Wonderfully Complex

Scriptures: Genesis 3:1-10, Genesis 3:21, 2 Timothy 1:7

THE FIRST COMPLEX EMOTION CAPTURED IN THE BIBLE

The first complex emotion captured in Scripture was the emotion of shame. Shame is an identity-crippling emotion and is very different from guilt. Guilt says, “I made a mistake,” and shame says, “I AM a mistake.” This is because shame is based on the idea that there is something wrong with our identity – something wrong with who we are. This produces a fear that we are unlovable. 

Our emotions are a direct by-product of what we believe about ourselves. If we doubt our worth and fear rejection because we believe we are “bad”, it will hinder our ability to process ourselves accurately. We see this in the story of Adam and Eve who used to walk and talk freely with God before the fall. However, shame entered their world immediately after eating the fruit, which changed how they heard God walking in the garden. Instead of running towards Him, they ran in the opposite direction because they feared not being accepted anymore because of shame. Note how negative, complex emotions tend to move us away from God. 

When a person is racked with shame-type emotions, it often causes them to run, hide, and cover up. Psychology calls this behavior a defense mechanism. Theology calls this behavior a stronghold. A stronghold is any behavior we turn to to hold safety. 

As you journey through this plan, I hope you discover that God is not afraid of nor surprised by our complex emotions. His first question to us as human beings whilst wrestling with a complex emotion was, “Where are you?” Genesis 3:9. What we feel and wrestle with matters to him. This is encouraging. Adam and Eve had just made the biggest of all mess-ups. What they did still impacts every single one of us today, and God loved them through it. 

His love even resulted in him making coverings for their shame. Adam and Eve witness the death of an innocent victim to cover up their shame – an act that points us to the ultimate covering provided by Christ. As you reflect on this good news, consider what truth God wants you to bring before your complex emotions to help you find your way back to Him. 

REFLECTIVE QUESTIONS.

• What emotion do you struggle with the most? 
• What fear lives behind that emotion? 
• If Jesus stood before you, what truth would he speak to your fear? 

PRAY:

Lord, I bring before you today my emotion of [……………………. ] I ask that you help me hold onto your truth. I come against the spirit of fear and pray you will fill me with your love and power and that you bless me with a sound mind guarded by your peace that passes all human understanding. 

Scriptures: Genesis 1:27, Genesis 2:7-25, 1 John 4:8, Jeremiah 29:11, 1 Peter 5:7

THE ROOT CAUSE OF COMPLEX EMOTIONS

Complex emotions are best understood when we understand how they are triggered by our three most crucial needs. Complex emotion is the exposed fruit of unmet needs. Every human has three crucial needs, regardless of race, religion, age, culture, or gender. Three crucial needs impact and influence every choice I make on this earth. 

• The need to love and know we are loved. 
• The need for purpose and meaning. 
• The need for self-worth and experiencing our value. 

Every drive we have, and choice we make is underpinned by these three needs, originating in the heart of God. 

Our need for love is rooted in the fact that we were made in the image of God. 1 John 4:8 tells us that God is love, which is the image in which we were made, hence our need to give and receive love. 

Our need for purpose began in the heart of God, who designed us with intentionality and planning. Genesis started with God placing mankind in the garden to tend to and work it. Hence, our need to discover and live out of purpose. 

Lastly, our need for self-worth is rooted in the relational aspect of God. He knew it was not good to be alone because, as humans, we experience our value in the context of relationships with God and each other. 

Complex emotions are often triggered when the goal of obtaining these crucial needs is either blocked, uncertain, or unreachable. When we seek to meet these needs in creation instead of the Creator, complex emotions are triggered because creation fails to sustain or meet the need fully like only God can. Creation is like the deserts of life; they are quick fixes, but only when the Creator meets our needs do we have long-lasting sustenance. 

Creation was not meant to provide us with our source of meaning; only God can. We are meant to enjoy creation but do not find our identity in it. 

The next three sessions will be dedicated to unpacking the three core complex emotions of anger, anxiety, and guilt before we land on how to better manage triggered complex emotions. 

Before we end today’s reflection, I want to draw your attention to Genesis 2:25, as it intentionally declares that even though Adam and Eve were vulnerable in their nakedness, there was no complex emotion before the fall. They were both naked and felt NO SHAME. This is hugely significant in understanding the root solution to complex emotions. We will lean into this at the end of this reading plan. 

REFLECTIVE QUESTIONS: 

• Out of the three crucial needs shared, which one have you struggled with most? 

Love, Purpose, or Value 

• What has been your greatest hurt in life, and is there a link between that experience and your crucial need? 

PRAY

Lord, thank You that You created my needs and You created me with the ability to feel even the most complex of emotions. I pray you will be a safe space for me to process what I feel and that I can bring all my cares to you.

Scriptures: Luke 12:22, Luke 12:25-26, Philippians 4:6-7

ANXIETY & UNCERTAINTY 

Anxiety is a complex emotion that is always rooted in uncertainty. Fear, worry, trepidation, concern, nervousness, and panic – are all part of the same family of anxious emotions. Anxiety places our mind either in the past of regret or the future of fears, both powerless places. This is why Scripture tells us clearly not to be anxious, not to worry. However, often this is easier said than done. 

