In this three-day study for couples who are engaged or considering marriage, we’ll explore some key biblical truths to consider and pray through before you tie the knot!
Calvary Chapel Ft. Lauderdale
Day 1
Scripture: Ephesians 5
What’s Love Got to Do With It?
Congratulations, you’re reading this because you found the one your soul loves, and you’re considering marriage! You’re in great company, and whether you’re engaged or dating, we’re so glad you’ve chosen this reading plan for this exciting journey!
Sadly, many marriages fail because couples don’t prepare BEFORE marriage. Couples today are not taking the necessary time to consider wise counsel before making a life-long commitment. For instance, have you asked yourself, “Why do I want to get married in the first place? What is a covenant? What is true love? Is this God’s will, and is this the person He has for me?” Before you can answer these questions, you must first understand the purpose of marriage and why the Lord created it.
Marriage matters to God—after all, He designed it! The Bible’s first book, Genesis, starts with a marriage (Adam and Eve’s), and its last book, Revelation, ends in a wedding feast.
The true meaning of a godly marriage can’t be grasped with the natural mind. Our prayer is that you’ll come to realize that biblical marriage is more than just happiness and romance, as it’s the ultimate of all human relationships because it’s built on friendship, companionship, passion, and sacrifice. More importantly, we pray you’ll learn that marriage is a loving reflection of what Christ did for His bride on the cross.
The world has warped and ruined God’s plan for a lifelong marriage because today marriages are temporary and breakable. If we’re honest, most of us have a “Hollywood” mentality believing that feeling loved and having a physical attraction are enough to keep us married for life. The heart is deceitful above all things (Jeremiah 17:9) and beauty fades (Proverbs 31:30)—neither of these things can keep a man and a woman committed as one in a lifelong marriage. Feeling happy or getting along is not love. We must then reformulate what we think and know about true love. Let us go to the blueprint—our Bibles—for these answers.
1 John 4:8 (NKJV) says, “God is love.” And Ephesians 5:2 (NKJV) says, “Walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice.” So, if God is love, and if God sacrificed for us, then what do you think true love is? This simple equation means that love—true love—is personified in none other than Jesus Christ because He loved us and sacrificed His life for us!
Love is a verb, an action that has to be willingly acted upon. In John 15:12 (NKJV), Jesus told His disciples, “This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” He didn’t command them to fall in love, but rather, to intentionally choose to love one another. Jesus chose to leave heaven to redeem us and be one with us, so we could spend eternity with Him. Real love, then, is the gospel, the new covenant of Jesus!
So, what’s love got to do with it? Well, when we say we’re in love, we need to remember there’s no greater love than for a man to give his life for his friends (John 15:13), which was acted out by our Savior Jesus. This, my brethren, is agape love.
This selfless love is the secret glue that will hold your marriage together until death separates you. Are you ready to love—agape love—like Jesus? Are you ready to forgive like Jesus? Are you ready to have a funeral before you have a wedding (to die to yourself for your soulmate)?
Pause: Read all of Ephesians 5. Discuss what the Holy Spirit is teaching you in this chapter.
Practice: Create a marriage motivation list. This list should contain at least three reasons you want to get married. Next, set a date with your bride/groom-to-be for about one hour to share and discuss what each of you wrote. Listen attentively, and take turns to speak. When you’re done, exchange lists.
Ask each other:
1. Why do you want to get married or what motivates you to want a marriage? 2. What does marriage look like for you?
Pray: Heavenly Father, thank You, that we may come to You through your Son, Jesus. Please give us wisdom and discernment as we consider marriage. Please reveal to us any areas of concern in our relationship. We want to be all You created us to be, and whether we marry or not, our desire is to get closer to You. Father, we ask that You guard our hearts and that You reveal to us Your perfect plan for our lives. Finally, show us how to agape love each other. Amen.
Day 2
Scriptures: Malachi 2:14, Matthew 19
Marriage: A Covenant vs Contract?
Let’s take a look today at the language surrounding marriage in the Bible. Marriage can best be described as a lifelong covenant to an imperfect human. For Christians, marriage is not a contract but a life commitment between man, woman, and the Lord.
The world teaches us that marriage is 50%–50% between the man and the woman. The Word teaches us that marriage is 100% for both, at all times. Unfortunately, marriages today are disposable and breakable. Conversely, as God had in His original plan, a marriage covenant should last a lifetime. He ordained the first wedding in Eden (Genesis 2:18–25) and designed the marriage covenant for companionship, intimacy, and permanency (Genesis 2:24; Hebrews 13; Matthew 19).
We learn that a godly marriage entails:
Covenant Love: Romans 5:5 (NKJV) says, “The love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” It’s important to note that your ability to love your future spouse has to come from your relationship with the Lord. When your love is secure in Him, you‘ll have the help needed to love like Christ. (Remember, that’s the unconditional and selfless agape love Jesus modeled by leaving heaven, taking our sin, and ultimately dying on the cross for us.)
Covenant Help: Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NKJV, emphasis added) says, “Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” In his book 12 Questions to Ask Before You Marry, Clayton King best explains this when he writes, “A marriage relationship that is a cord of three strands will hold fast in hard times. . . . If we are held by a cord of three strands, woven together with and relying on God and our mate, then that rope stays sure no matter what comes our way. It is unbreakable.”
