Having shared values with the person you’re dating is essential to a long-lasting relationship. In this 5-day devotional, we’re sharing how starting your relationship as friends is powerful because it allows you to learn each other’s values and see how they impact your decisions. Discovering that you have similar values creates a strong foundation to build a romantic relationship.
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Day 1
Scripture: Proverbs 11:3
Day 1: Purity and Honesty
Having shared values with the person you’re dating is essential to a long-lasting relationship. Starting your relationship as friends is powerful because it allows you to learn each other’s values and see how they impact your decisions. Finding out that you have similar values creates a strong foundation to build a romantic relationship.
Discovering the shared values of purity and honesty helps you make decisions that align with your faith and personal beliefs.
Purity
Emphasizing the value of purity involves a commitment to maintain sexual purity until marriage, which is seen as honoring God with our bodies. This commitment is a personal choice and a shared value that signifies respect for each other and God’s perfect plan for relationships. When you’re friends with someone before dating, you get to learn how they view having sex outside of marriage without pressure and see if you share the value of physical purity.
But purity in this context also extends beyond physical actions; it encompasses the purity of heart and intentions. As friends transition into a romantic relationship, understanding this value means recognizing the importance of setting boundaries together. This mutual understanding and commitment to purity can help prevent misunderstandings and build trust because you’re aligned in honoring God’s principles.
Honesty
Honesty is paramount in any relationship, but it has a deeper significance in Christian dating. It’s about being truthful with yourself, God, and the person you’re dating, especially within your faith. When dating, embracing honesty means openly sharing your faith journey, fears, hopes, and expectations. This honesty, which begins in friendship, allows you and your partner to see each other’s authentic selves, creating a transparent environment where genuine understanding can flourish.
Being honest about your faith and spiritual goals ensures you are on the same page, minimizing conflicts and fostering a harmonious relationship. This transparency encourages vulnerability, which is important for emotional intimacy and connection. As friends, when you begin to share your honest thoughts and feelings, you lay a groundwork of trust essential for a deeper, romantic relationship.
When you discover these shared values of purity and honesty in friendship before committing to romance, you create a strong foundation for building a genuine, respectful, and spiritually fulfilling relationship. By focusing on these values, you can grow closer to each other and God, creating a partnership rooted in love and faith.
Day 2
Scriptures: Romans 12:10, Luke 16:10-12
Day 2: Respect and Faithfulness
Discovering the shared values of respect and faithfulness helps you feel confident that your partner will treat you with kindness and be reliable throughout your relationship.
Respect
Romans 12:10 encourages us to “be devoted to one another in love” and “honor one another above yourselves.” This scripture sets a foundation for understanding how treating your partner with respect can be a powerful testament to your shared values.
When you begin your relationship as friends, respect involves recognizing each other’s worth and treating one another with kindness and dignity. It means valuing each other’s feelings, thoughts, and boundaries, making sure every interaction reflects Christ-like love. Even if a relationship ends, doing so with respect and empathy can provide closure and mutual understanding, laying a groundwork of grace that can transform a challenging situation into a testament to your shared values.
Faithfulness
Faithfulness, as emphasized in Luke 16:10-12, speaks to the importance of reliability and trustworthiness in all aspects of life, including relationships. Just as you are called to be faithful to God, you are called to extend this faithfulness to your partner. This involves consistency in your actions and words and ensuring your partner feels secure and valued.
As friends, discovering this shared commitment to faithfulness means knowing you can rely on each other through life’s ups and downs. It creates an essential safety and trust for a deeper, romantic relationship. Seeing that someone is a faithful friend, you can trust them to be a faithful partner.
When you discover these shared values of respect and faithfulness in friendship before committing to romance, you build confidence that your partner will treat you with kindness and reliability when you take things deeper.
Day 3
Scriptures: Philippians 2:3-4, 1 Corinthians 13:7
Day 3: Patience and Selflessness
Discovering the shared values of patience and selflessness sets the stage for a romantic relationship that can go the distance.
