Love Letters for Singles

Scriptures: Jeremiah 33:3, Psalms 16:5-6, Jeremiah 29:11-14

THE GIFT

‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’ Jeremiah 33:3 (NKJV)

The season of singleness is often described as the ‘wait’. It is a season in life in which you wait on God to meet the right person; that is, someone who shares your values and overall goals in life. Unfortunately, if not handled right, ‘waiting’ can sometimes attract idleness, unwanted public opinion, distractions, and other things that can make this season unfruitful and unfulfilling. A lot of people are also held captive to fear, worry and anxiety in this season. These emotions make it difficult to embrace singleness productively. What makes things worse is that sound, godly advice and guidance for singles can be few and far in between.   

However, I have come to know from experience that this season is a gift. A gift that must be valued and used as a tool to discover and live out purpose! It is therefore important how we approach and use such a gift. We should see this season as valuable time. This time can be used to strengthen our prayer lives and communion with God; to heal from broken relationships and traumas of the past; to discover new things about ourselves and our potential; to be a blessing to others around us and sow the right seeds, and more. What is God telling us to do? How can we use our time and resources to further His Kingdom? Using the time wisely prepares us adequately for all that is to come!

The enemy knows the gift of this season. He revels in getting us discontented, impatient and discouraged when things don’t go the way we had hoped. Satan wants to distract us from purpose. He knows that if we come into certain truths, we will be set free from whatever is holding us down in this season. When we live every day and every moment the way God intended, we will live fulfilled lives. It’s time to take a stance and reclaim this season with boldness and purpose! 

JOURNAL: 

You can use this prayer as a guide as you begin your journey to wholeness and discovery:

‘Lord, I thank you for the life you have given me. I am grateful that I am alive and I am loved by you. Help me to see all the things you have for me in this season, and help me to walk in the purpose that you have for me. I choose  to delight myself in you, and trust that you will  grant me my heart’s desires, in accordance to your will. In Jesus’ name, amen! 

Scriptures: Ezekiel 36:26, Isaiah 66:13, Ephesians 3:16-19, Psalms 34:16-19, Isaiah 49:14-16

BROKEN PROMISES

“I will comfort you there in Jerusalem as a mother comforts her child.” Isaiah 66:13 (NLT)

Do you know that God is the healer of broken hearts? I can testify to that in my life! 

God has promised to wipe away every tear, mend our hearts and bind up our wounds (Psalm 147:3). We just need to believe it, and allow Him into our hearts. No matter how broken we may be, God is more than able to pick us up and mend our hearts. We have all been through some pain or setback in one way or another; but how blessed are we to have a heavenly Father who is ever present and ready to hold our hands through it all! Humans may fail us, but God will never break His promises to us. He will never leave us. No matter what we have been through – trauma, abuse, neglect, etc., there is nothing too big for God to take care of. Isaiah 43:2 (NLT) says, ‘When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.’

When we invite God into any situation we are in, He promises to deliver us. When we surrender to Him, He doesn’t leave us in the fire, but brings us out stronger than before! Job 23:10 (NLT) says, ‘But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold’. Before God led me to my husband, I had previously gone through a breakup that has left me emotionally shaken. I’m forever grateful to God for holding me at that time and healing my heart. It was a process of restoration where every day I yielded to God, His Word and His spirit. 

In times of brokenness, God can also give us revelations and insights into certain things we may not have seen otherwise. It was my past experience that led me to spend more time in God’s Word and birth ‘Love Letters’, God’s promises of hope and restoration to us (also available in the bible app). In that season, I had experienced the healing power that comes from spending time with God. I discovered that for every need or situation I faced, God’s Word had already made a provision for and gave an answer to every single thing! Little did I know that the Holy Spirit would inspire me to share my healing process with others too! 

JOURNAL:

Invite God in to heal you from past hurts. Take time every day with God in prayer, worship and study of His Word. What is God telling you? As you spend time with God, open your heart to receive from Him and be ready to obey Him as He leads and guides you.

