[Life Of David] A Night Of Passion Becomes A Life Of Pain

Scripture: 2 Samuel 11:1-5

The Right Place Or The Wrong Place?

Bible stories are the most popular stories in the world. When we read the stories of the heroes of the Bible, we not only see the highlight reel—all the good, curated stuff like on an Instagram feed—but also see all the bad stuff those heroes did as well. It is awesome that the Bible was written like this because it helps us realize we, too, can have grace as they did. I pray we may find grace and truth to keep our lives in the right place and on the right path with the Lord. 

In 2 Samuel 11, we see David’s army was out to war, but David remained in Jerusalem. As king, he should have been fighting the battles with his army. David should not have been in Jerusalem. He was in his 50s at the time. His kingdom was successful; he had been king for about 20 years, had fought numerous battles, and had everything under control. It seems David decided he did not need to go and fight anymore. So, he stayed behind. 

While his army was fighting, David woke in the evening after taking a nap and being lazy all day. Being in the wrong place made him lazy, indulgent, and lustful. This is where he sees his neighbor’s wife taking a bath. He sends people to her home to get her so he can sleep with her. 

Have you ever been idle for too long? When we are used to being busy all the time—working, running errands, taking care of our family—stopping and staying still does not come easy. However, sometimes we need to stop, and that is ok. The problem comes when we are inactive, bored, and lazy for long periods. God did not create us to be lazy; He created us to work. He purposefully made us for doing things that matter to Him in the outside world. We can most certainly have a Sabbath, but there is a difference between having a Sabbath and sleeping all day for too long. 

May grace and truth find you whenever you find yourself in the wrong place and bring you to the right place in the Lord.

Scriptures: Proverbs 5:18-23, Genesis 2:24, Acts 20:35, Matthew 7:13-14, 2 Samuel 11:2

What Really Satisfies

Age can bore us, success can blind us, and indulgence can stimulate us. David was the King of Israel. He had everything. He most likely had done everything he wanted to do. I’m certain he was beginning to ask himself the same questions we ask ourselves when we get to a certain age, have everything, and start to get bored. Questions like: What else do you do now that you’re the king or retired, or your kids are grown-ups, or you have finished your last project? Where else can you go? How much higher can you go? We may begin to ask what is new out there? Maybe you have eaten at every restaurant in your city. You have traveled to all the places you wanted; you’ve been to the mountains and the beach. You have had all the cars you liked. You have the house of your dreams. You have done everything there is to do. Now you are bored. 

Success can blind us. When we are successful in our lives, careers, and family life, we can begin to think things like: “Bad things will never happen to me. I am successful. I have been a fighter, making it through, stepping forward. I am the one who wins.” Maybe David thought: “I do not need to go to battle anymore because I am so successful. I am the king. I have everything I ever wanted. Everyone does what I tell them to do. I get things done. I do not lose battles. I win battles.” Success becomes blinding to him, and indulgence begins to be his only stimulation. “I want more. I want more of this and more of that.” How much money does it take to satisfy someone? A dollar more. 

God has wired a paradox against the world’s idea of satisfaction. It is better to give than to receive. The broad road leads to destruction, and the narrow road leads to life. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life will find it. If you are humble, you will be exalted; if you are exalted, you will be humble. Sexual satisfaction comes from one woman and one man in a marriage for life. 

David had many wives and many children. Still, he wanted more. He had sexual temptation. Satisfaction comes from sex within marriage in an intimate relationship. When we are intimate in conversation, in our living arrangements, finances, and emotions, this intimacy is expressed physically. Pornography does not satisfy; multiple partners do not satisfy. Honoring God in marriage with your spouse satisfies.

Scriptures: 2 Samuel 11:1-5, 2 Samuel 11:14-17, 2 Samuel 11:26-27, Proverbs 3:5-6

The Path You Are On

When we read 2 Samuel 11, we see David set himself on a path leading to destruction when he decided to stay in Jerusalem and not go to war with his men. His path would lead to the destruction of a marriage and the loss of many lives. 

