Slay the Sexy Dragon

Scripture: Psalms 25

The God-given art of attraction

This may shock you, but I didn’t have my first kiss ’til I was 30. If your jaw is on the floor I don’t blame you. But fear not, the preceding is not my attempt to convince you smooching isn’t holy. That ain’t where I’m headed, so stick with it. What I’m about to share with you is a transformative revelation and could be the very thing hindering you from finding a God-centered relationship or overcoming the bondage of sin you’ve been held captive to.

You might be thinking, “What could this virgin lips girl possibly know about overcoming lust and sexual temptation?” While I’d love for you to believe I’m a modern-day Disney princess, in full transparency, I’ve fought my own battles with lust, addiction, and the seductive disillusion of attraction (more on this later). I ain’t a saint and no one, even the most seemingly holy person, is perfect.

It’s taken years for me to have the courage to write these words publicly. It was never in my plan to share my struggles or even speak openly on this topic. But in my healing journey, I found myself unraveling parts of my heart that left me feeling helpless; areas of sexual confusion, emotional lust, and tormenting lies. As I turned to God for refuge, I discovered how I’d allowed the belief systems of the world to infiltrate my hardwiring for attraction and romantic relationships.

If you’ve read my other devotionals (Single Shouldn’t Suck, If He Wanted To He Would, Breakup With Heartbreak, or Dating Shouldn’t Suck) you know me as the queen of being single. I kicked butt in that season and hope you found encouragement to live the adventure. But on a fateful day, Feb.14, 2022, to be exact, my royal crown fell as I met the man who’d win my heart and give me his last name. We got married on an island in Hawaii and have been living in marital bliss ever since. BUT our story was far from a fairytale. We went to war in our 2 years of dating – breaking off generational curses, lustful spirits, and toxic love patterns.

While we were both attracted to each other, we faced opposition in the ideals we imagined about the person we thought we’d end up with. My “type” was Italian with dark features, over 6 feet tall, & a true romantic. Cody was looking for a girl with long hair & a body like a back road. Needless to say, we were everything BUT what we were looking for. I had short blond hair, weighed 97 pounds, & built like an ironing board, HA! Cody had dirty blond hair & was 5’9 with shoes on. Our connection was an enchanting surprise in contrast to what we initially found attractive in our past. Yet, there was gravity pulling us together, causing us to be drawn to see the external through God’s eyes.

As we dated, we had to face the root of our lust in attraction & the sin of our past that hindered our love from growing. Without realizing it, we’d placed unhealthy expectations on each other. To put it plainly, in my past I recklessly built soul ties with men. I would indulge in emotionally unhealthy relationships that led to fantasies about our future together. I lived in hallmark land pretending these relationships were going somewhere. But they weren’t. When Cody & I started dating, he didn’t offer me the same emotional indulgence. He was steady & consistent. I was disillusioned by the expectations I’d formed & built up an image in my head of what I thought I should be attracted to. Because of this, I began to doubt our relationship.

As time went on, Cody’s roots of lust were also exposed. This was his first pure relationship & while we were committed to not having sex, he struggled with feeling connected to me. What he’d known of “feeling” love up to that point was rooted in a sexual connection & expectations formed from his struggles with porn.

So here we were, two lost lovers deceived by our attraction & attachment styles. Hence, what transpired throughout our relationship was an awakening to the naked truth about lust, sexual temptation, & how we’ve been seduced by Satan.

I know what you’re thinking: “You must be one of those crazy Christian ladies who only sings hymns & thinks everyone should date Jesus.” While I do love a quality rendition of ‘Amazing Grace’, I assure you I’m not trying to beat you over the head with religious outlandish statements, but rather bold audacious truth. Hear me loud and clear: attraction is important!! But what influences our attraction is detrimental to navigating the true desire of our heart (more of this on day 3).

There’s a perverse, lustful, & seductive spirit that seeks to devour you. It’s the dragon in the red dress.The enemy has strategically placed demonic forces of lust that bombard us daily through social media, porn, advertisement, & cultural ‘norms’. I don’t mean to sound so ‘woo woo’, but the Bible is crystal clear when it warns about the perverse spirit of this world.

Unfortunately, the demonic forces I speak of are so common most would never discern them to be demonic. Most of you reading this are likely already resisting this belief because it seems so ‘out there’. Yet, daily we are being influenced to be attracted to fantasy-inspired physical attributes & unhealthy emotional complexes that lure us away from God’s original design of the art of attraction. Inadvertently, this leads to beliefs we have about what we want/are attracted to & we become disillusioned in what to expect in a relationship.

