Do you ever find yourself saying “this isn’t turning out the way I thought it would”? Whether it’s a relationship crisis, the loss of a loved one, an unexplained illness, or a hard life situation, Lysa TerKeurst understands and invites you to join this 5-day reading plan. Together, we’ll learn where disappointment comes from and how to discover the strength you need to face heartbreak in a biblical way.
HarperCollins
Day 1
Scripture: 1 Corinthians 15:57
The Story We Tell Ourselves
There is a favorite story I like to tell myself. It’s the one about how my life should turn out.
Though it’s riddled with missing everyday details, it’s full of a general sense of okayness. No, actually more than okayness. It’s the story where my toes can dig deeply into the sands of a glorious land called normal. A land I didn’t design but one where I’m allowed to nod in agreement before any changes occur. And I can veto all circumstances that don’t look right, feel right, or smell right.
People are kind. They do what they say they are going to do and are only grumpy enough to keep things interesting. Goodness dots the landscape like trees in bloom. Peace hovers like the best poofy clouds. And the soundtrack is simple and sweet, crescendoing with lingering laughter.
I suspect you have a version of this kind of story you like to tell yourself as well. We don’t just want to read the end of our story and feel good about it. We want to take the pen and write it ourselves. We feel very certain how things should turn out. But we live in the uncertainty of neither being able to predict nor control the outcome.
Humans are very attached to outcomes. We say we trust God but behind the scenes we work our fingers to the bone and our emotions into a tangled fray trying to control our outcomes. We praise God when our normal looks like what we thought it would. We question God when it doesn’t. And walk away from Him when we have a sinking suspicion that God is the one who set fire to the hope that was holding us together. Even the most grounded people can feel hijacked by the winds of unpredictable change.
Yes, I make such big assumptions of what a good God should do and then find myself epically disappointed when the winds change and nothing at all feels right. Over the last few years, I’ve faced heartbreak after heartbreak in my marriage, health, and family. This isn’t how I pictured my life right now. And, though the details of your story may be different, this probably isn’t how you thought things would look in your life right now either.
But, here’s the hope. Though we can’t predict or control or demand the outcome of our circumstances, we can know with great certainty we will be okay. Better than okay. Better than normal. We will be victorious because Jesus is victorious (1 Corinthians 15:57). And victorious people were never meant to settle for normal.
But what if the victory is only in part how things turn out? What if a bigger part of being victorious is how well we live today? This hour. This minute.
Over the next few days, we’ll start to find a way to tie our hope not to the specific outcomes we thought were the only way back to normal, but rather to the very heart of God. The Author of the story your heart could never conceive but begs to live with every thumping beat. There is more to all of this than you know. And I can’t wait to watch it unfold in your life and mine.
RESPOND: How would you describe your version of ‘normal’? Write down a few words that come to mind. How is your view of God impacted when reality doesn’t align with the way you’d like things to be?
Day 2
Scriptures: Genesis 1:27, Genesis 1:31, Genesis 2:4-25
Created for Perfection
Disappointment.
It’s that feeling things should be better than they are. People should be better than they are. Circumstances should be better than they are. Finances should be better than they are. Relationships should be better than they are.
And you know what? You’re right. Everything should be better than it is. It’s no wonder that I’m exhausted and that you are too.
Stay with me here, and let me unpack something that Satan has viciously fought to keep us from knowing.
The disappointment that is exhausting and frustrating you? It holds the potential for so much good. But we’ll only see it as good if we trust the heart of the Giver.
You see, disappointment can be a gift from God that feels nothing like a gift at all. It’s unexpectedly sharp, and the Giver can seem almost cruel as we watch someone unwrap it. Their fingers will bleed. They will feel tricked and so very tempted to stop trusting that anything good can be found within. They will most certainly question the One who allowed it to come their way.
But disappointment isn’t proof that God is withholding good things from us. Sometimes it’s His way of leading us Home. But to see this and properly understand what’s really going on, we must take a step back and view it in the context of God’s epic love story. The one in which He rescues and reconciles humanity to Himself.
A great place to start is actually at the very beginning.
Genesis 1 and 2 tell us that the human heart was created in the perfection of the garden of Eden. Can you imagine what the world looked like when God first created it? When He said it was all good. Very good. And it was all perfect.