He should not be there, at home, walking on the palace’s roof, able to see Bathsheba bathing. There is a path David is on; it is the path of isolation, interest, inquiry, intimacy, and implosion. Do you see the path? Isolation: He is at the palace by himself. Interest: “Who is that girl?” Inquiry: “Will you go get her for me?” Itimacy: He sleeps with her. Implosion: His life is going to implode. That is the path this adulterous relationship will take him. 

David had an opportunity to get out; however, he did not take it. When he learned who she was from his servant, that she was the wife of Uriah the Hittite, one of his soldiers, he could have said, “Oh, I did not know who she was. Send her something and say we are grateful for her family’s service to the kingdom.” Instead, he sends for her because his path led him to allow lust to take hold of his heart. 

The Lord considered what David had done to be evil. God did not want him to have multiple wives. God did not want him in this situation where he sent an innocent man to die and then slept with the man’s wife and had a son. David was supposed to be at war, fighting the battles for the kingdom. Instead, he chose the wrong path. 

Are you choosing to walk on the wrong path because you are bored and have stopped doing what you are supposed to do? Walking on the wrong path leads to destruction—the destruction of our own lives and the lives of those who surround us. We can trust He will always direct us on the right path by putting God first, trusting Him, and acknowledging Him in everything.

Scriptures: Proverbs 6:32, 1 Corinthians 6:18, James 5:16

Stages Of An Affair

A book called Temptations Men Face, by Tom Eisenman, lists the possible stages of an affair for both men and women. The stages of an affair are: 

1. Readiness. Maybe you are stressed, not getting along at home, and are not doing anything together anymore. There is just a readiness taking place. 

2. Alertness. There is a group of people, but you have noticed them. There was an alertness to that one person. 

3. Innocent Meeting. You just ran into each other. Nobody was looking for anything, but you felt your eyes meet and wanted a deeper connection. 

4. Intentional Meeting. You say, “I’ll just run by her desk at lunch and see if she’s got any plans today.” “Maybe I will just go to his favorite coffee shop and see if he is there.” 

5. Public Lingering. The meeting breaks, but you continue to talk. 

6. Private Lingering. You spend time together alone. 

7. Purposeful Isolation. You come up with some excuses to be alone. 

8. Pleasurable Isolation. “Let’s go get a drink after work.” 

9. Affectionate Embracing. You are playful with each other, “Oh, you’re so cute.” And you hug her. You touch his hand. 

10. Passionate Embracing. 

11. Capitulation. The sexual relationship is consummated. 

12. Acceptance. Mutual consent and acceptance. “I am not with him anymore; I am with you.” “I am not with her anymore. I have really got a heart for you.” 

I have added one more step I believe is vital for Christian couples struggling with an affair: 

13. Discovery and Confession. The affair is discovered or confessed. The pain is suddenly, irreversibly, real. 

When we get to the very bottom of this list, we realize an affair is not worth it. Get out of it if you are in it. David is in the wrong place, on the wrong path. One night of pleasure can bring a lifetime of pain. You need to be aware, to be careful. Let this thought pop into your mind at the office, at school, at home, when you are going through the neighborhood and society: It is not worth it.

Scriptures: 2 Samuel 11, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Genesis 39:7-12, 1 Corinthians 6:18

Cleanse Or Cover-Up

Whenever we make a mistake, we have two choices: Covering it up and pretending it never happened, believing that it was not our fault, or someone else did it. The other one is to come clean, to confess what we have done wrong, ask for forgiveness, and try and find a way to make things right. David had a choice to make after sleeping with another man’s wife, the wife of one of his soldiers. He could choose cleansing over a cover-up. 

David was lonely, bored, lustful, lazy, in a place he should not have been seeing what he should not see. He is going to go through all of the stages of an affair. He had a way out when his servant told him who Bathsheba is: she is the daughter of one of his generals and the wife of one of his soldiers. However, he did not care. His mind decided on one thing. He is in the wrong place and on the wrong path. He is not going to take the way out. Uriah will die, others will die, a baby will die, and in the future, David will pay for this sin with his life, his family, and beyond. 

