The fact is, there is nothing so inevitable in this life as conflict. What’s not inevitable is broken relationships that result from conflict. It may be tempting to shove disagreements under the rug, even when we’re in close proximity with the other person, but with prayer, humility, and skills, we can prevent lasting damage and repair broken relationships.LCBC Church
Day 1
Scripture: Matthew 5:23-26
The old saying goes, “Nothing is certain except death and taxes.” We might add to that: death, taxes, and conflict with other people. In your lifetime, chances are you’ll find yourself in conflict with a coworker, a spouse, or your child over any number of things
The fact is, there is nothing so inevitable in this life as conflict. What’s not inevitable is broken relationships that result from conflict. It may be tempting to shove disagreements under the rug, even when we’re in close proximity with the other person, but with prayer, humility, and skills, we can prevent lasting damage and repair broken relationships.
Before we go any further, let’s be clear: if the conflict you’re experiencing is abusive and unsafe, please leave that situation. But for the rest of us, walking away entirely without at least trying to reconcile is not an option.
In one of Jesus’ most famous messages, the Sermon on the Mount, he addresses what to do when we have a conflict with another person. Jesus emphasizes the importance of resolution when he tells his listeners to “leave their offering at the altar and go and be reconciled.” To bring an offering to God is everything! God is worthy of our worship. Yet, God would rather we resolve a conflict than sit in church with anger brewing.
Are there any unresolved conflicts in your life? By the end of this reading plan, we hope to give you some skills to help you resolve those conflicts.
Prayer: God, help me today to speak with gentleness to everyone I meet. Show me how to resolve these conflicts that have brought me anxiety and unhappiness. Amen.
Day 2
Scriptures: James 4:1-6, Proverbs 3:5-6
Conflict is inevitable, but permanently broken relationships are not. A car needs routine maintenance, such as oil changes and new wiper blades. Eventually it will need new tires. That’s inevitable. A seized engine, however, can be prevented, in most cases. Permanent damage to relationships can be prevented, too, in most cases, if we take steps to reconcile.
The first step is prayer. All too often, we talk to our neighbors about that conflict at work, or to our siblings about the conflict with our spouse. How often do we talk to God about it, instead?
God created the universe and everything in it, and he created you. He knows us intimately, and if we ask for his help and guidance, he’ll give it. James 4:1-6 says when we ask but don’t receive what we’ve asked for, it may be because we’ve asked with wrong motives. Because God knows us intimately, he can show us our own hearts, and that is the next step of resolving any conflict. First, we pray. Then we examine ourselves for what part we play in the conflict.
God desires for us to be at peace with the people in our lives. If you’re experiencing conflict today, talk to God about it, and ask for him to reveal your own heart and give you wisdom on how to resolve the conflict. Seek his ways, and he will direct you.
Prayer: God, you love me and you know me. You know my innermost thoughts and feelings. Show me how I have contributed to this conflict, and give me your wisdom about how to resolve it. Amen.
Day 3
Scriptures: James 1:19, Philippians 2:4
Have you ever seen billy goats fighting, either while visiting a farm or while watching a nature video? The phrase “to lock horns” comes from that battle of wills. Billy goats have curled horns, and when they butt heads, the horns sometimes get coiled around each other. Stuck. Then they drag each other around the mountain, unable to disengage.
Conflicts are inevitable, but staying locked in a fight without resolution is not. With prayer, humility, and skills, we can unlock the horns and resolve the conflict.
First, we prayed about it. Then we asked God to show us our own part of the conflict. Now comes humility. When we assume we’re right, the other person is obstinate, and everything would be fine if they just did it our way – well, that’s the voice of pride, the opposite of humility. And when both parties are in that mindset, horns are locked, and they’ll drag each other around without resolution.
Humility starts with admitting, “You know, I may be wrong.” Listen to what the other person is saying. Listen not to respond but to understand. We all want to have our comeback ready. Listening to understand, by its very nature, will slow things down. It allows us room to breathe, physically and metaphorically. We can understand the needs and wants of the other person, share our own, and in this way begin to build bridges. It lets us unlock our horns and get off that mountain.
Prayer: God, thank you for showing me my own pride. Help me to put that aside to hear what the other person has to say. Help me to understand where they’re coming from so we can start to resolve this conflict. Amen.
Day 4
Scripture: Proverbs 15:1-4
Have you ever had a summer evening campfire? Maybe you toasted marshmallows. Maybe you enjoyed the sound of tree frogs and crickets. As the night wore on, you allowed the embers to burn down to ash, warm and glowing but no longer burning. If you had put another log on, the fire would have picked up again. But without more wood, the fire eventually went out.
