Swipe Right: The Life and Death Power of Sex and Romance

Scriptures: Genesis 25:29-34, Hebrews 12:14-17, Jeremiah 29:11

You Don’t Want What the Devil’s Got in His Crock-Pot

One of my favorite things about coming home is the smell that meets me when I walk in the door. There is nothing quite like walking into a warm, cozy house, with a fire roaring, a puppy yipping, little girls screaming and running, candles burning, and something savory simmering in the Crock-Pot. That’s what I want to talk to you about, and to be honest, it’s the reason I wrote this. Something cooking slowly in a Crock-Pot. It isn’t a delicious home-cooked meal, either. This Crock-Pot belongs to the devil. You need to know that Satan is slow-cooking the death of your calling.

The story of Esau and Jacob illustrates this perfectly. Twin boys are born, and one is to receive a great inheritance. The inheritance is this: Out of his family will come great nations, even great kings (Genesis 17:4–6) — this would lead to a messiah that would crush the head of the devil and destroy death. From an ancient, historical perspective, the easy answer is that the mantle would go to the firstborn: Esau. However, one night in a fit of hunger, Esau trades his ultimate birthright to Jacob for a bowl of soup.

Red pill, blue pill. Swipe left, swipe right. Two options were on the table: Would you like this meal right now, or would you like to see God do great things through your life down the road? He gave up his inheritance for something that made him feel good for an evening.

Don’t you dare trade your calling for something that’s one-and-done. Don’t let the devil set the value on your life. He’s a liar! He will whisper that sleeping with someone will make you feel loved—but you are already loved by an almighty God. He will whisper that looking at porn is normal, harmless, and will satisfy—but you will be hungry again, and besides you are destined to be a leader, not a follower. Normal is overrated. He will whisper that you are missing out by not doing what your friends are doing and that one’s true! By following God’s plan, you are missing out on heartache, regret, guilt, and a whole lot of sadness.

Don’t fall for what the devil’s got in his Crock-Pot. Instead, decide that when he tempts you, you’re going to throw the soup off the table.Now yells louder, but later lasts longer. Resolve to stand up and take the place in the kingdom of God that you were born to inherit.

Remember: Now yells louder, but later lasts longer.

Scriptures: Psalms 119:11, Song of Songs 4:12, Proverbs 5:16

The Problem with Pineapples

Like we learned yesterday, God has something so much better for you than what you would settle for right now. The more people you choose to have sex with, the less the experience means. Easy come, easy go.

Having a hunger for sex isn’t a bad thing. If you aren’t married, it’s just not time yet. It’s not “no.” It’s just “not now.” God designed sex as a treasure to be valued in the context of marriage. He wants you to wait to glue your soul to the one you will spend your life with, grow old with, and die with. The ultimate proof that God isn’t anti-sex is that sex is his creation. God wants you to have amazing sex, but he knows that sex is not only pleasurable—it’s also powerful.

Questions to ask yourself:

• How has the way our culture treats sex impacted you personally?
  • Come up with 2-3 verses that will help you personally in your fight for honor.

Remember: Sex is not only pleasurable, it’s also powerful.

Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 6:15-18, Genesis 2:24

Scars Mean Sex

One of the programs we watched during Shark Week— Island of the Mega Shark—really caught my attention. On screen were giant 14-foot white sharks that were pockmarked on their backs and sides by scars. The narrator claimed, “There are definitely sexually mature females here.” I wondered how on earth he knew this. Reading my mind, the narrator continued, “Their sides are a battleground of scars, and those scars mean sex. Males have to hold on somehow.” Consequently, females who are sexually mature have scars on their sides and gills. I paused the show. I was no longer thinking about the breeding habits of the scariest fish in the ocean. I pulled out my phone to write those three words: Scars mean sex.

I began to think about the people in my life with not physical but emotional scar tissue—some healed and healthy, others infected and ugly. Sex was always the common denominator: The friend whose marriage blew up after an affair. Scar. The mother who discovered her son’s sexting. Scar. The buddy who was given HIV by a girlfriend who knew she had it but didn’t want to suffer alone. Scar. The teen whose life was a living hell because of naked pictures she sent to one person but ended up spread all over school. Scar. The child who was molested by a family friend. Scar. And the pastor who was exposed to pornography in junior high and fought a secret, smoldering obsession with it for years making it difficult to honor women or himself. That’s my scar.

