Thinking Biblically About Loneliness: A 5-Day Reading Plan

Scripture: Psalms 25:16

Day 1: What Is Loneliness? 

Loneliness has many aspects, facets, and causes. It often occurs when we feel a lack of emotional, social, mental, and spiritual connections with God, others, and ourselves, accompanied by suffering, sadness, depression, and anxiety. 

There are five main types of loneliness: emotional, social, cultural, existential, and spiritual. A person can experience several types of loneliness at the same time. Loneliness is usually a subjective internal state that does not always coincide with the objective reality of a person’s social situation. “It is not good to be alone and lonely, ” goes the well-known saying. But it is often worse to be among other people and stillbe lonely. In reality, the quality of social relationships is more important than their quantity. 

Loneliness and solitude are also not the same thing. Times of solitude are often something we chose, whereas we may feel less agency in times of loneliness. It promotes recreation, self-discovery, thinking, creativity, and innovation. 

There are also positive aspects of loneliness. Times of loneliness can be useful as they give us space to reassess our values, to realize how much we need other people, and at the same time, they create an excellent opportunity for understanding our uniqueness and identity. 

Where do feelings of loneliness come from? Intimate or emotional loneliness is generally born from an unfulfilled need for affection, acceptance, and belonging.

When we don’t understand our identity, our place in the world, or who God is, and we have a distorted image of God in our minds, it leads to the disruption of communication with God and gives rise to a feeling of existential and spiritual loneliness. These types of loneliness, in turn, can cause the social loneliness associated with problems in our relationships with others.

Scriptures: Genesis 1:27-28, Genesis 1:31, Colossians 2:10, Psalms 68:5-6

Day 2: God Is Not Lonely, and We Don’t Have to Be

Our God, who exists in three persons, is One and Only, but not alone: there is always interaction, unity, and love between the persons of the Trinity. Man was created in the likeness of God as a perfect and whole person (Gen 1:27). The fact that even before the creation of a woman from his rib, Adam had communion with God and was fulfilling his role in caring for creation, indicates that human identity is not limited to human relationships, but exists in God and has its fulfillment in a God-inspired calling.

Adam was unique but emotionally lonely. After all, our uniqueness makes sense only in the presence of someone else, it requires recognition and acceptance by others in communication and interaction. Although the man was created in the likeness of God as a whole and complete person, he was not fulfilled. We have an internal, innate need to form close bonds, and to belong to our own kind (Gen 2:18). That is why God created Eve.

God provides our natural earthly needs, including social ones, through the help of other people, friends, society, and churches. God is “a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,…God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing.” (Ps 68:5–6). 

The New Testament presents the fullness of believers’ identity from a social point of view. It is in Christ that Christians are a community of those who belong to him, and have not only everything necessary for their salvation, life, and sanctification, but also the fullness of their personality and understanding of their role and place in his church (Eph 1:23). 

This means there is hope to overcome loneliness. When people find communication with God in friendship, fellowship, church, then God’s plan for us as social beings, who can form strong spiritual bonds and reflect God’s image on earth, is realized.

Scriptures: Psalms 35:14-18, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, Ecclesiastes 4:12, Hosea 2:16, Hosea 2:21-22

Day 3: Biblical Examples of Loneliness

Loneliness is not alien to those in the Bible. In fact the Old Testament holds many examples of, and wisdom for, the experience of loneliness. The reason for emotional loneliness can be rejection and betrayal. The prophet Hosea experienced such loneliness. 

Cultural loneliness arises as a reaction to the rejection of the culture in which a person lives. This is the loneliness of Moses, David, almost all the prophets, and even Christ himself. The positive aspect of this type of loneliness is that it contributes to the crystallization of identity and a person’s reassessment of social values and norms. Such loneliness is a normal and necessary part of the true Christian experience in relation to a secular, sinful culture. It should be the common experience of every Christian who seeks to live according to the highest biblical moral standards. 

In the book of Ecclesiastes, the preacher reflects on the problem of social loneliness and the advantages of living in a community: protection, a sense of security, mutual satisfaction, and well-being. “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Eccl 4:9–10, 12). 

