Scripture: Psalms 68:6

Isolation is a Tactic of the Enemy

I’m no stranger to pain–the pain of death, destruction, loss, financial ruin, single parenting, lost relationships. In my past, the more hurt I was, the more I wanted to run. The more I replayed the past, the more I wanted to simply stay underneath the covers and not get up in the mornings. It seemed the harder life was, the more I wanted to isolate myself from others. And life got darker …. and darker …. and darker. Thank God, I learned better. 

Isolation is a tactic of the enemy. The more you isolate, the deeper your pain becomes–the larger the hole–the bigger the void. The Lord planted us in spiritual family for safety (see Psalm 68:6)! 

Step 1 to Healing: Stop Isolating

The hardest thing to do when the weight is heavy and hurt is flowing is to be with people. Oftentimes, in the midst of hurting we don’t feel capable of meaningful social interactions. Sometimes, we can even feel like a burden to those around us. It’s easy to retreat and avoid human interaction. Yet, it is dangerous. Isolation is when we are most vulnerable to the attacks of the enemy. When we are weakened by hurt or heartache, the enemy’s lies become more believable. If we begin isolating, we often have a difficult time pulling ourselves from that isolation and thus get stuck in a repeated cycle of heartbreak and loneliness. 

Make yourself get out of the house! You may not feel like going to that girls’ night you planned a few months ago, but go anyway. Stay connected to church, even when you fear they do not understand or care. Attend the Bible study, even if you have to go alone. Invite friends over for coffee. Engage in a game night, even when you don’t feel like it. Spend time with loved ones. Isolation is a common side effect of dealing with a broken heart. Instead of giving in to the temptation to isolate and ignore the texts from your loved ones, force yourself to respond. Go even further and schedule a time to hang out with those closest to you. Have your friends come over for a movie night or go out to grab lunch or coffee. Maybe you visit a family member you haven’t seen in a while or reconnect with an old friend. When we engage in meaningful and life-giving friendships, healing begins. Don’t delay your healing by isolating! The Lord created us for community. Wisdom will be found there. Laughter will be found there. Prayer and the laying on of hands can take place. Corporate praise can shift perspective. There is value in your natural and spiritual family! 

Points to Ponder

• Have you ever gone through a period of isolation? How did this affect your faith and your friendships? Did things get better or worse?

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Take Care of Yourself, Seriously

When we are in pain mentally or emotionally, we often neglect ourselves physically. We over or under-eat. We often lack motivation to exercise. We over-think, worrying–often causing harm to our physical bodies. What is the thing about not taking care of our physical body? It compounds the issue! Our mental, physical, and spiritual health are very important! God made this beautiful temple with many moving parts–all with varying functions. How can you start feeling better emotionally and mentally if you’re not taking care of yourself physically? 

Step 2 to Healing: Take Care of Yourself

We’ve all heard it… “Diet and exercise!” The thing is, who wants to think about diet and exercise when they are in the midst of the battle of their life emotionally?! When we are hurting, we tend to neglect our bodies. Let’s face it, getting to the gym or going for a run is not at the forefront of our minds when we are heartbroken and looking for healing. However, it is so beneficial! 

Your body is a temple of the living God (see 1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Its care is important. Fuel it properly and move it daily. 

Exercise is an important part of living a balanced and healthy life. When we are suffering from a heartbreak, getting into the gym is usually the last thing on our minds. In fact, it can even seem dreadful to break a sweat when you are struggling to simply keep your head above water, suffocating from a bleeding heart. But exercise comes with a plethora of benefits, both physically and mentally. Exercise doesn’t have to be a two-hour ordeal complete with weightlifting and heavy cardio. Simply taking a walk around the neighborhood is a great way to get your exercise in for the day. You will be shocked how much better you feel after working out, and it’s a great way to get your mind off your current situation. 

I know, momma, when you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders it seems like it’s not nearly as important as the million other things you need to do … but it is! It doesn’t have to be anything crazy! Go for a short walk daily. Stretch. Pray while you do it. 

Grab fresh fruit or a handful of almonds. Eat plenty of fresh greens and colorful veggies. Avoid sugar and heavy carbs. Stay committed to taking care of your physical body. It overwhelmingly helps your emotional state improve. 

Points to Ponder

• What practical steps can you take to better care for yourself? Make a list of goals for the week and note how you feel after accomplishing them! 

Scripture: Psalms 18:6

He Already Knows

About a year ago, I laid on the floor in my living room, having taken off a week from work. I was so distraught by some things going on in my family that I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t work, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. I cried out to God, as my heart ached for a loved one. “Why? Oh Why?,” I asked the Lord. It was in that moment of crying out to God that the Holy Spirit gave me a revelation, which in turn gave me hope for that season. This is your reminder to cry out to God. 

Step 3 to Healing: Be Honest with God

He already knows, anyway. Maybe you’re mad. Maybe you’ve suffered tragedy you did not deserve. Maybe you’ve suffered immeasurably too many times to count. Stay in communication with God. Don’t shut Him out. He loves you, and your honesty with Him won’t offend Him. He sees you, His daughter, and wants to hear from you. 

Think to yourself, what is the benefit of not crying out to God? I’ll give you the answer … There is none! The Lord already knows every intimate detail of your being. He created you! When you avoid being honest with God and crying out to Him, you hinder yourself from being able to receive the blessings of His presence. The Lord is faithful. He is a restorer, a redeemer, a deliverer, and a hope-giver. He is near to the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. Give yourself permission to be honest with the Lord and watch as He listens to your cry and gives you comfort. You are only hindering healing by not inviting the Lord into your current struggle! 