Contrary to what our culture preaches, sex is much more than a physical activity.Every time you have sex with someone, it changes you. When we engage in sex outside of God’s plan, it can make us unable to enjoy it inside his plan. The more times you pull up a Post-it note and attempt to re-stick it, the less powerful the adhesive becomes. Like a frequently moved Post-it note, sexuality loses its stickiness over time. Sex is meant to glue two people together for a lifetime. Think of it this way: The more people you attach your Post-it note to, the less long-term power that sexual relationship will have. I’m not trying to make you feel bad about your past. Instead, I want to fight for your future. I pray that you would understand you have the power right now to prevent scar tissue down the road.

Remember: Sex is much more than a physical activity.

Scriptures: Jeremiah 17:9, Proverbs 14:12, Psalms 119:105

Flying Blind

Following your feelings can lead to disaster. Blindly following your heart is a really bad idea. Our most noble achievements, and our most tragic mistakes, all come from the same exact place: the human heart.

Just like a pilot needs instruments he can trust, you need objective indicators for your soul. Your feelings aren’t irrelevant; they just can’t be the lord of your life. Monitor them, but don’t trust them. Rather, run them through an objective filter, so that even when you feel like doing wrong, you can spot the danger and choose to avoid it.

We need the Word of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit to guide us. The Word of God keeps us from being fooled by the haze of our emotions and prevents us from being ruled by every thought and desire. God’s rules are there for a reason—not to kill your joy but to enhance it. He has so much more in store for you than you could ever know. But to get there, you must relinquish your desire to navigate on your own, lest you lose your way. When you put your trust in the instruments God has given you, you set yourself up to soar.

Questions to ask yourself:

• Do you follow your feelings and emotions or put them through an objective filter?
• Do you have a favorite verse that has been a guide in your life? Think of some examples in life when scripture has guided you.

Remember: Protect your future by living carefully right now.

Scriptures: Genesis 2:24, Romans 13:7, Song of Songs 5:1

Strength & Honor

The two words that should mark our thoughts on sex are honor and strength. The word honor speaks of worth. If you honor something, you put a high value on it; you esteem it as being precious. Unfortunately, we live in a day where honor is in short supply. The world could do with a great deal more honor, especially when it comes to our love lives. The Bible tells us clearly that marriage and sex are to be honored.

Honor is the path to your greatest pleasure. Don’t treat yourself like a flimsy Styrofoam cup, or a utilitarian diner mug. You are like a piece of fine china: delicate, beautiful, and fragile. You are a one-of-a-kind work of art, and the impact you are meant to have on this world extends far beyond your lifetime.

Talking about treating sex with honor is easy, but living it out is a whole ’nother thing. This is where strength comes in. It takes strength to rise up in honor. It’s not going to happen on accident or by default, and it might even cost you something.

I have found that, outside of receiving salvation by grace, nothing sweet comes without sweat. You must be willing to fight—for your marriage (now or in the future) and for your calling. You need to fight for the souls of those whom God wants you to reach; but you’ll never get the chance to reach them if you sell yourself short. I’m here to tell you if you don’t fight for honor, you’re kissing the life Jesus died for you to have goodbye.

The world needs Jesus, and we can’t help others if we are so tangled up in slavery to sexual sin ourselves that we can’t see straight. Suit up for battle, pray always, be sober and vigilant, surround yourself with godly people, don’t expose yourself to more temptation than would be wise, hide God’s word in your heart, and rely on the power of the Holy Spirit. You were born for this!

Remember: Honor is the path to your greatest pleasure.

Scriptures: Galatians 6:5, Proverbs 5:22

The Things We Carry

You might be thinking, Hold on, Levi, God can forgive! I can do what I want now and then later straighten up. I’ll ask for forgiveness down the road, and it will all be fine. Of course God can forgive you—but he’d much rather be blessing you and using you. My prayer is that you will have less to carry down the road because of how you live today. Because your present will one day be your past, you can protect your future by living carefully right now.