Covenant Blessings: Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV) says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”Marriage is good. In James 1:17 (NKJV, emphasis added) we read, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above . . .” Although marriage requires hard work, it’s certainly worth it. Think of the ripple effect your marriage alone will have on your children, grandchildren, and future generations. That’s why so much research points to the direct impact marriages have on the long-term health and success of communities, churches, and families.
Now let’s go to Google for a sample of traditional wedding vows:
“I, _____, take thee, _____, to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith.”
Regarding this, Erin Smalley says, “Marriage is a wonderful gift from the Lord, but there are days when loving our spouse just may draw us closer to God and work holiness in us as a result. That’s why it’s important to fully understand the purpose of the vows you are taking as you enter the covenant of marriage.”
We have to consider, then, that marriage is by God’s design, and we are to honor it and take it seriously. Read carefully Ecclesiastes 5:4 (NKJV), which says, “When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; For He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed—better not to vow than to vow and not pay.” Moreover, we must understand why marriage matters to the Creator in the first place, and why we, as His children, should uphold it in such esteem and importance.
Pause: Read Malachi 2:14 and Matthew 19. Discuss what the Holy Spirit is teaching you in these chapters.
Practice: Consider the covenant of marriage and take time out this week to ask each other:
1. What is your stance on divorce (Matthew 19)?
2. How can we best keep our wedding vows (Ecclesiastes 5:4)?
3. Are you prepared to forsake all others and love for richer, for poorer, in joy, or in pain? Listen attentively, and take turns to speak.
Pray: Father in Heaven, thank You for being a promise keeper; I know that every word You speak is true. Please help us understand the seriousness of making this lifetime commitment called marriage. You’re a God of covenants and promises, and we want our future marriage to reflect You to the rest of the world. Give us guidance and wisdom. Amen.
Day 3
Scriptures: Exodus 34:12-16, Deuteronomy 7:1-10, Deuteronomy 22:10, Amos 3:3
Harmonious Faith: How’s Your Yoke?
Over the next few days, we pray you’ll take the necessary time to seriously pray about the person you’re considering for holy matrimony. Marriage is the second most important decision you’ll ever make while here on earth (second to accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior). So, we hope you’ve taken plenty of time to seek wise counsel and look deeply at your mate (James 1:5).
Needless to say, who you marry really matters to God. Pastor James Ford Jr. put it best when he said, “Look deep before you leap! . . . Does your date rate to mate?” Simply put, does your mate love the Lord, and have they accepted Jesus as their Savior? Do they attend a church willingly and serve in it regularly? The big question here is, are you spiritually like-minded and equally yoked? This topic is divisive because no one wants to be told who they should date or marry.
Now, let’s take a look at what Paul warns us about in 2 Corinthians 6:14–16 (NKJV): “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: ‘I will dwell in them, and walk among them. I will be their God, and they shall be My people.’”
First, what is a yoke? Merriam-Webster defines it as “a wooden bar or frame by which two draft animals (such as oxen) are joined at the heads or necks for working together.” To best illustrate this for the city of Corinth, Paul likened marriage to two animals being yoked and becoming one on the plowing field. Similarly, Clayton King explains that “just as it’s impossible for two animals yoked together to go in two different directions, it’s impossible for a Christian and a non-Christian, heading in two different directions, to be yoked in marriage and not suffer greatly.”
The Lord is pretty clear about not marrying someone who is not a believer. Entering into a mismatched or unequally yoked marriage can turn into a complete nightmare. Lee and Leslie Strobel share their personal struggle with this and explain the “why” behind this command: “God has prohibited his followers from marrying outside the faith. He loves us so much that he wants to spare us from emotional anguish, the clash of values, and the ongoing conflict that can result when one spouse is a Christian and the other isn’t. His goal isn’t to unnecessarily limit our choices of prospective mates, but to lovingly shield us.”
Yoking together with another believer implies that there is a common goal. Now think of the countless problems that will arise from marrying a non-believer—ranging from finances, parenting, to even what holidays to celebrate. Simply stated, this is a formula for frustration that will ultimately lead to anger and resentment. By dating a non-believer, you make Jesus their rival instead of their Redeemer and friend.
Moreover, this is the Lord’s command, not a suggestion. John 14:15 (NKJV) says, “If you love Me, keep My commandments.” God’s love language is obedience, and if we say we love the Lord, then we should gladly obey our heavenly Father. We should not try to outsmart God or lean on our own understanding because we don’t know more than He does (Proverbs 3:5).
Pause: Read Exodus 34:12–16, Deuteronomy 7:1–10, Deuteronomy 22:10, and Amos 3:3. Discuss what the Lord is saying in these verses.
Practice: Check your mate! Ask yourself:
1. Is he/she spiritually mature and spiritually growing? Is he/she teachable?
2. What are his/her moral values like?
3. What are his/her spiritual habits (e.g., prayer life, serving others, study groups)?
4. Are your life’s goals in common? What drives him/her?
Pray: Lord, thank You for Your mighty Word. It’s a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Thank You for giving us a dose of reality and helping us see your perfect love behind your Word. Please help us evaluate the areas of our lives that need to change. Help us to be faithful to You and Your Word. Give us discernment and direction to proceed with the marriage, if it’s in Your plans for us. Amen.
We’re so glad you decided to read through this study with us. We pray the Lord used it to work in your life.