Sometimes we also end up in a similar place. We have to choose cleansing instead of a cover-up because collateral damage can come all the way around. The Bible tells us God provides a way of escape with every temptation so we may endure under it. There is always a way out. There is always an exit door. Think of Joseph with Potiphar’s wife; she grabs his garment and says, “Sleep with me.” He runs and leaves the garment there. He did not care about the consequences of running away as fast as he could. He ran. He did not lead her on or flirt with her; he fled. 

We are to flee sexual temptation always. Never fight it, always escape it. If you get caught in a situation when you are about to cheat on your spouse, if you sense you are starting to walk on the wrong path, signals will alert you to flee from that place, from that person, or that situation. We honor God by being faithful to our spouses. If you are already on the wrong path, choose cleansing over a cover-up. Confess, come clean, tell the truth, ask for forgiveness. There is always grace and forgiveness in the Lord.

Scriptures: Ecclesiastes 9:9, Job 31:1, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, 1 Thessalonians 4:7, Hebrews 10:36

God’s Will

David was in the wrong place. He should have been on the battlefield, not in the bedroom. People who do not want to fall should not walk in slippery places. Being in the right place physically and spiritually can prevent many possible future problems. 

For married men, the right place means never being alone with a woman who is not your wife. For married women, the right place means never being alone with a man who is not your husband. The right place is never putting yourself in situations you know you cannot control. Honoring the Lord with your relationship is the right place is to be as a good husband and wife.

Be the husband you are supposed to be, the wife you are supposed to be, the single adult you are supposed to be, the teenager you are supposed to be. Job 31:1 says, “I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully upon a woman.” Do not click on the places you are not supposed to be clicking on your computer. Be who God wants you to be. Fulfill God’s will in your life, what He created you for. 

Do you know what God’s will is for us? 1 Thessalonians 4:3–5 says: “For this is God’s will, your sanctification: that you keep away from sexual immorality so that each of you knows how to control his [or her] own body in holiness and honor, not in sinful lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God.” 

God’s will for us—in marriage or as a single person—is to be sanctified and to keep away from sexual immorality, sin, and affairs. He has given us the power and authority to control our bodies in holiness. We can honor Him living as married men and women and as single men and women. He has not called us to impurity but sanctification. This is His will for us, and when we do His will, we receive all He has promised to us in His Word.

Scriptures: 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, Proverbs 6:23-29

Flee Temptation

Have you ever wondered how to flee temptation? I want to give you five things to be on the offense against temptation. 

1. Be who and where God wants you. Be the man of God, the woman of God that He wants you to be. Be a person of Christ, meaning Jesus in you, that God wants you to be. Be who you are supposed to be as a believer in Christ, and be where you are supposed to be. If David had been the king he was supposed to be, he would have been where he was supposed to be, and what happened with Bathsheba would not have happened. 

2. Love your spouse well. Give your spouse more intimacy, more attention. When you have that, you want to love your spouse well. You don’t want your spouse leaving your house hungry for attention or intimacy. Love your spouse well with words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and all the love languages. Whatever their love language is, pour it out and love your spouse well; that will keep you from being vulnerable to temptation. 

3. Spend consistent time with the Lord. What a great plan it is to have consistent time with the Lord! A daily devotion, a daily time with God. It is hard to have a quiet time in the morning and an affair at lunch, right? Memorizing Scripture at lunch and then having an affair in the evening cannot be easy. The commandment of the Lord is light, and His teaching is a lamp; they will keep you from the ways of the wayward. Spend time in the Word of God; talk to Him; walk with Him. 

4. Properly assess your heart for God and your temptations. Where is your heart for the Lord? Let your heart for God be a lingering heart. Many of us need to get to places fast, but there should be some time when you linger. Spend your lingering with your wife or with your husband, with the Lord, with believers who will hold you strong. Where are your temptations? Where is your heart? Where are you weak? Allow your knowledge of your weaknesses and temptations to be something you take before the Lord and lay before His cross. 

5. Run, and run fast. Make it your mantra. Better to be thought rude than interested. So, when temptations present themselves, just say, “No,” and take off running. And do you know what? The Lord can see you through this. Joseph made it through the temptation, and he ran.