No one gets married anticipating the moment when they will be signing divorce papers. The path to divorce is often paved with guilt, shame, fear, and unforgiveness. This devotional plan , written by two divorcees, seeks to give an honest and hopeful perspective on how you can walk through some of the lingering effects of divorce with the help of God.
Better Than Blended
Day 1
Scriptures: Luke 23:34, Matthew 6:14, Matthew 18:22
Remembering Forgiveness
Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do. (Luke 23:34)
I remember the first time I really understood the meaning of this passage of scripture. It was after my divorce and during my custody battle. For me, they didn’t happen simultaneously, but they were two things no one ever wants to experience in life, yet my life story was impacted by both.
My season of a custody battle and divorce were ones in which I learned so much about forgiveness, especially toward those with recurring offenses.
During these seasons I often felt that I had every right to be angry, bitter, resentful and unforgiving. I couldn’t understand how the person who was causing me the greatest challenge was once a friend and life partner. I was grieved at the reality that we were at war as if we were enemies. The things said and done before and during that season to harm me certainly felt intentional.
Yet, in my quiet time, I was often reminded of the words spoken by Jesus as he prepared to die a tragic death for me, and my ex-spouse.
Forgive THEM!
Forgiveness is not a gift given to those who deserve it and it is not a promise to never be hurt by the person again. It is a posture of submission to God.
Submission of my right to hold things against them.
Submission of my right to be angry, bitter, and unforgiving.
Submission of my will, my way, my reasoning.
Submission of my entitlements and judgments.
Over time, I have learned that unforgiveness is a silent killer to God being glorified in my situation. He can get the glory out of everything if we allow him to. The act of forgiving invites Jesus into our situations and he is well equipped to handle every aspect of it. The lies, hurt, deception, all of it. It isn’t always easy to walk in forgiveness but it is always worth it in the end.
So today, I want to invite you to forgive. Not because you have to but because laying down the weight of unforgiveness has a far greater return than holding onto it!
Today’s Devotional written by Rachel Scott of Better Than Blended
Day 2
Scriptures: Isaiah 61:3, Romans 8:28, Romans 5:5
Removing Shame
I am a Divorcee. As a matter of fact, I have been divorced twice. There was once a time that these words gripped my heart with shame and terror. I felt like divorce was tattooed on my forehead and on my chin sat the number two. Twice divorced and two children. Though I am not proud of this part of my story, I have learned that I don’t have to live with shame because of it. God has a greater story and He knew mine from the beginning. Though shame has a name, so does the righteous blood of forgiveness, and the name is Jesus.
It took some time for me to understand that I didn’t have to live with shame. No one knew I was carrying it. In public, I would smile and present myself as if everything was fine. But inside I felt like I was a mistake, unworthy, and unloved. All of which were due to the shame I felt from being a divorcee. Then one day the Lord reminded me of the woman at the well.
In John 4 the bible tells us a story of a woman who was a societal outcast. Not because she had a disease or couldn’t have children, though these were common reasons in biblical times. No, her reason was quite different. She was a woman who had many husbands. Not all at once, but during her lifetime. In fact, she had been married to five different men. I can’t help but imagine the love she was seeking and the void she was looking to fill as she made her way through each relationship walking away just as empty, lost, and alone.
Then one day as she was gathering water when no one else was around because of the shame she carried, she met a man named Jesus! She didn’t know him, but he knew her well. He knew things about her secret life, her shame, her need to be accepted and loved. He knew what she wanted and he knew what she needed. He knew she needed Him.
That day at the well, her life was transformed by Jesus. A man who would love her, accept her, remove the shame, and heal her broken heart. Knowing the relationships of her past didn’t keep Him from pursuing her and speaking new life into her future. He accepted her as His daughter and His beloved.
When I reflected on this story, I realized that I was the woman at the well. It was not until I decided to surrender my story to Jesus, that I could be free from shame. I had to choose to no longer listen to Satan’s lies about me after my divorces, but instead hear the truth of Jesus.
I am worthy. I am not my past. I am loved. I am his workmanship.
If you are being gripped by shame, take some time to invite God into that space. Release it to God and exchange it for His truth about you.
