The Countdown: 7-Day Devotional for the Soon-to-Be Husband

Scripture: Matthew 20:25-28

LEAD

Are you ready? If I had $1 for every time I heard this during the weeks leading up to my wedding, I’d be rich. People called, texted and even asked me face-to-face if I was ready to marry my fiancé.

I too want to ask you this question but with a different spin. Sir, “Are you ready” to be the leader God is calling you to be? This question is super important to answer because you are about to lead a wife and (potentially) future children. If you answered yes, then I want to follow up with the question: “What type of leadership style are you going to adopt?”

Jesus is our ultimate role model on what a leader should look like. In fact, He shares what type of leadership style the disciples should strive to have in Matthew 20 which reads:

“Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:25-28 NIV)

My friend, God has called us men, especially husbands and husbands-to-be, to be servant leaders! Typically, men go into marriage trying to tell their wives and children what to do. They take the domineering or authoritative approach. But, that’s not going to be you, right? I am telling you from my own personal experiences that this approach is unwise and unfruitful. We should never try to control our spouses. Remember that “a leader has a heart to serve and the servant has the will to lead.” (- Anonymous)

Having a servant leadership mindset will help your future marriage flourish. This leadership style seeks to understand rather than to be understood. With this style you are looking at your wife’s growth, both spiritually and emotionally, as well as always being aware of her safety and well-being. You are taking the lead as far as making sure you have a vision and a mission for your marriage. These should be top priorities for a servant leader.

So, as you are approaching this new leadership role as a husband, think about how Jesus wants you to position your heart to serve your significant other now and in marriage. Take some quiet time and meditate. Find a notebook and jot some ideas that the Holy Spirit drops in your spirit on how you can serve your future wife in marriage.

Prayer

Father, Thank You! Thank You for the next couple of days and/or weeks as I prepare to be the husband You have called me to be. Thank You for giving us Jesus as a great example. Help me become more like Jesus as a servant leader in my marriage as I serve my future wife. I love You. Amen.

Scriptures: Psalms 119:9-11, Psalms 23, 1 Corinthians 6:18

LUST

Alright. You are one day closer until your wedding day. Let’s take a deep breath!

In the previous devotional, we discussed the role of leadership, specifically servant leadership. As a husband, you will continue to see what a blessing it really is for you to lead your family.

Today, I want you to focus on the word purity and what it means to you. As a man, you have the opportunity to also lead in this area as well. Personally, I knew I was ready to marry my lovely wife when I had self-control in the area of purity. Very specifically, I had not watched any pornography in a couple of years. Praise God, I was delivered! If you might be struggling with impurity in any area, I am here to tell you there is hope.

Psalms 119:9-11 says “How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. (NIV)

Question: How is your purity? The Psalmist gives us a strategy to stay pure in these verses. First, we must strive to live according to His word. To live according to His word, we have to know His word. How well do you know the Word of God? Do you try to commit God’s word to memory?

Secondly, we must seek Him with our whole heart and not stray from His commands. And lastly, we have to take the word of God and hide it in our hearts. This means we have to move it from head knowledge to the heart, applying it to our daily spiritual walk.

Here is one quick illustration. I personally do this whenever I am tempted by an unclean spirit of lust. Yes, that’s right. Even though you will be married, you still can get tempted by the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes. Whenever you are tempted, quickly take a scripture that you have memorized (for example Psalm 23) and continue to recite it until the temptation fades away. Then remove yourself or the thing that is causing you to be tempted out of your area, whether an image on a screen or if you are at a place where you are tempted by a person’s looks/attire. We all must do what the Bible says and flee.

Remember, it is impossible that a positive and negative thought can be in your mind at the same time. Find a scripture, insert that scripture and let it transform your mind and your heart. As the future head and leader of your home, I encourage you to really take this seriously. You don’t want to bring anything from your past into your marriage, especially into the bedroom.

Prayer

Father, thank You so much for Your restoration power. I repent for not always living a pure life. Holy Spirit, guide me on what scriptures I need to memorize and hide them in my heart so I don’t continue to sin against You. Help my future wife and I remain pure until the altar and beyond. Also, help me lead my future family in the area of purity. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Scripture: Mark 1:35

LEAN

I am so proud of you for staying committed to this devotional thus far!

As you might have guessed, today we are still talking about leadership.

So what other area besides purity do you need to lead in? Well, I would definitely say your spiritual life and growth. Yes, you want your future wife to have a strong spiritual life but it starts with you as the head of the household. There are many statistics out there that talk about the benefits of the man in the home being the spiritual leader. We are going to keep improving that statistic on our end.

Now, I must say that this is an area that I was adamant about even during the very first week of marriage. I wanted to set the pace, spiritual tone, and the example of what it looks like to have a serious relationship with God at home.

Growing in your spiritual life is more than just going to church weekly. It is also having daily devotional time with God such as reading and studying the bible, prayer, and even worship. In order to have your future wife trust you as the spiritual leader, you will have to be dedicated and consistent with your relationship with God by being intentional and making it a daily priority.

Jesus teaches about how to do this in Mark 1:35 which says, “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” (NIV)

After three years into marriage, I can personally see the benefits of getting up in the morning and having my devotional time with the Lord. My wife and I have a weekend bible study as well (which I highly recommend you having) where she is teaching me and I am teaching her during our collective devotional time. She mentioned a similar passage to Mark 1:35 which convicted me to start leading more in this area, especially early in the morning. Now, I don’t think we need to be legalistic here, but I do encourage you to carve out some time daily, whether in the morning, noon or night, to devote precious time to the Lord. He is our first love. This will definitely help you lead your wife, especially in making major decisions because you have already sought the Lord during your devotional time.