Perfection’s symphony filled the atmosphere. Everything ebbed and flowed in complete harmony. There was nothing that didn’t look right or feel right. It was beautiful and peaceful and fulfilling. There was perfect peace in relationships.
Adam and Eve were so beautifully connected to each other, and they lived in the perfect presence of God. It was paradise with unique intimacy where God would interact in direct relationship with Adam and Eve. There was perfect provision and perfect fulfillment of their purpose. There was no sadness or confusion or injustice. There was no disease or divorce or depression or death. There were no misaligned motives, no manipulations, no malicious intentions.
It was everything you could ever dream up and then so much more than that.
Yes, the human heart was created in the context of the perfection of the garden of Eden. But we don’t live there now.
And the pain and heartbreak surrounding us in this moment leave us epically disappointed.
But we aren’t talking about it.
We either don’t feel permission to do so or we just don’t know how to process our disappointments.
And if we don’t open up a way to process our disappointments, we’ll be tempted to let Satan rewrite God’s love story as a negative narrative, leaving us more than slightly suspicious of our Creator.
But oh, sweet friend… rest assured, our God loves us and is with us, even in this. He really does have everything worked out. And His plans are good even when circumstances don’t feel good. And make sure to read tomorrow’s devotion where we’ll learn to wrestle well between our faith and feelings in times of disappointments.
RESPOND: What things in your life feel like they should be better than they are? Write out a list and assess them honestly. How are these disappointments or unmet expectations affecting you?
Day 3
Scripture: Revelation 21:3-5
Learning to Wrestle Well
After yesterday’s reading, you might be thinking… why would God create our hearts in the perfection of the garden of Eden knowing that, because of our eventual sin, we wouldn’t live there?
I mean, once Adam and Eve sinned, couldn’t God strip the craving for perfection out of their hearts? Yes, He certainly could have done that. But to strip out the cause of our disappointment would also rob us of the glorious hope of where we’re headed.
Remember, this is a love story. And we will never appreciate or desire the hope of our True Love if lesser loves don’t disappoint. The piercing angst of disappointment in everything on this side of eternity creates a discontent with this world and pushes us to long for God Himself—and for the place where we will finally walk in the garden with Him again.
The Bible begins with the book of Genesis, set in the first garden of Eden. But it ends with Eden restored in the last chapters of Revelation, the last book.
“Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” (Revelation 21:3–5)
Notice all the feeling words used to describe the world we currently inhabit: mourning, crying, and pain. Utter disappointment often taps the place of deep tears. Everything on this side of eternity is in a state of decay. This is simply the natural result of sin. This constant threat to our deep feelings ushers in depression, anxiety, callousness, and, quite honestly, a skepticism about the goodness of God.
Unless.
We see that all those harsh realities aren’t the end, but rather a temporary middle space.
God knows before we eternally dwell we will have to learn how to wrestle well. Do you see the encouragement God is giving us in the passage from Revelation 21 to help us do this when our feelings beg us to doubt our faith? He will stop the continuum of decay and death and utter disappointment. He will make everything new!
In this restored garden of Eden the curse will be lifted and perfection will greet us like a long-lost friend. There will be no gap between our expectations and experiences. We won’t be disappointed or live disappointed. Our feelings and faith will nod in agreement. We will return to a purity of emotion where we can experience the best of our hearts working in tandem with the absolutes of truth.
We won’t need to wrestle well between our feelings and our faith in the new Eden, because there will be no competing narrative about God’s nature. There will be no corruption of God’s nurture. There will be no contrary notions about why God allows things to happen. And there will be no gnawing fear that things might not turn out okay.
We won’t need to wrestle well, because we will be well. Whole. Complete. Assured. Secure. Certain. Victorious. And brought full circle in our understanding of truth.
RESPOND: How does understanding we’re living life between two gardens help you better process your disappointments? What comfort does it bring you to know God will make everything right?
Day 4
Scriptures: John 16:33, Matthew 6:33-34, 1 Peter 4:12-13
What If I Want My Happily Ever After Now?
Certain. Comfortable. Predictable.
These are all words I long to use to describe my life. My normal.
