Scriptures: Psalms 16:1, Psalms 18:2, Psalms 46:1, Nahum 1:7

Seek Your Refuge

Are you stuck in a cycle of trying to get pregnant but not wanting to face disappointment again and again? Infertility is devastating. It’s a pain you can’t ignore or erase. If we were sitting together, chatting over coffee or tea, I’d put my hand on yours and tell you I’m sorry. This journey is hard. Few other problems threaten a woman’s physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being more than those related to childbearing. 

Though disappointment might cause you to question God’s goodness, his Word assures us that he will always be our refuge in times of want and waiting. 

Look at what he promises to those of us who are crying out for help: 

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18) 

“The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.” (Psalm 145:14) 

“But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love.” (Psalm 33:18) 

“For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God?” (2 Samuel 22:32) 

God is your steady companion through the relentless letdowns of infertility. Turning to him will give you a safe landing place after your dreams collapse. As the waiting process jerks your emotions up, down, and sideways, know that the Lord your God is right there with you in the struggle. His eyes are on you, his precious daughter. His arms surround you with never-wavering love. When you’re searching for the strength to get through the next cycle or simply the next day, look to God as your Rock. 

If you have trusted Christ for salvation, he rescued you by sacrificing himself on the cross. He redeemed you from eternal hopelessness and raised you to a beautiful, Spirit-filled life. Nothing—not even the whiplashes of infertility and waiting—can shake his love for you. 

Jesus is your refuge in this turbulent journey. Turn to him, and he will bring comfort to your crushed heart. 

Pray

Dear Father, right now, my spirit feels crushed. It’s hard to keep trusting when I’m so tired of disappointment. Help me remember that you care and are always near. Fix my heart on who you are so I can hope even when I’m feeling let down. 

Respond

Go to a Bible website and search for characteristics of God. Then write a list of five traits that stand out to you—for example, faithful, all-powerful, gracious, compassionate, and always present. Place the list in your home, car, office, or somewhere you’ll see it often as a reminder of who he is.

Scriptures: Psalms 33:20-22, Psalms 68:20, Isaiah 40:31, 2 Corinthians 4:16

Find True Strength 

A waiting season is about more than what we wait for. It’s always about our heart in our waiting. The time we spend waiting on a baby can cause us to go deeper in our relationship and intimacy with the Lord. In God’s hands, our waiting can and will be worthwhile. 

Throughout the Bible, God used waiting seasons to soften the hearts of his people. He taught the Israelites to depend on him while they wandered the desert for forty years (Exodus 16:35). He prepared David to be king during his years of hiding from Saul (1 Samuel 22:1). We can believe that our Creator has a purpose in our waiting seasons. He is our rescuer, the only God who saves. 

The real issue becomes what you choose to believe during this season. Do you believe that God is using your waiting to grow your dependence on him? Or is the baby at the end the only way this season will have any worth and value to you? 

In a season of my infertility, I was not trusting God’s will or direction for my life. In God’s sovereignty, he was kind to provide an opportunity that forced me to wait on him. My fertility clinic halted all treatments until I received clear breast biopsies. All I wanted was a baby, yet I was now facing the possibility of breast cancer. 

God, in his steadfast loving-kindness, had previously brought my husband and me to Psalm 33:20–22, and it became our source of strength and truth. God had covered us in his nearness and prepared us for this day and situation. Then the Lord pressed on my heart, Do you trust me?

In my deep, deep agony, God used his Word and Spirit to confirm to my heart that I must “wait in hope” for him. He is my help and shield that I can trust. He knew what was to come and gradually showed me that trusting him was the only way I could endure this journey. 

It is never too late to invest in your waiting season. Choose the better alternative: waiting in hope for the Lord. In your waiting, you can find true strength. 

Pray

Lord, help me to wait well. I don’t know how to do that at this point of my journey, but I know you desire my whole. Like David said in Psalm 40, may I choose to wait patiently for you. Lord, draw me in to wait with and in you. 

Respond

Today, do nothing when you want to do something that involves taking control. For example, when you want to Google a symptom but it’s not necessary, don’t. Instead, choose to pray and trust.

Scriptures: Psalms 25:1, Isaiah 26:4, Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 15:13

Trust God’s Story

If you’re like me, you appreciate hearing stories of other women who understand this infertility journey. When we read God’s Word, we see that God cared for barren women so much that he included them in his grand story of salvation. 

Abraham’s wife, Sarah, spent most of her life without a child and finally gave birth to her promised son, Isaac, at ninety years old (Genesis 12–21). 

Although Sarah was older, nothing proved impossible for God. Sarah made mistakes, yet God used those mistakes to help her to learn to trust in His timing. 

Hannah is most known for praying and then conceiving. Unfortunately, she’s often misunderstood, and her story is misinterpreted to mean, “If you pray and have faith like Hannah, then you’ll get pregnant.” But God is not a genie who must grant us our wishes. Instead, Hannah’s story reveals a glimpse that God is more concerned with our hearts in our waiting. 

In prayer, Hannah surrendered her story to join in God’s story, vowing to trust God with her son (1 Samuel 1:11). The Lord answered Hannah’s prayers, and she gave birth to Samuel, the last of the judges of Israel. He would anoint King David, the royal line leading to Christ Jesus. 

