Delays, losses, or life challenges affect Christian believers in unique ways. These crises put our relationship with God to the test. We may question: “Is God really looking out for me?” We may feel like shutting down or even coming close to abandoning our faith. This devotional plan explores how we can move from grief to praise and strengthen our relationship with God when we face life challenges.
Entrusted Women
Day 1
Scriptures: 1 Peter 5:7, Matthew 11:28-29
When It is Difficult to Pray
Shortly after defending my dissertation, I sat on an American Airlines flight headed to my home country of Trinidad and Tobago. This should have been a happy trip, but it was not. I was traveling home to bury my single-parent father. Since migrating to the United States to pursue graduate studies, I have not been able to visit “Dad” as much as I would like. As the first person in my family to earn a doctoral degree, I was looking forward to celebrating this accomplishment with “Dad.” That celebration would not come.
After the funeral services were completed, it was then that a deep and abiding grief enveloped me for the next several months. Many days I could not drag myself out of bed, and I cried often. I was missing my father. But just below the surface of the tears, the questions began to surface: “God, how can you leave me motherless and fatherless too? Why now? Why would you allow this to happen to me, just so close to sharing this important milestone with ‘Dad’”?
Like me, if you have been on this Christian journey for a while, you have no doubt faced “Why me?” moments. These are moments when we don’t understand why a good God would allow us to suffer so. The pain is real—the hurt is intense. In these times, we may feel like shutting down or maybe even come close to abandoning our faith.
However, when we approach God in prayer, we have been given the privilege to talk to Him like a “Daddy” who is eager to converse with His children. In times of loss, we are best positioned to speak with God from a heart stripped free of the pretense that can get in the way of honest communication. We can express our disappointment, pain, and grief to a father who cares for us and says, “Bring your mess and come.” And we can ask Him earnestly for the answers that we seek.
Reflect
Is there anything troubling you today that you have not talked to God about as you would to a loving father? Take a few minutes to speak to Him about those things today.
Day 2
Scripture: Isaiah 53:3-4
He Carries Our Grief
I have noticed that, as Christians, we often do a lousy job of comforting those experiencing loss. It is almost as if we expect faith in God to inoculate them and us from grieving. Too often, we do not give them enough time to grieve the losses they experience in life. Sadly, we might also feel guilty about giving ourselves time to grieve. After all, we are told in Scripture to “rejoice at all times” (1 Thessalonians 5:16). The unspoken and, quite frankly, unrealistic expectation that we often place on others and ourselves is that we should not dwell too long in the state of grief.
Instead, it would seem like we are almost expected to move in one giant leap from loss to joyful acceptance. This is not a healthy response to loss and is not based on scriptural evidence! When Jesus is confronted with the grief of others, He does not tell them simply that “all things work together for the good” (Romans 8:28). No! Instead, we see Jesus often choosing to share in the grief of those hurting and acting to relieve their suffering. We see Jesus traveling to Bethany to comfort two grieving sisters (John 11:1- 44). We see him offering fishing advice to a boatful of weary fishermen and even making breakfast for them. Can you see him holding the hands of a little girl as her parents grieve outside and saying the life-giving words: “Little girl, I say to you, get up” (Mark 5: 41)?
Moreover, Jesus is described as a man who knew what it was to grieve. Isaiah writes that He was “acquainted with grief” and that He has “borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows” (Isaiah 53: 3:4). That tells me that when Jesus was on earth, He too entered into the human experience of enduring losses in a sin ravaged world. He gave himself time to grieve over those losses. Moreover, He came for the express purpose of “carrying our griefs.” He is still in the business of carrying our sorrows if we are willing to bring them to Him. In these moments, He draws especially close to us, inviting us to tell Him all. He extends that invitation to you and me today through His sacrifice.
Reflect
Reflect on the image of Jesus as a man “acquainted with grief.” What does that look like to you? In what ways is this image reassuring as you process your grief moments?
Day 3
Scriptures: John 3:16, Psalms 103:13-14
The Personal Element of Loss
My father died before we could celebrate his highest academic dream for me. He had not finished high school himself. Perhaps, because of this, he valued education greatly. And so, if he could not pursue it himself, he was determined to pursue it for his daughters. It saddens me that he died before we could celebrate in our usual way– both sitting in the gallery of the house where I had grown up. Then he would have asked me questions about my professors and what it was like to live abroad. And I would do my best to paint pictures for him about places he had never been. Thinking of it even now still makes my eyes water.
If you have lost a loved one, you will probably agree that there is perhaps no grief that is as palpable as that. However, death is not the only thing that can cause us to grieve. Grief can come to us at different times as we experience loss. Grief can be defined as mental suffering or distress in response to a real or perceived loss. These losses can include the death of another person or even the loss of one’s possessions, job, status, or ideals.