You may have your list of what you want in a spouse & physical attributes that you won’t compromise for. Or you may even already be married/in a relationship & questioning your feelings of attraction. It’s not wrong to have a specific list of qualities you are looking for. Heck, I’d even say it’s a great start to finding the right person! But the enemy will even use your spirituality to ‘chiristianize’ your delusion of attraction & hinder your heart from being open to the plan of God.

It took several months, but I have experienced undeniable transformation as a result of the revelation I’m about to share. Cody & I grew in our attraction for each other immensely as the root of our lust & deceptions were exposed. I’m now able to enjoy Cody for who God made him to be & love all those things about him that I once questioned. Let’s be real, he’s a hottie. I want to make babies with that man! We’ve never been more in love & obsessed with each other, but it took being intentional to defeat the sexy dragon.

Satan hates marriage so he attacks the first point of entry to defile your desire– your attraction. He hates family. So he will do anything to stop the image bearers from revealing God’s original design for healthy relationships.

To arm ourselves against the attack of the enemy we need to rewire our attraction & reconnect it with the design of heaven. Attraction is like an appetite. You have to discipline it & protect it with a healthy lifestyle of revelation– not just rules & religion.

Before we go any further though, I want you to remove the fear that you will have to settle for someone you won’t be attracted to. That also is a stronghold. You WILL be attracted to your future spouse & it will be so multi-dimensional. But if you truly desire to gain authority over the sexy dragon, you must go through this refinement that will uncover the desire of your heart as you learn to stand against the seduction of this world.

Take time today & ask God to reveal to you how you’ve allowed the seductive spirit of this world to influence your attraction. Maybe you’re struggling with giving in to temptation in your existing relationship. Make a decision before God that these next 4 days will be a turning point for a personal conviction. Make a list of God-centered qualities in the person you desire to be with/the person you’re currently with. Ask God to begin to give you a healthy attraction to these qualities & to reveal the pride that has hindered you from seeing others the way He made them. Meditate on the chapter selected reading for today.

Scriptures: Genesis 2:8-25, Genesis 3:1-7

The Dragon in the Red Dress

A few months ago I received a question via Instagram that caught my attention: “How do I avoid lust?” I empathized with the vulnerability of the one who sent in the submission: “Lust isn’t something you avoid. That’s like trying to hide from a dragon. Nah, dude, you gotta slay that dragon, take authority & get revelation for what you want your future to look like. You gotta know the power of delayed gratification & go to God for what you need.You don’t just magically overcome lust when you get married.It goes with you. Sadly, people who believe in avoiding lust also believe marriage will cure their insatiable appetite for their sexual desires. But the dragon is still chasing them & they are still running.”

Maybe you’ve had the same thought & felt the tension of desiring to find freedom, yet find yourself stuck in a cycle of addiction. If you’re nodding your head & silently singing praises that someone FINALLY gets you, I have good news. The sexy dragon isn’t as powerful as he’d like you to believe. It’s time we expose the lie that your lustful appetite originated innately within you. The enemy not only enslaves you to your sin but leads you to believe you are the cause of it. Yet, the truth is there has been an attack on the innocence of man since the beginning of time.

Back in the garden of Eden, at the inception of mankind, God walked intimately with the first man & woman & blessed their sexual desire with the gift of innocence. It was pure, wild, & spectacular in all God’s glory. Let’s have a look closer in Genesis 2:8-25:

“Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed…..The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”…. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man….. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.“

It’s interesting to me God emphasized the fact that the man & woman felt no shame. I know Christianity often depicts this scene in the Bible like a PG-rated bedtime story for kids, with the leaves draped over Adam & Eve’s explicit areas. But let’s be real. They were buck naked & not the Barbie doll version of naked– the real kind! They were having sex, getting wild, chasing each other around the garden, & indulging in the erotic romance God ordained for them, neither desiring anything outside of the wonder of love found within the gift of each other. No shame. So if there’s an absence of shame what’s there in replace? God’s original design for the innocence of our sexual desire should result in a feeling of total uncensored pleasure & fulfillment in both the gratification of desire & the journey to its discovery. Yet the time between birth & establishing our sexual identity has been cursed by the seduction of satan.

“Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’ Genesis 3:1-3

Seduction is always presented with an attractive proposition that seemingly appears good– even innocent but leads to destruction.