Patience
In a world of instant gratification, patience is a virtue that stands out. As 1 Corinthians 13:7 reminds us, “love is patient”. In your dating life, this means trusting God’s perfect timing. It’s about allowing your relationship to unfold naturally, not rushing into commitments without seeking His guidance.
As friends, discovering this shared value of patience allows you to enjoy getting to know each other without pressure. It helps you create a deeper connection built on trust and understanding rather than instant gratification. By practicing patience, you honor each other’s personal growth and the path God has set for your relationship.
Selflessness
Selflessness is about putting your partner’s needs and interests before your own, embodying the love Christ has for us — both sacrificially and unconditionally. It means listening actively to your partner, supporting them in their goals, and demonstrating love that seeks to serve rather than be served.
In friendship, selflessness allows you to build a strong foundation where you both feel valued and understood. It’s about showing up for one another with genuine care, setting the stage for a romantic relationship that thrives on mutual respect and compassion.
When you discover these shared values of patience and selflessness in friendship before committing to romance, you create a dynamic where both of you feel secure and cherished. It sets the stage for a relationship that can go the distance because it’s rooted in selfless love.
Day 4
Scripture: Ephesians 4:32
Day 4: Forgiveness and Commitment
Discovering the shared values of forgiveness and commitment means you can get through hard times without the challenges breaking you apart.
Forgiveness
The Bible emphasizes the profound impact of extending grace to others, we share the boundless grace God offers us. This is so important because nobody is perfect. In your relationship, there will be times when mistakes are made and feelings are hurt. Embracing forgiveness means seeing beyond these missteps and offering compassion and understanding.
As friends, discovering the shared value of forgiveness allows you to create a safe space where both of you feel accepted, mistakes and all. This openness and willingness to forgive set the stage for a romantic relationship where grace and understanding flourish, fostering deeper intimacy and trust.
Commitment
Valuing commitment is all about dedication and perseverance. It signifies a steadfast loyalty to your partner, navigating calm and stormy seas together. Just as God remains committed to us, you are called to uphold this same tenacity in your relationship. Commitment means investing time and energy into nurturing your bond, even when challenges arise.
Recognizing this shared dedication, while friends, encourages you to build a strong foundation where both of you are prepared to work through whatever life throws your way. Someone who is a committed friend shows that they can be a committed partner, too.
When you discover these shared values of forgiveness and commitment in friendship before committing to romance, you craft a relationship rooted in compassion and unwavering loyalty that can face difficult times without them destroying your bond. As you nurture these values, you deepen your connection with each other and with God, creating a partnership that reflects His enduring love and grace.
Day 5
Scriptures: Philippians 4:8, Ephesians 5:25-33
Day 5: Committing to Your Values
Your romantic partner needs to value the same things you do. First, you must understand your values through deep introspection and a clear grasp of your faith. Then, once you have this clarity, you can surround yourself with friends who resonate with your beliefs. This foundation can naturally evolve from friendship into a relationship grounded in mutual respect, shared beliefs, and a deep connection aligned with your faith.
So, how do you do that? Here are three steps to help you decide what’s most important to you so you can find a partner with shared values.
1. Reflect on Your Beliefs and Convictions
The first step to choosing what you value in dating is to reflect on your beliefs and convictions. What aspects of your faith do you hold dear? For example, if you believe strongly in the sanctity of marriage, then purity might be one of your core dating values.
2. Consider the Biblical Teachings
The Bible offers wisdom on relationships and is a great source of guidance when choosing your dating values. For instance, the Bible’s teachings on love and respect between a husband and wife in Ephesians 5:25-33 could inform your approach to dating.
3. Seek God’s Guidance
Prayer is a powerful tool when making decisions. Ask God to guide you in choosing your Christian dating values. What is most important to Him should be most important to you.
Commit to Your Values
Understanding and committing to your values is essential, especially as you build friendships that may evolve into romantic relationships. Begin by knowing your core beliefs and letting them guide your interactions. Discuss important boundaries with friends to see what other people think about certain topics, such as waiting until marriage to have sex. Discover and uphold shared values as friends. Build a strong foundation for a romantic relationship that honors your commitments and faith.