Today’s devotional written by Esther Hutchison of This Big House
Day 3
Scripture: Romans 8:31-39
Rejecting Fear
I am a Christian divorcee. When those words are spoken, they are often accompanied by a tornado of negative thoughts that try to swoop in and dominated every fiber of truth I can lay hold to. Leaving nothing behind but shame, guilt, and fear.
Growing up in the church, Christian and Divorce was an oxymoron. They should not exist together, but now they did in my life,where did that put me? Was I still a Christian? Did Jesus die for broken marriages? I never planned on divorce being part of my walk with Jesus, but when it became a part of my story I was left unsure and afraid of so many things.
Fear of what others were thinking and saying about me. Fear of being a Christian divorcee. Fear that God was angry. Fear for my children and their future. Fear because my imperfect life and failed marriage was now on display for all to see.
How would I fix this mess?
Fear and control are always found together. When we are afraid, we try to get things under control and when we try to control, it’s because we are afraid. Neither leaves room for God and both give the illusion of progress.
One day I heard an acronym for fear,
F-alse
E-vidence
A-ppearing
R-eal
I remember hearing this and thinking of how perfectly well that acronym defined the fears that had consumed me before, during and after my divorce.
Though fear and control were fighting for lordship over my life during my season of divorce and custody, a desire to hear the voice of God lead me to the truth. What was God saying about me and this difficult place I was in? Not the church, not the world, not my friends, not my ex-spouse, but God.
As I began to ponder this question, these words came to mind,
“Nothing can separate you from the love of God (Romans 8:38 NLT)”
Looking back, these words were beautifully etched into every moment of that season that He walked me through.
When the bible says that there is nothing that can separate us from the love of God, I would dare to believe, that means divorce too. Though we may have experienced a separation of love in our natural covenant relationship, what better time for God to declare over us His unfailing love for us in our heavenly one.
Our mistakes and mess-ups do not disqualify us from our place as beloved children of God nor do they disqualify us from being called by God. Because of his love for us, and Jesus death on the cross, we can enter into the throne room of grace and there we will find his goodness, mercy, and never-ending love available to us.
So, today I want you to declare to you that nothing can separate you from the love of God because without a doubt,you are still totally loved by Him!
Today’s Devotional written by Rachel Scott of Better Than Blended
Day 4
Scriptures: 1 John 1:9, Romans 8:34, Hebrews 12:2
Releasing Guilt
When it comes to being a divorcee with or without children, guilt is something that I believe most of us have had to process through. I remember when I was going through a season of guilt after my divorces. I was so ready to give my children a better future and move on from my past, I didn’t take the time to allow them and me to heal. I would tell myself, they are young and resilient, they will bounce back and so will I. I was future-focused, which was good but I was not properly addressing the deeper issues of my own heart.
As my children and I moved on with our lives, and we were creating a new normal, something began to happen. I began to feel guilty about different things regarding my children.
The guilt was not always there. It would come and go in spurts.
Certain moments would open the door to guilt.
Moments like my oldest son playing baseball and not having his father there to play with him. Or my youngest son saying that he wished he could have me for six months and his dad for six months. Even not having enough money to buy my boys something they wanted when I was a single parent. In my mind, I was to blame for these things and my choice to divorce had caused these hurt places in my children’s hearts. I convinced myself that if I had not been a runner, my children would not be suffering. I was guilty of two failed marriages.
The guilt began to set in deep and eventually I decided it was time for me to address it.
So, I did the only thing I knew to do! I began to talk to God about all of my guilt.
I began to spend time in his presence and hearing what he had to say to me about my past and repent for the things I had done that were not in his will. I accepted His forgiveness by grace according to 1 John 1:9 and chose to allow Him to help me parent my children, guilt-free.
As my children got older, I learned to intentionally validate and support them in processing their feelings regarding the divorces and being separated from their other parent. I also learned to not take on the weight of guilt because I knew that Jesus died so that I wouldn’t have to carry the burden of guilt from my past.
And he did the same thing for you!
My friend, life will always present opportunities to walk in guilt. Forgetting our kid’s lunches, missing a friend’s birthday, or being a Christian divorcee whose children are impacted. However, we don’t have to live with guilt, not when we have a high priest that’s interceding for us (Romans 8:34).
Today, I want to encourage you to take some time to identify the guilt you’re carrying and bring it to Jesus. He died so that you wouldn’t have to carry it, so do the exchange.
Today’s Devotional Written By Esther Hutchison of This Big House