“But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.” Genesis 3:4-7

One decision seduced by the appetite of desire led to the stolen innocence for generations to come. Adam & Eve should have used their discernment to recognize the difference between this talking snake & the promises he was making vs the promises of God. But here’s the thing about seduction– unless you’re on guard & aware of the schemes of the enemy, you don’t know you’re being seduced & deceived.

The repercussions of this one decision over time has resulted in an over-sexualized culture & insatiable appetite for lust. The confusion of sexuality is at an all-time high with statistics off the charts showcasing the consequences. Here are just a few: As of May 2021 porn sites received more website traffic in the U.S. than Twitter, Instagram, Netflix, Pinterest, & LinkedIn combined. Approximately 45% of teens who consumed porn did so in part to learn about sex. 20 studies on the topic found that teen pornography consumption negatively impacts adolescents’ self-esteem & mental health. Consumption of pornography is significantly associated with increases in sexual aggression, both verbally and physically among males and females alike. (Source: FightTheNewDrug.com)

“But Esther, what about the time between puberty & getting married? How am I supposed to withhold my sexual desire for THAT LONG?” Listen, I’m no stranger to raging hormones. I’ve been a 16-year-old girl once. I’ve dabbled in the fiery flirtation of young love. But amid my arousal, one thing remained constant: the fear of the lord & a desire to please Him.

Could it be that God designed the tension of our waiting season of sexual fulfillment to propel you into the discovery of your significance? I believe when you yield your desires to God it opens the floodgates of heaven over your life to encounter true intimacy with Him & unparalleled adventure in your life. It’s the journey of discovery.

But I’ll admit, not a lot of teenagers are navigating the uncharted waters of puberty like Christopher Columbus– old school row boating it like a man on a mission to pioneer a new land. Instead, they’re shipwrecked by the culture of this world. It seems like the second you turn 13 the concept of being single ignites a kind of FOMO that threatens your social status. Teenagers aren’t in search of their destiny or calling– they’re in search of a hot date or better yet, the curiosity of sexual opportunity.

So what’s the big deal? If a teenager (or the statistical majority, a 10-year-old) finds porn & discovers what sex is, what’s the harm in that? Well, beyond the unimaginable destructive path of sexual identity & decisions, not only does the individual themself suffer, but also their future relationships & people they’ve never met. Did you know 350,000 children are reported missing every year in the United States? Of that total, an estimated 100,000 are being sex trafficked. The united states is a top destination for sex trafficking & one of the largest consumers of child sex/porn. “Consumption of porn leads to addictive behavior, alters the natural reward stimuli of the brain, and affects long-term intimacy in relationships” (Sources: Fight the New Drug, The 2021 Federal Human Trafficking Report)

You might be thinking, ‘I don’t get it. What does porn have to do with sex trafficking?’ Well, as it turns out many of those images serving your self-pleasure are women/children who have been lured into & enslaved to produce sexual content. But it doesn’t end there. Not only are there victims being brutally treated in the creation of pornography, but porn is one of the leading sources creating the demand for sex trafficking.

We could never run from or avoid statistics like this, so why would we ever attempt to avoid the dragon in the red dress– that seductive spirit of lust that seeks to devour your destiny?! There is a beautiful desire within your heart put there by God, the unashamed, totally innocent, & wildly free desire to experience sexual pleasure. THIS desire is good. But when under the influence of the sexy dragon that desire cannot be trusted.

Do you see yourself in some of these statistics? Maybe you learned about sex through porn & since then have felt bound by lust. Or maybe that wasn’t your story, but you’re struggling with stewarding your sexuality in a way that honors God & your future relationship. Is it ok to masturbate if you’re not looking at porn? What about doing “other” sexual things with your partner? Is that ok? Instead of answering your questions as If I’m the supreme authority on the topic, I’m going to ask you to take time to sit with God & talk to Him about the choices you’ve made up to this point. How have your desires been seduced by satan & led to sin? How has your innocence been stolen? What consequences do you have to live with as a result? Where have you compromised & traded God’s promises for a counterfeit in your sexual lifestyle? Perhaps your mind is plagued with sexual thoughts. Perhaps you’ve had an unplanned pregnancy. Maybe you’ve even contracted an STD or disease in the midst of trading your desire for temporary gratification. Whatever your story, take time to talk with Jesus in His loving presence, knowing there is no shame in being completely vulnerable with Him.

