Overcoming Lust

Scriptures: Matthew 5:27-28, Genesis 1:31, 2 Corinthians 5:17-18, Ephesians 2:10

You Are More Than the Stereotype

It has been called “every man’s battle,” a “universal” sin that all men struggle with and can feel consumed by.

Lust.

The word itself sounds a little dirty. Something about it sounds different from other sins.

This, of course, is not true.

No doubt lust is widespread amongst both men and women and no doubt there are many men out there who struggle with it.

But there are men who are not prone to it and others who may be tempted but have learned to overcome by the grace of God.

And that is the most important part of what men need to know about this topic:

Lust can be overcome.

Yes, lust is sinful—in our key verse today, Jesus lays it out for us and sets the bar unbelievably high. It’s not just about avoiding sexual sin in action; it’s about avoiding sexual sin even in our hearts (including our thoughts, our fantasies, etc.).

Yes, lust is common—it’s safe to say that many, if not most, men grapple with this issue or have in the past.

Yes, lust is challenging—men have a God-given sex drive that is real and powerful, designed to fuel procreation and intimacy with our spouse, and it is very easy for this natural drive to be pushed into an unnatural direction.

And yes, there can easily be a defeatist attitude when it comes to lust. “That’s just who men are,” some say with a shoulder shrug. That’s just the way it works. Lustful men are unavoidable.

But to take on this attitude is to view manhood too low and to elevate sin too high.

It also dishonors the God who made us for good (Genesis 1:31; Ephesians 2:10) and who promises to restore our sinful brokenness into a holy new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17-18).

Men, we are more than the stereotype when it comes to lust. We 100% can get a handle on lust in our life. This week, we will take a simple and practical look at how.

Prayer: Lord, thank You for loving me just as I am but loving me too much to let me stay as I am. I want to find freedom in this area. Come set me free! Amen.

Reflection: What are the greatest challenges to overcoming lust in a man’s life?

Scriptures: James 5:16, Genesis 2:18, Galatians 6:2, James 4:6

Powerful Confessions

A man once shared with me a remarkable story.

He had been stuck in a pornography addiction, and no one knew about it. He carried the shame of it every day. Ultimately, knowing he needed to change, and in accordance with the Word of God in our key verse today, he knew he had to confess his sin to someone.

He chose to confess to his wife.

She was understandably hurt by his actions but committed to working through it. They drew closer to God, attended couples counseling, embarked on a road of radical honesty and accountability, and worked hard on their marriage. Today, they are healthy and happy.

“And,” he said, “not only is our marriage better than it’s ever been—but any images or memories of the porn I saw are gone from my mind. It’s like it’s been wiped clean.”

Such is the power of confession. In our verse today, God links confession and healing together; this story is an excellent example of that promise coming to pass.

It’s the first step towards freedom and usually the scariest. But if men want to overcome lust, we must first acknowledge it—not just to the Lord, but to someone we trust (James 5:16).

Why do we need another person? Why not just confess to God alone?

Beyond simply “because the Bible says so,” I believe it’s because God knows we can’t overcome sin ourselves.

What is more, He doesn’t want us to.

From the beginning, God knew it was not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). We are designed to do life with other people. We are created for community.

The blessings of community include fellowship, encouragement, love, support, and growth. When we confess our sins—not to everybody, but to someone we trust—we invite them into the struggle with us, where we can bear each other’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2).

Doing so takes great humility, and our pride often stops us. But we also know that God opposes the proud, but gives His grace to the humble (James 4:6).

Most men I know, including myself, want and need that grace! Confession is one way we get there.

The first step to overcoming a problem is honestly acknowledging the problem. We are transparent about our lust, humble enough to talk to someone about it and ask for help, and committed to taking the next steps towards freedom.

It is not easy—but it is right.

Prayer: Lord, give me the strength and humility to take this step of confession in my life with someone I trust, and may I find healing and freedom as I do. Amen.

