The Path to Freedom: 5 Steps to Porn-Free Living

Scriptures: Ephesians 6:11, Job 31:1, John 8:36

Your First Step to Freedom: Shutting the Door

Imagine you’re on a train that’s torpedoing toward disaster. Run as hard or as fast as you’d like to the back of the train, this futile attempt to move in the opposite direction of the locomotive won’t change anything. Unless you get off the train, you’re on your way to disaster.

Many of our attempts to break the cycle of porn addiction are as effective as a sprint in opposite direction of a train we can’t get off. As much as we want to stop and as hard as we try to stop, we still find ourselves on the runaway train of our desires and the hijacked, habit-forming mechanisms in our brains. So, how do we get off this train?

If you’ve started this devotional then you’re ready to make a change. You might think the first step is simply wanting to quit porn, but a desire to quit won’t take you very far on the pathway to freedom. Willpower and desire are like any depletable resource—they diminish over time or use. If you’ve ever wanted to quit porn before and failed, you know this is true. Your first step has to be an action—and a big one. You need to shut the door to your biggest threat: the primary way you have accessed pornographic materials in the last 6-12 months. You probably know what it is without thinking about it: your phone, your computer, your gaming device, your TV, or the bookstore.

You may need to cancel the cable or internet (or both), delete the browsers and apps on your phone, get rid of your smart phone, or even give your gaming system or tablet away. This might seem extreme, but the path to freedom requires you to make a change. Trying harder won’t be enough. You must make a deep, deep change in order for this to work.

Consider taking these action steps to help you shut the door to your greatest threats:

1) List all devices, locations, and methods you have used to access pornography in the last six months.

2) From that list, identify which one is your greatest threat.

3) Determine what decisive step you need to make to remove or severely limit your access to your greatest threat.

4) Pick a date and time you are committing to complete this action.

5) Try to anticipate the obstacles or roadblocks you may face in this decision, and make a plan to address them.

Thought of the Day: Today, I will take my first step toward freedom from porn. I will take action and shut the door to my greatest threats. God is with me as I begin this journey, and I am not alone.

Scriptures: Song of Songs 2:15, Genesis 4:7, 1 Corinthians 6:18

Step 2: Close the Loopholes

Think of some of the most iconic monsters in popular culture, monsters like Godzilla and King Kong. These oversized creatures stand as high as skyscrapers and tower over entire cities. The threats you shut the door to in your first step toward porn-free living are like these big monsters. They are your biggest and greatest threats. Closing the door to them is huge, but there may be other dangers you need to look out for.

Now that the “biggies” have been dealt with, you need to start considering other ways you are tempted to act out or return to porn. These are the “iffy” things or “gray areas” in your life that can lead to temptation. They may seem like nothing compared to the Godzilla of your smart phone or the King Kong of your gaming device, but as Ralph Waldo Emerson wisely said, “Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebbles that cause you to stumble…” With a similar insight into the often-overlooked potential dangers of “small” things, Song of Solomon warns us of “the little foxes that ruin the vineyards” (Song of Solomon 2:15).

Some common examples of the “small” things, or loopholes, that might lead to temptations are social media accounts, romantic or semi-erotic novels or comic books, old DVDs or magazines, or paid streaming platforms. Because these items aren’t overtly sexual or pornographic in nature, it can be easy to convince yourself that you can handle the temptation they might bring. However, you need to deal with your loopholes now, so that when you feel the need to escape, you can make a healthy choice. The time to repair the sails of your ship is while the boat is safe in the harbor, not in the middle of the storm. Don’t wait to deal with the loopholes in the middle of temptation. Take action now and put yourself in a stronger position to maintain victory and freedom.

Consider taking these action steps:

1) List as many loopholes as you can think of, the action needed to close that loophole, any help you might require to close it, and the deadline you’re giving yourself to close it.

2) Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you any loopholes you might be missing or not wanting to deal with. Ask for His help to leave no stone unturned.

3) If any additional loopholes surface over the next few weeks, add them to your list.

Thought of the Day: I will not ignore the loopholes that may introduce temptation or lead to old behaviors. With God’s help, I am taking another step toward freedom and gaining strength along the way.

Scriptures: 2 Timothy 2:22, Philippians 3:12-14, 1 Timothy 6:12

Step 3: Go on the Offense

Any sports fan knows that a good team needs a strong defense and a strong offense. It’s not enough for a team to simply stop their opponents from scoring with a good defensive plan. They need a strong offensive if they want to gain ground and score. Your first two steps—shutting the door to threats and closing loopholes—are great defensive measures. We’ll keep building those as we move forward, but now it’s time to develop proactive measures to help you go on the offense.

What this really boils down to is the things we’re saying no to and the things we’re saying yes to. We can’t just put a giant “NO” sign on our lives. The journey toward porn-free living requires you to have a clear vision for where you can’t go and where you can go instead. This is where the Relapse Prevention Tool, or more simply, “The Three Circles,” comes in.

For today’s action step, either draw out or use your imagination to picture “The Three Circles.” Start with three concentric circles, one inside of the other. The one in the middle is your Inner Circle, the one outside of that is your Middle Circle, and the last one is your Outer Circle.