Scriptures: 1 John 2:15-17, Galatians 5, Psalms 37:4, James 1:13-16

The 3 Types of Desires

Rewinding a bit in our story, a week after I met Cody I flew to Maui for a celebratory getaway after I’d just published my memoir, ‘Single Shouldn’t Suck’. I REALLYYY liked Cody, but I didn’t want to overthink things. Even though I had a voice message from him & was dying to listen to it, I put my phone on ‘Airplane Mode’ & took a week adventuring with Jesus & friends.

One beautiful day on the trip, I grabbed a cappuccino in the lobby of our hotel & plopped up on my balcony with my Bible. The sun sizzled hot on my skin– unveiling my deep Italian olive tone. I soaked in the moment, flipped my Bible over to 1John 2:15, & began to read 2 verses that changed my life forever. Instantly, it felt like drinking from a firehose of revelation as the Holy Spirit illuminated something I’d never seen before: 3 distinct types of desires written about in scripture.

“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.” 1John 2:15-17

Whoa. Hold up. What do the desires of the ‘flesh’ and desires of the ‘eyes’ actually mean? Well in Galatians 5:16-21 we learn that “the works of the flesh are…sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these.” So the desires of the flesh are the impulses of our sin nature.

The desires of the eyes refer to the coveting spirit of lust. The word ‘desire’ is also translated as ‘lust’ in the NIV translation. GotQuestions.com breaks it down even further:

“The dictionary definition of lust is “1) intense or unrestrained sexual craving, or 2) an overwhelming desire or craving.”…Lust has as its focus pleasing oneself, and it often leads to unwholesome actions to fulfill one’s desires with no regard to the consequences….Simply put, the lust (desires) of the eyes is the sinful desire to possess what we see or to have those things which have visual appeal. This coveting of money, possessions, or other physical things is not from God, but from the world around us.”

Lust = unrestrained overwhelming desire. Without restraint desire is dangerous. In dating, we are faced with the challenge of navigating the pursuit of our desires. But most of the time we seek fulfillment of our desires rather than exploring the validity of the desire itself. Do we truly want what we think we want? Should we want something that we thought we didn’t want? Do we even know what we want? Will we ever learn to not want what we wish we didn’t want?

It’s quite the paradox this human experience grants us. We live for self-pleasure in search of ultimate happiness— yet the maker of our design buried the truest desire of human affection within the depths of our hearts, leaving the fate of our creation helpless to find it without a spade. But the secret to finding it is in the revelation that a spade is not needed, only the routing of one’s affection heavenward to please the Father. And in doing so ultimate fulfillment yields eternal happiness, uncovering our heart’s desire.

I know that sounded fancy but sit on that for a minute. Read it a couple more times till it sinks in. Notice I started today’s reading highlighting 3 types of desires in this world, two of which are traps of lust, but the last one is a gold mine of freedom.

“Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

There’s a pure source of desire placed in your heart by God. It’s the thing that’s designed to leave you feeling full. The secret to finding it is simply in resting & delighting in the Lord, allowing Him to give it to us. Why? Because desire alone cannot be trusted. Proverbs 4:23 warns us to guard our heart, for everything we do flows from it. When we lack wisdom in guarding our hearts we become deceived, give into lust & fall into sin.

“Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” James 1:13-16

Unprotected desire leads to sin & brings forth death. Oof. That’s a hefty statement right there. What kind of death have you experienced in your life as a result of unprotected desire? I think if Eve could go back she’d have more discernment about the decision she made to fulfill the desire she had in that moment. A desire put there by God, but because she did not guard her heart, the evil one enticed her with her desire which led to sin & death.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve felt this way myself. I’ve felt bound to sin because I couldn’t trace back the root of my desire & where I let my guard down. I loved Jesus, was serving Him, & was fully committed to living a holy life. Yet for two years I was bound by an addiction to masturbation. I sought counsel, listened to sermons, & fasted. But none of these things provided a solution. I didn’t just need help, I needed a personal revelation. At times it felt like I had no control & my desire ruled my body in a way that almost felt involuntary. As a result, I was plagued with demonic experiences & tormenting sexual images in my mind. When I say this was a spiritual battle, I mean it was Braveheart movie levels of savagery. This is coming from a girl who never watched porn, didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 30, & never fooled around sexually. But I didn’t have to go looking for lust for it to find me.

