You’re Not the Boss of Me

Scriptures: Matthew 15:1-3, Matthew 15:7-11, Matthew 15:16-19, Matthew 11:28-29, John 14:27

PRAYER:

God, I want the peace that only you can bring. Teach me how to better understand and manage my emotions.

READING:

From the Heart

We all have one or more emotions that compete for control in driving our behavior. As adults, we’ve learned to monitor our behavior. But Jesus invites us to go beyond simply monitoring how we behave and to begin monitoring what’s going on inside of us. 

Let’s learn more from Matthew’s account of his experiences with Jesus. 

Jesus was with His apostles. 

Then some Pharisees and teachers of the law came to Jesus from Jerusalem and asked, “Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders? They don’t wash their hands before they eat!”  – Matthew 15:1–2

The tradition of the elders included an unwritten rule about a washing ritual that had to be done before eating.

Jesus replied, “And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition?” – Matthew 15:3 

Jesus pointed out their hypocrisy.

“You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you: ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules.’” – Matthew 15:7–9

A crowd gathered, and Jesus said:

“Listen and understand. What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.” – Matthew 15:10–11

The disciples asked Jesus to explain.

“Are you still so dull?” Jesus asked them. “Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.” – Matthew 15:16–18

To be defiled is to be at odds with God. You are at odds with God when what comes out of your mouth puts you at odds with the people God loves. And what comes out of your mouth originates from your heart. Everything begins with a thought. 

“For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.” – Matthew 15:19

When the Gospel writer Mark recorded the same conversation, he added other things Jesus mentioned: greed, malice, deceit, envy, arrogance, and folly. 

These are the things that defile a person, putting you at odds with God. Skipping an elaborate washing ritual before eating? That’s not going to put you at odds with God. Religious rituals and traditions can be important and meaningful to us, but they are not a means by which we keep God happy and satisfied. We need to get better at monitoring our hearts so our emotions don’t become our boss.

Jesus followers already have a boss—a far better boss than anger, envy, greed, or lust. Jesus said to us:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28

Jesus gives you something those inferior bosses can never give you—rest.

“…my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives.” —John 14:27

With the peace the world offers, you only have peace when everything is great on the outside. Jesus gives you peace on the inside, even when things aren’t so good on the outside.

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” – Matthew 11:29

Jesus was saying: Follow me. Let me be the boss of you, and I will give you peace inside. I will give you rest.

REFLECTION:

What emotion competes for control of your life? Has it impacted your relationships in any way? Every day, the people closest to you are experiencing the overflow of your heart. 

Scripture: Romans 8:1-4

PRAYER:

God, please guide me as I seek to monitor my heart. Help me identify and deal with my negative emotions. 

READING:

Guilt

Guilt is the emotion associated with acknowledging that we’ve done something wrong. Sometimes our guilt is so overwhelming that we create a narrative—an explanation that allows us to distance ourselves from our guilt. But denying, excusing, or being defined by guilt always empowers it. 

Guilt creates a debt/debtor relationship. When you wrong another person, you take something from them, so you owe them. We often use this terminology: “I owe you an apology.” But we don’t experience guilt as a debt. We experience guilt as a weight that throws us off balance. When our guilt is resolved, we say, “I feel like a weight has been lifted off me.”

But until that happens, we carry the weight everywhere. It travels with us—from work to home, from one season of life to another. And if we don’t resolve it, guilt evolves into anger. But the reason we don’t want to face our guilt is because it leaves us standing condemned. And there is no way to undo the past. 

But you don’t have to be defined by your past, and you don’t have to deny it. Jesus offers a third option. The apostle Paul put this concept into words.

Paul was a man who carried more guilt and regret than we can imagine. He stepped onto these pages of history as Saul of Tarsus, who arrested, tortured, imprisoned, and executed innocent men and women in the name of God. But Paul didn’t deny his guilt. He told us his story. 

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus… – Romans 8:1

We can stand uncondemned, regaining our balance, when we’re willing to face the condemning truth about ourselves, acknowledge it to God, and surrender to the lordship of His Son.

…because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh… – Romans 8:2–3

The law can’t set you free from your past. But God through Christ did something even the best law in the world cannot do. 