In 1969, Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified five stages of grief in her book Death and Dying:
Denial: We deny that this can be happening to us.
Anger: We question why it happened and/or who is to blame.
Bargaining: We often bargain with God to make it not happen or go away: an “I will… “.
Depression: We sink into depression thinking, “I can’t bear this; I’m too sad to do anything.
Acceptance: We acknowledge that it has happened, and we cannot change it.
This grief model is beneficial in showing the range of emotions that can accompany grief; it is a process. To effectively deal with losses in our lives and get past them, we must go through the grieving process entirely.
Acknowledging our losses and the emotions accompanying them is the first step in dealing with the difficulties we face. Here, we are best positioned to tell them all to an empathetic heavenly father who knows from personal experience what it is like to grieve the loss of a loved one – even His only son.
Reflect:
Reflect on the image of God as a father grieving the loss of his only son. In what ways is that image comforting to you in light of your grief moments in life?
Day 4
Scriptures: Romans 8:26, Psalms 13
Getting Real With God
Difficulties in life affect Christian believers in unique ways. We might find ourselves struggling to find a mate, to conceive, or to find meaningful work. Perhaps, even as you read this, you are facing the diagnosis of a life-threatening disease, still coping with the residuals of abuse, divorce, and on and on. Ultimately, however, if we choose to deal with our delays, losses, or life challenges, we end up at the place where these crises put our relationship with God to the test. And even though we know that sin has corrupted God’s perfect plan for us, life challenges provoke thoughts that impact our continuing trust in God. The underlying question becomes: “Is God really looking out for us?”
In the months that followed my return to the United States after burying my father, questions circled in my mind that challenged my faith. As I delved into scripture, I found that I was not alone in this. In fact, I was in good company. Many of the Bible characters we most admire had moments of doubt. In 1 Samuel 1, we see the example of Hannah, a woman in distress over her infertility and God’s slow response. She was so distraught that she had lost her appetite and was constantly weeping. When Eli found her in the temple, she was telling God everything. She was not holding anything back. And God was listening. Her experience and many others illustrate that this authentic prayer exchange is the path to deeper intimacy with God.
As we go through grief, we find ourselves ready to talk to God in a way we may have never done before. This is not the kind of knee-sweeping prayer that gets us through the minor hurdles of life. This is the kind of spiritual experience that has left me in tears. This is a kind of snot running down my nose, crying out in anguish, mumbling words over and over in incoherent speech; and I don’t even know how long I have been praying kind of prayer. This is a crazy prayer. And yet, those sincere prayers in our most difficult times move the heart of God. The Spirit takes imperfect utterings from a broken heart and presents them to the Father, and they are like a sweet fragrance in His presence.
Reflect
Reflect on the words of the psalmist David in Psalm 13 1-2. Like David, how can you get real with God about a personal challenge you have faced or are facing?
Day 5
Scriptures: Mark 9:24, Mark 9:14-29
Questioning Our Way Into Faith
“Can you doubt your way into faith?” In graduate school, one of my professors posed this question to our class. He provoked us to think more deeply about how we exercise our faith. Too often, we equate questioning with doubting or see faith as the uncontaminated opposite of doubt. But can faith and doubt co-exist in believers?
I will confess that in the face of difficult life circumstances which God allowed me to experience, there have been many times when my faith was shaky; it was mingled with doubt. I had questions for God that seemed improper to ask. I wanted to fully express my pain, frustration, and even anger to Him and seek clarity about what had happened and why? But I was afraid to do so. Here’s why. That is not how I had been taught to pray. It was certainly not the prayers I had seen modeled for me in my church setting. If we listen to prayers from most pulpits, we might think of those prayers as representing the standard prayer template; we might view any deviation from this template as inappropriate.
However, when we look at the experiences of some of the champions of faith as recorded in the Bible, we see individuals who spoke to God with a level of relational intimacy that is both comforting and liberating. For example, Abraham repeatedly questioned God over the terms for the destruction of Sodom. Job also questioned God in his suffering, as did David in many psalms. These prayers show us that God is not offended by the questioning of His children. He is not easily put off by our feeble attempts to exercise our faith.
We can find great encouragement in reflecting on the experience of the father who brought his demon-possessed son to Jesus. This man wanted to believe that Jesus could indeed heal his son. However, after seeing the disciples fail in this task, he was a bit unsure that Jesus could do it. The man recognized his inability to strengthen his faith. In desperation, he cried out: “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24, NIV). Like this man, we too can bring our questions to God. We can bring our watery faith to a heavenly father who understands and can help our unbelief.
