As believers, we are all living with the expectation of living again. However, while we still live in these fleshly bodies, confronting death and grief can be heartbreaking. Learn how to navigate this space and let the healing process begin!
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Day 1
Scripture: Psalms 34:18
Although no one as close to me has died, I have not experienced grief the way I did with the loss of my mother. It was painful. It was gripping. It overwhelmed my mind, my body, and my entire world. It seemed more than I could bear. The only way I can accurately describe it is that my heart hurt, literally.
It’s been thirty years since the death of my mother. However, with so many people I know recently losing loved ones due to COVID-19 and other reasons, and then not being able to honor them as normal, it moved me to ask God what I could do to help others manage this process. My thoughts went back to my time of mourning over my mom. And with these unusual circumstances, how much more of a strain it must be to lose a loved one.
As a young lady, only twenty years old and an only child, I chose a casket for my mom. I decided what she would wear. I tended to every detail. What I learned about myself is that I was much stronger than I believed. But more importantly, I also learned that I absolutely could not make it in this life without God. Even when I distanced myself from everyone, wanting simply to be left alone, God was there. He ministered to me. I cried to God, and He heard and consoled me. I saw beautiful visions and I dreamed lovely dreams of my future that let me know I would make it. I would live on and I would experience life and joy again.
I encourage you that with God, you can make it too. When we are hurting, we tend to run away from God. We try to isolate ourselves. We don’t want to pick up the Bible. Sometimes, we don’t even want to talk to the Lord. But this is the very time when we need to run to Him. No matter how distraught or low you may feel, run to God because I promise you He is right there waiting to help you.
Day 2
Scriptures: Romans 8:38, 1 Peter 5:10
Someone very close to our family almost died from COVID-19. My family prayed together on her behalf. We fasted and cried out to God for a miracle. Our church interceded for weeks. And finally…..God did it! Though she is still dealing with some complications, God brought her out of that horrific trauma alive. While several others we know have died from COVID-19, this woman is still here, testifying of the goodness of God. One day as we were talking about her experiences, she expressed how it may almost seem unfair to some – that God would spare her life while others had died.
I’m sure someone is brokenhearted by the death and grief associated with COVID-19, and those words are the exact sentiment of their heart –– This is unfair! But life is complicated. We don’t always understand it. We can’t always explain it, and life is simply not in our control. No one can provide a definitive reason why God has physically healed some while healing others by calling them into eternal rest. We can all only be reminded that God is sovereign. He can do whatever He wants to do, whenever He sees fit to do it. Yet, we must continue to maintain our faith, believing that in every occasion, God will cause even the most distressing details to work out for our benefit because He is “masterful” at reworking the trials of life into triumphs!
Many times, I also grappled with feeling that the death of my mother, at the age of 43, was unjust. She did not get to relish in her baby girl walking down the aisle to be married; she did not witness me receiving my degrees; and she was never able to dote over her grandchildren. Although I truly loved God with all my heart, initially, I could not see how the death of my mother would ever bring God glory or profit anyone. But, here I am, writing about my personal experiences in an earnest desire to encourage someone else.
My friend, I know it hurts. I am sure your loss is great, but I am believing God with you that everything you are experiencing now is going to mount into a glorious crescendo of blessings and favor because you STILL love God and have a desire to fulfill His purpose.
Day 3
Scriptures: James 1:3-4, Psalms 46:1
Coping with the death of someone you love can be one of life’s greatest challenges. First of all, grief is a process. It takes time to mourn the loss of someone with whom you have laughed, and cried, and lived life, and created unforgettable memories. Despite how we may attempt to combat grief by using crutches to bandage it, like working long hours or portraying that we are fine, grief is an opponent that must be confronted. You cannot run from it. You cannot ignore it. You cannot immerse yourself in other things to try to forget it.
Grief must be experienced. In other words, we have to acknowledge our pain and permit ourselves to work through our emotions. Even if those feelings are unexpected and undesired, such as resentment surrounding the circumstances, or anger directed toward physicians, or God. Yes, God! You can love God and still become angry with Him in response to loss. But the key to dissolving those emotions and healing is not to deny them, but to work through them with the Father.
Second, grief is a unique, individual experience. No journey through grief is exactly the same. And though no one can dictate how long you should grieve, when this process includes time with God, He will direct us when we are at a point to move forward. Deuteronomy 34:8 says, And the children of Israel wept for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days: so the days of weeping and mourning for Moses were ended.
