When Jonathan Pitts took his wife of 15 years into his arms for their anniversary dance, he had no idea that within a month he would be on a completely different journey, navigating life after Wynter’s sudden death at the age of 38. In this plan, Jonathan’s story of losing the most wonderful gift he had ever been given and his journey toward understanding life without her.
Harvest House Publishers
Day 1
Scripture: Proverbs 3:25-26
As soon as I returned to the bedroom, I knew something was wrong. My wife, Wynter was slumped over into an odd and uncomfortable position. Her eyes were open, but lifeless. I patted her face to rouse her.
“Babe,” I whispered. Her only response was a heartrending moan. “Wynter…Wynter…stay with me.”
I lifted her from the bed and started in with chest compressions and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation but my efforts weren’t seeming to have much effect. I called 911. Then I called my family to ask them to pray. It took over 12 minutes for the ambulance to arrive. I kept attempting CPR, but it wasn’t making a difference.
There was no discernible heartbeat. I prayed aloud for a miracle, trying to stay calm, fighting for her life.
When the paramedics arrived, they suggested I wait outside. I knew she was leaving for another place, and so I didn’t pray “Don’t let her die,” but “Don’t let her leave.” I didn’t want the Lord to take her from me.
When I first began traveling as a part of my work, I was terrified of flying. At any bit of turbulence, and I would be overwhelmed by fear. God led me to a scripture which I memorized and recited every time I took a trip on an airplane: “Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared” (Proverbs 3:25-26).
God gave me this verse to overcome my fear of flying, but that trial was a test for the moment I was in now. I realized it wasn’t a promise that nothing bad would ever happen to someone who loves God, but a promise that God would be beside you at all times—no matter what.
Even as the light went out in Wynter’s eyes, I knew God was with her. I could trust she was safe. Even though I couldn’t protect her, that didn’t mean she wasn’t being protected. And God was also with me, in all my confusion and worry and fear. I didn’t have to face this crisis alone.
Because of our ever-present God, you can rest secure no matter what is going on. In any situation you don’t feel like you can handle, you don’t need to live in fear.
If you are following Jesus, even as everything else around you comes crashing down, you can walk with confidence because you’re walking with the One who will hold you up.
Day 2
Scriptures: Ephesians 5:19, Psalms 100:2
I paced the hall outside the ER. “Holy Spirit,” I prayed, “breathe life into her lungs.”
An attending physician came out into the hallway. He offered his words kindly and gently: “We had a pulse for a while, but it’s gone. You might want to come say goodbye.”
What I felt at that moment was like my mind and body had been taken over by God. I sensed His peace and comfort in a way I can’t explain. He was with me.
Wynter was lying on the emergency room table. She looked like she was taking a nap and had forgotten to wrap her hair. I pressed my lips and cheek against her forehead. Through heartache and trembling, I whispered as I caressed her hair: “It’s okay, babe. I’ll take care of the girls. You don’t have to worry. I love you with all that I am, and you are the best thing that ever happened to me.”
I shared a moment of tenderest intimacy with my Wynter, wishing I could find better words to express all that was in my heart. I thought of how I would sometimes sing to her during difficult moments—when she was giving birth, when we were trying to come together after a little squabble, or when she just needed some reassurance. So, I sang to her.
The song, “Great Are You, Lord,” expresses the reality that it is God who puts breath into our lungs. We use it and eventually we give it right back to Him. This was the cry of my heart.
It was an otherworldly moment when here and forever came together. I knew Wynter was experiencing the reality of what I was singing. The deepest peace filled my soul. I could accept the sorrow because I trusted He was faithful. I understood for the first time why the apostle Paul had told the Ephesians to keep on “speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:19).
Months later, when I told a friend about my experience, he reminded me of these words from C.S. Lewis: “Holy places are dark places. It is life and strength, not knowledge and words, that we get in them. Holy wisdom is not clear and thin like water, but thick and dark like blood.”
Death and loss have a way of forcing you to make a decision between worry or worship. Regardless of how you feel, you get to choose your heart’s posture. Here is my recommendation wherever you find yourself:
Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs. (Psalm 100:2)
Choosing to worship with gladness and joy in difficulty will reorient your heart to a reality much greater than you may feel presently. And it will turn you towards a beautiful truth as you hope in Jesus.