As I was seeking God one day, I felt His kindness draw me in. His love enveloped me assuring me that He saw my heart’s desire to be free & prompted me to seek professional counseling. Through the process of therapy, I began to trace back the moment I’d opened the door to the lust of the flesh & partnered with the lies of the enemy. God brought to my awareness anger, resentment, & deep-set disappointment in my heart that the spirit of lust was feeding off of to ensnare me. Like I said, I was the queen of being single, but my heart began to accept the lie that I would always be lonely, God would never come through for me, & I would always be disappointed. This lie was fortified every time I gave into lust & as a result, I believed I would never get the opportunity to experience true intimacy in marriage.

In the process of my healing journey, God began to heal the wounds in my heart & teach me so gently how to steward my sexual desires. Each time I gave into sin, God told me to get on my knees, repent & receive His love. I remember so clearly in this season God was so determined to affirm His love for me & not allow shame to claim the beautiful desire He placed in me that would one day be shared in intimacy with my husband. On my knees, I would weep in repentance & prophecy over my future, “Lord, I repent of giving into sin. I thank you for giving me a healthy sexuality. That my desire for sex & intimacy is from you. One day I will be married & experience true intimacy. Thank you for helping me steward my desires well in this season.” Years later, these prophetic words have been fulfilled in my life. By the grace & glory to God Cody & I kept our relationship pure from sexual compromise our entire dating season. I never struggled with feeling shame in dating or marriage. It saddens me to hear many believers who reserved sex for the covenant of marriage & struggle to enjoy the beautiful gift that it is. But the sexy dragon doesn’t go down without a fight. If the enemy can’t tempt you to give into sin, he will do everything he can to pervert your experience of sanctification with religious bondage.

Protected innocence along our God-created journey of discovery = temporal discomfort in exchange for long-term gains. Obedience to God puts you in alignment with living out the benefits of a blessed life. But perverted innocence = temporal gratification & long-term pain.

What types of desires are you chasing in your life? Do you seek the self-pleasures talked about in Galatians 5:16? Do you covet your friend’s marriage/relationship or the lives of those you see on social media? Have you let your guard down & allowed the enemy to infiltrate your beliefs? Are you offended at God for not coming through for you?

When you guard the desire of your heart, God delights in giving you what was always meant for you. Ask God to show you any areas where your innocence has been perverted & shame has stolen the narrative of your story. Sit with the Holy Spirit & write out a confession to remind yourself of His love for you even in your darkest hour.

Scripture: James 4:1-4

Winning the War Within

There’s a scene in the movie The Lord of The Rings that stood out to me while watching it last weekend. I felt it perfectly illustrates the battles we face in our desire to do good, but often end up making the wrong decision. Frodo, the main character, is on his quest to Mordor to destroy the ring in the fire of Mount Doom. Until this point, Frodo had maintained innocence & prevented himself from being influenced by the ring’s power. But along the way, his journey becomes intertwined with another character, Smeagol, who suffered greatly after murdering his friend to obtain the ring (before it fell into Frodo’s hands) & became possessed by the power of the ring that eroded at the integrity of his soul, turning him into a degenerate hunched hobbit with a dark side alter ego named Gollum. Smeagol always desired to do good, but Gollum constantly protested, building a case each time as to why doing the wrong thing was the ‘right’ thing to do.

But Smeagol wasn’t the only one swooned by the power of the ring. After a long day of traveling on foot, Frodo lay curled up beside the campfire, the smell of grass & smoke putting him to sleep, exhausted from the weary journey & even more fatigued from carrying the burden of this mission to defeat evil. In a vulnerable moment, Frodo pulls out the ring & begins to stroke it between his fingers. The flickering light of the fire illuminated its gold metal frame– its beauty seducing Frodo’s enfeebled restraint. Whispers from ‘The Eye’ (a representation of the evil powers of darkness, Sauron, who created the ring) entice Frodo to put the ring on & allow it to possess him to become all-powerful. In a moment, Frodo is found in a trance with the ring, his heart beating a million miles a minute, & in the near distance, Gollum’s screechy voice chants in praise of ‘his precious.’ “Once it takes hold of us, it never lets go,” the sound of Gollum’s voice awakens Frodo out of his trance. Frodo pushes Gollum away as he recognizes the influence of both the ring & what it can do to anyone who becomes possessed by it.“Who are you,” Frodo demands of Gollum & for a brief moment, Gollum remembers who he was before he gave himself over to the powers of darkness.

