripture: Ephesians 6:12

“Know Your Enemy”

When we’re harboring unforgiveness, we’re dealing with hurts in a fleshly way. Unfortunately, that’s not the way to get healed! God wants to help you overcome the hurt, and that’s done in the spirit.

Romans 8:13 says if we live according to the flesh we will die, but if we live by the Spirit we put the deeds of the flesh to death and we can live God’s abundant life. That’s a better way to live! 

You could say it this way: flesh wants justification and judgment, but the spirit calls for mercy and forgiveness. We have an enemy, Satan, who wants us to live in the flesh. He sows seeds of division, strife and unforgiveness into our lives to clog our blessing pipe. You don’t have to allow it!  Rise above it and remember the real enemy.  It’s not people.

Read that again: people are not your enemy!  Ephesians 6:12 says, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” 

When a person hurts you, don’t wrestle with them.  Recognize the source of strife, division, destruction and offense.  Take authority over the devil and prevent unforgiveness from clogging your blessing pipe. 

Also, remember that the devil is sneaky.  He doesn’t come marching up to you with a pitchfork.  He uses people and situations to distract and torment you.  Because we forgot this, we react in the flesh by wanting to retaliate, or by attacking the person, or by holding a grudge.

Let’s recognize when the devil is trying to undermine our faith. Second Corinthians says, “Now whom you forgive anything, I also forgive . . . lest Satan should take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices” (2:10–11). We are not ignorant of his devices! Let’s recognize when he’s trying to distract us and undermine our faith through unforgiveness. We can turn the tables on him by forgiving. 

When you feel hurt or angry at someone or even God, stop and remember where all that trouble is coming from. The devil wants you focusing on hurts and disappointments. He’s the king of distractions! Forgiveness is the spiritual reaction; it’s one of the best ways to stop him in his tracks and derail his evil intentions.