Whether you and your spouse are newlyweds, a seasoned couple, or a couple in crisis, these five devotionals will help you laugh, learn, and grow in your relationship with God and with each other.
David C Cook
Day 1
Scriptures: Ecclesiastes 9:9, Matthew 19:4-6, Hebrews 13:4
Enjoying Life Together
Most marriages start with two people enjoying life together. So when someone tells me, “I’m not happy in my marriage,” I hear, “We don’t have what we once did.”
I am not one to respond with, “Marriage isn’t about your happiness,” or “Marriage is hard … deal with it.” I would rather paint a beautiful picture of marriage, point the couple in the direction of marital satisfaction, and provide practical steps toward enjoying greater joy together.
“What God has joined together, let no one separate,” we read in Matthew 19:6. Separation can come in many forms, including a slow drift apart from the joy you once shared.
The seasons of life change us. Jobs, age, health struggles, pandemics, social unrest, and tragedy all contribute to this change. Some marriage experts believe that over the course of your marriage, it will seem like you have been married to five to seven different people.
Drift sneaks in when we stop enjoying life together. Enjoying life together requires that you do not turn your spouse into the grind but rather turn to your spouse through the grind as you live in curiosity and fascination with the changes you see in each other.
In other words, marital satisfaction is a choice, not an outcome. It is based on decisions, factors, and skills that couples can do something about in any season of life. You decide your way into marital satisfaction or else you drift from it. Those are the only two options.
I pray this devotional sparks renewed joy, commitment, and spiritual discipline in your marriage. If you once read the Bible together and prayed together but now are in drift, there’s no better time than the present to restart those practices. Prioritizing prayer will bring you closer together and pave the way for God to work in your life and relationship. Use the following prayer (and the other daily prayers this week) as a jumping-off point.
Father, our desire is to glorify and enjoy you forever. We also want to enjoy each other. We will not allow the seasons and stages of life to determine our joy. We choose joy because we choose you and each other. Thank you for our marriage and for giving us one another to go through each season and stage of life with. We love you, and it is in the name of Jesus we pray. Amen.
Day 2
Scriptures: Proverbs 17:22, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, Zechariah 4:10
Being Intentional
Making my wife laugh is part of my mission in life. Amy’s laugh is truly something to witness. She goes silent, places her hand over her heart, leans forward, and stops breathing. I call it the silent, patriotic laugh.
I’m not always successful at making Amy let out a belly laugh, but I’ll take a chuckle, cackle, or smile from her any day. Laughter keeps our marriage fresh and fun.
Being intentional about the simple things, such as shared laughter, is life-giving for a marriage. It might be a “small beginning” for you (see Zechariah 4:10), but if you are intentional with little connections, they will start to feel natural.
In Ecclesiastes 3:1, Solomon says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” We do not choose the appointed times God has for us, but we do choose how we respond in those appointed times. Some seasons call for weeping and mourning, while others call for laughing and dancing.
Amy and I are careful never to use humor to avoid hard conversations. Humor defuses tension and conflict, but if we take things too far, jokes turn to sarcasm. At least in our marriage, we’ve found that sarcasm does not build intimacy. Good-hearted humor does.
When was the last time you two laughed together? How often do you try to make each other laugh? If it has been a while and your attempts are sparse, it’s time to get serious about laughing together.
We do not have control over every trial of life, but we have plenty of input in finding joy in our trials. Laugh at yourself today and invite your spouse to join in.
Father, thank you for creating laughter. Help us take you very seriously, but ourselves not so much. We want to bring more joy to each other in appropriate and fulfilling ways. Thank you for the lighter side of life. We want to honor you as we step into the appointed time to laugh. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Day 3
Scriptures: Proverbs 19:20, Song of Songs 2:15, Ephesians 4:32
Little Foxes
Just as small, positive interactions can have big rewards in marriage, small negative habits can lead you and your spouse to drift apart.
King Solomon described marriage as a vineyard. With care, hard work, sun, rain, and time, a vineyard produces grapes. But foxes can sneak into the vineyard, nip the buds off the vines, and prevent the blooms that produce grapes. A few foxes can destroy an entire vineyard.
Caring for a marriage, like caring for a vineyard, requires us to chase off what is destructive. A fox is anything you allow into your marriage that could destroy your joy together.
It is often the little foxes that do the most damage. Big problems do bring down marriages, but it’s the little problems we ignore that nip away at our joy.
When your marriage drifts, you’ll find yourself blaming your spouse. When you blame your spouse as the source of all your problems, you automatically set your spouse up to be the solution.