I certainly didn’t write this just for people who have already chosen to swipe right and stick to God’s plan for sex and dating. If so, I wouldn’t be allowed to read it. The good news for you and for me is that there is still hope.

Listen to me very carefully: It’s not too late. You’re not too far gone. Your greatest days can come after your biggest failures. God specializes in redemption stories. I’m not saying it’ll be easy or that every consequence will go away. But if you give God your present, he will begin a new chapter in your story. Just because you can’t unreap what you have already sown doesn’t mean you can’t start sowing something new.
 

Questions to ask yourself:

• What are you carrying that you need to ask forgiveness for and move on from?
• What we live now we’ll lug later. What can you do to protect your future by living carefully right now?/p>

Remember: What you live now you’ll lug later.

Scriptures: John 8:34, Proverbs 4:23, 2 Timothy 2:22, Proverbs 23:7

Red Bull at Bedtime 

My brother-in-law, Brandon, and I were on a trip. We got in late and made plans for the next day: We would hit the gym early and head to the conference I was speaking at after. I FaceTimed my family, and not too long after that, I drifted off to sleep.

My eyes shot open, burning and tired. Morning already. I was jittery and agitated, as I often am when I have an early wake-up call. I had overslept! I couldn’t believe I hadn’t heard the phone call. I tore off the covers, got dressed, cracked open a Red Bull, and gulped it down. Just then I noticed the alarm clock on the bedside table that said 3:04 a.m. Sheepishly I looked down at the now empty Red Bull in my hand and thought, What have I done? I laid back down in bed and thought of the two messages I would need to preach later that day. I really needed some sleep before that. I closed my eyes but could already feel the caffeine quickening my pulse. Needless to say, no amount of counting sheep would knock me out after that.

I wonder if this isn’t an appropriate and unfortunate picture of what so often sets us back in our attempts to live for God. I am sure you have the best of intentions. You want to do what is right. If you aren’t making forward progress, it is probably not for lack of trying. Maybe you already spend quiet time with God, attend a small-group Bible study, and serve at your church on a volunteer team.

Perhaps the problem isn’t what you aren’t doing, but what you are consuming. The problem we must face is that, what you allow in your soul could be what keeps you in a state of arrested development. Close the computer, cancel your cable, walk out of the movie, delete the contact from your phone, change schools, or quit your job if you have to. Do something drastic to your sin, or sin will do something drastic to you. What you feed on you’ll be full of.

Take some time to ask yourself – what are you consuming that you need to step away from?

Remember: Perhaps the problem isn’t what you aren’t doing, but what you are consuming.

Scriptures: Judges 16:22, Proverbs 24:16, Romans 8:11

Samson’s Hair Began to Grow

One of my favorite Bible verses is Judges 16:22.

“But before long, Samson’s hair began to grow back”

This might not seem like much to you, but remember what he had done: Samson drank out of the devil’s Crock-Pot, paying for temporary pleasure with future power. His strength left him when his head was shaved. His eyes were poked out. His enemies wrapped him in chains and put him in a dungeon to grind grain and be laughed at. The enemy took his strength and his eyes and all Samson got for it was a few nights with Delilah. (Read Judges 13-16 for the full story.)

This is all very sad, but there is redemption in it. In those dark days he came to his senses, and his heart turned to God in prayer. As he did, a little stubble appeared on his scalp. Little by little it grew, and as it did, so did he. I’m not saying everything was like it used to be—he never got his sight back—but as his hair got longer, he became stronger, and with that newfound power came a resolve. His desire was for the enemy to pay for what was taken away. God used Samson more powerfully in his weakness than he had in the rest of Samson’s life.

Maybe you, like Samson, feel hopeless. Maybe you, due to mistakes made, lost everything. Did you cheat on your spouse? Did you get kicked out of school? Are you so low that suicide seems like the best way out? It’s not too late. Your hair can grow again.