Scriptures: Psalms 25:7, Hebrews 4:16, Romans 8:28

LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND

“Do not remember the rebellious sins of my youth. Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O Lord.” Psalms 25:7 (NLT)

Sometimes the guilt of how we handled our past relationships or contributed to how they ended can weigh us down. We may look back at our carelessness, naivity, insecurities, etc., and be filled with regrets of the past. There is a plethora of emotions and thoughts that have eaten away at our self-esteem and self-worth over the years. Rev. Funke Ewuosho said it well: ‘we can’t move on to new things until we forget the pains of the past’.

I remember some time ago being constantly bombarded with thoughts: ‘what could I have done better?’ ‘Should I have known better?’ God reminded me in those moments that His plans for me are beyond my mistakes. I had to come to the realisation of Romans 8:28 – all things work for my good because I love God; and Jeremiah 18:6 – God is the potter, I am just the clay!  So although I may have missed some things due to my humanity, God’s plans for me are bigger than my mistakes and the circumstances I find myself in.  

It is also important to take accountability for our actions or inactions. Such a time of reflection and repentance is vital to moving forward. Repentance brings us back to God, and reflection should lead us towards maturity, and prepares us for the future. Remember, God’s mercy is available to us at anytime when we turn back to Him. God still has great plans for us!

So run to the Father today. Lay down everything at His feet, and receive a fresh start from God.

JOURNAL:

What things have you been holding on to from your past relationship/s that has weighed you down? Write them out and lay them down before God. Seek forgiveness from those you have offended and repent before God. Then receive mercy from your loving Father, as you move forward with a fresh start.

Scriptures: Isaiah 54:4, Psalms 3:1-4, 1 Peter 5:7

‘BYE BYE CARES AND CONCERNS

“Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you.” Isaiah 54:4 (NLT)

Let’s face it, the last thing most singles want to do is talk about their single status to eager friends and family who are constantly asking them when they are getting hitched. I also know of people who have gone on to get married (knowing that a particular relationship was not healthy or of much interest to them) due to pressure from third parties. Unfortunately, being content as a single person and/or finding the strength to leave a relationship that we know is not right, can be hard. There are several reasons why we may override certain truths and tolerate pressure or societal expectations. These include self-imposed pressure, a desire to please people, and a sense of guilt/shame. This list goes on. We need to get rid of some thinking patterns and make a paradigm shift if we are to move forward to forge better and healthier relationships. Others’ opinions of us should not define or shape our future.  

God wants you to lift your head up high – He alone is your glory and the lifter up of your head (Psalm 3:3)! While I was single, I remember declaring scriptures like this out loud over and over again to myself. The more I opened my heart and mind to God’s Word, the more conscious and confident I became in what He said about me, and less concerned about what others thought of me. When you focus on the journey God is taking you on, you will not lack contentment and confidence. You will be so secure in His promises to you. In fact, others will want what you have, because of God’s glory that shines in and through you!

Singles also face fears of the unknown: will I be single forever? Will my partner be compatible with me physically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually? Will I be fulfilled with my partner? Will our families blend well? 

The unknown can look a little scary, but having faith in God who holds the future makes all the difference.  

Know that God cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 says, ‘Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you’.  He knows you have cares and worries, otherwise there would be no need to cast them. And there would be no need to trust God if you had everything figured out. One of my (many) favourite scriptures is found in Romans 10:11 – ‘those who trust in Him will not be put to shame’. So tell God your concerns, open up to Him about your innermost fears and anxious thoughts, and leave it with Him to take care of. In that place of total surrender and transparency, you are deciding to trust Him to take care of you. Nothing is new to God or too big or small for Him. He wants to take care of you, and He cares deeply and affectionately for you, as His child!

JOURNAL:

Make a list of your worries and concerns, and that of your close family and friends. What are you anxious about? Then, share your desires with God, and ask Him to help you roll all your cares on Him.

Scriptures: Isaiah 43:19, Nehemiah 8:10, Isaiah 12:2-3, Psalms 28:7, 1 Peter 1:6-7

A DOSE OF JOY

“Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19 NKJV 

Get your joy back! All the devil needs to do is use a bad experience to throw us off our joy and our focus. He knows that we need joy to draw strength from God. The AMPC version of Nehemiah 8:10 says, ‘And be not grieved and depressed, for the joy of the Lord is your strength…’ And Isaiah 12:2b (NLT) says, ‘The Lord God is my strength and my song; he has given me victory.’ 

