Divorce grieves the heart of God. He hates seeing us in pain and holding onto guilt, shame, and fear. Despite our mistakes, He longs for us to accept His grace and know we are valued, cherished, and irreplaceable. No matter your circumstances, this plan will help you find healing from your divorce, so you can live the redeemed life God has for you—one full of hope, joy, and purpose.
Changed Women’s Ministries
Day 1
Scriptures: 1 John 4:10, 1 John 1:9, Psalms 103:8, Deuteronomy 31:6, Romans 8:38-39
When It Happens to You
Divorce isn’t what God wants for us. He intended marriage to be until death do us part, and it grieves His heart when we break our promise. When a marriage ends in divorce, it tears apart two people who had become one. It is a deep pain God never wanted us to experience.
I remember how I felt when my husband asked for a divorce. It was a mixture of shock and grief. I was in a complete daze trying to reconcile the life I thought we had, with the one he was describing. I could feel the life we had worked so hard to build slipping through my fingers. I couldn’t understand why. I couldn’t catch my breath.
In the days and weeks that followed, I tried to keep myself together and shuffle forward as the world rushed by around me. I began to think of myself as damaged goods that no one else would ever want. I felt dirty, guilty, and ashamed. I convinced myself that I wasn’t enough, valuable, or worthy of love because otherwise he would have stayed. I gave into fear and believed that I was too old to remarry and would always be alone.
Maybe your story is like mine and you don’t believe you’re valuable because he didn’t stay and fight for you. Or maybe you don’t believe you’re worthy of love because of what you did that ended your marriage. No matter your circumstance, those lies aren’t true. Whether you were cheated on or you had the affair, you were left or you did the leaving, you are precious to God. You are cherished by the Creator of the universe, and He loves you just for being you.
In the depths of our pain, God doesn’t look on us with contempt. Instead, He chooses to see us through the lens of grace and have compassion on us. Our God is bigger than anything of this world. If we let Him, He can heal our pain, redeem us, and use our past to create something beautiful.
Jesus, thank you for never giving up on me. I don’t deserve your grace, mercy, and love, but I’m forever grateful for it. Lord, heal this pain deep inside me. Take my guilt and shame. Replace the lie that I’m not enough with your truth that I am loved. Help me to believe I am precious, wanted, and irreplaceable. Thank you for renewing my soul and never leaving me alone. Show me the path forward and help me to follow you. In Jesus’ mighty name, Amen.
Day 2
Scriptures: Ephesians 1:5, Galatians 4:7, Romans 5:8, Zephaniah 3:17, Lamentations 3:21-23
Identity
One of life’s biggest questions is, “Who am I?” Some people spend their whole lives searching for the answer, trying to find themselves in their hobbies, their careers, or the opinions of others. But when we look to the Bible, we realize the answer is simple. We are children of God.
When we stay rooted in our identity as a child of God, we don’t need to search for validation in what we do or what others think of us. We don’t have to strive so hard to find love because, with Jesus, we already have it in abundance. But when we lose sight of this truth, our lives fall into confusion and disorder.
For most of my life, I sought the approval of the men who surrounded me. I wanted my dad to adore me. I wanted my bosses to be impressed by me. I wanted desperately to be loved by every boy I ever had a crush on. I wanted to be seen, to be loved, and to find my Happily Ever After.
My need for validation and adoration followed me into marriage. I loved being a wife, but I constantly felt insecure. I always tried to look my best, keep the house tidy, and cook award-winning dinners every weeknight while working more than 40 hours a week. I was completely wrapped up in keeping up appearances. Being his wife was such a core part of who I thought I was, that when it went away, I felt lost.
Wanting to fill that hole with a new identity, I decided to go on a journey of self discovery. I tried all kinds of new things like eating octopus, running my first 5K, and zip lining to face my fear of heights. But the best new thing I did, by far, was choosing to invest in a more intimate relationship with Jesus. I read the Bible more, poured myself into serving in the Church, and made time to just sit in His presence. When I did, I finally realized who I am. I’m a child of God who is deeply loved. I never needed a knight in shining armor to declare his undying love for me. Jesus already sacrificed himself on the cross so that I could live. Talk about a Happily Ever After!
God loves you with the same unfailing love. Let that sink in. He will never fail you, never let you down, and never leave you. He’ll never stop loving you, never become disinterested, and never choose someone else over you. He will always be beside you softly, lovingly, and constantly reminding you that you are His—and that He is enough. Knowing who you are in Christ will give you strength to be yourself, peace through the storms, and hope for the future.