Points to Ponder

• Spend some time journaling, and writing down your thoughts and current struggles. When you have finished, pray to the Lord, and ask Him for guidance and healing in those areas of your life.

Scripture: Ecclesiastes 3:1

There is No Shame in Taking Time to Grieve

I am no stranger to loss and grief. My parents, grandparents, and most of my extended family were dead by the time I was 21 years old. I’ve been a homeless single mom with no money, no friends, and no hope. I’ve been beaten and abused more times than I can count. I’ve had no food and eaten Ramen noodles 5 times a week, just to feed my kids. I’ve chased a relationship that I never should’ve been in, just hoping someone would want me. I’ve huddled on the bathroom floor, certain no one saw me, and no one cared, contemplating suicide. It wasn’t until many years later that I allowed myself to slow down and actually grieve these things. 

Step 4 to Healing: Allow Yourself to Grieve

Grieving is a natural process, and an important one at that. Grieving is our way of acknowledging painful events and moving past them. When we ignore the pain that we have experienced, it doesn’t go away. Instead, it will only fester and affect us more. When we don’t allow ourselves to experience and go through the waves of grief, we are prolonging our own healing process. How can we move past something if we never allow ourselves to grieve it? In fact, in my experience, my failure to rush the process and not properly grieve, often breeds bad decisions! 

Learn to sit with the pain. Don’t rush through the recovery process too quickly (or attempt to), or you’ll likely find yourself back at square one. It takes time to heal, and a half-healed wound will always re-open. It is easy to find yourself rushing through the recovery process, focused on the next “task” to be completed, especially because healing is uncomfortable. Discomfort often breeds revelation, so sit in the discomfort of the pain for a little while. Take the time necessary to evaluate the pain, understand what happened, and how the pain could be avoided in the future, or what can be learned as a result of it. It’s especially important to recognize that all pain can be given purpose. Maybe this pain was necessary for a life lesson for your next season, or maybe this pain was necessary so that in the future, you can help someone going through a similar experience. 

The loss of a relationship, death, or even the death of a dream you once had require a grieving season. Ecclesiastes 3 teaches us that there is a time for everything under the sun. This may be a time of grieving for you. Take the time to mourn the loss of what once was. You don’t have to pretend it didn’t happen or that it was “nothing.” It was something, and it hurt. The appropriate time of grieving will allow you the tools necessary to move into your time of dancing. The key to grief, though, is making sure you are always moving forward. It is healthy to grieve, but it is unhealthy to stay stuck in a state of grieving. Allow yourself to feel everything you are feeling, but do not allow yourself to wallow in self-pity or other negative emotions. A season of grief is meant to be just that—a season, a passing period of time. Once you allow yourself to appropriately grieve, you will find yourself moving into a lighter, more joy-filled season. 

Points to Ponder

• Describe a time in your life when you experienced grief. What happened? How did you overcome it? 

Scripture: Psalms 147:3

Healing Takes Time—Be Patient

Our God could reach down from Heaven and heal every wound in one moment, and sometimes, He does! But, my experience tells me that it often takes time. There have been many times in my life when I was nursing a wound that I felt would never heal. There have been times when I thought a wound had healed, just for it to be re-opened again because I hadn’t taken the time to fully heal. I’ll admit—I’m a busy body. I tend to distract myself with work, friends, and taking care of my family. I’m a doer, always wanting to get the “thing” done despite how I feel or what I’m going through. 

However, what I’ve learned is when you take the time necessary to heal a wound, there is much to be learned—things to be learned about ourselves and the goodness of God. Learning to sit and be at the feet of Jesus, as we sit in His presence and sob, is a gift–even when we are in pain. There is much I’ve learned in that space that I couldn’t have learned elsewhere. 

As I’ve taken the time to heal, praying, journaling, worshipping, praising, and mourning, the Lord has revealed truths about my decision-making, my spiritual growth, my maturity, and my unforgiveness. Even the journey of healing is not for naught! 

Step 5 to Healing: Take the Time to Heal

In a world where we want instant gratification, instant fixes, and instant healing, it can be hard to be patient, as the Lord bottles every tear and performs the heart repair necessary. But let me caution you. Don’t self-medicate with a counterfeit that only leaves you empty. Counterfeits come in many shapes and forms—a romantic interest too soon after a break-up, overspending when you’re already in debt, substances, or chasing the corporate dream for validation. It will all leave us empty. The only true healing comes from an encounter with the Great Physician who knew you before you were born. As we close our time together this week, here are a few other practical things that can help in your healing process: 

• Turn your cell phone off for one hour each day, completely off. Unplug from everything. We must be able to embrace the quiet and still and calm. 
• Seek professional Christian counseling. Many of us need a professional from time to time, and many churches now have a counselor on staff. 
• Journal. It will be amazing to look back in a year and see all the Lord has done. 
• Create a support system. Become involved in a single moms’ support group near you. There is power in gathering. Be active in your local church. A healthy church can change your life. 
• Have fun with your children. Be intentional about being present with the kids. Schedule the game night. Have an impromptu dance party. Sing some karaoke. Enjoy the season, despite the pain. 

Mom, your God is a loving Father, who is wrapping His loving arms around you. He won’t leave you bleeding and wounded. He is binding hearts, bottling tears, and mending wounds. He is teaching and training. He will not leave you. May the God of all hope restore all in the next season. 

Points to Ponder

• What will life look like in a year? How might God use your current pain for His glory? Are there others who need to one day hear your story? 
• Have you endured a broken heart in a past season? Did God heal it? How can you stand on that experience to endure the pain of the current season?