Trash Talk

Scripture: James 1:19-20

Angry talk 

There’s a lot of negativity coming at you each day over which you have no control. You are going to be criticized today. Disagreeable people will drain energy from you. Someone will let you down. Something positive you hoped for will not happen.

But you can take a lot of trash out of your life by reducing the trash talk. And since you have complete control over your own mouth, that means you have the power right away to eliminate 50 percent of it.

You bet it doesn’t. Venting your anger on someone else briefly feels good, because you think you gave somebody a piece of your mind, but now you’re worse off because the other person is plotting a nasty comeback and is going to hit you harder. 

You will truly feel better inside if you don’t go off on other people. Have the self-awareness to know if your desire to retaliate is coming from your own insecurity or shame. Realize that some people’s trash talk is an attempt by a person who feels small trying to make himself or herself bigger. Jesus is your hero. He was an anger heat sink, absorbing injustice instead of seeking revenge. 

You get more points from God for ending an argument than for trying to crush an opponent.

Scriptures: John 8:44, Colossians 3:9-10

Lying talk

Why do people tell lies? Well, that’s easy. Because lying might enable guilty people to escape responsibility and consequences for their misdeeds. Because lying might preserve the illusion of their innocence. Because lying helps the sinner avoid having to face up to the ugly and soul-polluting reality of the sin. 

But here’s the problem — when you tell lies, you not only lie to a person; you are also lying to yourself. And if you do that often enough, you will lose your ability to tell the difference between truth and lie. Furthermore, you are lying to God, damaging your relationship with him. Words of truth are his saving lifeline to us — when we trash the truth, we risk the gospel itself. Jesus once called lying Satan’s native language, “for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44). 

You can’t control what other people do with their mouths, but you can control your own. Let your love for God be accompanied by a love for truth, for all truth is his. Trust that he will bless you for telling the truth, even when you fear it will cost you. In the long run, your life will be better. 

Would God lie to you?

Scripture: Romans 2:1

Judging talk

Being “judgmental” is one of the greatest social sins you can commit today. You can hold any ideas you may care to, but you absolutely may not ever make somebody else feel uncomfortable or “othered” because of his or her lifestyle or beliefs. As Christians we know that God expects us to witness to his Word and hold onto his standards. So what is the difference between faithful witness and judging?

“Judging” is looking down at someone else, imagining yourself to be more worthy of God’s mercy, despising others for their weakness, lasering in on others’ faults while never looking at your own. St. Paul was once a Pharisee, and he knew the deadly danger of becoming one. 

Here are more helpful attitudes to adopt: interpreting the words and actions of others in the kindest possible way instead of the worst … keeping your words soft and humble … if you must say things that point out someone else’s flaws, open your life up to correction by that person … looking always to build up other people instead of tearing them down.

Imagine that Jesus is in the room with you and your talk. Would he like what he is hearing? You know, don’t you, that he is actually in the room?

Scriptures: Ephesians 4:29, Ephesians 4:31-32

Abusive talk 

One of my children patiently explained to me once why he would ridicule and belittle his younger sibling. “Dad,” he said, “I’m just getting him ready for the real world. It’s a jungle out there.” Hahaha. Call it “family Darwinism.” I still asked him to knock it off. 

I know that game. In my college dorm the ridicule was constant. I guess the guys justified it as a way to keep anybody from getting too arrogant. We anointed ourselves as God’s agents for creating a humble spirit in other people. I fear that we just perpetuated a culture of abuse.

Abusing other people is a sport. It’s how the pecking order is established—the most aggressive mockers rule the roost. Spouses do it to each other to establish dominance and control. Athletes do it to spread fear and self-doubt. There is no excuse for it — it’s just bad.

You know, the trash-talkers were maybe feared, but they were never loved. I think you will have a lot more friends if you develop a reputation for building up other people.

Scripture: Hebrews 12:28-29

Complaining talk

We all know the saying, “I’d complain, but nobody wants to hear it.” We all nod. We agree in theory. Who wants to hear somebody else’s boring litany of frustrations and failures? Gack! Conversational buzzkill. So why do we keep doing it?

I know why I complain. It helps me blame other things or other people for the breakdowns in my life (of course, they aren’t my fault). Complaining makes me look like a victim instead of a perp. Complaining lets me off the hook for responsibility for failure. Complaining helps me explain away my shortcomings because there must be a conspiracy to keep me down. 

Complaining is trash talk. Our God spoils us with gifts and opportunities. Here’s a better way to respond to that generosity.

A thankful heart and thankful talk are learned behaviors. They need to be cultivated. If you are ready for some gratitude therapy, here is your assignment: get a notebook. Keep it where you sit when you’re on the phone at home or going through your social media sites. Each day for two weeks write down good things that God sent into your life that day and thank him out loud specifically and from the heart for each one.

It will change your life.