Scriptures: Psalms 34:17-18, Psalms 147:3

Heal

Psalm 34:17-18

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 147:3

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Dating after a divorce as a Christian can feel a bit confusing and uncertain. You may have people in your life who support your decision, while others might not understand or agree. And as you navigate your new relationship status and consider opening your heart to love again, you’ll likely feel all sorts of emotions.

Because of this, healing after a divorce before dating after a divorce is essential. It’s not only for your own good but for the benefit of the people you date. You need to make sure you’re whole, healed, and happy all by yourself before involving and inviting someone new into your life.

Heal Emotionally

Divorce is always a difficult experience, no matter the circumstances. When you said those cherished words, “for better or for worse,” you meant it. But now you have to grieve the loss of your marriage and all the hopes, dreams, and plans you had for your future. You need to heal from the pain caused by the divorce, not to forget what happened, but to forgive yourself and your ex-partner.

Depending on the circumstances of the divorce, you may be experiencing feelings of betrayal, guilt, sadness, relief, or shame. All those feelings are normal, and it’s important to let yourself experience them. Stuffing your emotions and pretending you’re ok when you’re not isn’t a step toward healing.

And while it may feel uncomfortable to work through the grief you’re experiencing, you’re not alone. God is close to the brokenhearted and heals the brokenhearted. He cares about you and wants to comfort you during this time. Every time a new feeling arises, bring it to God. Let Him carry the weight of the divorce for you, so you can heal and move forward with your life.

Heal Spiritually

One of the most difficult parts of healing from a divorce as a Christian is the spiritual aspect. There are many opinions and beliefs regarding separation and remarrying after a divorce. When you start to feel ashamed or unworthy, shift your focus to God’s grace, goodness, and mercy. You are still worthy of God’s love, and you are still worthy of finding love with another partner.

Scripture: Proverbs 4:23

Protect

Proverbs 4:23

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

It’s important to protect your heart before dating after a divorce, and the best way to do that is to give yourself time. With time comes healing, forgiveness, perspective, and understanding. If your divorce is final and you’re no longer married, you are free to start dating. However, it’s a good idea to come up with some “rules” or boundaries to protect yourself.

For example, you may decide to wait at least a year after your divorce is finalized before you reenter the dating scene. Perhaps you think it’s best to wait to date again until your kids are older or out of the house. Or, maybe you don’t want to put a timeline on it, but you do want to experience certain things as a single person before you start dating again.

There is no rush to start dating after a divorce. You can take your time and date when you feel emotionally and spiritually ready. When you do start dating again, make sure to set healthy boundaries to protect yourself.

Boundaries for Dating After Divorce

Dating after divorce can be both exciting and daunting. On the one hand, you’re finally moving on from your marriage and starting a new chapter in your life. On the other hand, you may feel rusty after being out of the dating game for so long, or you may be worried about making the same mistakes you made in your previous relationship. Setting healthy boundaries is crucial to enjoying an honorable and drama-free dating life after divorce.

One boundary you may want to set is how much you’re willing to share about your past relationship. Discussing your divorce in general terms is okay, but try to avoid going into too much detail about what went wrong in your marriage. If you find yourself constantly talking about your ex, it may be an indication that you haven’t completely healed, forgiven, and moved on from the relationship.

Another boundary you may want to set is how often you’re willing to see your ex. If you have kids together, you’ll inevitably have to see each other on a regular basis. But if you don’t have children, it’s up to you how often (if at all) you want to communicate with your ex. You may even want to consider creating a “no contact” rule for yourself, where you agree not to contact or communicate with your ex for a certain period of time after your divorce is finalized. This can help prevent any awkwardness or hurt feelings that may come from seeing each other too soon after the breakup.

Finally, be sure to set boundaries with regard to your emotional well-being. Dating after divorce can be fun and exciting, but it’s important not to put your entire self-worth on the line. Remember that you are worthy of love and respect regardless of whether or not you find a new partner right away. If someone isn’t treating you well or respecting your boundaries, don’t lower your standards. Move on.

Scriptures: James 1:2-5, Proverbs 19:20-21

Reflect

James 1:2-5

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

Proverbs 19:20-21

“Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise. Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

Although this probably isn’t the second chance you wanted, it’s the one you’re getting. You have an opportunity to take everything you learned from your marriage and do things differently this time. You’re wiser, and with wisdom comes the ability to make better decisions for yourself and your family.

Being prudent is essential when dating after a divorce. If you have kids, you have even more on the line than you did the last time you entered the dating scene. You can set yourself up for a better experience by showing care and thought for your future.