Reflection: If you don’t already have one, find a pastor, friend, or family member you trust. Whether you have one already or are finding one now, set up a time to chat with that person in your life and share your struggles with one another.

Scriptures: 1 Peter 2:9, Genesis 3:10, Psalms 119:105, 1 John 1:7

Stay in the Light

Have you ever flipped on a light switch, perhaps in your garage or basement, only to see mice or cockroaches or creepy-crawlies scurrying away?

They were surprised by you, and you were surprised by them!

The light scatters them, sending them running for cover. They wouldn’t normally be out in the light—they choose to come out under cover of darkness, preferring the safety of being hidden in the shadows. Light is not something they like, and they quickly flee for dimmer quarters.

Our verse today states that God has called us out of darkness and into the light. We walk and live in the light of Christ’s salvation and revelation by His Word (Psalm 119:105; 1 John 1:7).

As we discussed yesterday, when it comes to lust, men take a first step by confessing their sins—this brings the issue into the light. Satan and sin thrive in the darkness, but, as the old saying goes, “Sunlight is the best disinfectant.” Much of the enemy’s power is scattered by bringing our sin out into the open.

But we need help to keep it there.

Since Adam’s fall, sin has brought us a feeling of shame, and like Adam, we want to pull away from God and others (Genesis 3:10). When it comes to overcoming lust, we need not just to confess our sins but submit to regular accountability with a trustworthy person.

This can be as simple as regularly checking in with a brother in the Lord and asking each other how we’ve been doing in this area. It could happen with a wife or with a larger group of guys. It might include something like accountability software on your devices, and it could involve routinely connecting with your pastor or a leader in your church.

Knowing that someone will ask you, “Have you looked at anything inappropriate online since I saw you last?” or “How has your thought life been in this area?” or even “Is there anything I need to know that you haven’t told me?” is a helpful deterrent.

Beyond that, you also have someone you trust who is praying for you in this area, standing with you and fighting with you through it.

Every man needs a confession partner, and every man needs ongoing accountability. When we combine these two, we have great tools to help us overcome lust.

Prayer: Lord, I want to walk in the light and remain in the light. Help me be honest and authentic with my confession partner(s), and strengthen me as I do. Amen.

Reflection: What is the hardest part about being authentic with another person about our sin? What are some things that can be done about that?

Scriptures: Matthew 5:29-30, Proverbs 4:7, Proverbs 7:1-27

Wise Guardrails

Years ago, I saw a highway driver lose control at high speed and fly towards a massive cliff at the side of the road.

Thankfully for him, there was a guardrail, which did exactly what it was supposed to—absorb the impact, rapidly slow down the car, and direct it away from danger. Had the guardrail not been there, the accident would likely have been catastrophic, but because of the barrier, the damage was minor.

There is great wisdom in putting up protectors in life in many different ways. Seatbelts and guardrails protect us on the roads, and godly boundaries can protect us from lust.

In our key verse today, Jesus is not literally encouraging us toward self-mutilation. He is using rabbinical hyperbole (extreme exaggeration as a teaching tool to make a point) to tell us that we should radically and aggressively take action against our sin.

We have talked about confession and accountability so far. Alongside these two tools, used with someone we trust, we can find some common-sense boundaries that are wise and effective at keeping us safe from lust.

Proverbs says, “The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom” (Proverbs 4:7). It is wise to seek ways to avoid sin.

All boundaries will require some sacrifice. We need to ask ourselves how badly we wish to be free from lust.

