Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 5:11-21, Galatians 5:13-26

Leaving War Behind 

Disagreements, fighting, and hatred—these things seem common in the wider community of Christendom today. Politics, theology, even personal preference create seemingly insurmountable rifts. It’s hard not to see ourselves as being “at war.” 

We’re not doomed to be stuck here, though. It is possible to find a path out of this destructive war and into a spacious place of loving each other even as we disagree. We find this path as we are equipped and empowered and motivated by the Holy Spirit to engage with (and, yes, disagree with) one another. 

The apostle Paul talked about how, as the people in the church disagree, there’s an easy way to tell if someone is following Christ. It’s not by looking at the external obedience to the law but by looking to the singular rule that sets us free from the law: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Galatians 5:14). 

He then warns that if we continually bite at each other, eventually we’ll be consumed. 

So what’s the answer? How can we live in a way that we won’t destroy ourselves with our arguments? Paul says it’s simple: “Walk by the Spirit” (verse 16).

Paul tells us exactly what it looks like when someone has allowed the Spirit to transform their lives. He uses the metaphor of the Spirit bearing fruit in our lives. Once the Spirit is planted in us, we should expect there to be continual growth that leads to “love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (verses 22-23). 

In the days to come, we’ll be looking at each of these qualities individually, and how they can help us be more loving in our disagreements. 

Questions for Reflection 

What disagreements have you been having lately? Who does it feel like you’ve been “at war” with? Open your mind to God’s perspective on your own motives and behavior amid these conflicts.

Scriptures: Matthew 22:34-40, Luke 10:25-37, 1 Corinthians 13:1-13

Fruit of the Spirit: Love 

Love is a universal spiritual gift, pulled in and through every other part of the fruit of the Spirit. It is a calling for every follower of Jesus, a way we bear the image of God, who is love (1 John 4:8). 

As we learn in 1 Corinthians 13, love is and isn’t a lot of things. It is patient, is kind, isn’t jealous, doesn’t brag, isn’t arrogant, isn’t rude, doesn’t seek its own advantage, isn’t irritable, doesn’t keep record of complaints, isn’t happy with injustice, and is happy with truth. Love puts up with all things and trusts all things and hopes for all things and endures all things. 

In all honesty I (Kathy) am not always capable of this. Just today in the hours I’ve spent writing, I have not been patient, and I’m cranky (you would’ve been annoyed at the state of my kitchen too). I also remembered that thing my husband, Peter, promised to do almost twenty years ago and never did. I am not up for putting up with, trusting, hoping for, and enduring much of anything today, let alone all things. Yet I am still a Christian, always invited—and sometimes compelled—to act with love. 

Instead of reading 1 Corinthians 13 as a pretty way to talk to newlyweds about unfailing love, what if we consistently turned to those words to remind ourselves and our communities to be more loving with those we vehemently disagree with? What if, instead of starting off with judgment about our different opinions, we led with love, just as Jesus did? 

Questions for Reflection 

Think of a difficult relationship in your life right now. How could a recommitment to loving this person transform your reaction to them?

Scriptures: Habakkuk 3:17-18, John 15:9-11, 1 Peter 1:8-9

Fruit of the Spirit: Joy 

In Galatians 5:22, the word translated as “joy” is derived from the Greek word meaning “grace.” Without grace, we cannot experience joy, and as Christians we understand that we cannot experience true grace without God. Why is that? Because grace is simply God’s love. We may not always or often attribute our joy to God or even acknowledge God’s presence as we experience joy, but joy cannot be separated from God. 

When we lean into God’s grace, the result should be not for our own benefit but for the benefit of others. To live out joy is to allow God’s grace to transform us and the way we react to and interact with everything around us, including people with whom we disagree. 

Although God loves you and me as individuals, that isn’t what makes God’s love, his grace, radical. God loves all of us. Even the people—especially the people—you and I don’t love, which is also why bearing the fruit of the Spirit is so hard. Our most basic instincts often are not Christlike. 

That is our invitation in loving disagreement: to be more like God and enter the joy of others as a way forward. Instead of leading with a fight, how might we lead with what connects us as a community? If our disagreement is between Christians, how can sharing in one another’s joy help us ease back into the fight in a way that seeks the well-being of the whole community? 

An exhortation from Philippians 4:4 comes to mind: “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” 

Questions for Reflection 

Where do you see an opportunity to share joy with others you tend to disagree with at work, at home, or in other life spheres?

Scriptures: Isaiah 9:6-7, Isaiah 26:3-4, John 14:27

Fruit of the Spirit: Peace 

In the Hebrew tradition, shalom (often translated as “peace”) means something like “the world as it should be.” Everything is put right—no injustice, nothing to be angry about, nothing to fight over. 

If the Spirit is in our lives, we can’t help but want to make the world the way it should be. That can be in small things, like bringing a meal to a neighbor who’s sick, or learning to speak with kindness to people at our workplace, or at church, or at home. It can be personal, like paying attention to places in our own hearts that are not as they should be and working to repair those. It can also be big, culture-shaping movements. 