… God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. – Romans 8:3

When you receive what God has done for you in Christ, there is no condemnation. To paraphrase, God says, “Together you and I will agree that you are guilty, but you are not condemned.”

And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us. – Romans 8:3–4

When you step into a relationship with God through Christ, four things happen:

1. You forfeit the right to condemn yourself because you are not yours to condemn.
2. Your guilt will remind you, but it will not define you. Your guilt becomes a pivot point for you—not to condemn you, but to look gratefully to God.
3. You forfeit the right to condemn others, because condemning them would make you a hypocrite. You are perfectly positioned to love the unlovable, to forgive the unforgivable.
4. You’re free to make restitution without expectations and without excuses. Your willingness to approach the person you’ve hurt may unlock feelings that have been festering inside them. 

There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because what the law could not do, God already did. 

REFLECTION:

Is somebody waiting for you to make the first move? Is your pride keeping you from making it? Jesus humbled himself for you, and now you’re free to humble yourself for others. 

Scriptures: Proverbs 14:30, Ecclesiastes 4:4-8, John 13:35

PRAYER:

God, it can be tempting to compare myself with other people. Teach me how to deal with envy and not allow it to take root in my life.

READING:

Envy

King Solomon, considered the wisest man who ever lived except for Jesus, got to the heart of today’s topic when he said:

…envy rots the bones. – Proverbs 14:30

Envy leaves us competing with people who don’t even know there’s a competition. It makes us arrogant when we’re more successful or depressed because we fall short. Envy throws us off balance.

But Solomon gave us a word picture to help us regain our balance.

And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. – Ecclesiastes 4:4

Chasing the wind is endless. There’s no finish line. There’s no satisfaction or contentment. If envy becomes the boss of you, you’re chasing the wind and you can’t enjoy your own accomplishments. Dissatisfaction guaranteed.

But Solomon wasn’t suggesting we become lazy or accomplish less. 

Fools fold their hands and ruin themselves. – Ecclesiastes 4:5

Don’t simply give up and do nothing, but don’t stress yourself trying to be someone you’re not.

Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.  – Ecclesiastes 4:6

Less is more because the result is peace—with yourself and the people around you, especially the people who are most important to you.

Again I saw something meaningless under the sun: There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. – Ecclesiastes 4:7–8

This man didn’t have anyone to leave his wealth to because women could not inherit in that culture. Yet he wasn’t content, and there was no end to his work. 

He finally paused and asked a question.

“For whom am I toiling,” he asked, “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?” – Ecclesiastes 4:8

In other words: Why am I doing this? What’s driving me? What am I trying to prove? These are questions we need to ask ourselves. 

This too is meaningless… – Ecclesiastes 4:8

There’s no point in striving to compete with what other people are doing. You’ll never experience God’s purpose for your life if you’re distracted by God’s purpose for someone else’s. 

Here’s the phrase that Solomon began all this with. We started with the second half; now here’s the entire sentence:

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. – Proverbs 14:30

You cannot compete or compare your way to peace. You cannot win by chasing the wind. God has given you a race to run, and He’s given you a lane to run in. Stay there—and thrive there. And change somebody’s world from there, because envy is extraordinarily self-centered. From the lane God has called you to run in, you can do more for other people, because you will be less concerned about comparing yourself to them.

So, when you find your mind and emotions drifting toward envy and comparison, stop and declare: “Envy, you’re not the boss of me. I will not chase the wind.”

If you’re a Jesus follower, you already have a boss of you—Jesus. And He gave you some specific instructions.

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” – John 13:35

Peace and purpose are found when you follow Jesus. You find meaning by becoming a means to an end that’s not you. So follow Jesus. Unlike envy, He will make your life better. And unlike envy, He will make you better at life.

REFLECTION:

Consider this truth: there is no win in comparison. When you’re tempted to compare yourself to others today, choose to be grateful. Count your blessings instead. Your blessings—not your neighbor’s. 

Scriptures: James 3:13-14, James 3:16, James 4:1-2, Philippians 2:5-8

PRAYER:

God, help me to see anger in the moments when it’s trying to control me. 

READING:

Anger

Nobody wants anger to be the boss of them. And nobody who loves you wants anger to be the boss of you. Anger can be extroverted, when someone loses their temper. But it can also be introverted, when someone’s moody silence is deafening. 