Reflect
What questions do you have for God about current or past difficult life situations you have faced? How prepared are you to enter into an earnest conversation with him about the pain?
Day 6
Scriptures: Psalms 130:1-2, Psalms 130
Connecting With God Through Lament
We deepen our intimacy with God when we talk to Him honestly about our struggles. Scripture shows us many occasions when those who walked closely with God found themselves in positions of grief and questioning even as they attempted to follow Him. The entire book of Lamentations is an example of one long lament. The prophet Habakkuk also expressed his pain and grief over the judgment that was about to come upon Israel. Even Jesus pleaded with His father in the Garden of Gethsemane to spare Him the suffering He was about to endure while simultaneously expressing His trust in the Father’s will.
In particular, the book of Psalms offers some of the most moving sacred verses or hymns that express deep sorrow, grief, and sometimes regret. Altogether, these kinds of psalms, called lament psalms, make up the largest category in the book, accounting for about one-third of the psalms. In this type of verse, we see the psalmist expressing in great detail and with moving imagery the challenges of human struggle. However, the psalmist does not end there but continues asking God for help for himself and/or the community. Finally, the psalm ends with praise to God. Each of these psalms is a study of how we too can pray through our pain.
Lament psalms share a three-part stylistic structure. First, the psalmists cry out to God, expressing the depths of their pain. Then they ask God for help. Eventually, the psalmist surrenders to God and arrives at a place of praise and trust. It might seem that the arrival of praise comes quickly as we read through several verses. However, these psalms most likely reflect an extended chronology of time expressed in poetic form. Over the next three days, we will look at each of these steps.
The path to praise took David through many years as a fugitive trying to save his life. It took Jacob into the wee hours of the morning, and it took Hannah perhaps many years culminating in intense praying in the temple. There is no standard time frame for processing from pain to praise. At the same time, through this process of continuing to talk with God about the hurt and asking Him for help, we are being prepared to pivot from grief into praise.
Reflect
Read and reflect on Psalm 130. In what ways do the psalmist’s expressions resonate with you? How can you present your struggles and questions to God as steps towards deeper intimacy with Him?
Day 7
Scriptures: Psalms 34:18, 1 Samuel 30:1-6
Crying out to God
Have you ever cried until you felt you had no more tears to cry? In the book of 1 Samuel 30, we see David in such a situation. It had already been many years since his anointing by the prophet Samuel, and David still was not king. After killing Goliath, King Saul became jealous of David and tried on several occasions to kill him. As a result, David became a fugitive trying to avoid being killed by King Saul.
During this time, David faced one of the most difficult points in his journey to kingship! David and his men returned to their camp one day to find that the Amalekites had destroyed the camp by fire and taken the women and children. David and his men were so overcome with grief that they “wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep” (1 Samuel 30: 4). It is at this point in verse 6 that we read, “But David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.”
When I think of David here, I imagine him sitting in the dust with tears running down his cheeks. He is crying out to God, expressing the depths of his pain. This prayer is void of pretense. This may be an occasion where he finds the words that would make their way into one of his lament psalms. This soul cry is sometimes questioning and sometimes in deep despair: “How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me” (Psalm 13: 2-3)?
Like David, have you ever come to a point where it felt like you had cried your last tear? I have. Rather than pull away from God in these moments of loss and grief, we are encouraged to pull aside and find our strength and encouragement in Him. The path to healing begins with this sincere bearing of our soul to the one who loves us dearly. We have permission to get real with God. Here, we can dig deep and cry out to a God who has promised that He will be close to the brokenhearted. In this space of full transparency, we will find the encouragement we seek to continue.
Reflect:
The psalmist writes that “the Lord is close to the brokenhearted.” What image comes to mind when you think of God drawing close to you during difficult times?
Day 8
Scriptures: Matthew 7:7, Genesis 32:22-31
Asking for Help
When I think of someone praying through the pain, I am drawn to the image of Jacob wrestling with God throughout the night. Jacob was desperate for answers. God had told him to return home after a twenty-year hiatus because of his deception to both his father and brother. But now, on his way back, he receives news that his brother Esau is on his way to meet him with a militia of 400 men.
This news fills Jacob with dread. He is unsure how his brother will receive him, and he is perplexed by the workings of God. And so, he retreats to a quiet spot near the Jabbok river to have one-on-one time with God. As he prays, he suddenly feels the grip of an unfamiliar arm on his shoulder. Instinctively, he puts up the fight of his life. When he finds out, to his amazement, that the one with whom he is wrestling can grant the same petitions for which he has been praying, he requests directly: “I will not let You go unless You bless me” (Genesis 32:26).
