Resisting Gossip

Scriptures: Proverbs 18:8, Proverbs 26:22

What, Exactly, Is Gossip? 

The first rule of war is to know your enemy. 

Before we can resist gossip, we must recognize it. That’s not as easy to do as it may sound. It is not always easy to recognize the moment when our “small talk” becomes sinful talk. In fact, if you’re like me, then you regularly ask yourself during conversations, “Should I be saying this?” or, “Should I be listening to this?” 

The hardest part about recognizing gossip is that it does not come with a warning label. There we are, just talking with someone, and seemingly out of nowhere this juicy piece of news about someone else presents itself and asks us to swallow it. 

The Bible says, “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts” (Prov. 18:8, 26:22). This proverb is so important that the Lord made sure it was in the book of Proverbs twice! 

“Choice morsels” are tasty things that we want to devour quickly. They are the best, most attractive, most addictive things to eat. They are like a bowl of potato chips left on the kitchen counter. But just like too many potato chips, gossip may taste great going down, but it has lasting and poisonous effects on our hearts. 

But again, what is sinful gossip? 

I’m glad you asked. 

Here is a one-sentence summary of the Bible’s teaching on gossip: Sinful gossip is bearing bad news behind someone’s back out of a bad heart.

Scripture: Proverbs 29:20

Bearing Bad News 

Gossip is, obviously, a “talking” thing. As we saw yesterday, scripture says, “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels” (Prov. 18:8). Gossip is sharing, communicating, and transmitting stories. These stories flow in both directions: talking and listening. 

First, talking. Proverbs says, “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much” (20:19). The old King James word for a gossip in Proverbs 20:19 is a “talebearer,” or one who carries a story. Gossiping is often sharing someone else’s secret. Have you ever done that? I must admit that I have, to my shame. Have you ever had it done to you? It feels awful to find out that someone gave away your secret. It is a betrayal by talking. 

Then there is listening. Proverbs also says, “Wrongdoers eagerly listen to gossip; liars pay close attention to slander” (17:4, NLT). Sometimes even just receiving that spicy piece of gossip without stopping the conversation (or, at least, saying something) is sinful—almost as sinful as speaking it. 

Of course, this bearing of bad news is not done by just talking in person. Technology has made it possible for us to gossip long-distance. We can gossip on the phone. We can gossip online. We can share our gossip on social media! 

I love social media. It is a great way to stay in touch with people. But anything that can be used for great good can also be used for great evil, especially if it involves a lot of words. The Bible teaches this: “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise” (Prov. 10:19). 

So sinful gossip for me might be pressing the “Send” button on my phone, the “Publish” button on my blog, or the “Share” button on my Facebook account. Remember, whatever is said online is pretty much permanent. Think first!

Scripture: Proverbs 21:23

Types of Bad News 

The content of sinful gossip is never neutral. It is always “bad news” of at least one of three kinds. 

Bad information. Sharing bad information—lies—about someone behind their back is sinful gossip. Worse, if you know that a story is false, then it is not just gossip, it is also slander! Have you ever had your reputation hurt by bad information that someone had spread about you? 

The Lord promises us that “a false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will not go free” (Prov. 19:5). 

Of course, the “bad” information might be something that you think is true but really is not. You think that your neighbor got a DUI, but you got the story wrong. Or it might be something unverifiable such as rumor or hearsay. Either way, it’s gossip. 

Bad news about someone. On the other hand, the story being shared might actually be true and only about something bad that someone has done. This is what I call a shameful truth. Some of us have been taught that if something is true, then it’s not gossip. Not so. Gossip is also foolishly spreading that awful truth about someone. Proverbs tells us that “a gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” (11:13). The secrets revealed by gossip are often the skeletons in someone’s closet that do not really need to get out. 

A biblical phrase for this is “a bad report” (Hebrew dibbah). Proverbs says, “Whoever spreads slander [dibbah] is a fool” (10:18). 

Let’s say one of your friends recently did something bad, and you heard about it. Maybe it was even your friend who told you about how they had done some shameful thing. 

Catch this: you don’t have to talk about any of it with your other friends!

I know it’s hard to refrain. As the Scripture says, “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels.” They are incredibly difficult to resist. Bad news is attractive but not good for us. There is something really wrong within us that makes us want to know and to talk about the shameful things that other people do. 

Bad news for someone. A third kind of bad news is neither false nor true but is a projection of something bad happening to someone. That is gossip too. Have you ever had this happen to you? People say, “He’s going to lose his job” or, “He’s not going to make the team.” They project, “She’s going to get kicked out of school” or, “Her husband is going to leave her.” They whisper, “They’re going to lose their house.” Gossip is bad news wickedly projected for someone else.

Scriptures: Proverbs 18:8, Proverbs 26:22, Matthew 7:12

Behind Someone’s Back 

By anyone’s definition gossip happens when the person you are talking about is not there. Some translations of Proverbs 18:8 and 26:22 use the word “whisperer” instead of “gossip” or “talebearer.” A whisperer is someone who talks about you behind your back. Therefore, gossip is clandestine—and intentionally so! 

