Have you looked around recently and wondered how the world became so divided? If so, you’re not alone. Discord is an epidemic, and we’ve all experienced its side effects—almost to the point where we wonder if the problem is incurable. As Christians, our job is not to make duplicates of ourselves; it’s to make disciples of Jesus. What follows are some steps we can take toward unifying the church, one conversation at a time.
HarperCollins/Zondervan/Thomas Nelson
Day 1
Scriptures: Proverbs 1:5, Proverbs 11:12
Step 1: Listen To Others
When I was growing up, our dining room was only used for two purposes: for big family meals (celebrations like Thanksgiving or Christmas), and for fights. I know that sounds strange, but when my sister and I started arguing, or my cousins and I got in a heated debate, my mom would call us into the dining room and make us sit down at that wooden table for what she would call a “family discussion.”
Conversations like this can be uncomfortable, but they are necessary. Almost every time we sat down for a family discussion we were forced to hear out the other side. New understanding was almost always the outcome. My mom understood that something amazing happens when you sit down and listen to each other. When you take the time to hear someone else’s perspective, it allows you to empathize with their emotions.
Next time you find yourself in a disagreement, resist the urge to flee the scene. Instead, take a beat and listen to the other person. Chances are, you may learn something new and important. You may even change your mind. Listening is an act of respect as well, so we owe it to each other to listen without interrupting.
Day 2
Scriptures: Mark 15:3-5, James 1:19
Step 2: Resist The Urge To Become Defensive
Defending oneself is a natural urge. We all do it! But sometimes when we are in the middle of a tough conversation, we derail another person’s communication by jumping in to defend ourselves. Becoming too defensive is one quick way to cut short the path to learning—and it’s an especially useless response when we are not even being attacked.
In my experience, race is an especially hard subject to talk about. People fear being accused of racism or bias, so they quickly put their guards up. But when a person is willing to talk about their experiences—moments when they’ve endured pain, stereotyping, racial slurs, or other harmful words or actions—it’s imperative that we take it in and appreciate their vulnerability. Consider how listening to them is a great opportunity for learning and growth, even when what we hear doesn’t exactly feel nice. When we grow defensive in such moments, we take the reins and make the conversation about us instead. Scripture is full of endorsements of silence, so do your best to listen without interrupting when people have something hard to say.
Day 3
Scriptures: Galatians 3:28, 1 Corinthians 12:12
Step 3: Smash Stereotypes
I’m a Black man who grew up in the suburbs and attended a majority-white Bible college, which means I’ve been subjected to a few stereotypes in my day. The moments at Bible college may have hurt the most, simply because the church should be the place where all of God’s children are celebrated and welcomed. The church is supposed to be the hope of the world, but the question is, whose world? Unfortunately, many churches don’t work very hard to welcome all kinds of people. And one quick way to alienate people is to let stereotypes take root in your thinking. Even if you think you are hiding your prejudices, they will eventually make themselves known.
We are not born with prejudices; so since they are learned, they can also be unlearned. When you find yourself resorting to stereotypes or essentializing people by putting them into simplified groups, work hard to actively resist that thinking. Stereotyping people usually causes us to think of them as less than us, or at the very least, it causes us to put them in categories that are far from ourselves. In short, stereotypes build walls between God’s family members. As you walk through each day, and especially as you face conversations with people who are different from you, ask God to help you root out the damaging stereotypes that have taken root in your heart. Ask him to remind you that each person is a child of God—a masterpiece of his own making.
Day 4
Scriptures: Proverbs 10:19, John 4:1-42
Step 4: Dignify Others With Our Words
The dictionary defines dignity as “the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect.” Every person God made is worthy of dignity, so it’s our responsibility when communicating with others to use words that demonstrate respect and care.
When we are in the heat of the moment, it is easy to demean people with our words. I do not think the Psalms and Proverbs would be filled with wisdom about taming the tongue if it weren’t a problem for so many. But as Christians, it is our duty to speak to others with kindness and respect, and I cannot think of a better example of this than Jesus and the Samaritan woman.
In John 4, we read that Jesus went out of his way to meet the woman at the well. Most likely this woman, due to her marital history, was used to being treated poorly. In fact, many people suggest she was visiting the well during the hottest time of day to avoid other people altogether. Imagine being so disrespected by society that you’d rather absorb the heat than risk the barbs of other people’s words.
As you read this account, notice how Jesus speaks to her. His words are direct, but they are kind. While the disciples cannot figure out why Jesus is talking to her at all, he is treating her like an important person—someone with something to offer. Next time you are conversing with someone about a difficult topic, make sure you are respectful and kind. Jesus set the model for us, and we can be sure that our own words will be better received by someone who feels we have treated them with dignity and respect.
As you read this account, notice how Jesus speaks to her. His words are direct, but they are kind. While the disciples cannot figure out why Jesus is talking to her at all, he is treating her like an important person—someone with something to offer. Next time you are conversing with someone about a difficult topic, make sure you are respectful and kind. Jesus set the model forus, and we can be sure that our own words will be better received by someone who feels we have treated them with dignity and respect.
Day 5
Scriptures: John 13:34-35, Romans 13:8
Step 5: Choose Love
A large part of any relationship is discovering that love is a choice and an act rather than a feeling. This is true in marriage, friendship, and God’s family as well. Though the church right now may be filled with strife, we must often return to this fundamental truth: that God sent his Son to save us because he loves us and he is love (John 3:16).
From our vantage point on earth, our sin created an irreconcilable difference between us and God. But fortunately, God went to great lengths to reconcile the irreconcilable. Why was God so passionate about fixing what we broke? One word: love.
Don’t get me wrong; loving each other is not an easy thing. I’m not saying it is. But love is fundamental. Without love for one another, we will never be reconciled to each other, and without love, we would never be reconciled to God. Whenever we lose sight of this truth, we will lapse into disdain, disunity, or even hatred—and the Enemy will relish sowing discord among us if ever handed such an opportunity. He loves nothing more than to see God’s people at odds with one another.
Next time you are struggling with someone, ask God to remind you of his love for you both. Ask him to reveal to you how every person he has ever made was created in his image. Ask him to remind you that love is worth fighting for. And thank him for the ultimate love, the saving love, that set you and all God’s people free.