Kingdom Marriage

Scriptures: Genesis 1:26-28, Genesis 2:18-25, Psalms 8:3-6

When a couple announces their engagement, most people want to hear “their story.” How did they meet? Was it love at first sight? Were they childhood sweethearts, or did they meet later in life? Whatever the case may be, a couple’s origin story intrigues us. 

Have you ever considered the origin story of marriage itself? If you want to have a healthy marriage, the first thing you must understand is that marriage is God’s idea. And because He created it, we must go to Him for its definition and understanding. This means that when your marriage, whatever its origin story, is brought under the rule of God, your relationship can flourish and become all that God intended it to be.

From Scripture, we discover that God created marriage to expand His kingdom in human history. A kingdom marriage is “a covenantal union between a man and a woman who commit themselves to function in unison under divine authority in order to replicate God’s image and expand His rule in the world through both their individual and joint callings.” That’s a mouthful, so you may want to go back and re-read it. But simply put, the mission of marriage is to replicate the image of God in history and to carry out His command to let mankind rule.

So, marriage is not merely a social construct. Nor is happiness its goal. This is one of the main problems that many marriages face today. Couples relate to marriage only through social and emotional terms. We must go back to the biblical understanding of marriage. God created it as a sacred covenant, with the responsibility to reflect His image and to advance His kingdom. Happiness is a benefit of marriage, but it is not the goal of marriage. The goal is to reflect God through advancing His kingdom on earth. Happiness occurs as an organic outgrowth when the biblical goal is pursued.

The bottom line is marriage is a kingdom concept, not just a social one.

How does making happiness the goal of marriage create problems in one’s marriage?  

Scriptures: Psalms 103:19-22, Psalms 19:1-4, Romans 11:36, 1 Corinthians 10:31

The term kingdom marriage assumes there is a kingdom. If there is a kingdom, then the assumption is there is a king. If there is a king, then the assumption is there are subjects over which the king rules. And finally, if there are subjects in the kingdom, the assumption is there are rules that they must live by. So, when we say kingdom marriage, we are referring to marriage operating according to the kingdom. A specific kingdom. God’s kingdom. 

Throughout the Bible, the kingdom of God refers to His rule or authority. Another word that scripture uses to describe His rule is sovereignty. This simply means that God is absolutely in charge of everything, and His kingdom also has an all-encompassing purpose—for everything and everyone to bring Him glory. The unifying and central theme of the Bible is the glory of God expressed through the advancement of His kingdom. And since marriage falls under His kingdom, then we can conclude it also exists to bring Him glory.

However, humans constantly resist giving God glory. Creation displays the glory of God every day, just as He created it to do. But humans seem to want the glory for ourselves. We want to do things our way, not God’s way. So many believers struggle in their marriage because they want God to satisfy their desires through marriage rather than their marriage bringing Him glory. They are more concerned with happiness, companionship, finances, sexual gratification and a plethora of other benefits that marriage brings, all while forgetting God’s divinely ordained purpose. In other words, they want God to bless their agenda rather than seeking to follow His agenda. 

But not a kingdom marriage. When a husband and wife model a kingdom marriage to a watching world by the way they submit to His rule, they help advance God’s kingdom, and He is glorified.

In what ways have our contemporary culture shaped your marriage toward an agenda of self-fulfillment? 

Scriptures: Deuteronomy 29:9, Malachi 2:13-14, Ecclesiastes 4:12

A young girl was playing with her grandmother’s hands one day when she suddenly stopped to examine her grandmother’s wedding ring. After a few minutes, she asked her grandmother why the ring was so large and heavy. It was nothing like the thinner more delicate rings she saw. The grandmother smiled and said, “Because back when I got married, rings were made to last.”

One reason so many couples turn in their rings is because they view marriage as a contract. A contract is a conditional agreement between two or more persons signifying that all parties will do something. Contracts get made for limited periods of time and are based on “if, then” statements. “If they do this, then I’ll do that.” People enter into contracts because of what they’ll get out of them. When they no longer receive what they want, or if they find a better-looking option, then they will justify terminating it. 

