Are you engaged or newly married? Congrats! Learn how to prepare for marriage in this premarital devotional for engaged couples. Unmet expectations are a common cause of conflict in marriage. This Bible plan will teach you how to communicate your expectations of marriage in five key areas. This plan is ideal for engaged couples to read together and includes discussion questions and prayers to discuss during the engagement season.
Erin Elise Kiu
Day 1
Scriptures: Ephesians 5:25-26, 1 John 3:16-18, 1 John 4:9-10
How to Love Your Spouse
When my husband and I were engaged, we read several marriage books to understand God’s definition of love. Both of us had a past before we gave our lives to Jesus, and our experience with “love” was based on hookups, an intense feeling, and a physical connection.
What was love supposed to look like in a godly and healthy marriage?
In Ephesians 5:25-26, God tells us marriage is supposed to represent the love Jesus has for the church. God showed us what love is by sacrificing his only son to die on the cross for us.
Love is a sacrifice—where we sacrifice our own needs and wants for the other person. Sacrificial love is also known as agape love, where we serve the other person unconditionally without expecting anything in return.
How do we practically show this kind of sacrificial love in marriage?
1 John 3:18 illustrates that we are called to love with actions and in truth, and not just words or speech. We can say we love our spouse, but if we don’t show love by our actions, our words mean nothing.
As I write this devotion, I’ve been married for four years. I’ve experienced love through my husband’s actions at the peak of our “honeymoon phase,” but I’ve never felt more loved through pregnancy and motherhood.
My husband, Jeff, held my hand at each doctor’s appointment and ultrasound. He kissed my pregnant belly, prayed over our baby, and told our son bedtime stories in the womb. After our son was born, my husband plays with him and takes him for walks so I can rest. Jeff isn’t afraid to change a poopy diaper, and he doesn’t mind cooking dinner after a long day at work.
It’s easy to love your spouse on date nights and romantic vacations. But true, sacrificial love is expressed through your actions, especially when it’s inconvenient.
Discussion Questions
- What do you think love should look like in marriage?
- How do you see sacrificial love displayed between couples around you?
- How do you show sacrificial love in your relationship?
Prayer
God, thank you for showing us what love is through Jesus. Show us how to lay down our lives for each other and how to love each other even when it’s hard. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Day 2
Scriptures: Ecclesiastes 4:12, James 5:16
Relationship with God
God answered my prayer for a man who loved Jesus, but I still needed alone time with God. Would my husband want to read the Bible together? Would he understand I wanted to pray by myself sometimes?
You’ve finally met someone to share your life with. If you love God with all your heart, you already know how important it is to marry someone who loves the Lord. But what does a relationship with God look like as a married couple?
If you want your marriage to last forever, God should be the center of your marriage. Growing closer to God together will strengthen your marriage, but it’s also important to maintain your own personal relationship with God.
My spiritual mentor always reminds me, “Your spouse is not your Holy Spirit.”
When you face problems or trials, God should be the first person you turn to. Expecting your spouse to solve all your problems puts pressure and unrealistic expectations on your marriage. While it’s healthy to confide in your spouse so they can pray with you, it’s still important to rely on God as your heavenly Father.
As you get married, you’ll establish routines to grow your spiritual intimacy as a couple. But this doesn’t mean you’ll do everything together.
Spending time with God together every day may not be feasible for you. You may have conflicting schedules or wake up at different times. You and your spouse may also prefer to read different parts of the Bible.
If you only have time to do one thing together with your future spouse, I encourage you to pray together every day. Prayer is the most powerful thing you can do for your marriage as you share your heart with each other and with God.
Your relationship with God is unique. How you spend time with God may look different from your spouse. Both of you seeking God is what matters.
Discussion Questions
- How do you spend time with God throughout the week?
- How do you want to seek God together as a couple?
- How can you make God a priority in your schedules?
Prayer
God, we want you to be the center of our marriage. Show us how to strengthen our relationship with you while seeking you together in our marriage. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Day 3
Scripture: Proverbs 31:10-15
Building a Home Together
As my husband and I got settled in our new home, it felt like all I did was clean and organize.
“I’m just so overwhelmed. I feel like the cleaning never ends.” A few tears fell as I glanced at our sink full of dirty dishes.
My husband rubbed my back. “Babe, I don’t want you to spend all day cleaning, either. Let me know how I can help.”
Help.
A four-letter word that sounded so simple, yet was so hard to ask for. Asking my husband for help with cleaning felt like I was failing as a wife.
In Proverbs 31:10-31, the Bible describes a wife of noble character. The Proverbs 31 woman worked, raised children, invested in real estate, and gave to the needy. How can a wife do all those things?
Even the Proverbs 31 woman asked for help. Proverbs 31:15 says she planned the day’s work for her servant girls.