Blame left unchecked turns to anger and a closed heart. Not to be confused with boundaries or a guarded heart, a closed heart is unwilling to let others in. Bitterness, resentment, and unresolved anger keep a heart on lockdown.
Anger can be buried, but it’s always buried alive.
Forgiveness is the decision to let your spouse off the hook. Just as your spouse is not your source of life, your spouse is not your source of forgiveness. Jesus is your source of forgiveness. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
A closed heart leads you to believe no one understands your experience. That is not true. There are plenty of people in your life who have walked through difficult seasons. Lean into them. “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future” (Proverbs 19:20).
A marriage in motion stays in motion. A marriage in drift stays in drift. Chase the foxes away.
Lord, we don’t want to drift in our relationship with each other or with you. Give us a renewed passion for your Word, time with you in prayer, and gathering with believers. When we drift, we ask the Holy Spirit to call us by name and get us back on track. We thank you for the opportunity to be in right relationship with you. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Day 4
Scriptures: Song of Songs 6, 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Who Are Your Backup Singers?
The Song of Songs is the greatest duet of all time.
This Old Testament book is the love song of Solomon and the Shulammite woman. It starts with their young, budding love (chapters 1–2), moves to the wedding and honeymoon (chapters 3–4), and ends with building faithfulness and commitment to the marriage (chapters 5–8).
Throughout the lyrics, we hear from “the daughters of Jerusalem” as they sing backup. Every time they speak, they rejoice, delight in, and praise the love of Solomon and the Shulammite woman.
Every marriage is a duet in need of great backup singers—voices that encourage the couple to prioritize each other.
The quality of your marriage has a lot to do with the quality of the friends and family singing into it. Some marriages drift because of the jaded, off-key voices singing over it.
There are three considerations in choosing good backup singers.
First, they need to esteem marriage as highly valuable. If they see marriage or a spouse as a weight, hindrance, crutch, prison, or “the old ball and chain,” invite them to surrender their microphones.
Second, choose backup singers who advocate for your marriage, not just for you. It’s easy to pick sides when conflict arises, but you want someone who is for your future together.
Third, a backup singer must set a good example. Just as I avoid financial advice from broke people swimming in debt, I ignore marriage advice from spouses who belittle each other in front of family and friends. Identify those couples who enjoy life together and hand them a microphone. Be intentional with the relationship and invite them to speak into your marriage.
By the way, you need to be a great backup singer too. There are couples in your life who need you to rejoice and delight in them. Never underestimate the power of a simple word of encouragement. Many marriages around you are starving to have life-giving words spoken over them.
Father, as you bless our marriage, we bless the marriages around us. We thank you for [insert names of backup singers]. Bless their marriage and home. Keep their path far from drift. And we pray for [insert names of a couple you want to encourage]. Give us the words to say and the right time to say them. We want to be a blessing to their marriage. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Day 5
Scriptures: Genesis 2:18-25, Psalms 33:20-22, Psalms 70
Side by Side
Genesis 2:18 begins, “The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”
The Hebrew word for “helper” in Genesis 2:18 is ezer, which means “one who helps.” It refers to someone who comes alongside to offer assistance. In fact, it is the same word used in Psalms 33, 70, and 115 to refer to God. He is your helper in times of trouble, your helper in times of difficulty.
We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. (Psalm 33:20)
Hasten, O God, to save me; come quickly, LORD, to help me. (Psalm 70:1)
All you Israelites, trust in the LORD—he is their help and shield. (Psalm 115:9)
When God created woman in Genesis 2:20-22, he did not take a bone from Adam’s head, implying that the woman should rule over man. He did not take a bone out of Adam’s foot, implying that the man should rule over the woman. He took a bone from Adam’s side. Husband and wife walk side by side through both the garden and life together. Through every blessing, challenge, opportunity, and storm, they have each other.
You are the CEO of your life; your spouse is not. You are responsible to God alone for how you live your life.
God gave you a spouse to come alongside you and to give assistance. He did not give you a spouse as a replacement for himself. We get to be helpers. We offer love, honor, encouragement, and support to each other.
God’s plan for your marriage is for you to spend your lifetime helping and serving each other, side by side.
Lord, you brought Eve to Adam for the first wedding. You designed marriage for a husband and wife to walk side by side through the grind of life. We will celebrate and honor our differences as we walk together. We will call out the good work the other is doing and ask for ways we can help. Thank you for being our perfect helper. May we glorify you through our marriage and service to each other. In Jesus’ name. Amen.