Job, David, and Ecclesiastes are examples of existential loneliness. Its signs are futility and a sense of the meaninglessness of life, the search for our place in life, especially in times of upheaval and trial. 

The root cause of social, cultural, and existential loneliness is spiritual loneliness, which originates from humanity’s broken relationship with God due to sin. This is a feeling of “being forsaken by God, ” a certain homelessness, alienation, and loss of the human spirit without God. This is the loneliness of Adam and Eve after the fall, Cain after killing Abel, and the Messiah on the cross. Such loneliness is overcome thanks to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross.

In general, the problem of humanity’s loneliness can be solved only through the atoning death of Christ, through his separation from the Father. It breaks the vicious cycle of enmity with God and other people, the cycle of misunderstanding and loneliness.

Scripture: Hebrews 6:19

Day 4: Causes and Factors of Loneliness

There are various social, cultural, and psychological causes of loneliness. Age, marital status, income, and cultural background all influence the experience of loneliness. The processes taking place largely in developed Western societies like urbanization and individualization, the prevalence of technology over interpersonal communication, as well as high social mobility, all increase feelings of loneliness. As does the passive use of social networks without feedback. Paradoxically, modern humans interact with many people on a superficial level, while losing close and deep relationships with significant people, eventually becoming lonely in the crowd.

The subjective causes of social loneliness can be self-centeredness, narcissism, self- destructive thoughts and behaviors (such as the expectation of rejection by others), as well as poor communication skills. We can experience emotional loneliness due to grief, pain, loss, and rejection. 

Due to the non-acceptance of another culture and the awareness of their double identity (as a Christian and a representative of some culture), we will almost certainly experience cultural loneliness. Self-rejection and misunderstanding of our own identity are causes of existential loneliness. A negative image of God in the mind of a believer is the cause of spiritual loneliness.

However, for all types of loneliness, the most common reason is insecure attachment to people and God. At the root of every insecure attachment style is a distorted identity, deeply rooted and often unconscious. It determines how we see ourselves and the world, and how we feel and act. The problem is that this attachment style was formed in our childhood.

Yet there is hope. One way that spiritual loneliness, and subsequently other types of loneliness, can be overcome is through directing our efforts to change an insecure attachment to God into a secure one, by reflecting on God’s goodness and steadfast love, and by cultivating an attitude of gratitude and maintaining hope.

Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, 1 Timothy 4:16, Colossians 1:26-27

Day 5: Effective Strategies for Overcoming Loneliness

Loneliness is a painful yet revealing emotion that can guide us to deeper self-awareness, stronger relationships, and a renewed connection with God, if we approach it with openness and purpose. It’s like a toothache. The toothache itself is bad. But many of us would never go to the dentist to have our bad tooth treated, if not for the unbearable pain it brings! So it is with loneliness: a constant, unstoppable feeling of loneliness draws our attention to the fact that there is something amiss in our relationships with ourselves, other people, or God.

By nature, humans were not created for loneliness, but for unity and community with themselves, God, and other people. The absence of such unity brings torment and pain. Pain, which can and should be treated. Yet, because people perceive the same painful circumstances in different ways, and since the causes of loneliness are different, there is no one single solution for loneliness. Effective strategies that deal with the causes of loneliness can include:

• solitude, 
• personal prayer of reflection and meditation on Scripture,
• and identification and change of our misconceptions and self-destructive behaviors.

The value and significance of solitude as a recreational resource can hardly be overestimated for overcoming loneliness and for better self-knowledge. It includes facing loneliness and requires our willingness to experience fear, anger, agony, and frustration. As we learn to enjoy our own company, we are more able to understand the causes of our loneliness and cope with it.

Identifying and changing our misconceptions and self-destructive behavior is an important condition for overcoming our loneliness. The way we answer the question “Who are we?” is key. It defines our purpose, way of thinking, feelings, and behavior. We cannot achieve our goals unless we know who we are. In the modern world, there are lots of people who are confused about their identity. Christian identity restored in line with Scripture, in Christ, undoubtedly leads to a healthier view of ourselves and others, safer attachments, and healthier relationships. It brings us closer to overcoming our loneliness.