God, thank you for your immeasurable love for me. Thank you for loving me so completely that I don’t have to search for love in the wrong places but can be secure in who you say I am. Forgive me for the times that I tried to fill the empty spaces in my life with anything but you. Help me to remember that I am yours and I don’t have to strive to be anything else. Thank you for your promises that you’ll never leave me and that you’re working all things for my good. I trust you, Jesus. Amen.
Day 3
Scriptures: Romans 8:28, Genesis 50:19-20, Psalms 139:23-24, John 13:35
Your Part
When a marriage ends, it’s natural to look back and wonder what happened. We want there to be a clear explanation, as if that will make it hurt less. If only we knew why, we could heal and move on. It’s easy to ask the question. The hard part is admitting that not all the blame can be placed on any one person. Whether we were combative or passive, we played a role in damaging our relationship.
When my husband left me, he asked me not to contact him for two full weeks. He’d been my person for so long that I didn’t know how I was going to make two days, let alone two weeks without talking to him. But I wanted so badly to respect his wishes, thinking that if I did, he might miss me and change his mind.
Somewhere in the middle of those miserable weeks, I decided to do something productive with my time. I knew there were two people in our relationship and that maybe I hadn’t always done everything right. So, I set aside my rose colored glasses and took a hard look at the part I played in his decision that our marriage was over.
I thought back to the times I had berated him for leaving his shoes on the stairs. When I had made fun of him in front of his friends or co-workers. The times I had openly questioned his intelligence or doubted his strength. It was hard to admit, but I realized I was the wife who constantly made her husband feel small.
God used that moment to humble me. Not only was I not the perfect wife I imagined myself to be, but I had contributed to a toxic home environment where neither of us felt safe to be ourselves. My confrontational need for control had slowly drained all of the trust and respect out of our marriage. I knew that if I ever wanted a healthy relationship I would have to learn to accept others’ imperfections. I needed to figure out when to hold my tongue and how to speak words of life. I asked God to help me become a wife who loves, respects, and honors her husband well.
Maybe my story sounds familiar and your need to control everyone and everything is what’s straining your relationships. Or maybe your mistake is in choosing to distract yourself from your problems by indulging in shopping, partying, or inappropriate relationships. Maybe you choose to fill your time doing things for others instead of opening yourself up to true intimacy with them. Or maybe you’re constantly denying your needs so you can keep the peace and not ruffle any feathers. None of these methods are healthy. None of them leads toward stronger relationships.
No matter why your marriage ended, God wants to use your heartache for your good. If you let Him, He will remove your need for control, indulgence, busyness, or hiding. He will heal you and restore you to a stronger, more compassionate version of yourself. Ask God to reveal to you how you can become more like Him and better love the people around you.
Father God, I admit that I’m not perfect. I need you in my life every single day. Take my pride and reveal to me the mistakes I often make in relationships. Heal the hurts in me that cause me to hurt others. Show me how to love, respect, and honor others well. Make me more like you so I can love boldly, intentionally, and graciously. Help me become the woman you created me to be. In Jesus’ name, Amen!
Day 4
Scriptures: 1 Peter 5:7, Ephesians 4:2, Ephesians 4:31-32, Matthew 18:21-22
Forgiveness
Forgiving the people who hurt us is one of the hardest things we have to do as Christians. It can feel like an insurmountable hill to climb. The bigger the hurt, the harder the hill is to climb. But our God is bigger than any situation. When we give Him our pain, He helps us to forgive.
For a while, I convinced my husband to try marriage counseling. It was incredibly frustrating for me to listen to him talk about the bad and the ugly parts of our relationship while conveniently forgetting any of the good. I felt like I was doing everything I could to work on our marriage by improving myself, and it seemed like he wasn’t putting in any effort at all.
As the voice in my head became more angry, bitter, and prideful, alarm bells started to sound. I knew this wasn’t the heart posture God wanted for me or expected from me. As Christ followers, we’re called to humble ourselves and love the people around us, including those who are difficult to love and those who have hurt us. I knew I needed to forgive my husband and show him compassion, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to punish him for giving up on us.
