Are you experiencing infertility? Are you waiting to find a godly spouse to start a family with? Whatever the reason for your waiting, this uncertainty can make you feel isolated. As women, we often carry this pain alone, but there are so many others going through a similar time of pain and confusion. This 4-day plan is designed to help you remember a few things: this is not your fault, you are not alone, and you can grieve out loud.
Rachel Reigard
Day 1
Scriptures: Psalms 33:18-22, Matthew 6:33-34
Psalm 33:18-22 says, “But the Lord watches over those who fear him,
those who rely on his unfailing love.
He rescues them from death
and keeps them alive in times of famine.
We put our hope in the Lord.
He is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord,
for our hope is in you alone.
From a young age, we can carry the responsibility of one day getting pregnant and becoming a mom. As you grow, you may have moments where you are unsure if motherhood is for you, so breathe a sigh of relief, knowing you don’t need to think about it just yet.
Then you blink, and all of a sudden, it is time to seriously consider whether you want kids or not. I mention this because I know a lot of women blame themselves for not starting earlier and believe the lie that they waited too long. Let me reassure you: You wanted to become a mom at exactly the right time. That desire was placed in your heart when God knew it was time. You are not too late; it is never too late to become a mom.
I know the pressure we put on ourselves can be overwhelming, and we carry this stress close to our chest, but what does God’s word say about control? Yes, there are decisions in the pregnancy journey we are in charge of, but we cannot force ourselves to become pregnant. So, what does scripture tell us?
The verse we read above reminds us that God watches over all who live by his word. That means he protects and rescues us in our time of deep disappointment. The righteous respond to that hurt with hope—hope in God’s power, plan, and provision. We cannot and should not put our hope in ourselves. Our hope is in the breath of life, and we need to let go of a false sense of control we simply do not have.
We live in a fallen world, and because of that, we will have difficulties that we were not meant to have. This trial is not because you did not make a life-changing decision fast enough. God was in the room with you during your fifth negative pregnancy test, he was by your side on that difficult Mother’s Day, and he is your source as you have hope to try again.
Prayer: God, we pray for peace and reassurance from you. We pray to turn to you in the midst of pain and not quick fixes. We pray for hope to be restored and that you will deliver the desires you placed in our hearts. We pray for a miracle, amen.
Day 2
Scriptures: Isaiah 43:2, Psalms 54:4
Isaiah 43:2 “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”
I’m going to be transparent: Today is a hard day. I thought there was a chance I could be pregnant, only to find out I was once again mistaken. You may be familiar with this feeling. Maybe you thought you finally found the right man, only to be disappointed. Maybe you were far along in the adoption process, and it fell through. You start to dream about what could be, then are startled awake by the harsh reality in front of you.
This is not easy, and you are allowed to grieve. If anyone in your life tells you your feelings are dramatic and unnecessary, they could not be more wrong. You do not have to keep this a secret you are allowed to grieve out loud, however, that looks to you. Is it starting a blog for your fertility journey? Is it going to a counselor? Is it starting/attending a support group? Is it painting your feelings? You can grieve how you need to, but the one thing in that grief needs to be prayer.
Our verse says that God is with us through these times, but we must lean on him. God is talking to Isreal, who is continually deciding to abandon God. He is telling them he is committed to being with His people because they are genuinely cared for. If we rely on everything but God, we will become drained because only God can fully sustain us. Other practical solutions can certainly help, but a lack of God’s presence is the missing piece in so many lives, don’t let it be yours.
Prayer: God we know we need you. We need you for healing this deep hurt. We know you are with us and can comfort us with Spirit. We pray for the Holy Spirit to come into this room and cover us with love. We love you, amen.
Day 3
Scriptures: Ephesians 1:7-8, 2 Corinthians 5:17
Ephesians 1:7-8 says, “He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.”
I have talked to a few women about their infertility journey, and the one common theme I hear is they think their infertility is a consequence of past sin. Let me reassure you God is not punishing you for your past. God loves you and redeems all things, you are beyond worthy of being a mother.
Sometimes, when things do not make sense, we try to make sense of it ourselves by using earthy logic. I sinned therefore, this must be a result of sin. According to scripture, when you surrender your sin to God, he restores your soul, and you are made new. You are a new creation and are loved unconditionally by the Father. His love for you does not waiver by your performance. So what can you do? Let go of past shame that is holding you down and release that to God. You allowed the conviction from the Holy Spirit to change you, and now let grace from God release you.
You can either let your past control you, or you can take ownership and let your past mistakes make you a better friend, spouse and future parent. God wants to use your past to glorify him to show how far you have come. God is so proud of you and the work you have done in your life, you should be too.
Prayer: God, we pray to let go of guilt and shame and move on to a future filled with forgiveness and mercy. We pray to see in our lives how you can use all things to glorify you. We thank you for your grace, and we love you. Amen.
Day 4
Scriptures: Psalms 142:1-3, 1 Samuel 1:19-20
Psalm 142: 1-3 says, “I cry out to the Lord; I plead for the Lord’s mercy.
I pour out my complaints before him and tell him all my troubles.
When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn.”
Ever have a day when you want to throw your phone across the room because you saw another pregnancy announcement? Me too. It can be so difficult to see others get what you are longing for. I even caught myself thinking, “Well, she probably has a better prayer life than me, so that is why it is happening to her.” I had to check myself because I know that is not how God operates.
God knows the desires of your heart because he is the one who put them there. He hears the cries of your heart when you are too disappointed to compose yourself. You are allowed to feel that immediate sense of anger; anger is not a sin. Anger is an emotion God gave us. Anger can become a sin depending on what we do with it, but having an emotion is healthy and human.
I find that once I process my emotions, I can actually let go of that anger and jealousy and be happy for others. It’s not immediate, but it is possible with prayer and honesty—honesty with myself, my husband, and ultimately God. This time has made me rely on the Lord in a way I never have before. My relationship with the Lord has deepened, and I understand the pain of waiting to be a mom in a way that others are blessed to never know.
Every time I sat down to write this plan, tears would take over. I started grieving for those who will read this plan and for myself. Maybe one day, this hurt will be a distant memory, but right now, this is our reality and we have to allow ourselves to process this time. Take care of yourself, go to God with your complaints, and have the courage to hope God will deliver you from this.
Prayer: God, we pray for a miracle, a miracle of life. We pray that despite all the discouragement, we will try again and trust in your plan for our life. We know you love us so much, and we pray for your guidance in the next steps, whatever they may be. We pray you move in big ways. Amen.