Ok, so you may not be a Lord of The Rings enthusiast like me, but hopefully I did a quality job of depicting this moment for anyone who hasn’t watched the movies. Something about this scene branded itself into my mind. I felt God’s presence so strongly in this illustration because so much of what we’ve been taught about good & evil has been presented as black & white. Do this, don’t do that. God is good, the devil is bad. But if it were that basic Adam & Eve would have never sinned in the garden. The problem is deception comes in the form of good, which is why depicting good vs. evil isn’t as easy as 1, 2, 3.

I could sit here & give you 5 ways to stay pure & slay the sexy dragon. People love formulas. They’re easy to digest & follow. But I’d rather look you in the eye, tell you the truth about what the Bible says about good & evil, & let you navigate your journey with God for yourself just like Frodo. It’s less endorphin-driven theology & ‘rah-rah’ preachy of a message, but I believe it’s the missing piece in this purity conversation for a generation that grew up with a whole lot of rules & a whole lot less vision for who they desired to become.

When I was battling with my inner demons of lust, I heard a Christian speaker say they believed you could masturbate & it still be holy. This statement opened up a door for me to be deceived that started with a behavior & authorized an addiction I never desired. Just like Gollum said, “Once it takes hold of us, it never lets go.” An addiction is something you don’t have control over. It’s a little more serious than just doing something because you enjoy it, even when you know it’s not the right thing to do. It’s the same power the ring had over Gollum. I found myself bound & I was desperate for freedom.

As I was seeking God one night, I came across a YouTube video from Kris Valliton, founder of Moral Revolution (a ministry out of Bethel Church that creates powerful resources on healthy sexuality), who was speaking at a conference & addressing the topic of masturbation. The video was about 13 years old & only 11 minutes long, so I thought, ‘What the heck, can’t hurt to listen.’ Little did I know, God only needed 11 minutes to drop a revelation in me that transformed the way I viewed my sexual desires & gave me the power I needed to break free from my addiction. In the middle of his talk, Kris shared a statement I will never forget, “Stop asking if what you’re doing is right or wrong & start asking, ‘Who am I becoming with this behavior?’” He continued by sharing how God desires for us to not just do the right thing, but to live out of an authentic expression of who He designed us to be. Instead of looking at our sexual addictions or behaviors as wrong & shameful, we should look at them through the lens of healthy or unhealthy. Why is it that we look at all other types of behaviors such as eating habits & question if it’s healthy, but when it comes to the desires & impulses of our sexuality, we want to cast shame? Eating a chili-cheese dog 3 times a day isn’t wrong, but it sure ain’t healthy. Working out too much to the point of body dysmorphia isn’t wrong either, but it sure ain’t healthy. Being intentional about who you’re becoming through questioning the behaviors that have become your addictions is far more impactful than trying to do the right thing out of religious obligation.

So let me ask you: Is watching pornography a healthy consumption? Is it helping you become more authentic, more whole, more like Jesus, & who God created you to be? Is masturbating inspiring you to live a life of holiness, more purpose-driven, more alive in your calling? Is sleeping with your partner & dipping into the sexual indulgence of marriage benefits laying a healthy foundation for your future marriage & the faithfulness you will pledge to each other? To echo the words of Frodo, “Who are you?” Have you lost yourself in your addiction/compromise? Do you feel like Gollum, constantly at odds with your desire for good, never able to overcome evil, & feeling like it will never let you go? Or maybe you’re like Frodo, innocent from the powers of darkness, yet entertaining the allure of pleasure with a stroke of curiosity, vulnerable to deception.

Wherever you find yourself, there is a battle for your desire at war within you. James 4 puts it plainly:

“…your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions….”

Perhaps the reason you’ve been bound all this time is because you too have been asking wrongly. Winning the war within first begins with asking God to remind you of who He created you to be & getting clear with your decisions in your becoming journey.

Having sexual desires is not wrong or unhealthy. But what you do with those desires & impulses is what can lead to sin & an unhealthy sexual lifestyle.

Do you feel like you’re fighting a never-ending war within? Do you feel powerless in your desire to do the right thing, but constantly fall into the seduction of the alluring gratification of your flesh? If you’re not proud of the man or woman you’ve become as a result of your behavior up to this moment, go to God & ask Him to remind you of who He created you to be. Get alone with God & repent of trying to put him in a box & formula. Ask Him to reveal the areas in your heart that are broken & need healing. Allow for a time of silence & receive the love of the Father. Ask Him to give you a vision for your future & the person you desire to become. Write it down & post it on your wall. Each morning, read this vision aloud & begin to filter your life’s decisions & ask yourself if those actions align with who you desire to become.