· The Inner Circle is the “crash site,” where you can write in or mentally place the behaviors and actions that you are committing to stop and never do again. Things like pornography, masturbation, or sex outside of marriage. Anything that has been part of your negative pattern. 

· The Middle Circle is the “guardrail” you need to put in place to avoid a “crash” (or avoid getting to the Inner Circle). If you think about highway systems, guardrails are put in places on the road to keep you from a destructive crash at the bottom of a ravine. This is what we want to do—create barriers that keep us further back from the cliff of our old patterns. Write in or mentally picture preventative measures you can take to keep from getting to the “crash site,” or the Inner Circle. 

· The Outer Circle is the “YES” in your life. “Yeses” are the healthy things you can do to stay focused on the road to recovery. Write in or brainstorm healthy actions that add value to all aspects of your life—physical, relational, mental, and spiritual. You should have just as many healthy actions listed in your Outer Circle as you do guardrails in your Middle Circle. Concentrate on engaging in Outer Circle activities. The more you do this, the less likely you will be to veer toward relapse. 

Thought of the Day: The life of freedom isn’t just about saying no. Today, I’m saying yes to all that God has for me!Yes to freedom, life, love, and purity in Jesus’name.

Scriptures: Ecclesiastes 4:12, Proverbs 27:17, James 5:16

Step 4: Discover True Accountability

People today are more isolated than ever. With smart devices, remote work and access to goods and services online, you could go days, weeks, or months without leaving your house. But we weren’t meant to be solitary creatures. When God created Adam, He said it wasn’t good for him to be alone, so He created Eve. Life isn’t mean to be lived alone, and a struggle like the struggle against porn isn’t meant to be fought alone.

The first three steps to porn-free living invited us into a process of behavior change that can truly set us in a new direction. But if this is all we do, long-term freedom is unlikely. We will need support on this journey, and that support can only happen when someone knows what we really struggle with and what our plans are to change. This is the value of accountability. It invites another person into our life who can help us see and overcome our blind spots. A good accountability partner will likely be someone you already know and trust. This could be a friend, a pastor, or a mentor who knows some of the truth of your story and struggle.

Consider these action steps to help you take a step toward accountability:

1) Identify someone in your life who would make a good accountability partner, and then to reach out to them and ask them to meet up soon to talk.

2) Make a plan for a consistent day and time of the week to connect with your accountability partner.

3) Add accountability software to all of your devices and then invite your accountability partner to be on these plans.

As an additional step, consider incorporating the Commitment to Change tool to your regular accountability conversations. It can be easy for accountability to relapse into “performance-based” accountability, where someone only asks, “Did you relapse this week?” This minimizes the whole recovery process down to pass or fail. This question might be part of the process, but it isn’t the whole process. Try using these questions for a more holistic approach to recovery:

· What area do I need to change or what challenge am I facing this week? 

· What will it cost me if I don’t change? 

· What will it cost me if I do change? What fear will I have to face? 

· What is my specific (measurable) plan regarding this commitment to change? 

· What are the details of my accountability this week—what questions can my accountability partner ask me? 

Thought of the Day: God has given me the gifts of community and accountability to help me on this journey of recovery. Today, I will reach out to a friend, pastor

Scriptures: Philippians 1:6, 1 Corinthians 10:13, Hebrews 2:18

Step 5: Prepare for Emergencies

Most children don’t enjoy long car rides. Parents may hear, “Are we there yet?” an unwanted number of times when their child has had enough of the journey. If we’re honest, we become a little childlike (and maybe even a little childish) when we get impatient on our own long journeys toward change. It would be nice if we could just follow the steps, nail down the process, and change overnight, but the reality is, lasting behavioral change also requires lasting changes in our brain and in our relationships. Experts in brain research have determined that this level of change can be a 2–5 year process.

What does that mean for us? It means we need to accept that our journey to porn-free living may require a process that takes longer than we would like, and we need to stay on the lookout for our old behavior patterns longer than expected. As human beings, we are susceptible to whims, emotional swings, and impulsive behaviors. We may feel like making the right choices 95% of the time, but we need to have a plan for the 5% of the time when we don’t. Nearly every person breaking free from porn will experience a strong desire to return to old behaviors. Sometimes this happens at the very brink of a great breakthrough, as the enemy seeks to keep us trapped.

This is why we desperately need our final step toward porn-free living: prepare an Escape Plan for emergencies. An Escape Plan is a predetermined plan of action that defines the specific, clear, and realistic steps we can take in case of imminent relapse. Do you remember the “Stop, drop, and roll” drill we learned as children? Those specific, clear, and realistic steps helped us remember what do in case of a fire emergency. In the same way, your Escape Plan is going to help you remember what to do when you face an emergency situation created by lust, temptation, or opportunity.

Here is an example of what an Escape Plan might look like:

1) Turn off any electronic device I am on.

2) Get up and leave the room I am in.

3) Recite out loud a favorite Bible verse or quote about recovery.

4) Call my mentor or accountability partner.

These steps can be practiced easily in a couple of minutes. Consider practicing your Escape Plan two or three times a week for a month so that you will be more likely to execute it when you need it most.

Thought of the Day: My road to recovery is a sure road to freedom. It may take longer than I’d like, but I will continue to trust God with every step, and prepare for the strong temptations the enemy will use to keep me from breakthroughs.