While I do not remember the precise length of time I grieved for my mother, what I do recall is that one day I just knew in my heart it was time to get up and live again. Although I was still working and taking care of business, I was not living; I was just going through the motions and existing. This is not what our loved ones desire for us, and it is certainly not what God intends for us.
Finally, grief does not have to be experienced alone. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and do not dismiss the genuine help that God sends to you. Of course, you can’t allow everyone into your inner circle, but there are people God has appointed who will stand by you at your worst and still see the best in you. God is there, but He will also use people to help you. Do not make the mistake of rejecting the blessing that God sends as help.
Day 4
Scriptures: Psalms 147:3, Psalms 34:4
Grief can manifest in a variety of ways, from guilt for being unable to do more to prevent your loved one’s death, to fear for now having to face certain situations without their advice and comfort. There are a myriad of emotions with which we contend, but one that is least discussed, especially among believers, is the feeling of abandonment. In coping with the loss, not only can we struggle with feelings of abandonment by our loved ones, but we may also wrestle with feelings of being abandoned by God. Christians are so used to putting on a happy face. We have learned how to smile through the pain, but in our innermost thoughts, we can still be at battle with why didn’t God change the report, why didn’t He answer our prayers, and why didn’t He add years to their life.
When my mother died, I did not want to hear how much my mother loved me. I didn’t want to hear about how God doesn’t make mistakes, and I definitely didn’t want to hear about how God would never leave nor forsake me. At twenty years old, without my father active in my life, I needed my mom. I felt abandoned by my mother and by God. This is so ironic because, at the same time, I also knew that I desperately needed God to make it out of that trauma with my mind still intact. So, even with those feelings in tow, I kept walking with God and praying to Him for help. Over time, the visions and dreams God gave me, along with the amazing people God used to bless me, unveiled the fact that I was not alone. My mother hadn’t abandoned me, and God hadn’t either.
We are fallible, emotional beings. Our feelings will not always be in agreement with what our spirit knows and believes about God. Sometimes, we have to just keep on pressing until our humanness aligns with the spirit realm. Despite the emotions you may be experiencing due to the loss of your loved one, continue to walk with God daily –one step at a time, one day at a time. Eventually, the Spirit is going to cause your flesh to move back into alignment with God. In the meantime, simply pray – Lord, help me!
Day 5
Scriptures: Hebrews 4:16, 1 Corinthians 15:57
It has been said that we should never make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions because feelings can change quickly and frequently. Have you ever had a difficult day and you open an email, snail mail, or text message that suddenly changed your whole mood? You were feeling down in the dumps and now instantly you feel like you’re walking on sunshine. Even in normal circumstances, how we feel at any given moment can change numerous times throughout the day, but adding grief into the equation can make you feel like you are riding on a nonstop, emotional roller coaster that refuses to let you off. You may feel jovial one minute and utterly devastated the next, laughing one day and crying uncontrollably the following day. Don’t deny your feelings but certainly don’t set up residence in them either.
As various emotions occur, take the time to learn what triggered them. Was it a picture, a scent, a holiday, a seemingly random thought, or was it someone else’s tragedy that caused you to become fixated on your trauma? Then, identify the physical components that are happening. Do you have headaches, nausea, dizziness, panic, insomnia, or some other physical ailment? In addition to an emotional response, coping with grief can also prompt a physical response as well. Grief is better managed when you have deeper insight into what you are experiencing and how it can work against you. Loss and grief are a part of life, but God has provided us with emotional, mental, physical, social, and spiritual remedies to work through our grief. Although what you need may change from day to day, find a solution that works for you.
There are some situations that God simply will not remove; we will have to lean and depend upon Him to help us navigate through them. I do not claim to know the thoughts of the Lord, but in many of the recent world events, I believe God is trying to transition our outlook on loss and grief. The Lord wants to recondition our thought processes to understand that a loss in the natural can still be a win in the spiritual. We could lose all of our natural possessions, but when we walk away from that experience with our faith and belief intact, THAT IS A VICTORY! We could experience devastating setbacks, but when we come out of that predicament with a stronger dependency on God, THAT IS A REAL WIN!
Life is challenging and complicated and exhausting, but when we are delivered out of any issue and yet maintain spiritual growth, it is a loss for the adversary and A TRIUMPH FOR THE KINGDOM! You may have lost a loved one, you may have lost a job, you may be dealing with financial instability, but as long as you stay with God, I promise you, YOU STILL HAVE THE VICTORY!!!