A few years ago when I was going through a tough breakup, I stumbled on a message by Rev. Funke Ewuosho, ‘The Joy of the Lord’. As soon I began to listen to this message, my spirit leapt for joy within me. It felt as though I had taken a dose of something that lifted me up. That is what happens when God’s Word enters your heart! I decided to keep that message on loop for weeks and weeks on end. Slowly but surely, I got my joy back! I experienced Nehemiah 8 and Isaiah 12: my joy comes from God and His Word; and with that joy comes strength to rise up from anything, including depression! Receiving God’s Word became my focus in that season. I radically reduced the time I spent on social media and on idle activities, so I could renew myself and gain strength through His Word. As someone said, there are no side-effects to taking any amount of God’s Word! It is life to those who find it, and health to the whole body (Proverbs 4:20-22). Stay on God’s Word. You may not ‘feel’ any different instantly, but as long as you commit to taking in His Word no matter what, it will inevitably transform you from the inside out.

Instead of allowing depressive thoughts to flood your mind, draw strength from God. He wants to wipe away your tears and give you beauty for ashes. It is okay to cry. You may even feel as though God has forgotten you. But don’t stay in that place for long – because the truth is, God has not forgotten you, and He sees each tear that falls. His plans for you have not changed! You are His precious child who is already loved. It is when you wipe away your tears that you can see all that God has in store for you. He cares about every little detail and He wants to make you whole again!

JOURNAL:

Faith comes by hearing and hearing the Word.  Can you make spending time with God and in His Word your priority from today? What scriptures have been a blessing to you, and how can you cultivate a daily habit of meditating on and studying them? 

Scriptures: Psalms 126:1-6, Isaiah 54:4, Isaiah 61:3-7, Joel 2:23-27

HE WILL RESTORE

“Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, And instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double; Everlasting joy shall be theirs.” Isaiah 61:7 (NKJV)

It is natural to feel despondent and even a sense of guilt or shame when a relationship does not work out, or you were hopeful for a relationship to start. It’s also common to feel like you wasted your time and efforts in those moments. These emotions are further compounded when you compare yourself to others.  But the Word of God in Job 23:10 (NKJV) says, ‘But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold’. The path you are on is different to anybody else’s path. And when God is through with you, you will come out better than you started (gold). Talk about restoration!

It’s important to deal with the issue of comparing your own path to others. Comparison is commonly known as the thief of joy – and we touched on joy in the previous reading. Comparing yourself to others can make you feel as though you are ‘behind’ schedule: you have set a timetable for yourself and are anxious to meet certain deadlines. Because of this, it is easy to lose sight of the plans God has for you. Instead of surrendering to God and His plans, you strive in our own might. This can only lead to endless cycles of discontentment and self-pity. Sound familiar? The truth is, we have all been there before, or know someone who has. 

But thank God for His Word to us! We can be comforted knowing that He has something greater in store for us! And we can rejoice with others, knowing that our own blessings are on the way. God promises double for all our trouble. Why? Because He is a God of restoration. That is one of His many attributes.  So, the time, resources, prayers, etc., that was spent on past relationships, God will make up for it. He will bless us with more than we had before! One of my favourite scriptures is in Psalm 126. Verses 4-6 (NIV) say, ‘Restore our fortunes,  Lord,  as streams renew the desert. Those who plant in tears  will harvest with shouts of joy. They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest.’ That’s a pretty good trade! Every tear you have shed will turn to shouts of joy, and every seed planted will turn into harvest! 

If you notice throughout the bible, God does not say, ‘I may restore’. Every time He promises restoration, it is with certainty. He WILL restore! 

JOURNAL:

What are your fears and what are your desires? What did you lose from your past relationship/s? Meditate on Psalm 126. God wants to restore you back to how you were before, and give you double blessings! 

Scriptures: Genesis 1:26, Ecclesiastes 3:1-13, John 9:4

LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE

‘Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” Genesis 1:26 (NKJV)

What is that adventure you want to go on? What is that qualification you want to get? What is that new skill you want to acquire? What is that business you want to launch? Whatever your desire is, you don’t need to wait until you are married to pursue it! God made YOU with a purpose, and you are on this earth to fulfil it! Romans 14:12 says that each of us will give a personal account of ourselves to God. Right now, are you using the talents, time and resources God gave you wisely? Waiting on God for your life partner does not mean you should put your life on hold. Every day is filled with great ideas and possibilities. Treasure it and make the most of each moment. 

