As you navigate the journey of widowhood, your relationships shift and change. This 5-day plan is designed to help you understand these changes while offering scriptural wisdom to support and uplift you along the way.
Stand In The Gap Ministries
Day 1
Scripture: John 10:10
A thief comes to steal and kill and destroy, but I came to give life—life in all its fullness.
John 10:10 (NCV)
Grace was a bright-eyed, life-of-the-party, social butterfly. She and her husband were always hosting dinners at their home or getting together with friends for summer lake trips and fall BBQs.
But when Grace tragically lost her husband, Mike, she felt as if the light went out. Getting together with their friends wasn’t the same without Mike there. Though the couples rallied around her after his death, she began to feel like the fifth wheel at any gathering. She wasn’t sure how to navigate her social life without him. Eventually, Grace started excusing herself from the invites, until slowly the invitations seemed to stop coming altogether.
Learning to navigate life alone is challenging, especially when you are used to doing life with other couples. As a widow, it can be easy to feel disconnected from others without your other half. But God never intended you to live a half-life. The scripture reading from today says that Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. In this case, it might look like killing your future dreams, stealing your joy, and destroying the life you’ve built. But God came to give us life in its fullness. Full of joy. Full of peace. Full of healthy relationships.
No matter the enemy’s attempts, God’s purpose still prevails – in this case, through His promise of a full life. God desires that we have a life that is overflowing with His joy, His goodness, and His peace. But He doesn’t just want us to have it; the scripture says He already gave it to us. He took all pain, sickness, and sorrow on the cross so that we could live a full life here and now no matter what we experience or go through.
So, when the enemy tells you “Your life is over,” or “It will never be as good as… the same as… as happy as…” you have to put a stop to those lies. The truth is that Jesus came to give you a full life and He never goes back on his promises. It may not look like the same life you had several months or years ago, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be just as full and just as beautiful in future seasons as it was in past seasons.
QUESTIONS:
Have you experienced the enemy whispering some of those lies to you in this season? How can you believe in seeing God’s promise of a full life? As you begin this study, remember these promises from God as you complete the next 4 days.
CHALLENGE:
Write out some specific steps you will take to combat the enemy’s lies and keep them in a place where you can see them every day!
Day 2
Scriptures: Psalms 30:11-12, Matthew 11:28
“You have turned my mourning into dancing; you have removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!”
Psalm 30:11-12 (ESV)
When we walk through a season of sorrow, it sometimes feels like we will never get our joy back again. In today’s scripture reading, “sackcloth” represents the outward appearance of mourning. Sometimes as widows, we can feel like we dampen every conversation, every interaction, with our heaviness. Like walking into a room with a dark cloud over our heads. Have you ever felt that way? But there is a season for mourning, and it’s ok to wear your emotions for that season. It is not a burden to your friends, even though you may feel that way. They love you. And they may not have all the answers, or know exactly what to say, but let them know that you just appreciate them being there for you.
Though the loss of your life partner is not something you ever get over, God promises that you will get through to the other side of the grief. Your life will be full again. He will replace your sackcloth with joy. He will turn your mourning into dancing.
This idea of God turning our mourning into dancing is a beautiful thought. It can be hard, after the loss of our life partner, to see our friends still dancing together to their everyday rhythms. But when we lose our partner on the dance floor of life, the music doesn’t stop. And being a widow doesn’t mean that we have to sit on the sidelines. Though the rhythm may be new, the Master Dancer invites us to slowly get back into the dance of life.
In Matthew 11:28, Jesus issues us this invitation: “Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace” (MSG). He first offers us an invitation to take a quiet spin around the floor with Him as He teaches us to find our footing. In time, He may ask us to try a solo dance expressing both pain and praise. Eventually, through the many beautiful and difficult lessons, our dance becomes a dynamic masterpiece of His choreography, bringing joy to all who watch and inviting others to join. Like David, you will experience the fullness of the music of life once again. You will get your rhythm back. God will turn your mourning into dancing. And in turn, you may even find yourself teaching others how to dance once again.
CHALLENGE:
This week, find a worship or praise song that ministers to you. When you feel like your rhythm is out of sync with those you used to spend time with, turn on a song and remind yourself that your dancing isn’t over. You will get your rhythm back. God promises He will turn your mourning into joy and your sorrow into dancing. Then text a friend and thank them for any support they have shown you during this time, no matter how minimal it may have been.
JOURNAL:
Write out any relationships that you have in your life that you didn’t have before your spouse passed away. Reflect upon how those relationships have brought positive changes to your life. Write a prayer of reflection to God about the changes in your life, the relationships you are struggling with, and the ones you are thankful for.
Day 3
Scripture: Ecclesiastes 3:1-11
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 (NIV)
The Bible tells us that there is a time for everything, including a time for joy and happiness. At the beginning of our grief, it seems impossible to imagine we will feel anything but sorrow ever again. Eventually, though, we discover the beautiful truth that joy does indeed come in the morning. It will not be dark forever.