Scriptures: Romans 5:20, Proverbs 5, Proverbs 7

How to slay your dragon & not fall in love with satan

Cody & I dated for almost two years before we got married. While we knew we wanted to marry each other since the early days of dating, I’m so grateful we gave ourselves time to grow & conquer the desires that waged war within us before we stood at an altar & made vows to each other. It enabled us to get raw & real with whom we were choosing to marry & mature in our love, unhindered by any skeletons hidden in our closet.

For some reason, it seems most couples don’t date intentionally in this same way. Instead, they hide their struggles until they get married & then the inner psycho awakens. This is why you often hear newlyweds talk about how the first year of marriage is the hardest because they naively ran from the sexy dragon until he eventually caught up with them.

When I look back, It is as if God took us back to the Garden of Eden & gave us a chance to redeem our past to forge a new way for our future. Now on the other side of the altar, being married has been the easiest, overwhelmingly joyful, adventurous, fun, & more life-giving than I ever imagined. The sacred covenant of marriage has felt like heaven rejoicing over us. Honestly, I keep saying it’s 10x better than dating & we’ve seamlessly eased into a cadence of becoming one as husband & wife. But it came with a cost.

Are you willing to pay the price for claiming territory God wants you to have in your sexual health & relationship? No battle is fought without first being willing to give your life to claim your victory. Your surrender to Christ is the first step to laying down your life. But in doing so you gain the ultimate upper hand against the powers of darkness. Could it be that the attack on your innocence is so violent because the enemy knows your purity is a weapon of warfare that has the power to redeem? Could it also be this is a battle you can’t win on your own? In the Garden of Eden, Adam & Eve were seduced by satan with a counterfeit pleasure that ultimately lost them their eternal freedoms. Lust, immorality, & disgrace flooded humanity so awful to the point the Bible says God regretted making mankind & His heart was grieved (Genesis 6:6). But even in the chaos & His own heartbreak, God had a plan to redeem the innocence that had been stolen.

The Bible says Jesus was the second Adam, the ultimate sacrificial lamb that took away our sin & made us pure before God. He won the war & defeated the sexy dragon for us so that by His grace we can overcome every temptation of the enemy. The Bible says that where sin abounds grace abounds all the more (Romans 5:20)! You don’t have to live a defeated life of torment bound by the desires of your flesh. Jesus desires to give you revelation, not rules, that will set you free. No matter how bad you think you are or how long you’ve been in bondage, God’s grace is extended to you today.

I love this quote by Lisa Bevere, “God’s Pursuit of you is greater than your ability to wander.” Wander you may, but God’s pursuit of you is greater than even the seduction of satan. “That sounds nice & dandy Esther, but why doesn’t it seem to work for me? I love Jesus, yet I’m still overcome with lust.” I hear ya! I hope up to this point of our time together you’ve explored some new questions, had a personal revelation, & conversed with Jesus about the challenges you’re facing. I believe the transformation the Holy Spirit will do within you is greater than any 5 tips I can offer. Simultaneously, I’d be doing you a disservice if I didn’t give you practical guidance for defeating your dragon.

The Bible is full of wisdom, specifically Proverbs, that outlines the importance of practical guidance that will be your rear guard against the seductress spirit of this world. While reading Proverbs 5 & 7 I was struck by the detailed instructions the writer gives to those vulnerable to the deception of desire. I wish I could quote both chapters because they are THAT mind-blowing (it’s like watching the Kardashians but in Bible times). Instead, I’ll share a portion that equips you with practical wisdom we can apply today:

“With persuasive words, she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter…” Proverbs 7:21-22

To be clear this scripture is not saying all women are seductresses (please don’t send me hate emails). Rather, there is a lustful spirit behind this woman illustrated in this story that is attractive & commonly desired amongst those seeking companionship. That spirit can possess both a man or woman who seeks temporal pleasure as their source of fulfillment. It comes in many forms & entices all who are weak in restraint. But ONE THING will guard you against the power of these persuasive words: WISDOM.