Making a decision to live your life to the fullest also challenges you to develop yourself. I always told myself this, and now I always tell singles: add to yourself. Add value to yourself by working hard, staying focused and being diligent in all things. By the time you meet your spouse, the experience and lessons you gathered will add value to that relationship (of course, there will always be a need for growth and learning at every stage of life). How rich and fulfilling would a relationship be if two people come together after having prepared themselves for the commitment that marriage demands, and developed themselves individually? Imagine if every single person educated themselves in their field of interest, practiced patience and contentment within their friendship groups, pursued the things they loved, and worked hard to create honest wealth? They would set themselves up for, and attract more fulfilling and fruitful relationships. And it’s never too late to redeem the time and live to the fullest. No matter how old you are or where you are, there is no time like the present to make the most of what you have! 

JOURNAL:

What is that thing you want to do? Can you develop yourself enough to accomplish it? What do you want your marriage and home to look like? Can you start working on yourself and on relationships around you as you wait on God?

Scriptures: Isaiah 55:8-9, Psalms 138:8, Ecclesiastes 3:11, Jeremiah 1:12

HIS WAY IS BEST

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord . “For  as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8‭-‬9 (NKJV)

If you desire a life partner, either now or sometime in the future, trust God’s timing. He makes everything beautiful in its time – I can testify to that! I look back at my single years – with each year that went by, I felt more and more frustrated that things were not going to ‘plan’. I had a plan and it sounded perfect to me.  It took me a while to realise that my plans were not exactly God’s plans, no matter how good or noble I felt they were! 

Isaiah 55:8-9 says that God’s ways are higher than ours, and His thoughts are higher than ours. So before we get hung up on our plans, know that God’s plans are even higher and better. It’s okay to ask God for what we want in a spouse, and ask God to grant us our requests in specific ways. But we should remember that our times are in God’s hands, and ultimately, He is in control. It is in the place of surrender that God can lead us to what He has for us. We cease from striving and constantly worrying and trust in His plan. God’s timing and His ways always work out better than ours ever could. I can testify to this!  

’The season of the wilderness is for a reason and for a season’ – Rev. Funke Ewuosho. In my last devotional (Love Letters), I recalled a time when I was wailing, and my mum reminded me that God is the porter, we are just the clay. When we choose to live a surrendered life, God is there to mould us. He is also causing all things to work together for our good! I look back at how I relied on my efforts and ideals in my past relationship. It got me no where. Fast forward to meeting my husband – when we began dating, we decided early on that God would take centre stage in our relationship. His plans and His ways were our focus. I later realised that that decision to trust God and His timing would impact our perspective on almost every decision that we would make even after we got married. 

So don’t worry if you desire to be married but have been single for longer than you had hoped. Instead, surrender your plans and desires to God. He makes every thing beautiful in its time. When the right time comes, He will give you the grace for that season and beautify everything in it. When you decide to wait on God consistently, He will also give you the wisdom and the grace to nurture a loving marriage and a healthy home, and the right person to do with. Your times are in God’s hands!

JOURNAL: 

Ask God to show you a glimpse of His plans for you. Allow Him to teach you how to trust in Him and follow after Him. 

Scriptures: Jeremiah 29:11, Psalms 16:5-6, Isaiah 43:18-20, 1 John 5:14-15

THE PERSON OF YOUR DREAMS

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)

I believe that God isn’t against us having a list of what we want in our future spouse! To a certain extent, I believe it’s more productive to have a good idea of what we are looking for when it comes to marriage. But we need to be conscious of what could be influencing our choices, our taste,  our values, etc., as these will affect our preferences and choices.  If we are not inspired or surrounded by godly couples who have healthy and positive marriages, the likelihood of seeking or being attracted to godly spouses (above other attributes) is small.

We need to get real with ourselves about the items on our ‘list’, be it a physical list or a mental one. Do these items on our list contribute towards a healthy, flourishing and godly marriage? What are we doing to be the people that our future spouses are also praying for? Are we compromising on certain values? Are we surrounding ourselves with healthy, positive, godly circles of people? It’s time to get real with God and with our expectations and ideals.