I realized I had some unrealistic expectations of what it meant to be a wife. Just because I was a wife didn’t mean I had to clean everything. I wasn’t a maid. And it was okay to ask my husband for help.
As you prepare to live together, discuss the common household tasks and responsibilities below and who will be responsible for each task.
Household tasks and responsibilities:
- Laundry
- Cooking
- Cleaning
- Doing the dishes
- Taking out the trash
- Vacuuming or sweeping the floor
- Other deep cleaning (like dusting and cleaning the bathrooms)
- Fixing common repairs
You and your spouse are a team. For all the ladies who dread cleaning, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Consider what your husband can do, or if you can afford to hire a cleaner.
If you’re struggling with housework, remember that cleaning is one way you can show love to your spouse. Every day you do the dishes when you don’t feel like it—especially when it’s your spouse’s turn—is an act of love.
Discussion Questions
- Who will be responsible for each household task?
- How often do you expect the house to be cleaned?
Prayer
God, thank you for blessing us with a home to live in. Show us how to clean our place together, and how to serve each other out of love. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Day 4
Scriptures: Matthew 25:14-21, Proverbs 27:23-24
Faithful with Finances
My husband, Jeff, and I didn’t talk too much about money until we started planning our wedding. It felt awkward at first, but we had to talk about money to determine the type of wedding we could afford.
Jeff and I made an Excel spreadsheet of everything we had. This included money in bank accounts, investments, retirement accounts like a 401(k), debt, and assets we owned. We also calculated our monthly cash flow by identifying our income and expenses.
After we compiled everything in one place, Jeff and I came up with a plan to manage finances on an ongoing basis. Jeff manages our money, and we discuss together at least monthly at a coffee shop.
Understanding how much money you have is essential before you get married. In Matthew 25:14-30, God calls us to be faithful with everything he’s entrusted us with, including money. But we can’t steward God’s money well if we don’t know what we have.
In Proverbs 27:23-24, the Bible tells us to know the condition of our flocks and to pay attention to our herds. Knowing the condition of your finances is the first step to stewarding God’s money.
When you’re engaged, you’re already thinking about making major purchases together. A wedding, a house, or paying off debt are significant expenses many newlywed couples face. The only way to know what you can afford is to know how much money you have.
If you don’t want money to cause conflict in your marriage, be honest about your finances with your spouse. Discuss any debt you have, and compile all your finances in one place, like an Excel spreadsheet or a website that tracks your money.
After organizing your finances, discuss how you’ll manage finances going forward. Just like other household tasks and responsibilities, talk about who will pay bills and track expenses. While both of you should be involved in making financial decisions, most couples designate someone to oversee finances every month.
Discussion Questions
- Discuss how you’ll share and compile your finances with each other.
- Who will manage your finances on a regular basis?
- How often will you discuss your finances once you’re married?
Prayer
God, thank you for blessing our finances. Show us how to manage and steward our finances as a couple. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Day 5
Scriptures: 1 Peter 3:7, Ephesians 5:15-17
Time to Connect
Couples think they’ll have lots of time to talk and connect when they’re married, but life happens. Calendars fill up and it’s easy to find excuses to put off conversations you’ve been dreading with your spouse.
If you do anything to strengthen your emotional intimacy, I recommend having a weekly marriage business meeting. A business meeting for your marriage may sound weird, but the purpose is to communicate your needs and give feedback on different areas of your marriage.
Think about the conversation you have on a date night. Do you want to discuss finances, how your spouse hurt your feelings, or how your needs aren’t being met in the bedroom over a romantic dinner?
Weekly business meetings create a safe place for you and your spouse to discuss what’s going well and what’s not working in your marriage. The more you share your wants, needs, and desires with each other, the more connected you’ll feel.
The format doesn’t have to look like a business meeting. Some couples call this their marriage coffee chat, or their weekly walk-and-talk.
What should you talk about during your weekly marriage meeting? Discuss anything on your mind, including what you’d like to work on in your marriage.
You could discuss the following topics:
- Compliments for each other
- Wins you want to celebrate
- How God is speaking to you
- Your focus for the week
- How you can pray for each other
- Areas of improvement
- Financial decisions
- Calendar schedules
- Meal planning
- Your sex life, including what you liked—or didn’t like—in the bedroom
It may feel awkward giving your spouse constructive feedback, but if you’re not honest with each other, this will hurt your emotional intimacy.
A weekly business meeting will help ensure both your needs are being met—which will cause less conflict in your marriage.
Discussion Questions
- How do you feel about implementing a weekly marriage business meeting?
- When and where could you have your marriage chat every week?
- What items would you like to discuss each week with your spouse?
Prayer
God, thank you for showing us how to communicate as husband and wife. Give us the courage to be open and honest with each other so we can strengthen our marriage. In Jesus’ name, amen.