I suspect you’d be okay with these being the defining terms of yours, as well.
But the Lord makes it clear in His Word that things will not always go as we wish they would in this life between two gardens:
In this world you will have trouble. (John 16:33)
Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34)
Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. (1 Peter 4:12)
Can I be honest? All this trouble gets exhausting.
Walking in the “I don’t know” is scary.
And that’s where we get weary and the tentacles of the fear of the unknown can have strangling effects on us.
Fear seems to be a close cousin of disappointment. They are related, because we feel them so deeply, they paralyze us so easily, and the pat answers so many Christians try to place on them trip us up. We are desperate to make things easier than they really are.
I get it.
But in this life between two gardens that’s just not how most things work out. We get through one disappointment and then another comes. And another.
We all keep thinking, if we can just get through this circumstance, then life will settle down and finally the words happily ever after will scroll across the glorious scene of us skipping happily into the sunset.
But what if life settling down and all your disappointments going away would be the worst thing that could happen to you?
What if your “I don’t know” is helping you, not hurting you?
What if your “I don’t know” is helping you let go of things you aren’t supposed to know, because that knowledge would be too heavy a burden for today? But the One you do know, the Lord, is so perfectly capable to bear it all.
Remember those verses we just read about troubles? Here they are again in the context of the full passages:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has
enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:33–34)
“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” (1 Peter 4:12–13)
The crucial detail for us to have peace in the middle of everything we face is to stay close to the Lord.
We think we want comfort in the I-don’t-know times of life. But comfort isn’t a solution to seek; rather, it’s a by-product we’ll reap when we stay close to the Lord.
RESPOND: How might your season of “I don’t know” actually be helping you, not hurting you? Which verse from the reading today encouraged you the most about this? Commit to memorizing it this week.
Day 5
Scriptures: Psalms 40:1-17
The Process Before the Promise
Wrestling through our deepest disappointments is hard.
In our most private moments we want to scream words we don’t use around our Bible friends at the unfairness of it all. But then there are more hopeful moments… where we want to turn up the praise music, lift up honest prayers, and declare that God is good.
That’s what it is like to be so very human—hurting but still hoping.
And that is where we find David in Psalm 40. In the first ten verses David praises God for delivering him, but then in verses 11-17 he is having to cry out for God to deliver him again. David is hurting but still hoping.
Hoping doesn’t mean we ignore reality. No, hoping means we acknowledge reality in the very same breath that we acknowledge God’s sovereignty.
Our hope can’t be tied to whether or not a circumstance or another person changes. Our hope must be tied to the unchanging promise of God. We hope for the good we know God will ultimately bring from our situation, whether the good turns out to match our desires or not. And sometimes that takes a while. The process will most likely require us to be persevering. Patient. Maybe even longsuffering.
Honestly, I know that can feel overwhelming.
I want the promised blessing of Psalm 40:4: “Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust.” I forget that this kind of trusting in God is often forged in the crucible of longsuffering. God isn’t picking on me. God is picking me to personally live out one of His promises.
It’s a high honor. But it doesn’t always feel that way. I’ve got to walk through the low places of the process before I’m perfectly equipped to live the promise.
We read about some of these low places in verses 1–3 of Psalm 40:
“I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord.”
The idea of waiting patiently in verse 1 is incredibly important in this Psalm. The Hebrew word indicates that the waiting is ongoing and holds a sense of eager expectancy and hope.
So while I want the solid rock on which to stand, first I have to wait patiently for the Lord to lift me out of the slime and mud and set my feet. That word “set” in the original Hebrew is qum, which means to arise or take a stand. God has to take me through the process of getting unstuck from what’s been holding me captive before I can take a stand.
I also want that new song promised here. Did you notice, though, what comes before the psalm’s promise of a new song? It’s the many cries to the Lord for help. The most powerful praise songs are often guttural cries of pain that got turned into beautiful melodies.
And this is true for you too.
Keep crying out to Him, friend. Keep hoping in Him. And know that God will take every cry you’ve uttered and arrange those sounds into a glorious song.
RESPOND: Reflect on the verses in Psalm 40 we studied today. Which ones speak directly to your situation? How has your perspective changed about the outcome you desire?