Scriptures: 1 Peter 3:3-4, Proverbs 31:30, 1 Samuel 16:7

Day 1: Internal Beauty

1 Peter 3:3-4

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

1 Samuel 16:7

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’”

Proverbs 31:30

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

If you’re not careful, dating can become very superficial. You don’t introduce yourself to someone at your gym or church because they’re not your “type.” You quickly swipe through dating app profiles and eliminate anyone who doesn’t meet your physical criteria. This might save you some time in the short term, or it may work if you’re only looking for a casual fling. But if you’re looking for someone to marry, it can lead to missing out on great connections with people who might not be your usual type but could be perfect for you.

And when it comes to finding someone who is wife material or husband material, outward appearance shouldn’t be the primary focus. Of course, being attracted to your significant other is important, but who they are on the inside should matter most. And attraction tends to grow when someone is truly beautiful (or handsome) at their core.

Outward beauty fades. You’re going to get old and wrinkly, and so is your spouse. They won’t always look like they do today. So, it’s important that you find their personality and internal characteristics just as attractive. Inner beauty is what makes someone husband or wife material, not their outward appearance. And internal beauty is someone’s love and fear of the Lord.

The most beautiful thing about a person–and the number one thing that makes them spouse material–is their love, respect, and fear of the Lord. A woman who puts God first, a man who isn’t ashamed to live out his faith–these are some of the most beautiful, honorable parts of a person.

Someone who fears the Lord, reveres Christ as King, and lives their life to glorify God embodies internal beauty. So many amazing characteristics naturally flow out of people who love the Lord and strive to live honorably. These people are kind, caring, generous, and genuine. Not only does beauty fade, but so does charm. Someone who is husband or wife material isn’t just a good sweet-talker. They say what they mean and honor their word.

The most beautiful thing about a person is their faith and relationship with God. Whether you’re preparing yourself to be “marriage material” or looking for someone who is, focus on faith. Do they love and respect the Lord? Is it evident in how they speak, what they talk about, and how they treat others? This type of inner beauty is spouse material, for sure.

Scriptures: Proverbs 31:10-31, Ephesians 5:21-33

Day 2: Strength and Submission

Ephesians 5:21-33

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

The word “submit” definitely has a negative connotation, especially when referring to wives submitting to their husbands. However, it is essential not to forget to read Ephesians 5:21, which tells spouses to “submit to one another.” Wives are called to submit to their husbands as the leader of the household. And husbands are called to submit to their wives by loving them as they love themselves. Both types of submission require sacrifice and a willingness to honor God’s perfect design for respect, love, and equal partnership in marriage.

A woman who is wife material is not threatened or intimidated by God’s design for marriage. She understands that a man’s strength and leadership are a blessing, not a threat. And a woman who is thinking biblically has come to peace with accepting a man’s role in the relationship. She knows that doing so does not take away or invalidate her own strength.

Proverbs 31 paints a picture of a Godly woman, which we know means a woman who “submits” to her husband. And the woman in Proverbs 31 “works with eager hands,” “provides food for her family,” “sets about her work vigorously,” “opens her arms to the poor,” “makes linen garments and sells them,” and “watches over the affairs of her household.” Does that sound like someone who is weak? Or someone who doesn’t have a say in her family and household affairs? Not at all–it’s quite the opposite, actually. A wife can (and should) submit to her husband as the head of the household and still play a vital leadership role in the family.

A man who is husband material is prepared to love his wife fully and lead his family honorably. A woman’s willingness to submit to her husband only works well when the husband fully submits to his wife and God. A man who loves selflessly and follows God wholeheartedly is ready to assume the responsibility of being a faithful husband and a leader worth following.

Submission in a marriage is essential, but that submission goes both ways. A woman who is wife material will submit to her husband’s leadership. And a man who is husband material will love his wife, devote himself to God, and lead with honor and integrity.

Scriptures: Proverbs 21:9, Proverbs 31:11-12, James 1:19, Colossians 3:19, Matthew 5:27-28

Day 3: Gentleness and Self-Control

Proverbs 21:9

“​​Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”

Proverbs 31:11-12

“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

James 1:19

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Colossians 3:19

“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

Matthew 5:27-28

“‘You have heard that it was said, “You shall not commit adultery.” But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’”

Have you ever met someone who likes to “stir the pot?” Or someone who likes to argue for the sake of arguing? Maybe they get mad quickly and don’t forgive easily. This isn’t the type of person you want to establish a life-long partnership with.

And while the Bible urges men not to share a house with a quarrelsome wife, the book of James highlights that everyone should be slow to anger. This is especially important for a marriage. There will be conflicts and disagreements, and being able to work through those things with grace and forgiveness is essential to a strong, healthy, thriving marriage.

