What does it look like to raise godly kids in a godless world? And how can you parent your child’s heart, not just their head? Many parents settle for raising good kids instead of godly adults by trying to control a child’s behavior rather than cultivate a child’s heart, but this doesn’t have to be you! In this 5-day plan, you’ll find out how to successfully parent your child’s heart, not just their head, to raise not just good but godly kids.Andrew Linder
Day 1
Scriptures: 1 Timothy 4:8, 1 Corinthians 11:1
Good or Godly Parenting
People often say that there’s no such thing as a perfect parent. But I’d argue that they’re wrong. Because, believe it or not, I actually used to be the perfect parent. That is, until July 31st, 2002, when we had our first son.
Sadly, for the first ten years of our parenting, my wife and I were good rule enforcers. Our parenting mindset was all about rules and far less about relationship. Can you relate?
Good parenting is essential for the success of every home. But is there something even better than just “good” parenting? And how can I avoid the subtle trap of focusing on rules (behavior modification) over relationship (heart change)?
Becoming the godly parent your child deserves begins with the recognition that godly children are the result of godly parents. As Christian parents, we’re trying to do more than just raise good kids. Godliness is our goal. Because as 1 Timothy 4:8 says, “Godliness is profitable unto all things.”
But the journey of raising godly children is tough because it hinges upon the godliness of the ones doing the raising—the parents.
Like Paul told Timothy in 1 Corinthians 11:1, follow me as I follow Christ. This is a beautiful picture of parenting at its best. As I get closer to Jesus and my children are following my lead, I’m naturally leading them closer to Jesus, too.
As God first changes my heart, he can begin changing my children’s hearts through me. As parents, you and I are God’s agents of heart change in the lives of our children.
This is why in godly, grace-based parenting, your child’s heart, not their behavior, is your goal.
So, do you see the difference between good and godly parenting?
Good parents focus on the rules, expecting them to change their kids. Godly parents shift to focusing on their kids’ hearts by pointing them to Jesus.
Godly Parenting, in a single statement, is all about this: Reaching your child’s heart now so God can have your child’s heart forever.
Prayer: God, prepare my heart to align my parenting with your word so that I can reach my child’s heart both now and forever.
Let’s start with a thought-provoking evaluation tomorrow to find out what becoming a godly parent requires of us.
Day 2
Scriptures: 2 Peter 3:18, 2 Corinthians 12:10, Proverbs 3:12
Godliness Requires Growth
Sometimes, parenting can seem like a never-ending list of to-do’s that feels impossible to accomplish. Because of this, the easiest thing for many parents to do is often nothing at all.
Instead of doing what’s best, we find ourselves caving to what’s convenient. Instead of doing hard things, we find ourselves settling into what’s most comfortable.
But because, as we learned yesterday, godliness is our goal (1 Timothy 4:8), this requires that we continue to grow rather than become stagnant.
2 Peter 3:18 reminds us to “grow in grace, and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ.”
Godly parenting that reaches the heart, not just the head, involves developing some important spiritual characteristics. Are you willing to commit to these things?
Godly parents are growing parents.
Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:10, “When I am weak, then am I strong.” Paul understood that in the areas he was lacking, he needed the help of God and others in his life.
Godly parents understand this, too. It’s not about knowing all the answers but about knowing the sources to find them and a willingness to act upon what you learn.
Godly parents are grace-based parents.
2 Peter 3:18 helps us see that growing in our “knowledge of Jesus Christ” and becoming more like him will help us become more godly.
Grace-based parents aren’t perfect parents, but they are parents striving to live out the Gospel in front of their kids. We love. We mess up. We forgive, sometimes on repeat.
Godly parents are God-like parents.
Godly parenting is rooted in the foundational understanding of who God is as your father. In Proverbs 3:12 it reminds us that “The Lord loveth… even as a father the son.”
Throughout Scripture, God has given us the pattern of what it looks like to be the perfect God-like parent, and it’s himself, through the way he parents us as his children. We can succeed because we have the perfect example to follow.
Prayer: God, help me to realize the success of my parenting starts with me, not my children. As I grow in grace to become more like you, I will succeed at reaching my child’s heart, just as you have succeeded at reaching mine.
Tomorrow, the wisest man to ever live is going to tell us why reaching the heart over the head matters so much.
Day 3
Scriptures: Proverbs 23:26, Luke 6:45
Heart Over Head
I grew up in a strict Christian home where rule-keeping was emphasized more than matters of the heart. Outward appearances often got more attention than personal godliness. Checking off all the right boxes gave you “5-star” Christian status.
But the more I’ve gotten closer to Jesus, the more I’ve realized that this mindset is a big part of what Jesus came to free us from. Jesus came to liberate us from the religion of works-based performance and call us into a life-changing, heart-shaping relationship with him.