I’ve read the Bible from front to back, and while there is a lot I don’t understand, this I know: It all works out in the end. That means if it hasn’t worked out yet—it isn’t the end! As long as your heart is beating in your chest, there remains hope of a better tomorrow. Never forget we serve a God whose Son was dead—until he wasn’t. God can make a way where there is no way. The name of Jesus is greater than heroin, divorce, debt, addiction, incarceration, prostitution, or bankruptcy.

It matters not how deep of a pit you have fallen into or how long you have been there—only whether you are willing to be made well.

Questions to ask yourself:

• Are there any areas of your life that feel hopeless? What does God’s word say about your future? (Jeremiah 29:11)
• In what ways have you been used through your weaknesses?

Remember: When you fall, get back up.

Scriptures: Matthew 6:33, Psalms 37:4

Vice President Biden in My Bed

A while back, my family and I stayed at a hotel in Charlotte, North Carolina. While the bellman was bringing our bags to the room, he casually told us that the last guest to stay in this particular room was former Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden. I like to pretend that no one else has ever stayed in my hotel rooms before. The less I know, the better.

Here’s the point: When you get married, ultimately you are sleeping with whomever the person you are marrying has slept with. You are bringing into your bed whomever you have had in your bed as well. So much of marriage is selection of the right spouse and what baggage you bring into the relationship.

Stability, or the lack thereof, is the result of the foundation. We bring all of ourselves and issues and pasts into a relationship, so if you live circumspectly, there will be much less to come back and haunt you later. You can cut so many problems off at the pass by living God’s way. Rather than managing future consequences, which is like hacking away at the leaves, you need to aim for the root.

Today’s decisions are tomorrow’s sadness or celebration. Right now you are determining who your spouse wakes up to down the road. Fight for them even if you have no idea who they are. Yesterday you said tomorrow. Today is the day to put God first.  Be who he made you to be. You will attract the right one by protecting the right things. Life attracts life. If you are filling your life with tinder while you’re single, it will lead to a forest fire down the road.

Remember: Today’s decisions are tomorrow’s sadness or celebration.

Scripture: John 2:6-7

Date Your Mate or the Devil Will Find Somebody Who Will

Every summer I take my family on a camping trip to Glacier National Park. We pencil it in on our calendar months ahead of time as our annual “Luskos in the wild” expedition. Planning vacations, romantic getaways, and even date nights protects them from being just good intentions that get swallowed up by busyness.

You will never find time for the most important things in life; you must make time. Marriage must be approached the way you make a fire when camping: What takes a spark to ignite requires diligent effort to maintain. They don’t flourish on their own, and left to themselves, they will dwindle down to ash. Fuel must be constantly added in order to achieve a powerful fire. Relationships are not turnkey or maintenance-free.

Great marriages require a constant infusion of commitment, tears, and lots and lots of forgiveness. I also happen to agree with Dr. Dre, who once said, “Clear communication. Respect. A lot of laughter. And a lot of orgasms. That’s what makes a marriage work.” Right on all points! After all Jennie and I have been through and fought through and prayed through, out of sheer laziness I would never for a moment consider divorce. Jennie and I have endured a marriage storm that, statistically speaking, should have done us in. Often when parents have to bury a child, the relationship often doesn’t survive. I write this with all humility, giving all glory to God: Jennie’s and my marriage, while not without its issues, is better and stronger today than it’s ever been. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If she ever leaves me, I’m going with her!

Date night is sacred and replenishing. You will be able to pull wine out of your marriage to the extent that you pour water into it. God can’t bless what you don’t offer him. Sow sparingly, reap sparingly. And trust me when I say this: If you don’t date your mate, the devil will find someone who will. No one can stop you from having a marriage that’s incredible; you just have to fill your pots to the brim with the water of love, generosity, forgiveness, time, affection, communication, and intimacy. Maybe you don’t have a marriage problem. It might be you have a soul problem. Give your heart to Jesus and walk in relationship with him. You’ll never be right with your mate until you’re right with your Maker.

Questions to ask yourself:

• If married – am I making time for my spouse and investing in our marriage? If dating or engaged – am I practicing these habits now so they will be second nature in marriage one day?
• How full are your pots of love, generosity, forgiveness, time, affection, communication, and intimacy?