This might look like…

• Going to therapy to ensure you’ve healed from any lingering trauma from your past relationship
• Joining a singles group to connect with others who are also navigating dating after a divorce
• Talking to your kids about divorce, relationships, love, marriage, and trusting God through it all
• Asking your kids for their opinion of you dating again and making the decision as a family to ensure everyone feels loved and supported
• Finding a mentor who can provide spiritual guidance as you navigate setting boundaries and dating in a way that honors God
• Committing to reading your Bible daily to ensure Christ is at the forefront of your mind and the center of all your decisions
• Acknowledging red flags and not ignoring them because you’re lonely or tired of dating
• Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually and not “losing yourself” in a relationship
• Dating people who share your faith and beliefs and making misaligned beliefs a deal-breaker for any future relationship

It’s important to remember that you can do all these things–you can use your experiences and wisdom to date well after divorce–but it doesn’t mean everything will go perfectly. It doesn’t mean you’ll find love quickly, if at all. But if you choose to walk in wisdom and follow God wholeheartedly, you will experience good things. God promises good things to those who love Him and live according to His will.

Scriptures: Proverbs 3:5-6, Isaiah 26:3-4, John 14:26, Romans 8:26-27, Isaiah 61:3

Trust

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Isaiah 26:3-4

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.”

John 14:26

“But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.”

Romans 8:26-27

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”

Isaiah 61:3

“…and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”

God makes all things beautiful in His time. He turns mourning into joy and makes beauty from ashes. He can take your divorce, your pain, and your story and turn it into something beautiful for His glory. Even if you feel discouraged and hopeless right now, that doesn’t stop God from working on your behalf. The most important thing for you to do, especially while dating after a divorce, is to trust.

Trust God’s Timing

Trusting God’s timing can be difficult, especially when it comes to dating after a divorce. You may have been married for years, and the thought of starting over can be daunting. However, it is essential to remember that God has a plan for your life. He knows what is best for you, and His timing is always perfect. Trusting in God doesn’t mean that you will never date again. It simply means being patient and waiting for His perfect timing.

Trust Your Intuition

As you begin to open your heart to love again, it’s essential to be on guard and trust your intuition. If something feels off about someone, go with your gut. Don’t ignore red flags in the name of giving someone a chance. And if you’re not sure what your intuition is telling you, pray about it. Your intuition comes from the Holy Spirit–turn to Him as your guide when it comes to dating after a divorce.

Trust God’s Plan

It can be difficult to put your trust in God’s plan when you’re dating after a divorce. After all, the end of your marriage was probably not part of His plan for you. But even though things may not have gone the way you expected, God is still in control. And part of His plan may involve finding love again. Trusting God’s plan doesn’t mean you have to blindly date anyone who comes along. But it does mean you should be open to finding love again, even if it looks different from what you expected. So keep your heart open, and trust that God has a beautiful plan for your life, even if it doesn’t always look like you thought it would.

Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Mark 12:30-31

Love

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Mark 12:30-31

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.”

Dating after a divorce enables you to create the relationship you really want. You may be more mindful of your needs and boundaries and better equipped to communicate your wants and expectations to a partner. After taking time for yourself after a divorce, you may emerge from the experience feeling more confident and self-assured as you trust God’s timing and plan.

Still, it can be hard to imagine opening yourself up to someone new after going through such a personal and emotional experience. The idea of choosing to love someone again–and receiving their love–may feel daunting, exciting, or nerve-racking.

Taking the first step back into the dating world is a big one. The second big step is allowing yourself to love again. The best way to prepare your heart and mind for love is to love yourself, love the people you date, and, of course, love God above all else.

Love Yourself

You have to love yourself before you can love others fully since we’re called to love others as ourselves. Self-love is not selfishness. It’s taking the time to nurture your own happiness and well-being. When you love yourself, you treat yourself with kindness and respect. You forgive yourself for your mistakes and shortcomings. You are patient with yourself as you grow and learn. Most importantly, you believe in who you are as a child of God–that you are worthy of love and happiness. When you have that kind of self-love, it’s so much easier to open up and give your love to others.

Love the People You Date

Agape love comes before romantic love. It’s not based on what someone does or who they are but on the pure act of giving and receiving love. This love is patient and kind. It’s selfless and forgiving. It protects others. When you start dating after a divorce, you are putting your heart on the line. But the people you date are putting their hearts on the line too. It’s important to remember that and treat the people you date with kindness and respect. Don’t let your past experiences keep you from softening your heart toward someone new.

Love God Above All Else

To love God is the greatest commandment. No matter what happens, loving God is the best decision you can make. Put God first when dating after a divorce is going great. Put God first if you get your heart broken again. Choose to honor God through the ups and downs, the uncertainties and unexpected blessings. It is only with Him and through Him that dating after a divorce can become a wildly beautiful adventure.