“Say to wisdom, ‘You are my sister,’ and to insight, ‘You are my relative.’ They will keep you from the adulterous woman, from the wayward woman with her seductive words.” Provers 7:4-5

Wisdom is not just knowing the right thing to do, but the application of knowledge. It’s one thing to know right from wrong and good from evil, but as we discussed earlier, desiring to do the right thing is never enough. We NEED wisdom. In fact, we won’t be able to live a life free from the lust of the flesh without it. So how do we get it? Proverbs 9:10 says, “The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Forgive me for the simplicity of what I’m about to say, but could it be that the answer you’ve been searching for to get free from your addiction to lust is found in the fear of the Lord? You might be thinking, ‘Well, Esther I do fear God. I mean I go to church every Sunday. I read my Bible. I’m a faithful Christian,” & I totally believe you. But That’s not the fear of the Lord. Proverbs 8:13 says the fear of the Lord is to hate evil. Do you hate watching porn? Do you hate the lust of the flesh? Do you hate sex trafficking? Do you hate the lustful indulgence of masturbation & self-pleasure? Do you hate sex outside the confines of the covenant? Do you hate emotional promiscuity? Do you hate having sexual thoughts of others? If you hesitated to answer yes to any of these questions, It’s worth asking yourself if you are merely living a surface-level Christian life or truly living in the absolute fear of the Lord.

I like how John Bevere breaks it down even more,“The fear of God is not being afraid of Him. It is being afraid of being away from Him.” Are we so aware & tremble at the idea of our sin separating us from the almighty that we process our thoughts & actions through what it would cost us to be away from Him to give into our flesh? As Christians, we have become so adamant about moral formation that we’ve lost touch with the passion of our intimacy with Jesus, the purpose of our relationship with Him. I didn’t get saved & come to Christ to be a good Christian. I came to Christ to sit at His feet & learn to be loved by Him. Satan has no power over a soul ravished by his/her passionate love relationship with Jesus. The sexy dragon can strut, sway, shake the booty, & seduce all he wants, but he ain’t gonna steal my affection when I’ve tasted of the goodness & pure acceptance of Christ.

As I come to a close in this devotional I’d like to ask you: how’s your love relationship with Jesus? Do you truly know His love & have experienced His grace beyond your Christian ‘to-do’ list of self-righteousness? Are you walking in the fear of the Lord in your purity, applying wisdom, & seeking personal revelation as you live a life of healthy sexuality? The fear of the Lord will bring conviction that opens your eyes, wisdom will cause you to live a life of accountability, & revelation will be the lifeblood of your passion for living a pure life.

Here’s some homework I’d like you to do after reading this plan:

1. Find a pastor/mentor who you can confide in & be honest with what you’re going through. Call them & ask them if they would be willing to WEEKLY hold you accountable. Then, schedule a time on your calendar at the same time/day every week to text/call your mentor. On this call, you must be brutally honest with them about how you’re struggling & ask them to speak wisdom into you.
2. If you’re battling with a porn addiction, set up software on your devices to block porn sites. There are many out there, just google them.
3. If you’re struggling with lustful thoughts & masturbation, find a Christian counselor who you can meet with regularly to find healing from past trauma that could be the root of your addiction. Commit to paying for & making time to show up to the sessions with NO EXCUSES.
4. A large cause of addiction is a result of spiritual oppression. If you know your parents or others in your family battle sexual addictions, this could be a stronghold & generational curse on your family. Seek wise counsel at your church & ask if someone from pastoral care can pray for you/walk you through Biblical deliverance.
5. Make a plan for your purity. Everyone fails without a plan. You can’t expect to go to war without a battle plan. If you want to win, you need to position yourself for victory. If you’re in a relationship, talk to your partner about boundaries & then KEEP TALKING. This conversation never ends. Even when you’re married, boundaries continue to be an ongoing conversation to guard each other against the attacks of the enemy.

I believe God has equipped you with everything you need to slay the sexy dragon. You don’t have to continue to fall prey to his seductive schemes. You CAN experience total healing & transformation starting today. My prayer is that God would pour out His spirit upon you & give you revelation from heaven for how to steward healthy sexuality in your life. I pray the disillusions of attraction would be exposed to those who desire a spouse & that nothing would hinder their attraction to the right person. To those struggling with restraint in their relationships, I pray for exceeding grace & a conviction rooted in the fear of the Lord. I pray for grace for singles committed to this journey of wholeness to find relationships guided by the Holy Spirit & fulfillment of kingdom marriages to the glory of God. I pray those who are already married/in a relationship break free from the bondage of lust that has blinded their eyes from seeing their partner the way God made them. May all who read these words be emboldened by the Holy Spirit to slay the sexy dragon in their life & overcome every temptation, in Jesus’ name!