Remember: You’ll never be right with your mate until you’re right with your Maker.

Scriptures: Exodus 2:12, Proverbs 15:3, Genesis 28:16

Breaking the Fourth Wall

When an actor or performer directly acknowledges the audience or looks into the camera, it is referred to as “breaking the fourth wall” or “breaking character.” For example, when Jim on The Office smirks into the camera after Michael or Dwight do something crazy, or when Ferris Bueller talks to us through the camera, narrating his own movie, they are breaking the fourth wall.

At its essence, to break the fourth wall is to stop pretending that you are by yourself, to admit you are being watched, and to acknowledge your audience.

Your goal in life should be to do exactly that: to tear down the wall, ending the false separation between yourself and God and embracing the fact that everything we do is being watched. But—this is where it gets really mind-blowing—just as God is where you are going to be, he is also still where you just were.

God isn’t just one step ahead of you, beating you there; he is also still where you aren’t while simultaneously being where you are presently. You have never not been with God. Not for one second have you been alone. Even if, like Moses, you zigged when you should have zagged, God is still with you and still wants to draw near to you. His presence is not based on your performance. He is always with you, because that’s who he is, not because of anything you have or haven’t done. The things behind you are no match for the one who is with you.

Your life will take on and tap into new meaning, significance, and strength to the degree that you learn to look into the camera and acknowledge God’s presence in your life. His presence is a benefit only if you remember it, cultivate it, and lean into it.

One of the most repeated commands in scripture is “Remember,” because it is so easy to forget. Whisper to God each morning, “I know that you are here. I know you are with me.” Say it when you are afraid or tempted. Say it when you are angry or disappointed. Let it become your release valve when you are ashamed. Run to him, not from him. Memory will help alter your story.

Take a moment to acknowledge God’s presence. Say out loud, “I know you are here” and be still.

Remember: You have never, even for one second, been apart from God.

Scriptures: Proverbs 31:21, 1 Peter 2:11-12

Winter Is Coming

On a trip in New York, Jennie and I happened into a jewelry store that sold children’s jewelry. I immediately thought of my daughters, Alivia and Lenya (ages seven and five at the time), and the fact that I had been wanting to give them rings to wear on their ring fingers as a reminder of our ongoing conversation about relationships and romance, strength and honor. We brought the rings home and wrapped them with all the other little gifts we had bought for our four little arrows.

Lenya went home to heaven with the rings still unopened. She left this world with her daddy’s breath in her lungs and her mom’s prayers in her ears. Five days before we planned to give these gifts, she was gone. We brought her ring to the funeral home on the day of her burial. With a peace I wasn’t expecting, we enjoyed tender and special moments with this body we enjoyed seeing her in for five beautiful years. Our Lenya Lion. Jennie handed me the ring, and when it was on the ring finger of her left hand, I stroked her hair and sobbed.

In a larger sense, that ring on her finger drives me as I write this for you. Death might have deprived me of the opportunity to continue the conversation with Lenya, but God will have the last laugh, because that motivates me to have it with you. What the thief has taken must be restored sevenfold. I seek to speak up as a father, for the Father, to any one of his children who will listen.

This is my message in a bottle, containing what I would have told Lenya, opened up for you. And the message I have for you is this: Hold out for honor. You are worth more than you know. You are created in the image of God, and your value exceeds that of rubies or diamonds.

You are loved, and you are lovely. You are appointed and anointed to rule and reign with God as royalty. You are the head and not the tail; you are from above and not beneath. You are a leader, not a follower. Don’t rush, don’t hurry, and don’t settle! Let God prepare you, and believe that he is also preparing someone for you.

No matter what is behind you, from this day forward, embrace God’s plans for you.

Questions to ask yourself:

• Did you grow up with your value being spoken over you, or is this difficult for you to understand? Take time to remember what God has said about you. He calls you beloved. You are chosen, loved, called, and equipped. He has a plan for you.
• Who in your life needs to hear the truths you’ve learned through this reading plan? Commit to praying for them and share what you’ve learned with them. Encourage them to read through the plan with you, praying God will use it in their life and yours.

Remember: Live below with your heart set on his kingdom above.