At the same time, we may find that even the thought of moving forward comes with a sense of shame or a feeling of betrayal towards our spouse. We may feel guilty for experiencing joy, friendship, or companionship again.
As widows, we often find ourselves in a confusing season, not sure if we have mourned long enough or, on the other hand, if we have carried our grief for too long. We may find that friends and family have strong opinions on this as well. But in Ecclesiastes 3:1-11, we are reminded that there is a time and a season for everything. This passage tells us that there is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to keep and a time to release. For those of us who have walked through the loss of our spouse, there is a season for mourning, and there is a season for releasing our grief and moving forward. Through God’s guidance, we can navigate those seasons.
It’s also important to remember that our time on this earth is limited. Ecclesiastes 3:2 tells us that there is a time to be born and a time to die. While losing a spouse can be a painful reminder of our mortality, it can also be an opportunity to reflect on the life we have lived and the legacy we want to leave behind. We can cherish the moments that we had with our loved ones and still make the most of our days here on earth. It is one of the best ways to honor them — to live a full and happy life. It’s hard to imagine they would want anything less for us.
QUESTIONS:
Is there any specific area right now where you feel guilty about moving forward? Why do you think that is?
CHALLENGE:
Spend some time reflecting on how you could be living a full life or moving into the next season with an open heart that honors your spouse. Write these things down and pray over them. Then, when you feel ready, take the first step and do them!
Day 4
Scripture: Ruth 4:14-15
“He is a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age…”
Ruth 4:15 (ESV)
We find today’s scripture near the end of the Biblical story of Naomi and Ruth. You’ll remember that Naomi, after losing her husband and sons, declared that she no longer wanted to be called Naomi, which means pleasant, delightful, and lovely. She preferred to be called Mara, meaning bitter. But Naomi did not stay as “Mara” forever. The season changed, her joy was restored, and once again she walked in the fullness of her identity and purpose.
Seasons do change. This is something we, and those around us, must embrace. When it comes to family and loved ones, we must be honest with ourselves and others about where we are in the process. We can keep the communication open and clear through love and respect as we prayerfully step forward into the new season when the time is right.
It may feel uncomfortable or like you are not respecting the memory of your deceased spouse, but it is okay for seasons to change. It is okay to bring new people into your life. It is okay to move, change homes, change jobs, etc.- to find your new rhythms of life. God teaches that there are seasons, and it is okay for you to enter a new season.
CHALLENGE:
Have a conversation with a family member or friend this week about where you are in the grieving process. Do you feel like you are still in the mourning phase or are you in a place where you can see yourself moving forward? Why or why not? Though it may be a difficult conversation, it is an important one to have with the people who love and support you.
JOURNAL:
Spend some time reflecting on your favorite season. What makes it your favorite? How do you see both beauty and pain in that favorite season? Spend some time writing a prayer to God about your favorite season and the beauty of His creation.
Day 5
Scriptures: Psalms 30:11-12, Matthew 11:28, Ecclesiastes 3:1-11, Ruth 4:14-15
As we have discussed through the last 5 days, seasons change, life changes, and relationships change after we lose a spouse. This is an unfortunate but true part of this journey. What we do through these changes can and will impact how we heal and move forward, so we need to pay attention to these changes.
It is easy to get stuck in the pattern of the “life before” and stay there. God never intended us to stay stagnant or complacent. It is always important to pay attention to where you are staying stuck and where you are allowing God in for Him to heal you and allow you to move forward. I prefer the phrase “move forward” instead of “move on.” When we’ve lost our spouse, we will never truly “move on,” but with God’s help and the help of our community, we can “move forward.”
The statistics about losses of friendships and relationship changes after the loss of a spouse are astonishing and hard to accept, however, you will make new friends, and you will keep people in your life that understand the “life before.” Give yourself time to mourn those changes and friendships but allow God to bring the right people across your path who can help you move forward to the next chapter.
It is very important to never compare your journey with others. You will mourn differently. You will move at a different pace, and your “life after” may look different than you expected, but it can still be something beautiful and something that allows you to dance again. Don’t feel guilty for making changes, building new friendships, and allowing yourself to change. You can still honor your spouse and your “life before” even as you move forward.
I believe that as long as we are still alive, God still has a plan and purpose for our lives. Don’t give up, give in, or be discouraged. Lean into our Heavenly Father, spend time with Him, and ask Him to guide you into the next chapter of your journey.
CHALLENGE:
Spend some time alone with God, creating a timeline of the changes (these may be relationship changes, changes to yourself, your home, job, etc.) you have made since your spouse’s death. Look back at the timeline of changes and see God’s handiwork in each of those seasons. Thank God for what He has done and for what He has yet to do!