Here are some examples of boundaries that men can set:

·Accountability software on all devices

·Healthy boundaries with women who are not your wife

·No use of the internet when home alone

·Ensuring that internet browsers are set so that search history cannot be deleted

·Having a friend “on standby” that you can call if temptation arises

·Some men give up a smartphone altogether, finding the temptation too challenging

·Have Scripture readily available on your phone so that you can turn to it when thoughts begin wandering

·Being aware of times (e.g., late at night; when stressed out; when overly tired; etc.) when defenses are down, and you are more likely to be tempted to lustful thoughts or actions, and ensuring you are not alone or can redirect yourself in those moments

It’s best to set these boundaries with another person and in the light of day when lust is not an issue at the moment. Then, they can be another area of accountability that your friend can check in with you about.

Prayer: Lord, grant me the wisdom to know what tools will work best to practically help me overcome my lust with Your grace and help. Help me make a plan that works. Amen.

Reflection: What elements of the list above (or any new ideas) can you implement to help you in this area, even starting today?

Scriptures: Psalms 139:23-24, Romans 8:29, 2 Corinthians 5:17-18, Revelation 21:5

Soul-Searching and Soul-Change

There are truths of Christianity that we become so familiar with that if we’re not careful, they can lose their power and just become “routine” to us.

Standard repeated truths like “God loves us,” “Jesus died for us,” and “Death has no power” are so mind-bogglingly amazing that they are reasons to praise God forever!

But even these truths can lose their impact if we stop revering them in this way.

Another such idea is this:

Jesus makes us completely new (2 Corinthians 5:17-18; Revelation 21:5).

We are in a process now, called “sanctification” or “spiritual formation,” where the Holy Spirit is transforming us entirely—cleansing, healing, and renewing every sinful and broken part of us and transforming us into men who look more like Jesus (Romans 8:29).

When it comes to lust, our confession, accountability, and boundaries are crucial helpers, but what we really want is to be healed and renewed from within.

We don’t want just to be men who get a handle on lust—we want to be men who don’t want to lust anymore because our hearts have been cleansed of it.

This process of transformation requires vulnerability on our part.

First, we pray the Psalmist’s prayer from our verse today (“Search me, God!”) and ask this question:

What am I looking for when I turn to lustful thoughts or actions?

Physical pleasure and dopamine rushes, sure.

But do you know that many men, when they prayerfully ask this question, realize that they turn to lust because they are feeling lonely? Or stressed? Or sad?

We have deep, God-given longings for connection, peace, and joy, and when those qualities are lacking, we go looking for lust—a cheap substitute with a short-term payoff and lasting damage to ourselves and others.

In any area of sin, it’s good to do some soul-searching—what am I turning to this sin for? What need am I trying to meet through it?

As we do this, we can share it with our confession/accountability friend and seek to meet the struggle with humility and honesty.

With that, we bring God’s Word, which renews our mind, and invite the filling of God’s Spirit, who transforms us from within (Romans 12:2; Ephesians 5:18).

Overcoming lust is ultimately achieved by becoming a new man who no longer needs it because God’s Word, Spirit, and His people fill our longings in much godlier ways.

As this happens, we become holy and different, and the tide of the battle turns.

Prayer: Lord, I want every part of the new creation to come to pass in my life! Help me be self-aware enough to know my weaknesses and my wants, and help me press into You to find wholeness and healing. Amen.

Reflection: When you reflect on your own lust, what does it do for you? What need are you trying to meet? What would be a godlier way to meet that need?

Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 10:5, Matthew 5:27-30, Philippians 4:8, 1 Timothy 5:1-2

Thought-Control

When Jesus teaches about adultery in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:27-30), He differentiates between the physical act of adultery, which is an action, and lust, which occurs “in the heart.”

Our heart, mind, thoughts, and emotions are all interconnected. Lust exists as a feeling and a thought pattern. We want to overcome not just our lustful actions but our lustful thoughts as well.

Did you know the Bible tells us we can actually control our thoughts?

Think about a purple elephant. Now, an orange tractor. Now, a green octopus. Now, a yellow dog.

See? You easily made your thoughts create all those images. You controlled them entirely.

We can’t stop every lustful thought that pops into our heads, of course. Thoughts regularly come out of nowhere, welcome or not.