You see, it is so much easier (and more interesting) to talk about someone when they are not around. Before you talk (or before you continue to talk) about someone who is not present, ask yourself the following: 

• Would I say this if he were here? (Really? Be honest now.) 
• Would I receive this bad news about her in the same way if she were present? 
• Am I hiding this conversation from someone? 
• Would I want someone else to talk this way about me if I were out of the room? 

Yeah, But What About . . . ?

Let me clear up a possible misunderstanding. The Bible is not teaching that we should never talk about people who are not present. We certainly can say good things about people who are not with us. In fact, we absolutely should turn gossip around and spread good news about people! 

Also, there are times when we have to talk about people who are not present and even share bad things about them. Parents, teachers, elders, pastors, even friends, teammates, coworkers, and neighbors all have to do that sometimes. This falls in line with the biblical principle of warning others. There are numerous examples of the early church being warned about specific people. In his second letter to Timothy, Paul specifically names his oppressor when he writes, “Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. Be on guard against him yourself too, for he vigorously opposed our teaching” (2 Tim. 4:14–15). 

Sometimes we need to seek counsel from a wise person about our conflicts and problems. Seeking counsel may involve sharing the shameful things that someone else has done without that person being there. It is certainly not sinful gossip to truly seek out help. On the other hand, we can often mask our desire to gossip by claiming that we are just seeking counsel. 

The key to sharing circumstances with people in a right way is to keep loving others even when we have to talk about them and even if they are our enemies. Simply put, we just need to apply Jesus’ Golden Rule to any difficult situation. If you have to talk about someone when they are not present, make sure that you are treating them as you would want to be treated (Matt. 7:12).

Scriptures: Matthew 12:34, Ephesians 1:7

Out of a Bad Heart 

Gossip comes out of a bad heart. That is, gossip is caused by something that is wrong at the core of our beings. We are attracted to the “choice morsels” of gossip because of something already wrong in our “inmost parts.” Accepting this is the most important key to resisting gossip. 

The Lord Jesus taught that “out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34). The heart is the control center of a person. It is the inner you, the real you. The Bible also teaches that we live from our hearts. Proverbs says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (4:23). Our motives spring from our hearts. Our sinful motivations for speaking about or listening to any form of bad news are what makes sinful gossip sinful. Therefore, in recognizing gossip the most important question for us to answer is, “Why?” 

• Why am I saying this? 
• Why am I listening to this? 
• Why am I attracted to this bad news? 

It could be because of jealousy, anger, or hate. Or it could be the result of boredom, pride, or the fear of people. There are a number of sinful heart motivations that can produce sinful gossip. The good news is that the gospel of Jesus Christ has answers for them all (Eph. 1:7).

Scriptures: Ezekiel 36:26, Matthew 22:37-39, James 4:7

Resistance Is Not Futile 

Proverbs 18:8 and 26:22 offer only a warning: “Beware of gossip.” They do not tell us how to resist those choice morsels—just that we need to. But now that we have a biblically informed definition to use when we attempt to recognize gossip, we can begin to think more clearly about gospel strategies for resisting gossip. Some of those strategies include: 

• Bearing good news 
• Being up front, and loving those we talk about and talk to 
• Having a changed heart that loves God and loves people (Ezek. 36:26, Matt. 22:37-39) 

When I was a teen, I was a big fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation. The greatest enemy of the crew of the Starship Enterprise during that particular incarnation of the Star Trek series was a species of aliens called the Borg. When the Borg came to town, their favorite phrase was, “Resistance is futile! You will be assimilated.” 

I know that’s how gossip often makes me feel—that we must conform to the world’s gossipy pattern. It is not true. Jesus Christ died to set us free from sin. “He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness” (1 Pet. 2:24). Resistance is not futile. Doesn’t the Bible insist that we are to “resist the devil, and he will flee” (James 4:7)? The Lord Jesus empowers us to die to sins and to live for righteousness.

Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 10:13, Hebrews 4:15

The Resistibility of Gossip Through Christ 

There is hope. You and I are not left on our own to deal with the allure, pain and wickedness of gossip. God’s “divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness” (2 Pet. 1:3). The gospel of Jesus Christ defeats gossip. 

A Great and Precious Promise: A Way Out 

One of the chief ways Jesus empowers us to die to our sins is through promises like the one we find in First Corinthians 10:13. The apostle Paul told the Corinthians (and, through them, us too), “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man” (1 Cor. 10:13). The urge to gossip is not extraordinary. We should not feel as if we are the first to ever experience it. I’m sure that even the Lord Jesus was tempted to gossip (although praise God, He never gave in; see Heb 4:15). 

But Paul went on to say, “And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear” (1 Cor. 10:13). We have to believe what Paul said, even though it will seldom feel as if it is true. 

Paul finished the verse with the promise, “But when you are tempted, [God] will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (10:13). What a great and precious promise! Our job is to trust God’s promise and to look for the “way out” which will always be available. The temptation may not go away. We may even have to continue to “stand up under it.” Yet although it is not easy, it is possible to win the war against sinful gossip.