Scriptures: Genesis 2:15-25, Matthew 19:3-11, 1 Corinthians 12:26-27

Take the Opportunity

“If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad”( 1 Corinthians 12:26). 

In a society awash with confusing messages about marriage and sex, the church has the unique opportunity to be a clear, reliable, and loving source of moral guidance. We can begin by talking publicly about relevant issues people are facing, even though these subjects may be uncomfortable for us. We need to know what the Bible says about divorce and remarriage so that we can be more confident addressing these topics.

In some cases, we need to proclaim countercultural biblical truth. God’s ideal for marriage is one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24). Sexual acts of all types outside marriage are sin (Leviticus 18-20, Hebrews 13:4). They are destructive physically, emotionally, and spiritually (1 Corinthians 6:15-20).

We need to proclaim that children are a gift from God, but childlessness is not a curse. The many stories of barren women in the Bible remind us that God bestows children at his discretion and in his timing (Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Elizabeth).

People need to know that men and women are made equally in God’s image. Husbands are to love their wives as they love themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21-33). Men and women were designed for companionship and to fulfill God’s mission by working together (Genesis 1:26-28, 2:15-25).

We must recognize that there is tremendous stress on families trying to live out Christian values, and we are facing a divorce crisis in our time. This offers us a marvelous opportunity as a church to bring light, truth, and hope to a hurting world. Perhaps we have been called to ministry for such a time as this!

Reflection

Do you have friends or family who are currently in the midst of or have been through a divorce? How have their family and fellow believers treated them? Prayerfully examine your own attitudes toward them. Have you come alongside and shared their suffering? Ask God to show you one thing you can do this week to let them know you care about their pain.

Scripture: Ephesians 4:11-16

Speak Truth in Love

“We will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church” (Ephesians 4:15). 

There are two extremes we must avoid when it comes to divorce and remarriage. First, we must avoid saying more on this subject than the Bible actually says. In our zeal to condemn divorce, we sometimes condemn those who have been divorced. This is speaking truth without love. We hate the sin and the sinner. Paul tells us in Ephesians 2:16 that the goal of speaking truth is not to destroy each other but to build each other up in the faith. Many divorced people say they are not accepted in their churches. People going through marital challenges feel like lepers who don’t belong in church and are barely tolerated by the rest of the congregation. We must protect spouses or children who are being abused and give grace and healing to those wounded by divorce.

Second, we must also avoid saying less than the Bible actually says. The pendulum has swung to the opposite extreme in many churches. Because we want to respond to hurting people with grace, we have sometimes lowered biblical standards or abandoned them altogether in our desire to reach people. This is love without truth. Paul says that without truth, we are tossed back and forth by every new teaching. In some cases, the church has simply winked at unbiblical divorce because it seems too difficult or too painful to hold Christians to the high standards of God’s Word. As a result, our churches are filled with hurting, confused, and struggling people who want to know what the Bible says and wonder why their questions are never answered.

We must become deeply involved with those whose marriages have failed: the separated, the divorced, those contemplating remarriage, and remarried couples with struggling “blended” families. Without compromising scriptural standards, we must ask: How can we do it in ways that lead to repentance and forgiveness, let people understand the sins and pathologies that destroyed their previous marriages, and help them make the right choices if and when they remarry? As we speak the truth in love, may God use us to break the present generation’s pattern of divorce and church ostracism, transform families, and renew lives.

Reflection

To which of the two extremes do you lean? Prayerfully ask God to show you if you need more truth or more love in your attitude. If it is true, what is one place that you can learn more about the biblical teaching on divorce? If it is love, spend some time thanking God for all the many ways he has forgiven and accepted you. Then ask him to grow that kind of love (his love) in your heart toward your divorced friends and family.

Scripture: John 8:1-11

Respond with Grace

“(Jesus) said, ‘All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!’” (John 8:7). 

In John 8, we read that while Jesus was teaching in the Temple courts, he was interrupted by the religious leaders of Jerusalem. They brought a woman, probably shaken and disheveled, who was accused of adultery. The leaders’ accusation was serious. If Jesus upheld the law and ordered the woman stoned, he would risk incurring the wrath of the crowd. But if he took the woman’s side, he would risk being accused of not following the law of Moses. Either way, he would be caught in their trap.

Like these accusers, the church has often continued to treat divorced people as if this were the ultimate sin. But this is not the heart of God. Whenever we meet anyone who we think has fallen, what Jesus did next can remind us to check our attitude. Jesus said, “Let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” (8:7). The men began to go away one by one.