Despite my feelings, I forced myself to turn from resentment and take the path toward forgiveness. It was a slow trudge through all my hurt feelings. As I uncovered deeper wounds, I had to keep asking God to replace my pain with His healing until one day, I realized I wasn’t angry anymore. I no longer held a grudge against my husband. Instead, I was sad for him and wanted him to find the same healing I had found in Jesus. I was finally able to drop the heavy weight that had been holding me down and forgive him.
I don’t know everything you’ve been through, but I do know forgiveness is your best path forward. Maybe you need to forgive your husband for breaking your trust, failing to protect your heart, or not fighting for your marriage. Maybe God is asking you to forgive the other woman because He loves her just as much as He loves you. Or maybe you’re having trouble forgiving yourself for the things you did that ended your marriage.
Whatever your circumstance, God is waiting for you to surrender it all to Him. He wants to take your pain, guilt, and anger and replace it with His peace and joy. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean what happened was ok or that it didn’t matter. It’s an act of obedience that allows God to heal you. Through forgiveness, God frees you from the pain of your past so you can move forward in the abundant life He has for you.
Father God, I’m hurting. But I choose to give it to you and ask you to heal my heart. Help me put my trust in your righteousness and choose grace and mercy over anger and spite. Show me how to forgive, even when I don’t feel like it. Help me give grace to others the way you’ve freely given grace to me. Comfort me, guide me, give me your peace and joy. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Day 5
Scriptures: Jeremiah 31:3, James 1:17, Hosea 2:14, Jeremiah 29:13
Pursued
Even though the season after a divorce is really hard, with God, it can also be sweet. When everything else falls away and He is all you have, you can more easily see just how much God loves you.
Growing up in church, I’d heard about how God leaves the 99 to go after the one who is lost. But I didn’t always understand that His relentless pursuit of us doesn’t stop at salvation. The truth is, He will never leave us and He will never stop pursuing us. As I’ve become more aware of God’s pursuit, I’m better able to recognize His presence in my everyday life and know I’m not alone.
God’s pursuit looks different for everyone. It’s especially tailored to each person. For me, I’ve always loved sunsets, especially ones that fill the sky with deep reds and oranges. When I was younger, I would watch the sunset and just be enamored by God’s creation. Now, I realize the awe I feel watching a beautiful sunset is one of the ways God speaks to my heart. It’s His way of telling me, “I know how much you like these, and I was thinking of you.” It reminds me of His love when I need it most.
The first wedding I attended after my divorce was rough. I kept it together for most of the night—until the Anniversary Dance. That’s the one where all the married couples go out onto the dance floor to dance. Then the DJ dismisses couples until you’re left with the longest married couple at the wedding. It used to be my favorite part of any wedding. But this time, I went into a bathroom stall and sobbed. I had never felt so alone.
A few hours later as everyone said their goodbyes, it started to pour down rain. Even though it was still daytime, the sky turned dark as night from all the thunderclouds. As my friend drove, I stared off into the distance, glad to have survived the emotional roller coaster. Then I noticed a sort of glowing in the trees. I thought they must be on fire. But when I saw they weren’t, I turned around to see where the light was coming from.
And there, through a small break in the storm clouds, was the most beautiful red-orange sunset I have ever seen. It was only there for a moment. As quickly as the clouds had parted, they closed back up. It was so overwhelming, it brought tears to my eyes because I knew the sunset was just for me. God was reaching out to tell me I was not alone. With Him by my side, I had never been alone and I will never be alone. And the same is true for you.
Though everyone else may fail you, God never will. He loves you with an undying passion that will never stop. No matter how far you run or how many times you push Him away, He won’t give up. He’ll keep coming after you, reminding you that you are His. He’ll never get tired of you or lose interest. He’s the perfect man, the knight in shining armor you’ve dreamt about since you were a little girl. Let Him love you. Let Him remind you that you are wanted—so much so that He paid the ultimate price, death on a cross, so He can spend eternity with you.
God, thank you for your relentless love and pursuit of me. I’m so grateful that even though you know the number of hairs on my head, you want to know me even more. Whenever I feel lonely, remind me that I am never alone because you have promised to always be with me. Reveal to me the ways you pursue my heart so I can better recognize your presence in my life. Break down my walls and help me to accept your perfect love. In Jesus’ name, Amen!
