There is no small percentage of spouses who have believed that divorce was the remedy for “ills” they encountered in their marriages. While forgiveness can be obtained, many who have remarried still have found that their new relationships have brought fresh (and even compounded) challenges. At least for some of those who are considering divorce, there may be an alternative approach to resolving significant differences and difficulties. Let’s take a look.
The Dr. James Dobson Family Institute
Day 1
Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, Deuteronomy 24:1-4, 1 Kings 15:5
Taking the Plunge
“A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband” – 1 Corinthians 7:10–11.
Divorce often looks like a “quick fix” for an unpleasant situation, but it is usually far more painful than advertised. Contemplating those on the verge of taking this drastic step brings to mind a documentary film made during the early days of motion pictures. It shows a self‐styled inventor near the top of the Eiffel Tower with a pair of homemade wings strapped to his arms. He paces back and forth, trying to work up the courage to jump. If the wings work, he’ll be famous. If they fail, he’ll fall to his death. Finally the “flier” climbs on the rail, wobbles for a moment, then jumps—and drops like a rock.
Depressed and hurting spouses who choose divorce are like that hapless man on the Eiffel Tower. They feel that they can’t go back, and they’re enticed forward by the lure of freedom—of soaring away, leaving the pain and disappointment behind. So they jump . . . only to find themselves tumbling headlong into custody battles, loneliness, bitterness, and even poverty. In time, the long‐term cost of their decision becomes clear. Some again see their mate’s good qualities, but by then it’s too late. They’ve already taken the plunge.
Just between us . . .
• When have you jumped into a situation that you later regretted?
• Has Scripture ever helped you avoid such a mistake? When?
• What is the attraction, and danger, of “quick fix” solutions in marriage?
• Why do you think God commands us to avoid divorce?
Lord of married lovers, You have called us to commitment. When forsaking our covenant seems easier than staying, grant us courage. Help us to recognize the deceitfulness of the divorce “solution.” Protect our marriage from every harm, including our own short-sightedness. Amen.
Excerpted from Night Light for Couples, used with permission.
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord” (Deut. 24:1-4a, ESV)
“. . . David did what was right in the eyes of the Lord and did not turn aside from anything that he commanded him all the days of his life, except in the matter of Uriah the Hittite” (1 Ki. 15:5, ESV)
Hope for your marriage . . .
When emotional distance grows between you and your spouse, when trust is broken, or when you feel like you’re the only one still fighting—it can be devastating. You may be wondering, “Can our marriage even be saved?”
Day 2
Scriptures: Malachi 2:15, Matthew 19:4-6, 1 Corinthians 7:10-11
Hazardous to Your Health
“So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth” – Malachi 2:15.
Writer Pat Conroy, after telling his three daughters that he and his wife were divorcing, said he felt like he had “doused my entire family with gasoline and struck a match.” The painful effects resulting from such stress and guilt are not just a temporary problem. Dr. David Larson, a Washington, D.C., psychiatrist and researcher, has observed that all types of cancer strike divorced individuals more frequently than married people. He has also noted that premature death rates are significantly higher among divorced people and that being divorced and a nonsmoker is only slightly less hazardous than staying married and smoking a pack or two a day.
In the 1960s, the surgeon general declared cigarettes harmful to the smoker’s health. More recently, researchers have warned us about the dangers of foods high in fat and cholesterol. Perhaps it’s time someone issued a warning about the health risks of marital conflict. Ripping “one flesh” apart is one of the most devastating experiences in life. There must be a better way to deal with conflict.
Just between us . . .
• Is the state of our marriage affecting our health?
• How is divorce hazardous to a person’s spiritual life? (See Malachi 2:13–16.)
• What can we do this week to promote our physical and emotional health?
Dear God, we receive this reminder that the damage done by broken marriages extends to the body, mind, and spirit. We humbly ask for Your help to make divorce “not an option” for our future. Amen.
Excerpted from Night Light for Couples, used with permission.
“He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:4-6, ESV).
“To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife” (1 Cor. 7:10-11, ESV).
Hope for your marriage . . .
If you’re facing struggles in your marriage, you’re not alone. Many couples experience seasons of heartache, distance, or even crisis. But love—real love—is a lot more than just feelings. It’s about making the decision to fight for your marriage, even when it seems impossible.
Day 3
Scriptures: Matthew 19:9, Malachi 2:16, Mark 10:6-8
No Fault?
“Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery” – Matthew 19:9.
One reason divorce has become so common today is the advent of “no‐fault” divorce laws, first introduced in California in 1969. Over the following fifteen years, every state in America adopted some form of no‐fault legislation. And to what result? According to the Statistical Abstract of the United States, since these laws began taking effect the number of divorces in this country has increased 279 percent.
In essence, no‐fault divorce has nullified the sacredness of marriage in the eyes of the law, making it an unenforceable contract. A man and woman can abandon their family more easily than they can abrogate almost any other agreement that bears their signature. In terms of the law, it matters not that they’ve made a solemn promise before God, friends, relatives, a member of the clergy, or a licensed representative of the state.
However, no matter how easy the laws make it to get a divorce, it will always remain infinitely difficult to repair the damage.
Just between us . . .
• What would you say to the couple who insist, “Our divorce is nobody’s fault. We just didn’t get along, so we’re going our separate ways”?
• Do we know anyone who has sought a divorce, only to regret the move?
• Are we committed to staying together, even through tough times?
Lord, the courts have made it so easy to tear apart that which You have bound together. Forgive us, forgive our land, and bring us to repentance. Help us keep Your commands as the ultimate law of our marriage and family. Amen.
Excerpted from Night Light for Couples, used with permission.
“For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously” (Mal. 2:16, NASB).
“But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh” (Mk. 10:6-8, ESV).
Hope for your marriage . . .
- 💔 Do you feel emotionally abandoned? Learn how to set loving but firm boundaries.
- 💬 Is your spouse disinterested in working with you to heal the marriage? Discover what you can do to make a difference.
- 🙏 Do you wonder If God sees your pain? Find strength and encouragement in His promises.