We can, however, control whether we let our minds continue in that direction or whether, like in our exercise above, we redirect them to something more noble (Philippians 4:8).

One great big way we can guide our thoughts as it relates to lust is to rethink of women as…women.

Not as an object in our imagination for our pleasure. But a real, live human being, a woman who God created on purpose and whom He loves dearly.

Paul wrote to Timothy that he should look at older women as if they were his mom and younger women as if they were his sister (1 Timothy 5:1-2).

Feeling sexual attraction towards an attractive woman is a pretty typical male initial response.

Feeling sexual attraction towards your mom or sister is not.

God redefines man’s relationship with women into one of love, respect, and family, and not of self-centered physical desire.

Lust happens when we dehumanize women and turn them into objects in our minds for our enjoyment. We can easily shift our thoughts away from this at will, and instead actively choose to view them as the daughters that our Father has created, who are worthy of so much more dignity than whatever our minds might conjure up for our pleasure.

When our thoughts begin to go places they shouldn’t, godly men pull them away and focus on something better and purer. Like physical exercise, this mental muscle strengthens, and the effort gets easier over time.

It is a most worthy endeavor and no doubt pleases our Father in Heaven.

Prayer: Lord, let my every thought be captive to You. May I see all women the way You see them, with the care You hold for them. When my thoughts stray, give me the strength and discipline to redirect them. Renew my thoughts and make them holy. Amen.

Reflection: Choose a simple biblical phrase, like “God is love” or “Holy is the LORD.” When your thoughts start to wander today, in any way, reflect on that phrase, mentally repeating it over and over again and using it to bring your thoughts back to God.

Scriptures: John 6:35, John 4:13-14, 2 Corinthians 5:17-18

Eating Better Food

Once, I got home at midnight after a particularly long day at work, and my wife and kids had long since gone to bed. I had skipped dinner and was starving, but it was the last day of the week before we did our weekly grocery shop, so it was slim pickings in the fridge and cupboards to find a snack before I went to bed.

Ultimately, I had a few stale Triscuit crackers, a couple of green olives, a Slim Jim, and some grapes. Not exactly a wholesome or even tasty meal. Olives and grapes are a poor combo.

When we’re starving, anything looks good to eat. Whether it’s delicious or healthy is secondary to the instinct of simply trying to fill that hungry void within us.

So it is with our lust. We know those thoughts aren’t good. We know the actions that those thoughts can lead to aren’t good. But we are looking to fill a void, and lust is an easy meal to get us there.

At the risk of sounding cliché, Jesus is a better and healthier solution. His Word and His Spirit fill every need in a much more profound and fulfilling way. He is the Bread of Life that fills our deepest hunger (John 6:35), and His Spirit is the Living Water that forever quenches our deepest thirst (John 4:13-14).

We seek more of Him, asking Him to change us, fulfill us, and do His healing work within us.

We lean on practical tools like confession, accountability, and wise boundaries, but we don’t stop there. We can’t get better without these tools, but those tools alone can’t do it.

We ultimately seek to become the new creation Jesus promised to make us (2 Corinthians 5:17-18). We ultimately desire to gain control not just of our actions but of our thoughts, too (2 Corinthians 10:5).

As we use the practical tools in our hands and seek more of the Lord, we find that He does indeed change us. Lust is not an easy thing to overcome, but as we are faithful, day by day, and as we seek Him, day by day, and as we receive more of His Word and His Spirit, day by day, we will find ourselves in a different and better place.

Lust does not define a man, and it is not insurmountable. Find someone you trust and begin the journey of pursuing freedom because of who Jesus is, what He has done, and what He is going to do in your life.

Prayer: Lord, meet every need in my soul. Set me free from the cheap substitute of lust and its actions. Make me completely whole and holy in You. Amen.

Reflection: What is your biggest takeaway from this week of devotionals? What makes that idea so profound for you right now?