Elizabeth had to wait decades for her child. Luke 1:6–7 describes her as upright and blameless—yet barren. Was there purpose in her waiting? Luke 1 describes the encounter her husband, Zechariah, had with an angel of the Lord about his coming son, John the Baptist, who had to arrive at the exact right time before Jesus was born. 

It was in Elizabeth’s waiting that God was working. It wasn’t her fault; it was God’s will. Elizabeth’s “why?” had a greater God-glorifying purpose than mere waiting. 

He is the same God for you now as he was for them. He can be trusted even when we cannot see the plan, pathway, or purpose. 

The story God is already writing with your life isn’t just your story. It’s his story in and through you for his kingdom here on earth. When you realize that God is bringing redemption through your infertility struggles, you will experience the joy of watching his glory unfold. 

Pray

Lord, I want to believe and see that you are using my story. Show me glimpses of my story being written for you, for others, and ultimately for your glory on this earth. Help me surrender my heart, as the barren women in the Bible did. I want to see that your purposes in my story are better than my desires or plans. 

Respond

If you haven’t shared your story of trying to conceive, pray about how you could do that in the next few days. 

Share with your community. Do this publicly on social media or privately with one or two people. The goal here is to share and use your story outside yourself. God will move through your step of obedience even as you continue to wait. 

Then write down your feelings about sharing and what happens when you do.

Scriptures: Psalms 16:11, John 15:11, James 1:2-3, 1 Peter 1:7-9

See Joy in the Journey 

Our days of waiting for a baby can become consumed by all things baby and all the attempts we make to get a baby. But these efforts don’t necessarily bring forth joy or life for us. The truth is, the joy we need isn’t attached to an outcome. 

Joy is steady and profound. It isn’t based on any circumstance we’re experiencing or not experiencing but is a state of being. Joy isn’t just happiness; it’s happiness with roots. The happiness we feel toward something good, like a warm summer day or having a baby, can’t be compared to the joy and pleasure of knowing God. He is the creator of all goodness, joy, and happiness we experience. 

Joy does not mean the absence of sadness or pain. Instead, the beauty of joy is that it remains even during the hardship and aches of life. For example, have you ever been to a funeral or with someone who has experienced grief, yet they are also at peace, somehow full of assurance in their sadness? This is a picture of real joy. 

As much as we try to resist difficulties, they are working in us to produce joy. Allow this trial of infertility to have its thorough work in you, knowing it will develop your faith. 

Once we recognize our hardship is not a curse, and we are not victims, we can decide to shift our mindset toward rejoicing and believing that hardship is an opportunity. Though this sounds impossible, don’t take your eyes off of the Lord, no matter how long it’s been or how far you’ve walked away from him. He is never far, and you are never too far gone. Jesus is the author and perfecter of your faith. He will provide the perseverance you need. 

In the face of infertility, we can persevere in Christ. He is our example of an unswerving focus on God even as he suffered death on a cross. We find joy and peace in our waiting within His strength and comfort. 

Pray

Lord God, I’m waiting for you. Even though I’ve had to suffer grief now, I know you’re using each bit of it to grow my faith. Though I can’t understand what you are doing right now, may I trust, love, and believe in you. Thank you that your presence fills me with unexplainable joy. You bring me hope, God, by who you are. 

Respond

Joy is found in our faith that God is working in us. Each day, challenge yourself to find one thing that brings you joy and write it on a sticky note. For example, take note of the sun shining on you, reminding you God created it to bring you warmth and light.

Scriptures: Psalms 127:3, Matthew 6:33, 1 John 5:14, Luke 22:42

Give Your Desires to God 

You don’t need to be ashamed of wanting to participate in God’s beautiful design for nurturing life. The Bible confirms that a child is a good desire. Just like with other good desires, if we prioritize the desire for a child above everything else, it can become the center of our lives to an unhealthy degree. 

When we’re feeling defeated, we might think our only options are wanting a baby too much or not wanting a baby at all. That’s what I assumed, too, until a friend told me, “I don’t think you should pray away the desire for a baby. God gave you that desire. Now give it over to him.” 

I’d never thought of that before. Instead of asking God to take away my desire, I could pray and ask him to take care of my desire. 

The Bible tells us to bring our requests to God in a specific way: “according to his will.” This means we ask God to fulfill our desire for a child and also ask him to handle our desire the way he knows is best. As difficult as it is, we surrender our desire to the Lord. 

I know this sounds like giving up. And even though you might have begged God to take away your desire, the truth is you’re scared to let go of something so precious as the dream of cradling your baby in your arms. 

But try to think about it the way my friend suggested. Surrender isn’t giving up; it’s giving over. God knows how much you ache for a child. He will work through your sorrow to bring his good purposes to pass. Remember, God wants us to desire Him, which gives Him glory and gives us the delight we crave. 

Praying by faith in God’s goodness can be painful, like prying your fingers loose from a tight fist. Yet surrendering your desire for a child frees you to accept unfathomable peace. Your loving Father will do what’s right. His will is perfect, and you can trust him even when the trusting hurts. 

Pray

Lord, I know you can do anything, and you hear my cries of longing. So I ask you to fulfill my desire and give me a baby. As I wait for your answer, help me entrust my desire to you. As I surrender this good thing to you, please fill me with your all-satisfying love. 

Respond

Open your hands in a visible act of surrender. Borrow Jesus’ words from Luke 22:42, and say this prayer out loud: “Father, I give you my desire for a child. Not my will, Lord, but yours be done.” If you need to, practice this daily. God can use this habit to bend your heart toward his.