The biblical description of worry is to be drawn in different directions and distracted by anxious cares. The word worry comes from the term meaning “to choke.” So worry will literally turn your peace into pieces as it chokes your mind away from the truth. 

If your goal is to find your crucial needs of love, purpose, and value in creation, then uncertainty will be a space you will grapple with. Anxiety is the fruit of uncertain goals. Trying to meet our identity needs through creation will automatically place us in a position of vulnerability, as there is no guarantee that those needs will be met. For example, if we place our need for self-worth and value in the hands of another human being and we are uncertain if that person will accept or reject us, then anxiety is triggered. 

Nothing in creation was ever meant to have authority over our value. Only God should have that power. When we give creation power over our value, we instantly place ourselves in a position of powerlessness and vulnerability. This will also result in living a rollercoaster life, depending on ‘how’ others behave as to ‘how’ we feel. 

Philippians 4:6-7 instructs us not to worry but instead pray. Prayer brings our minds back into the present tense, and prayer is something we do have control over, so it places us back into a powerful position. 

Worry is powerless – Prayer is powerful. 

The fruit of turning our anxiety and worries into prayers is that God will give us His peace, which passes all understanding. This peace is what will guard our hearts and minds, which in turn helps us manage our complex emotions. 

The biblical understanding of peace is “the tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation, despite this earthly lot.” This is my prayer for you. 

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

• Consider what spaces in your world trigger the most anxiety in you. 

Relationships 

Work 

Ministry 

Finances 

Other 

• Consider how much you allow these spaces to have power over your value and worth. 
• Consider what behaviour you choose to lean into when you are feeling powerless. 
• Consider how you can lean more into Christ when triggered by anxiety 

PRAY 

Lord, thank you that I can come to you with my anxieties and worries. Thank you for caring so much about me that what I feel matters to you. Today, I choose to give you my anxieties and worries, and I pray that your peace will fill my heart and mind as I choose to dwell on your truth. Amen

Scriptures: James 1:19-20, Proverbs 29:11, Proverbs 19:11, Proverbs 15:1

ANGER & BLAME 

Anger is a complex emotion rooted in guardedness and self-protection. Cousins of anger are emotions such as frustration, irritation, bitterness, wrath, jealousy, resentment, sadness, fear, and depression. Anger is also known as a secondary defensive emotion. However, most express anger, as they do not consider the below-the-surface triggered emotion that anger is trying to protect. 

When our crucial needs of love, purpose, and value are experienced as blocked goals, then anger is often experienced. For example, if our goal is to feel loved in marriage, but a spouse is blocking my expectations, the emotion is anger. If my goal is to succeed in a career or ministry and something is blocking me from achieving that goal, then anger is triggered. Sometimes, the thing that blocks us from achieving our goals is our inabilities, and the anger becomes directed at ourselves. 

Blame is an attack response then driven by anger. It often feels easier to attack another with the weapon of blame than to own the root trigger inside you. 

James 1:19-20 gives three instructions to help manage anger when triggered. 

1. Be quick to listen. When anger is triggered in you or someone else, press pause and be quick to listen instead of react. Aim to listen to the triggered emotions behind anger. Are you feeling insecure, threatened, exposed, or rejected? Pause to create space to truly hear what you or another is feeling in that moment. 

2. Be slow to speak. In other words, be slow to react verbally when triggered by anger. Instead, be curious to understand WHY you or another person is angry. Curiosity is a powerful tool for killing conflict. Most react to reactions instead of responding in curiosity. 

3. Lastly, when we are quick to listen and slow to speak, then it is easier to be slow to anger. Understanding ourselves and others gives us empathy and helps us respond with accuracy. 

Anger is an emotion we need not fear but use to grow self-awareness in the spaces that need healing. 

REFLECTIVE QUESTIONS

• What spaces trigger anger in you? 
• What is your general go-to reactive behavior when you are triggered by anger? 
• What effect do your reactions have on the world around you? 
• Do your reactions help or hinder relational safety? 
• What beneath-the-surface emotion is your anger protecting? 

PRAY

Lord, I bring you my fears, insecurities, hurts, and traumas to you today. I pray that you help me be quick to listen and slow to speak when triggered by anger. Thank you that I can trust in you as my shield and protector instead of my reactions of anger. 

Scriptures: Romans 8:1, 2 Corinthians 7:10, Ephesians 2:8-9, 1 John 1:9

GUILT & SHAME 

Guilt is a complex emotion rooted in the belief that one has to earn their value, and guilt is the fruit when one experiences failure. Cousins of guilt are emotions such as self-condemnation, self-disapproval, fear, sadness, defensiveness, and desperation. When our crucial needs of love, purpose, and value are built into the idea that we have to earn our value, then guilt is the fruit of complex emotions when we fail to reach our goals. 

There are two types of guilt. 

The first is when we experience a conviction over a mistake. This type of guilt is linked to the wrongness of an action, ‘I made a mistake.’ A healthy response leads to repentance. 