A woman who is wife material isn’t hot-tempered. She strives to live her life and conduct herself in a way that brings good things to the people around her. She taps into the “gentle and quiet spirit” inside her to create a warm and loving relationship and home. Peaceful people create peaceful marriages. Someone who is marriage material is quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

The self-control required to choose peace, unity, and reconciliation over everything also extends to other aspects of marriage. Specifically, in Colossians, Paul is talking to the men, telling them not to be harsh with their wives. In doing so, Paul recognizes that men might struggle to speak or treat their wives with the gentleness and kindness they deserve and God expects. A man who is husband material has the self-control to treat women respectfully, which includes being faithful to his partner and not lusting after other women.

All of this helps keep the peace. When people feel respected, honored, and loved in a relationship, it’s much easier to work through conflicts and choose connection over contention. It requires women to choose gentleness over being quarrelsome. It requires men to be kind, loving, and faithful. A woman who is wife material has tapped into her gentle spirit, and a man who is husband material is committed to honoring and loving his wife with gentleness and self-control.

Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Philippians 2:3-4

Day 4: Selfless Generosity

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Philippians 2:3-4

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

Love is a lot of things. It’s kind and patient. It’s not proud or jealous. It isn’t self-seeking. It protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. All of the characteristics of love are essential to a healthy, happy marriage. And someone who is marriage material will embody these characteristics. They will show in how they treat you, how they speak to others, and how they spend their time.

So, how can you find someone who is all these things? Or how can you become someone who is all these things? Focus on the selflessness. A person who is marriage material is ready and willing to love their spouse selflessly, to give kindness and forgiveness without expecting anything in return, to be patient, and to persevere when times get tough.

Someone who is marriage material is willing to put their partner’s needs above their own. They are willing to make sacrifices for the betterment of their partner and the relationship. They are ready to embody love.

But this only works when a husband and wife are both willing to make sacrifices. If a husband makes sacrifices for his wife and a wife for her husband, both people will get what they need–they will feel supported and loved. If only one person gives selflessly without receiving anything in return, it won’t be long before that person depletes themself trying to love and serve their spouse. For a selfless marriage to work, both partners must be ready to love each other unconditionally. So, while you’re looking for someone who is wife or husband material, make sure you are wife or husband material, too.

A selfless marriage is built on the foundation of love and trust, ​​where both people know they can rely on each other for affection and support, no matter what life throws their way. When you see this quality in someone, it’s a good indication that they are husband or wife material.

Scriptures: Genesis 1:26-27, Ephesians 5:31, Proverbs 18:22

Day 5: Equality

Genesis 1:26-27

“Then God said, ‘Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.’ So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”

Ephesians 5:31

“‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’”

Proverbs 18:22

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”

A Godly marriage is an equal partnership.

A woman who is wife material understands that her femininity is important to a healthy marriage. She is confident in who she is as a woman of God and accepts and appreciates her unique role in a marriage relationship. A man who is husband material understands that his wife is his life partner. She is not an obedient follower but an equal partner and a gift from God. He is confident in his role as a kind and gentle leader who must fully submit to God in order to lead well.

Men and women are so different–they have different characteristics, strengths, and weaknesses. God’s perfect design for marriage brings the uniqueness of a man and the uniqueness of a woman together to become one. Men and women are both created in God’s image. And when they come together in marriage, they display the image of God more accurately than they can alone.

Unfortunately, the idea of marriage equality is not always realized in the world today. In some cultures, women are not seen as equal to men and are not given the same rights or protections. In other cases, couples may treat each other as equals in theory but not in practice. But regardless of the challenges, God’s design for marriage remains the same. A husband and wife are to love and respect each other, working together to build a strong relationship based on equality. When couples strive to live out this design, they can experience the joy and blessings God intends for marriage.

While you’re preparing yourself for marriage and seeking to find a husband or wife who is marriage material, it’s essential to keep in mind God’s perfect design. A marriage is a commitment to equal love, respect, and submission to each other and God for the rest of your life. Being ready for marriage takes confidence in who you are as a man or woman of God. Here is a prayer to help you prepare yourself and find someone ready for marriage.

God,

I pray that you will prepare my heart for marriage. I want to be the best husband/wife I can be and honor my spouse with the love and respect he/she deserves.

I pray that you would make it clear to me whether or not someone is husband/wife material. Help me see the qualities and characteristics essential to a healthy, happy, holy marriage. And help me see the signs when someone is not ready for the commitment and responsibilities of a life-long partnership.

I trust your perfect design for marriage and your perfect timing. Help me remain focused on you while I find a partner to enjoy the beautiful convent of marriage with.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.