God wants you to be happy about who you choose to marry! Psalm 37:4 says that when we delight ourselves in God, He grants us our hearts’ desires. He knows the desires of our hearts and wants us to live full, satisfying lives, and to do so with someone suitable. Right from the beginning, God saw man and said that it’s not good for him to be alone, and God made the woman as a suitable help (Genesis 2:18). The NLT version says, ‘I will make a helper who is just right for him’. Adam was certainly pleased with God’s choice! We see the heart of the Father: He anticipates our needs and wants to give us a suitable partner that we can fulfil purpose with! So rest in God knowing that He knows exactly what you need in your spouse. Make a habit of giving thanks to God regularly for the man/woman of your dreams. The more you do this, the more conscious you are of God and His ability in meeting all your needs.  

Fall in love with the things of God, find delight in Him! As you do so, your desires will begin to align with His. The more you spend time with someone, the more they rub off on you. It’t the same with God! His glory, His presence, His ways, will affect you and what you pursue after. And like Adam, when God leads you to the person of your dreams, you will say, ‘this person is the bone of my bone, the flesh of my flesh!’

JOURNAL: 

Have you shared your desires about your future spouse with God? Don’t leave out any details that matter to you, because nothing is too big or small for Him. As you talk to God, ask Him to speak back to you and show you areas that you need to heed to. Dedicate time regularly to hear from God. 

Scriptures: Psalms 32:8, Isaiah 30:21, Proverbs 3:5-7, Psalms 16:7-11, Psalms 37:23, John 10:27, Psalms 25:15, Proverbs 1:5-7

FINDING YOUR WAY

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye. Psalm 32:8 (NKJV)

I will always remember a friend of mine for her simple yet timely words of wisdom to me while I was single: ‘guys will come around, but be careful and prayerful. Ask God for discernment’. 1 Peter 5:8 (NKJV) says, ‘Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour’. The devil can take advantage of our carelessness and ignorance. This can come in different forms: lack of a quality prayer life; lack of godly mentors who you are accountable to; worldly ideologies of dating and marriage, and more. There are many ways the enemy can set traps for us, because He knows the importance of who we choose to marry! So we must always stay vigilant. For example, it’s one thing to be happy when someone comes along and ticks all your boxes, but do we really seek God before getting emotionally involved with that person? I am not talking about the two-minutes prayer to fulfil all righteousness, but diligently and consistently asking God for direction and guidance.

The journey doesn’t end once you have met someone. It’s actually the beginning! Who you marry is said to be the second most important decision you make in life, after giving your life to Christ. It is supposed to be a life-long decision, therefore not one to be treated lightly. Diligence and discernment can’t be overstressed when it comes to dating/courting. Similarly, don’t fall for the trap of settling – trust God for the best and don’t settle. The enemy is seeking whom he may devour, so you must be alert. This does not mean being afraid or suspicious of everyone who comes your way; but more than ever, your reliance on God and His wisdom should precede any decision.

Luke 18:1 says that men should always pray and never give up. Our communion with God gives us guidance and direction. So even when you feel convinced that God has led you to a particular relationship, stay in fellowship with Him so that you can continue to receive from Him. God can even speak to you about things that you need to do or pray about regarding your future spouse. I have found myself praying in the spirit about things that naturally I wouldn’t have thought of or known to pray about. Take everything to God in prayer, invite the Holy Spirit into your prayer time, and let Him know that you are always ready to listen to Him. I have learnt that nothing and no-one should ever take the place of our constant communion with God. Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” At every stage and at every moment, we need to see our need for God. We cannot rely solely on ourselves when it comes to choosing a spouse. Thank God for the peace He gives us when we commit our ways to Him and lean on Him (Read AMPC version of Isaiah 26:3). If you need peace about the state of your current relationship status, or peace about the decision you have or are about to make, you need to include God at every stage, keeping your mind on Him!

JOURNAL: 

Ask yourself these questions: are you able to discern things accurately? Are you accountable to others who are in spiritual authority over you? Do you both have the same conviction of purpose and commitment to God and to one another? 

Commit every detail about your relationship or your desired relationship to God. Someone said that your prayers water the grounds you will walk on. The best time to commit your ways to the Lord, is before stepping forward, or making any decisions. Be still in God’s presence and receive help from the Holy Spirit, as you cultivate His presence in everything you do.