In the end, only Jesus, the woman, and the watching crowd remained. Jesus then forgave her – “Neither do I condemn you” – and renewed her moral purpose – “Go now and leave your life of sin” (8:11). When we continuously remind a divorced or divorcing person that “God hates divorce,” people often hear “God hates the divorcee.” More likely than not, the person is already going through excruciating feelings of personal failure and regret. We don’t need to beat a person who is already down.

Jesus shows us another way. Jesus shows us that, without condoning sin, we can show grace and offer people forgiveness and a fresh start. Of all places, the church should be the place where people find grace. After all, “God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners,” so we are a community saved by grace (Romans 5:8).

Reflection

Make a list of moments when you have recently experienced God’s grace in your life. Praise and thank him for that grace. As you consider the friends and/or family who are wrestling with a divorce that you identified, make a list of some practical things you could do to express acceptance and grace to them without condoning sin. Identify one that you will commit to doing in the next week.

Scriptures: Proverbs 31:8-9, Psalms 82:3-4, 1 John 3:16-18

Help the Abused

“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed” (Proverbs 31:8). 

We cannot afford to take lightly abuse of any kind. It is important to realize that domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal assault to violence. Whether the abuse is emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, or physical, it is all damaging to a person made in the image of God. God’s Word repeatedly calls us to “rescue the weak and the needy” (Psalm 82:4). Often, those who are in abusive relationships need the help of others to escape the situation.

When we teach about marriage, we can teach the Scripture condemns abuse. While the Bible does not directly cite marital abuse as a justification for divorce, it lays out several issues that are helpful when counseling someone in an abusive relationship. Paul includes common characteristics of abuse in the same list as idolatry and witchcraft: “sexual immorality . . . hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition . . . drunkenness” (Galatians 5:19-21). Verbal abuse such as harsh words, slander, and dirty language are sin (Ephesians 4:31). Abuse of any form and towards anyone can never be justified.

Many believers think that because of the Bible’s teaching on the permanence of marriage, they are required to stay in an abusive relationship. But the abusing spouse has already broken the marriage covenant through such behavior. Violence in any form, whether physical, sexual, psychological, or verbal, is sinful. No person is expected to stay in an abusive relationship or marriage.

All believers as part of the family of God must take the call as a family seriously. We are called to be our “brother’s (or sister’s) keeper.” We are called to lay down our lives for one another, to have pity on those in need (1 John 3:17). This means going beyond the surface in our relationships and interactions with one another. We must call out those who abuse in our midst, and we must help the abused find help in the safety of our families. You may be the difference between someone finding rescue or ending up dead from an abusive relationship. Because you love, you care, and because you care, you will intervene.

Reflection

Are you concerned that any of your family or friends may be in an abusive relationship? Intervention is not something to undertake lightly, so pray and ask God to direct you to resources or chat with a mental health professional who can guide you. Pray that God will give you the opportunity and the courage to intervene.

Scriptures: 1 Peter 1:14-16, 1 John 1:9, Luke 17:3-4

Hope for All

“If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive” (Luke 17:3). 

Whether rightly or wrongly done, divorce and remarriage must not be dealt with as a continuing sinful state when the parties have expressed their repentance and/or forgiveness. To deny or withhold a fully contrite and repentant believer from participation in the life of the church is against the teaching of Scripture. Whether remarried or single, divorced people seeking God should be welcome in all our churches.

Jesus demonstrated that repentance and renewal are possible in a beautiful story of his interaction with Peter. In John 21:15-19, we learn that Jesus allows failure. Jesus knew Peter would fail and cautioned him to resist temptation (John 13:36-38). But while he did not arrange or encourage Peter’s failure, he did not stop the course of events. Instead, Jesus prayed for him (Luke 22:32), assuring Peter that he would be with him through whatever happened. This is an amazing mystery about the love of God.

Peter denied Jesus not just once or twice but thrice! Peter responded by weeping bitterly (Luke 22:61-62). Genuine repentance begins with the admission that we have done wrong. We repent when we take responsibility for our sins, rather than blaming circumstances or other people, and acknowledge that we have the freedom to change. After Peter failed and repented, Jesus reinstated Peter and even offered him church leadership.

Divorce and remarriage are divine concessions to the weakness, frailty, and sin of God’s people. Weakness and failure are not to be denied but rather redeemed. Failure does not have to be the final word for a person who has gone through a divorce. The Scriptures offer redemption and grace even after sin. Grace says that the process of renewal for every human being is available in Christ Jesus.

Reflection

As you reflect on the insights God gave you during this devotional, you may be feeling very heavily the burden you carry for those you love who are suffering through a divorce. Remembering that Galatians 6:2 tells us to carry each other’s burdens, ask God to show you at least one friend with whom you can share this burden. Take some time to share with them your concerns and what you feel God is calling you to do. Then ask them to pray with you about it.