James, the brother of Jesus, gives us a principle that—if you embrace it—will do more to keep anger from becoming the boss of you than anything else you can do.

James starts with a question.

Who is wise and understanding among you? – James 3:13

Wise people understand that life is connected, that the past and the present impact the future.

Let them show it… by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. – James 3:13

Wise people are always humble, because arrogance flies in the face of everything we know about how the world works and how people are. 

But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. – James 3:14

People who lack wisdom lack humility, and they make the world all about themselves.

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. – James 3:16

When arrogance gets lodged in your heart, eventually there will be disorder and every evil practice because you’re able to justify just about anything.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? – James 4:1

Most of us think it’s not a what but a who causing quarrels. But if you think quarrels are caused by a who, you’ll never get to the root of the real what.

Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? – James 4:1

The source of conflict is inside you. If you think the source is on the outside, you’re never going to deal with what’s happening inside—and you’ll end up feeding something ugly and dangerous inside you.

You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. ­- James 4:2

If you don’t recognize that the source of anger is inside you, you carry the potential to take things to an unhealthy, destructive extreme. 

What often leads to anger is that we’re not getting something we want. And we need to own up to that. So, when you feel anger rising up inside, say, “Anger, I know where you come from. You want me to think it’s him. You want me to think it’s her. You want me to think it’s them. But it’s me. I want something and I’m not getting it. I own my slice of the argument pie, and you will not control my mouth or my mood. Anger, you’re not the boss of me.”

If you’re a Jesus follower, you already have a boss of you—Jesus. He didn’t get everything He wanted either. He said no to Himself so He could give you what you needed most.

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant… – Philippians 2:6–7

To live this out in the real world, Paul said:

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus… (who) humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! – Philippians 2:5, 8

Jesus nudges us away from self-centeredness and arrogance to other-centeredness and humility. When you move toward other-centeredness and humility, you’ll be free to live a life where anger is not the boss of you.

REFLECTION:

What is your current relationship with anger? Do you allow it to control your mouth or your mood? Consider in what area of life you may need to tell anger that it’s not the boss of you. 

Scriptures: Matthew 10:16, Matthew 10:26, Matthew 8:23-27

PRAYER:

God, give me boldness in facing my fears. Help me to know that because you are with me, I don’t have to be afraid.

READING:

Fear – Part 1

There is an element of fear or worry that plagues most of us. From time to time, or in some environments, or in some area of our lives, fear can easily become the boss of us. Fear robs us of opportunities, interferes in our relationships, and impacts our parenting or our marriages. Fear keeps us up at night.

Fear is not always a bad thing. Fear is the by-product of our ability as human beings to accumulate knowledge and apply that knowledge to the future. This is one of the greatest gifts God has given humanity: We are able to collect information and pass it along from generation to generation so that our knowledge base builds and we can make progress.

The forward-thinking ability that allows us to fear also allows us to imagine. It gives us the ability to hope, the ability to dream. Without it, we couldn’t look forward to anything. So it’s doubtful that anyone would be willing to give up that ability if that’s what it took to eliminate fear. But we don’t want our fears to boss us around.

Jesus had a lot to say about fear. Much of His ministry—and His time with the twelve apostles—was teaching them how to not be afraid.

On one occasion, Jesus had just finished choosing the apostles. He told them that things were going to be difficult for them.

“I am sending you out like sheep among wolves.” – Matthew 10:16

To us, this is a figure of speech. But the apostles had seen sheep among wolves, and the result was a bloody, gory mess. Jesus told the apostles they were going to be arrested and beaten. And then He said:

“So do not be afraid…” – Matthew 10:26

This did not remove their fear—it didn’t even seem to make sense. So Jesus took them on a field trip to teach them about fear. 

Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. – Matthew 8:23–26

This isn’t just a miracle story to show that Jesus had power over nature—He was teaching the apostles about fear. When He finally got up, He didn’t panic. Your Savior doesn’t panic. Your heavenly Father doesn’t panic. Isn’t that good to know? We panic because we project into the future what we know, what we’ve seen, and what we’ve experienced. But God, who created time, doesn’t panic.

The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!” – Matthew 8:27

The apostles were afraid of the storm, but then they realized who they were with in the boat. Their confidence in Jesus overwhelmed their fear.