Solomon touched on this when he asked his son in Proverbs 23:26, “My son, give me your heart.”
And he went on to say at the end of the verse, here’s how I’m going to make you wantto give it to me… “and let your eyes observe my ways.”… Solomon was saying that in return for you giving me your heart, I’m going to give my heart and life as an example for you to follow.
Solomon didn’t force his son to give him his heart. This was a request, not a command. His goal with his son was not behavior modification through a long list of rules, but heart change through a lasting relationship.
This is also why Solomon taught that his son’s heart was the control center of his life. In Proverbs 4:23, he told his son, Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
In other words, protect your heart because it’s a well from which all the other issues of life spring forth.
The point: the heart determines the behavior. What a person says and does is a reflection of his or her heart because the heart only reproduces what’s already there.
This is a golden key of understanding for us as parents—for the rest of his or her lifetime, your child’s life will ultimately be controlled by your child’s heart.
What’s in your child’s heart determines what’s in your child’s future.
Once we realize that all of our children’s behavioral problems are first heart problems, then we can understand more fully that we must ultimately reach their hearts, not just address their behavior.
Prayer: Lord, protect my heart from the temptation to focus on behavior alone, and help me to see investments into my child’s heart as investments into my child’s future.
Tomorrow, we’ll share two practical ways to get your kids to give you their heart!
Day 4
Scriptures: Proverbs 23:26, Galatians 5:22-23
Getting Their Heart
After the dedication of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, “Daddy, that pastor said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, but I really want to stay with you guys!”
We’ve learned this week that Godly Parenting is all about this: Reaching your child’s heart now so God can have your child’s heart forever.
This is our ultimate parenting goal, but how do we do it?
The first way is to BE REAL.
Solomon made it clear to his son in Proverbs 23:26 and throughout the book of Proverbs that he wanted his life to be a living example for him to follow. Solomon chose to be real.
As parents, our private faith at home speaks louder than our public faith at church. However, I sometimes find myself struggling to connect my weekend faith to my weekday life in front of my kids.
The Fruit of the Spirit is easy to learn about on Sunday while sitting in a pew, but a whole lot harder to live out on Monday when my kids are pushing my buttons.
The good news is that this doesn’t mean we have to be perfect parents (we can’t), but that our lives need to be real and godly. Our kids must see that even though our lives are not problem-free, they’re always Christ-centered.
Be Real. When you mess up—apologize. When God grows you—share it. When you struggle—be transparent.
A second way to get your kids to give you their heart is to BE RELATIONAL.
Solomon requesting his son’s heart shows that he wanted to have an ongoing relationship, not just be a rule enforcer or referee in his son’s life.
Our primary job as parents is not behavior control but seeing the bigger picture of what God is ultimately partnering with us to do—shape and change a heart.
And we accomplish this through the two non-negotiables that every child needs—a proper balance between clear boundaries (rules) and unconditional love (relationship).
Prayer: Lord, help me today to be real with my kids and to pursue a relationship with their hearts more than just getting them to conform to my rules.
Tomorrow, let’s look at two ways to proactively give your heart to your kids.
Day 5
Scriptures: Proverbs 6:19-21, Proverbs 4:23, Romans 5:8
With our goal of reaching our child’s heart now so God can have our child’s heart forever, we learned yesterday two ways to get our kids to give us their hearts. Today, let’s look at two ways to give our hearts to our kids.
You can give your heart to your child through YOUR EXAMPLE.
Solomon said, “Son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways.”
He wanted his life to be a guide for his children to follow and for them to learn from both his good example and his bad. That’s why before and after Proverbs 23:26, he warns about the riotous, drunkards, and strange women.
Solomon was likely speaking out of personal experience and regret. He’d made some foolish mistakes, but he was real with his son about those things.
As parents, we too have regrets we wish we could go back and change or do differently. God has given us a second chance with our kids.
I love how Paul David Trip, in his book Parenting, puts it: “In every moment as you are parenting your children, the heavenly Father is parenting you.”
Another way you can give your heart to your child is through GOD’S GRACE.
After becoming king, Solomon said to God in 1 Kings 3:6, “Thou hast shown great mercy… and great kindness.”
Solomon experienced God’s mercy and grace in his life. You and I have to. This means that we should be able to extend this same mercy and grace to our children.
I remember a time when one of our foster kids was being very disobedient and disrespectful. My wife demonstrated the love of the Heavenly Father so gracefully. Rather than getting angry or frustrated, she called them to her side, drew this child close, hugged them, and showed them unconditional love.
It was a beautiful picture of what God does for us, even at our worst. He loves us—unconditionally. (Romans 5:8)
Jesus treats us not how we deserve but far better than we deserve. He is calling us to do the same for those we love.
Prayer: God, I need your help to be not just a good but a godly parent to my children. Please help me as I give my heart to my kids through my example and your grace at work in me.