However, the Bible doesn’t describe marriage this way, but defines it as a covenant. A covenant is a divinely created bond meaning it is permanent. It has rules, responsibilities and benefits. Covenants are intimate relationships initiated for the benefit of the other person. In it, the good of the relationship takes precedence over the needs of the individual. This is why covenants make unconditional promises. Basically, it’s where God makes something official in the spiritual realm to be lived out in the physical world. After all, the wedding vows are made “before God” and therefore with God as well as the spouse. To break the covenant with your spouse is to break it with God.

When a husband and wife live out a covenantal marriage instead of contractual terms, they will receive a covering. It’s like an umbrella. When it’s raining, the umbrella doesn’t stop the rain, but stops it from raining on you.

Living under God’s covering won’t stop the challenges in your marriage, but those challenges won’t affect you same way they normally would if you weren’t underneath His covering. 

How can you begin relating to your spouse on covenantal terms? 

Scriptures: Ephesians 6:11-17, 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

In the movie Batman Begins, the villain Ra’s Al Ghul hid his true identity. He does this because he knows that he can do more damage, he can cause more chaos, he can destroy more lives when he works in secret. Batman was chasing the wrong villain. It isn’t until late in the movie when Batman figures out who the real enemy is, fights him and achieves victory.

Satan operates the same way. He is most effective when he works behind the scenes. He would love for others to get the credit for the chaos that he causes. He would love for you to believe that he doesn’t exist because then you would think the real villain is your spouse. When marriages get chaotic, one spouse typically blames the other. That’s exactly what the devil wants. Basically, when you view your spouse as the enemy and disregard Satan as the true villain, you are getting duped! And when this happens, you will react to your spouse negatively instead of realizing that Satan is trying to destroy God’s plan for your marriage. 

You must realize that Satan wants to destroy your marriage. Not just for the sake of ruining it, but because by dismantling it, he’ll also demolish your legacy. He doesn’t just want your marriage; he wants your family. He wants your children and grandchildren to come from broken marriages so that the faith won’t get passed on. 

If you don’t make the spiritual connection to everything that happens in your marriage, you will continue to fight the wrong battle. It’s not a physical war, but a spiritual one. And you will only experience victory in your marriage when you fight with spiritual weapons. In other words, put on and use the full armor of God. God makes these spiritual weapons available, but He won’t force you to use them. In your marriage, you must do battle God’s way, with His armor, against an enemy who is seeking to wreck it.

How can you and your spouse fight Satan together instead of fighting each other in your marriage?

Scriptures: Genesis 2:24, Matthew 12:25, John 17:21, Ephesians 4:3

If you watch any military shows or movies, you’ve probably heard a general or soldier yelling, “They’re trying to flank us!” In military tactics, this is where the enemy will try to attack from the side or from behind. The reason troops don’t want to get flanked is because it forces them to divide their defenses. 

Satan uses these same tactics against your marriage. Let me say it this way, he seeks to divide and conquer. He knows that a when a couple is not unified, he can take them out more easily. However, when a couple is operating in biblical unity, they can stand firm against Satan and defeat him.

But what is unity? Unfortunately, many people think that unity means “sameness.” This is not true. Unity is not uniformity—it doesn’t mean being just like your spouse. Instead, unity can be defined as any group of people who are characterized by a shared purpose, vision or direction. It’s not about being the exact same, but about advancing toward the same goal. Think about a basketball team. There are five different positions on the court. Each position is characterized by different skillsets, roles and responsibilities. But all five players shoot at the same basket because their goal is the same.

God doesn’t call us to lose our uniqueness as an individual when we get married. However, a healthy marriage is where the presence and work of God’s Spirit transcends our individual differences. This is unity, and unity is built from a shared commitment to defeat a common enemy—the devil. This principle must be understood, accepted and continually sought after if a marriage is to truly experience victory.

Don’t allow Satan to divide you. Rally around God’s Word, and through prayer, create a unified front against Satan’s attacks on your marriage.

What spiritual goals can you and your spouse unify around?