Day 6
Scriptures: Jeremiah 29:11, 1 Peter 2:9, Proverbs 19:21, Ephesians 2:10
Purpose
When you’re in the middle of something painful, it rarely makes sense because you can’t yet see the outcome. You can’t see how this could ever be used for good. But God promises us He’s working all things for our good. All things. Yes, even this.
When my divorce was finalized, I felt sad but hopeful. Even though I was uncertain of my future, I knew I could be certain that God had a plan for my life and would use my divorce to bring about something good.
After a while, I started thinking about how I might use the gifts and passions God has given me to help other women who were going through divorce. I thought about how I wouldn’t have been able to get through my divorce without the women who loved me and encouraged me in that time. They made sure I ate, they slept over to keep me company, they prayed over me, and they took my calls at any time. God knew I needed that community of women around me and placed them in my life at just the right time. I wanted to give that to others.
It wasn’t easy, but I started a small group. I had to come up with curriculum, keep meeting through the weeks when only one woman showed up, and help the single moms figure out childcare. Harder still, I had to keep our group from spiraling into negativity, encourage them without invalidating their feelings, and learn how to keep from carrying their burdens home with me. And it was worth every bit of it. The women God brought together in that group needed each other and will always have a close bond.
Looking back on that group gives me joy. Out of something awful and painful, God brought beauty and friendship. You might not see it yet, but He stands ready to do the same in your life.
God cares for you so deeply that He refuses to leave you drowning in your sadness. Let Him draw you out of your pain by giving it a purpose. Ask Him what He wants to do in you and through you. Maybe He wants you to comfort someone in your life just by sharing your story. Or maybe He’s nudging you to share your story in a blog or social media post, write a book, or start a ministry.
Be vigilant, listen for His prompting, and follow His lead. No act of obedience is too small or insignificant. You could be exactly what someone needs in the hardest moment of their life.
God, thank you for using my pain for good. Thank you for giving me a purpose and for using me to glorify your name. Make me aware of your promptings and help me to clearly understand your direction so I can be a vessel for your good works. Help me to turn my focus from myself to your people who need help. Above all else, I want to do your will and please you. Thank you for your guidance and love. In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.
Day 7
Scriptures: John 10:10, Revelation 21:5, Proverbs 31:25, Romans 15:13
Freedom
Jesus came so that you could have life and have it to the full. But you have an enemy who would love nothing more than to steal that beautiful life from you and keep you wallowing in pain, bitterness, and shame. The question is, what legacy do you want to leave?
My family has a history of broken marriages. My parents got divorced when I was 8 years old, and my grandparents on both sides were divorced several times. I always swore that wouldn’t be me, but when the time came, I didn’t put the necessary work into myself or into my marriage. After my divorce, I decided it had to stop. With the help of God, the line of brokenness in my family would end with me.
My first step was to find healing—and not just from my divorce but from the different wounds throughout my life that caused issues in my relationships. I had to forgive past hurts, start loving myself for who God created me to be, and learn how to love people without placing unrealistic expectations on them. With counseling, a lot of prayer, and a solid community of believers around me, I became a healthier version of me.
When I started dating again, I had to be careful not to fall into old habits. I knew that if I wanted a different kind of marriage, I had to date differently. I looked for evidence of the fruit of the Spirit rather than settling for flattering words or good intentions. We put boundaries in place to protect the purity of our relationship. We served at the church, studied the Bible together, and prayed with each other. He understood that I was protecting my legacy and he wanted to be a part of it.
Living in the freedom Jesus died to give you means being willing to forgive others, surrender your brokenness to God, and put your identity in Him. Don’t believe the lie that you’re damaged goods and no one will ever want you. It’s not true. God loves you more than you can imagine and He’s in the business of making all things new.
If you let Him, God will make you whole and mold you into His image. People will be drawn to the hope, peace, and joy of Jesus shining from within you. When that happens, don’t settle for anything less than God’s best for you. How you date matters to God. How you co-parent matters to God. How you choose to use your experience and help others matters to God. You’re leaving a legacy, and you get to choose what it looks like. I pray you choose to live in the freedom Jesus offers you.
God, thank you for who you are and all you have done for me. Help me to take what I learned in this Bible Plan and apply it to my life. Help me to forgive. Heal my past hurts and make me whole. Help me to see that I am fully loved and constantly pursued by you. Give me hope for the future and faith to believe you’re working for my good. Use my life to help others and glorify your name. I want to be changed, God. Show me the way to live in your freedom. In Jesus’ name, Amen!