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9). God is one who makes peace, and if we also make peace, we are like God. Parents and children often look alike, so it’s no surprise someone would look at a peacemaker and think, That’s one of God’s kids.

A peacemaker looks carefully at the world and asks, “Is this the way God desires the world to be?” And when they inevitably find places where it is not—in their communities, their churches, their own hearts—they start making changes. Peacemakers are always pushing to make things better. 

• Shalom is the act of saying, “Come, Lord Jesus.” 
• Shalom is the prayer, “Your will be done on earth as in heaven.” 
• Shalom is seeing the world as it is and envisioning what it could be. 
• Shalom is rolling up our sleeves and getting to work. 

Questions for Reflection

God empowers all of us to provide healing and reconstruction in a damaged world. Where is he asking you to spread shalom today?

Scriptures: Proverbs 15:18, Ecclesiastes 7:8-9, Colossians 3:12-14

Fruit of the Spirit: Forbearance 

The book of Proverbs teaches us that, while a hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, the one who is patient calms a quarrel (15:18). Paul exhorts, “Be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2). 

Patience is a willingness and ability to sit and endure without acting out, to be long-suffering without complaint, and to refrain from retaliation when provoked. Patience is waiting with no assurance that things will work out the way you want. 

Patience is a long, measured steadiness, a practice of intention, of noticing and acting when the time is right. It is deciding how and when to make your point or when to listen and ask questions. It is loving over time that weighs multiple factors—urgency, capacity, trust, possibility of change, and many more. In loving disagreements, patience honors the humanity of every person and holds the tension of how healthy conflict and resolution impacts everyone. 

Patience, like all the fruit of the Spirit, is a reminder that we do not enter the Christian life alone. It’s an invitation into the body of Christ where we depend on one another for the health and flourishing of the whole. Instead of fostering an environment that demands a specific type of response, patience roots itself in love and leaves room for trust, growth, and change. 

Questions for Reflection

Who do you need to take more time to listen to? What change do you need to wait for? How can you express trust in God as you sit faithfully and anticipate the transformation he is bringing about?

Scriptures: Luke 6:27-36, Romans 2:4, Ephesians 4:30-32

Fruit of the Spirit: Kindness 

In the New Testament sense, kindness is not about being polite (how we sometimes think of kindness). It’s something more than well wishes or being gentle with our words. Kindness is active. A kind person sees what is needed and then provides it. 

Jesus said, “Love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked” (Luke 6:35). God is kind. As his children, we are to be kind like him. 

Specifically, our model is Jesus. Ephesians 4:32 tells us, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” 

When we’re in conflict and disagreement with one another, kindness is so much more than just putting on a smile and pretending everything is okay. When we are kind, we choose to legitimately seek the best for one another despite the places where we disagree. 

• Kindness is how we speak to each other. (Am I doing harm or good toward others?) 
• Kindness is how we care for others. (How can I help this person?) 
• Kindness is how we vote. (What will be the impact of this policy on those around me?) 
• Kindness is how we spend our money. (Where is this money going? What is the impact of that? Am I doing harm or good to the world?) 

As Scripture teaches us, it’s God’s kindness—not cruelty, not meanness, not malice—that leads us to repentance. And as we become more like God—as we grow in kindness—this must surely have an impact on our relationships in those moments when we have disagreements. 

Questions for Reflection

Plan some of kindness you will initiate in the next twenty-four hours: upbuilding words you will offer, help you will provide, assurance you will give. Pray for a Christlike spirit as you go to carry out these intentions.

Scriptures: Ezekiel 36:26-27, Galatians 6:9-10, 2 Peter 1:3-8

Fruit of the Spirit: Goodness 

Transformed by the Spirit, our hearts become consumed with the desire to do good, to be kind, to protect others, to love and care for people. Goodness is not something we do; it is someone we become. Though our goodness eventually shows up in our actions, our actions aren’t what make us good. Goodness is a state of being. 

As we’re trying to discern and move toward a greater understanding of goodness in our conflicts and disagreements, we should probably look back at why Paul is talking about the fruit of the Spirit at all. He’s talking about when Christians get in horrible fights with each other and how we can tell if we’re entering those arguments empowered by the Spirit or not. As we mentioned in Day 1, Paul says that the entire law—every rule of God—can be fulfilled by following a singular rule: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Galatians 5:14). 

So the true mark of goodness may well be the transformative power of loving one’s neighbor, emerging from our lives as a deeply rooted part of our being. Like Paul, pray for each other that God will fulfill our “every desire for goodness” (2 Thessalonians 1:11). And as our goodness grows, we can move away from legalism, our external attempts to force goodness. 

When we allow our love for others to guide us, the Holy Spirit’s goodness will increasingly well up and overflow . . . even in the midst of complicated disagreements. 

Questions for Reflection

In your prayer time today, seek God’s forgiveness for times when you have done harm to others. Ask him to fill you with more and more of his goodness.