The lesson Jesus was trying to teach them was this: You do not have to allow fear to be the boss of you. You do not have to allow fear to overwhelm you, because there’s something more capable and powerful than fear. 

In tomorrow’s reading, Jesus takes the apostles on another field trip to reinforce His lesson about fear.

REFLECTION:

Can you relate to the apostles being so fearful during the storm? What storms in life are you facing right now where you need Jesus to calm the wind and waves? 

Scriptures: Matthew 10:28-31, Matthew 14:22-27

PRAYER:

God when I am feeling afraid, help me to remember that you are more powerful than my fear. 

READING:

Fear – Part 2

In yesterday’s reading, Jesus taught the apostles a lesson about fear by showing them there was something more capable and powerful than fear.

A few days later, Jesus came back to this topic.

“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” – Matthew 10:28

If you’re going to fear something, you should fear God.

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” –Matthew 10:29–31

God considers you extraordinarily valuable. And this was Jesus’s way of saying that God is a personal God: He knows your name, He knows your circumstances, and He is concerned about your life. When we are facing something that overwhelms us with fear, many times all we need is to know with confidence that God knows what we’re going through.

After Jesus performed the miracle of feeding 5,000 people from five loaves of bread and two fish, He sent the apostles on another field trip.

Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” – Matthew 14:22–27

As long as Jesus is with you, there’s no need to fear. Even when there’s something to be afraid of, you don’t have to allow fear to be the boss of you.

When Jesus was crucified, the apostles thought everything they had believed about Jesus had been wrong. But then they peered into an empty tomb. And then they met their living friend. Jesus’s resurrection validated everything He had taught, especially what He said about fear. The apostles did not fear, and they willingly faced down the same men who’d had Jesus arrested, beaten, and crucified. And then the apostles went on to change the world.

When Jesus says to you, “Do not be afraid,” you can do that—not because there’s nothing to be afraid of, but because you have fastened your affection and attention on the one who deserves all your trust, reverence, and fear.

Fear is a permanent part of the human experience. But no one wants fear to be the boss of them. And it doesn’t have to be—because you have a boss who conquered life and who conquered death. He is who He claimed to be. He is worthy of our worship. 

The life of Jesus is an invitation and a promise. It’s an invitation to follow Him and a promise that you can follow without fear. Because even when there’s something to be afraid of, He is with you. 

REFLECTION:

Based on his experiences with Jesus, the apostle Peter said, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). How can you do that in a practical way today? 

Scriptures: Matthew 18:1-3, Matthew 18:6-9, Matthew 18:12-17, John 15:12

PRAYER:

God, I want to show your love to those around me. Allow me to see when my emotions are preventing me from showing your love to others.

READING:

Undercover Boss

Sometimes destructive emotions disguise themselves as virtues. Fear of rejection, discomfort with conflict, or indifference can disguise themselves as sensitivity and kindness. But we need people to step up and speak into our lives even when it’s uncomfortable for them. 

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you.” – Matthew 18:15

Who does that? People who care. People who decide discomfort is worth dealing with if that’s what it takes to love you. 

Here’s some background for this concept of confronting people in sin.

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” – Matthew 18:1

They were each hoping Jesus would point to them. But he did something else.

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” – Matthew 18:2–3

That got their attention.

“If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble…” – Matthew 18:6

When Jesus said “little ones,” he wasn’t just talking about kids. He was talking about the adults who had begun to follow Him.

“… it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come!” – Matthew 18:6–7

It’s one thing for somebody to get tripped up because something comes along that they have no control over. But woe to the person who causes someone to lose their way. 

“If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away.” – Matthew 18:8

If there’s anything in your life that has the potential to get you off course—get rid of it.

“It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.” – Matthew 18:9

Take extreme measures while you still have some control to prevent your life from spinning out of control. 

“If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.” – Matthew 18:12–14

When you lose something of value and then find it, your emotions are focused on that one thing.

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along… If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” – Matthew 18:15–17

Love is not silent when there’s something that needs to be said. If somebody needs to hear from you, don’t let your emotions keep you from speaking up. Let love be the boss of you.

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” – John 15:12

This is simply doing for others what God through Christ has done for us.

REFLECTION:

Is there someone who needs to hear from you? Are your emotions keeping you from saying something? Remember, love speaks up. How can you let love be the boss of you?