Day 3
Scriptures: Ecclesiastes 7:2, 2 Corinthians 5:6-8, 1 Thessalonians 4:13, John 11:25
Wynter’s passing came during a season of staggering loss for our extended family: including Wynter, five beloved family members passed unexpectedly within two years. Each death was painful for me, but losing Wynter was, of course, the hardest of all. But each passing served as a personal reminder that death is a reality that affects each of us. There’s beauty within it because when you really think about death, you begin to think about life differently.
Solomon spoke of this beauty when he said, “It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart” (Ecclesiastes 7:2). Many people think of death as a final destination, and then live as if they’ll never die. But the Bible tells us that there is a life beyond this life and offers us the promise of the home we have always wanted to find.
In his letter to the Corinthians, the apostle Paul urged followers of Jesus to remember that someday our earthly body would pass away. His words are a call to take an inventory of our lives, as we consider how we might point others to Jesus, Savior and Lord of all:
Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. For we live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:6-8).
It is easy, Paul is saying, for us to mistake this present world for our home. But it is only a temporary waystation on our journey to the place where we will be with God forever.
“We sorrow but not as those who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). Sometimes it may feel like God wasn’t there when we needed Him most. That He was absent or that He made a bad call. But as Jesus said to Martha, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die” (John 11:25). Jesus never makes a mistake. The pain of loss is understandable, but our loss is not the end of the story.
Living in light of eternity will give you a better perspective for today, tomorrow and forever. I encourage you to play the long game.
Day 4
Scriptures: Philippians 2:1-2, 1 Corinthians 15:54-57
As I pulled away from Wynter’s body, I knew that the next thing I must do was to help my girls deal with this new reality. I had no time to process what I was going to say. I knew they weren’t prepared for what was to come.
I believe God gave me the words they needed to hear. I wanted them to own the truth that was boiling over in me at that very moment. So, I got down on one knee and told them what I believed with every ounce of my being.
“Mommy went home to be with Jesus.”
Simple words, yes, but the only words I knew would help them navigate this crisis. They were as shocked and heartbroken as I was. I can’t describe the anguish, confusion, and pain that entered into that room.
There, during the hardest moment of my entire life, I knew I needed to remind the girls of the goodness of God and the security of His love. As we held each other and I sang “Good, Good Father” over them, we sought God’s comfort together. I could not protect them from the pain of losing their mom, a woman who had poured everything she had into their lives. But I knew I could invite them to join me in a unity of Spirit like that Paul referred to in his letter to the church at Philippi:
Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in the spirit and of one mind (Philippians 2:1-2).
I knew that it would be a work of the Spirit that would bring us through this time. And I knew it would be our unity that would give us strength for the days to come.
In death two things are true at once. First, we say goodbye to someone we aren’t ready to lose. But second, and just as real, we release them to someone who cares for them infinitely more than we ever could. On this day and ever since, I’ve chosen to grab hold of the second truth as firmly as the first.
In whatever loss you may be facing today, I encourage you to hold onto The Truth that holds onto you. God is in control. He cares. Hold onto hope in Him.
Day 5
Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 5:9, Psalms 91:1-2, Ephesians 3:16-17, Psalms 46:1-3
You and I are both traveling from our temporary home to a final destination, and God wants to be your companion on that journey. And if He is your companion, it means that you can be at home, right now, wherever you are. Whatever storms blow through your life, you can be assured that He is there with you.
You’ve probably heard the saying, “The journey is the destination.” When you are walking with God, you can find peace and comfort and purpose right now. In 2 Corinthians 5:9, Paul continues: “So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.” As my good friend Rebekah Lyons wrote in her book You Are Free, “Home is wherever God is and God is ever with me.” That is a comforting thought as we journey through life. Even if our temporary tent gets the worst of it through the blustering tempests, we are at home with Him, even now.
God is in heaven, yes. Therefore, heaven is home. But God can be with you and me right now.
Moses, certainly a man who knew what it meant to travel, one who lived in tents and was well acquainted with the trials of a long and arduous journey, wrote these words in a psalm which most scholars believe came from his hand: “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust’” (Psalm 91:1-2 ESV). And, as the apostle Paul reminds us, God doesn’t just dwell with us; He dwells in us. He prays, “That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith” (Ephesians 3:16-17 NKJV, italics added).
This is one of most important things that has been confirmed in my heart through the whole experience of losing Wynter. I hope, through my stories, to share the comfort and peace I have found in the midst of grieving. I’m confident that you’ll be reminded that God is our true home. He has the power to help you through any hardship, loss, pain, or difficulty, just as He has done for me. He will be your shelter—your home—through every step of the way.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging (Psalm 46:1-3).