Four aspects of this night-long prayer encounter are instructive.
It is purposeful: Jacob makes his request clear and specific, asking God for what he needs.
It is intimate: Two beings physically grapple with each other throughout the night. Can you see them struggling, limbs twisting and turning every way, trying to pin the other down?
It is intense: A battle of strength and will– neither one is willing to give in.
It is persistent: The battle goes on until daybreak. Jacob was not willing to let go until his petition was granted.
Jacob’s encounter with God illustrates the praying that is necessary for us to move past our pain. This is a purposeful, intimate, often intense, and persistent prayer. We pray for as long as it takes for our humanity to have an intimate encounter with divinity!
As surely as Jacob leaves with a physical reminder of that night—the messenger touches Jacob’s hip and wrenches it out of its socket—we do not leave these encounters the same. When we wrestle through the pain with God, we will receive a blessing from our time here.
Reflect
Jacob’s encounter with God at the Jabbok river left him with a physical reminder of his struggle. What might be the costs to you of engaging in this purposeful, intimate, often intense, and persistent prayer?
Day 9
Scriptures: Psalms 34:3-4, Psalms 34
Pivoting to Praise
If you are a basketball fan, you will be familiar with the term “pivot.” The pivot is a masterful move that allows a player to move around with one foot (the pivot foot) while using the other foot to stay steady. The expression “pivoting into praise” captures well the move we must make during and after we have asked God for the answers we seek.
Often as we strive to accept God’s sovereignty in our affairs, we may still feel hurt that what God has allowed us to go through has come at too great a cost. We exist in a space of tension between struggle and surrender. We may straddle the line between questioning and complaining to God one minute, even as we attempt to reposition ourselves into praise and trust. This is the place where the pivoting metaphor is most appropriate. Despite the losses which may remain present with us for a long time (that steady foot), we begin to reposition ourselves (the other foot) so that we can continue to advance in the direction of God’s leading in our lives.
The key to making this move is to reflect and rely on what we know about God and past victories. We know that God is good! We have compelling evidence of His goodness. We see evidence of His goodness in this created world which He has given us to enjoy. We see evidence of His provisions in our life every time we breathe in and out, and every time light enters our eyes, we can behold the beauty of color and the natural world. And though we may not ever be able to see God’s divine workings behind painful chapters in our lives on this side of the journey, we can be confident that “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (Romans 8:28).
God’s perfect plan for our lives did not involve pain, but in this sin-infected world, loss happens to us all. Still, a good and loving God weaves the dark threads of loss into the golden tapestry design He has for our lives to create a masterpiece. It is with this understanding that we can move to surrender and then on to praise.
Reflect:
Reflect on the faithfulness of God despite life challenges. Has he answered prayers for you in the past? Take some time to remember and praise Him for his faithfulness.
Day 10
Scriptures: Psalms 34:1, Luke 1:46-55
Day 10
Surrender and Praise
When we pray through painful life experiences, each of us will come to the point of surrender. As God reveals His will and purpose even in suffering, we are faced with a choice. Will we choose to surrender in complete brokenness to Him or continue to harbor resentment and hurt?
For Paul, this moment of surrender was wrapped up in his acceptance that the “thorn in his flesh,” whatever it was, would be a lifelong battle—it was not going away (2 Corinthians 12: 1-10). For David, it was accepting the death of his first son after he had asked God to spare the child’s life (2 Samuel 12: 15-23). This place of surrender is where we come to acknowledge and accept that He is God and in control.
In some of my darker moments, it has been tough for me to arrive at this place of surrender and praise. But I have come to realize as I have lived through the pain of delay or loss that choosing gratitude in the face of life challenges is not a mantra for working ourselves into delusion about our current state of affairs. Instead, it is the prescription for the cure. Praise benefits us! Expressing gratitude is one of those superpower activities that transforms our perspective as we practice it.
If you have experienced significant loss, you will know that grieving is not a “one-and-done deal.” Hence, getting through our grief will require daily and sometimes moment-by-moment commitment to live in gratitude. One of the biggest mistakes we can make is to wait until our praise is perfected to offer it up. This is like waiting until you feel better to take the medication. If we keep waiting, we will not get to the other side of the pain. We may not feel like it, but we do it anyhow.
Amid our lament and pain, we can offer our “broken hallelujahs” to God, who can take us safely through to the other side of pain. We can say, like the psalmist: “I will praise the Lord at all times” (Psalm 34: 1). Praise is the pathway to healing; it is the vehicle that can transport us out of suffering and into joy.
Reflect:
Think about a past or current life challenge. Even through that time of suffering, can you think of anything for which you can praise God?