The second type of guilt is shame-based guilt linked to the wrongness of being, where ‘I am a mistake’ or ‘I’m not good enough.’ This guilt is driven by a need to earn or achieve a certain standard to feel any sense of worth. It is often influenced by condemnation, not conviction. 

The enemy’s primary goal is to cripple you with shame-based guilt. If he can get you to believe there is something “wrong” with you through shame, an identity-crippling emotion, then he can keep you working hard, trying to fix your shame. This is not the gospel of grace but a lie based on works. 

Remember, in Christ, there is no condemnation. Conviction leads us to repentance; it leads to Christ, in whom we find forgiveness of sin and grace. Condemnation causes us to run away from Christ, as we believe we don’t deserve His love and grace. His grace is the antidote to guilt. 

REFLECTIVE QUESTIONS:

• Do you struggle with confidence in your value when you fail? 
• Do you struggle with guilt when not performing or if you feel like you are missing the mark? 
• What is your greatest fear when it comes to performance? 

PRAY

Lord, I thank you that your voice, not my performance, determines my value. I pray you help me align my value and self-worth to your heart. Help me embrace my position in you, knowing I am accepted just as I am.

Scriptures: Proverbs 29:11, Proverbs 27:19, Proverbs 25:28, 1 Peter 5:7, Proverbs 23:7

HOW TO PROCESS EMOTION IN A HEALTHY WAY

The best way to describe toxic complex emotion is through the analogy of nausea caused by food poisoning. When a person is feeling nauseous, the worst thing that can do is duct tape their mouth closed. Getting the toxins out is healthy. Express, don’t suppress. At the same time, there is a big difference between vomiting in a bucket and vomiting on someone. One is constructive, and one is destructive. 

When you name an emotion, you tame it. Allow yourself to face, feel, and express them; this is key to releasing them. This does not mean wallowing in them, but it does mean getting in touch with your feelings and allowing yourself to express them in a safe environment. Using ‘I’ statements, such as “I feel” instead of “you did,” helps maintain a non-threatening environment for conversation. It has been proven that even expressing negative emotions will cause the toxic chemicals to dissipate. Talking through issues with a trusted friend, journaling, or telling God what you feel are all helpful ways of releasing negative emotions. Remember, God cares about you and everything you feel. He wants us to cast our burdens onto him. 

Emotions are like warning signs in a car. When the light comes on, it is for a reason. Considering and understanding why you feel the way you do is helpful. Press pause and reflect on what triggered that emotion. 

Emotions are generally the first things to appear [they are the first fruits of our thinking] and the last things to change. Our emotions are the fruit of our thoughts. Therefore, thinking about what you are thinking about is helpful to aid you in understanding your emotions. Proverbs 23:7 speaks about the possibility that a person can think with his heart. In fact, the heart actually has around 40,000 neurons in it, which means we literally can think with our heart. What we feel does have an impact on how we choose to behave. Therefore, managing our emotions is crucial for healthy living. 

REFLECTIVE QUESTIONS

• What fears are triggered when the idea of sharing your emotions with others is suggested? 
• When it comes to sharing emotion, do you tend to vomit on others or potentially allow yourself to be vomited on? 

PRAY

Lord, thank you for creating me with all my emotions, and I ask that you help me find safe spaces to manage and express my emotions in healthy ways.

Scriptures: Psalms 139:13-14, Isaiah 49:15-17, Exodus 34:14, Psalms 37:23

WONDERFULLY COMPLEX

The New Living Translation of Psalm 139:14 captures the psalmist thanking God for making us “wonderfully complex.” 

For many, this may sound like an oxymoron. The reason is that we see complex emotions as anything other than wonderful. 

The truth of the matter is that we were made in the image of God, whose emotion is even more complex than ours. Isaiah 49:15-17 says that God’s emotion is even stronger than a mother’s. This is an incredibly liberating truth to ponder around the complexity of His love for us. God is also a jealous God. Another complex emotion that is rooted in a fierce love that is actually extravagant in its complexity. 

Feeling intense emotions is not something we should feel ashamed about. Remember shame is an identity-crippling emotion that is triggered due to separation from God. However, the truth is that God has uniquely made each one of us just the way we are. 

Instead of using the phrase “wonderfully complex,” the King James Version uses the phrase “fearfully and wonderfully made.” 

The word fearfully is “Yaw-ray” which means to stand in awe, be awed in reverence, and have honor & respect. 

The word wonderfully is the word “Paw-lay” which means to be distinctly marked out, to be distinguished, to be set apart, to show a difference, to show how marvelously & to be made wonderfully. 

In other words, each one of us has been distinctly marked out and set apart. That one should stand in awe and reverence of you because of your value. The bottom line is this: our value is rooted in knowing the intimate effort invested in you by God has knit you together. The more we understand the significance of this truth, the less we will ever feel the potential of shame knocking at our identity door, despite any failure or mess-ups we have made. This leads to liberated living and embracing our wonderful complexity. 

PRAY: 

Lord, thank you for making me wonderfully complex. May my emotion never cause me to turn away from you, but always lean in towards you. Thank you that I am never too much for you. Help me grasp the sheer delight you have for me. Amen.