Scriptures: Lamentations 3:22-23, Matthew 25:14-30

Fruit of the Spirit: Faithfulness 

Faithfulness is faith in action, the act of believing and trusting. One can claim to have faith, but it is the outward expression—faithfulness—that allows others to engage with your proclaimed beliefs. 

For Christians, faithfulness doesn’t start with me or you. It starts with God and God’s faithfulness. 

If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself. (2 Timothy 2:13) 

God’s faithfulness isn’t about making any individual’s life perfect, nor is it about making sure everyone gets to heaven. God’s faithfulness is simply who God is, and that faithfulness is expressed for the whole of creation—the earth, the animals, and the people. God created it all and looked at it all and called it all very good. 

Like God, we are to be consistent in faithfulness. 

But why does Christian faithfulness matter? It matters because as Christians, we believe God’s faithfulness and love for the world is Good News for everyone. The way Christians should live, the way we show up in our neighborhoods and not just our places of worship, should reflect that goodness for everyone, even when we disagree. 

And yet the fruit of the Spirit cannot be hidden in the privacy of our lives. Our faithfulness, like all aspects of the Spirit-filled life, is meant to have a noticeable impact on the lives and world around us. 

Faithfulness supports the Spirit’s work, transforming our reactions and relationships with love and patience and kindness. Our love isn’t fickle—it’s faithful, even when we aren’t “in love.” Our patience isn’t dependent on the circumstance—it’s faithful, even when we are worn thin and at our limit. Our kindness doesn’t play favorites—it’s faithful, freely given even to the people with whom we have the deepest of disagreements. 

We believe in a faithful God, so we show up. Faithfully. 

Questions for Reflection 

Where is your behavior falling behind your beliefs? Consider the possible underlying causes of any unfaithfulness you detect within yourself—what’s really going on here? Seek God for the grace to be fundamentally faithful.

Scriptures: Matthew 11:28-30, 2 Timothy 2:23-26, James 1:19-20

Fruit of the Spirit: Gentleness 

When we are caught in conflict with one another, our lives show whether our words and actions are coming from God or from our own sinful intentions. Gentleness is one of the hallmarks of someone whose actions overflow from their relationship with God. As we continue to grow in relationship with the Spirit, we become more gentle, not less. We learn to speak and act with gentleness. 

What’s most useful to me as I (Matt) discern how to use gentle speech is paying attention to Christ’s priorities. Jesus always spoke with the most gentleness to those who were “the least of these” in society. He was so gentle with children, with women, with foreigners, and with the sick. In those rare occasions he seemed to lack gentleness, he was usually confronting people with power who were harming those around them—almost always the religious elite, the wealthy, or both. 

“I am gentle and humble in heart,” said Jesus (Matthew 11:29). How much are you like the gentle Jesus? How much am I? 

When I reflect on my past, I see that I have consistently miscalculated my own strength—I was stronger than I thought. And I also wasn’t aware enough to see the vulnerabilities of others and what might hurt them. I wasn’t gentle because I didn’t know myself or others well. 

When we’re addressing huge, personal, important topics like abortion, divorce, abuse, sexual orientation, gender identity, and politics, too often our instinct is to be less gentle. But these are precisely the topics that call for ever greater gentleness and even more kindness. As the Spirit leads us into all truth and conforms us to the image of Christ, we, too, will become meek and gentle. 

Questions for Reflection 

Think back over a recent interaction with someone you disagreed with. How might you have handled that situation in a more Christlike manner?

Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, 2 Timothy 1:7-8, Titus 2:11-14

Fruit of the Spirit: Self-Control 

Self-control rooted in human dignity—our own and our neighbors’—helps us grasp most fully what God has for all of us. This kind of self-control, the kind that acknowledges our individual humanity and looks toward the communal good, is what enables us to step into healthy, productive, and loving disagreement. 

When self-control is only about the “don’ts,” it becomes a highly individual endeavor: what I don’t do in order to be a good Christian, what I avoid in order to follow God. While growing up, I (Kathy) may have been told that “they’ll know we are Christians by our love,” but I heard much more about what Christians didn’t do and were against. The result of that focus was usually an individualized behavior. 

But what if self-control isn’t about censoring ourselves but about expressing our full selves and about actions that point toward God’s beauty and love for us? What a breath of fresh air and hope we Christians could be, ought to be, if, even in our most tense and heated disagreements, it was clear we were seeing and honoring God’s image in one another and working toward a resolution that reflects God’s Good News for the world. 

Belonging to Jesus means you and I have access to a self-control that fights for the good of all. That means our self-control isn’t about holding ourselves or others back—it means we get angry at injustice. It means we act in ways that help bodies, minds, and emotions flourish. And it means we approach our disagreements with a healthier posture and desire for change. 

“The Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7). 

Questions for Reflection

If you think about self-control as being more about what you do, rather than what you avoid doing, what ideas does that give you about living a life of more fruitfulness for the Kingdom of God?