Conflict is inevitable, but a continually raging fire is not. If we pray, seek God’s wisdom, come to the table with humility, and listen to understand, we’re on our way to resolving the conflict and restoring the relationship. The next step is to be slow to become angry. And slow to add to the anger of the other person.
Our words are powerful. They can bring comfort to a hurting person, encourage someone in doubt, and bring wisdom. They can also, if we’re not careful, cause more damage and more hurt to a person or relationship.
As you seek to resolve the conflict, seek to speak with gentleness. A soft word turns away wrath. A harsh word stirs up anger. Finger-pointing and blaming and “If you just…” is like throwing another log on the fire. The anger and hurt and bitterness will spring to life again and continue to burn the relationship to ash. Seek to speak softly, with gentleness and humility instead, to bring the conflict to an end.
Prayer: God, forgive me for my harsh words. Help me to control my tongue so that I can help restore this relationship. If my words have caused any harm to the other person, please heal that hurt and help me to make amends. Amen.
Day 5
Scripture: Romans 12:17-21
Some animals have God-given resources to survive predators. Antelopes have speed to outrun lions. Some tree frogs have poison on their skin. Porcupines have spines. Turtles have a shell to hide in. Hiding from a predator will save a turtle. Avoiding conflict won’t make the conflict go away.
We can choose to face conflicts head on, with humility and prayer and a soft word, or we can choose to avoid them, but this will likely make things worse. Conflict is inevitable, but escalating the conflict with avoidance doesn’t have to be.
What does Paul mean when he writes, “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”? The key word is “do”. To do is to act. To avoid is the opposite. To put off the hard conversation, to “just live with it,” or to cut that person from your life may be easier, but it is passive. It’s the opposite of doing, isn’t it?
As you reflect on the conflicts in your life, avoidance may be the easier option, at least for now. But if nothing is resolved, the conflict festers, like a porcupine spike in your hand that you didn’t remove. You may forget about it sometimes, but it’s still there, making everyday tasks more difficult. This week we’ve read about prayer, humility, and the skills we can use to resolve conflict. If there is a conflict in your life that needs to be resolved, will you make a plan to speak to the other person and heal the relationship?
Prayer: God, help me to stand up and do what needs to be done to heal this conflict. Give me peace, strength, courage, and soft words to say what needs to be said. Help me to listen to understand and be humble throughout the conversation. Amen.
Day 6
Scripture: Ephesians 4:1-4
A creek flows through the woods. A group of kids discover it and decide to build a dam, just to see what will happen. The creek flows over, around, and through their collection of sticks, bringing other debris with it to make the dam bigger and bigger. Eventually the water stops flowing. A pool forms above the dam, and the ground downstream becomes a muddy mire. One of two things is going to happen: either the force of the gathering water will break the makeshift dam, or it will hold and eventually everything below it will die.
Conflicts are inevitable, but a dead relationship doesn’t have to be. Like the kids removing their dam to allow the water to flow, we can offer forgiveness to the people in our lives, and ask them to forgive us, as well.
If you are a follower of Christ, you have been forgiven. God has wiped away all of your sin. But as long as we live on this earth, we will make mistakes, hurt people unintentionally, and, sometimes, be in conflict. Forgiveness will allow the love of God to flow in us and through us in a world that desperately needs it.
Is there anyone you need to forgive today? Or is there someone you need to ask forgiveness from?
Prayer: Dear God, thank you for your forgiveness through the death of Jesus Christ on the cross for my sins. Help me to forgive the people who have hurt me. Help me to humbly ask for forgiveness. Help me to rebuild broken relationships so that your love will be seen by the people around me. Amen.
Day 7
Scripture: 2 Corinthians 5:16-21
What causes conflict? Sin. The mistakes we make, either in regard to other people or towards God. When our pride and self-centeredness cause conflict with other people, we can work to resolve it. We’ve seen this week how prayer, humility, and a soft word can help us there. But what about when our sin brings conflict between us and God?
Sin is inevitable. Eternal separation from God is not.
From the very first humans, Adam and Eve, sin has caused separation between humans and God. God modeled for us how to handle that conflict, didn’t he? Instead of writing us off, he sought a relationship with us. Instead of waiting for us to make the first move, he sent his son Jesus to live as a man and to die on a cross for our sake, so that we can be reconciled to God. Instead of harsh words, which we fully deserve, God spoke words of hope and peace and love for us.
What does it take to be reconciled to God? God has already done the work. All we have to do is believe. When we believe, we are made new. No longer ruled by sin. No longer separated from God. A new creation. Will you believe today?
Prayer: God, thank you for your unending love and the forgiveness that comes through Jesus Christ. I want to be reconciled to you. Please forgive my sins and make me a new creation. Amen.