Question: do you currently have a devotional life? Can you honestly say you can lead your future family in this area today? What I know is when you lead spiritually, you will be more sensitive emotionally which will end up being beneficial for your physical needs. And that’s all I’m going to say about that!

Prayer

Father, thank You for the gift of time. We get to spend time with You each and every day on this Earth. Help me put You first in every area in my life. Help me become a leader in my devotional time. Help my future wife in this area as well as we prepare to become one. Father, I love You. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Scriptures: Proverbs 18:21, Deuteronomy 30:19, Colossians 4:6

LIPS

Typically, at the end of a western wedding ceremony, the officiate tells the man to take the lead and salute his new bride with a kiss. Although you may be looking forward to this moment to seal your covenant with your future wife, I would love for you to consider leading your future wife in another important area using your mouth–that is your words.

Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” (NKJV) The writer of Proverbs is offering us great wisdom here especially as a future husband. You see, we can choose the type of atmosphere we want to have in our homes by the words that cross our lips.

My question to you is a simple one, how are you doing with that? Are you a man who uses his words to build up or to tear down? My friend, the fruit of your words that you sow creates the environment you both will reap. My prayer is that you will be a man who leads his wife in speaking life and not death. Even God the Father encouraged the children of Israel to “choose life” in Deuteronomy 30:19. It’s your choice.

How should we avoid death in the way we speak to our spouses? I’m glad you asked! Lying, gossip, backbiting and even slander can be detrimental to your relationship. It is wise to avoid all of these, especially slander. Webster defines slander as “a false and defamatory oral statement about a person”. When you slander a person you are trying to destroy their reputation. The Midrash Tehillim, a commentary to the book of Psalms, says when you slander, three people are harmed in the transaction: the slanderer, the slandered, and the person who is listening.

However, as the leader of your home you can choose life-giving words. These could be words of praise, affirmation, blessing and even intercession. That’s right, you get the wonderful opportunity to pray for your spouse. How amazing is that? You get the privilege to offer prayers openly or even in your private time for your spouse. And the opposite happens when you choose to intercede instead of slander. Three individuals are actually blessed when this transaction takes place: you the intercessor, your spouse the one you are interceding for and Christ the One who is receiving your prayers for your spouse.

My friend, I hope this has motivated you to yield your mouth to the Lord. As you lead in this area, the spiritual legacy that you will start will have ripple effects for years to come.

Prayer

Father, thank You for the gift of speech. I repent for not always using my words to uplift and bless. Help me use my words to speak life-giving words not death over my future family. I also pray that my speech will always be gracious and seasoned with salt as Colossians 4:6 instructs. It’s in Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Scriptures: John 3:16, 2 Corinthians 9:6-7

LEND

For God so loved the world that He gave…

If you have been a Christian for sometime now, you probably can finish that scripture found in John 3:16. Although we are thankful for Christ coming to the Earth and dying for our sins, today’s leadership lesson is brought to us by Our Father.

Learning how to give will be crucial for marriage. Yes, you spend time with your fiancé now but when you get married, more often than not, we take for granted the time we have together because we just think she is always going to be there. So I am going to challenge you to focus on three things that I believe will bode well for you and your future marriage.

Number one: make sure you lend and give your attention when your wife is talking to you. This is more than listening; this is focusing on hearing her heart during conversations and making eye contact. This is the gift of active listening. This also means turning off social media, tv, podcasts, closing laptops and shutting off computers.

Number two: make sure you lend your time to others. Yes, it’s important to have some time to build your own family. However, you are also called to be the light. This is something God had to personally work on my heart. This means helping people move, getting in community and even a small group to share your life experiences with. One thing I’ve learned is that people might be going through the same thing or have gone through similar situations, but we will never know if we don’t spend time and fellowship with others. Give your time away!

Number three: make sure you learn how to give your resources away which includes your money. 2 Corinthians 9: 6-7 says, “The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” (ESV)

Remember, that we are blessed to be a blessing. As you enter into marriage try to switch your focus from building your kingdom to building God’s Kingdom. He desires to partner with you, but you have to pray for a generous heart. Make a margin in your budget to give to God first after every paycheck. I will not get into how much you should give, but it should be discussed with the Holy Spirit and then your wife whatever amount you feel He is asking you to give.

Prayer

Father, thank You for giving Your Son to die on the cross for our sins. I am forever grateful. Help me not take for granted my future spouse and the time I have with her. Also, I recognize that everything is Yours so please help me learn how to be generous with both my time and my resources so I can build Your Kingdom not mine. It’s in Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 10:31

LIFE

After today we have one more day together!

It has been an honor to take the role as your honorary best man.

Today, I want us to really focus on this word, “Life”. Question: what brings you life? What gets you so excited that your alarm clock doesn’t even have to ring to get you up in the morning? One of the most important things I challenge you to think about is the purpose of your life and the calling God has for you to do on this Earth. Some people even call this your “why”. Remember this, we all have a similar purpose which is to bring God glory and to bring Him joy. Now, how you decide to do that will take prayer and seeking God’s face.

No matter what career path you choose, whether in the tech industry, retail, corporate, government, healthcare, entrepreneur, entertainment, or even church, every position is important to God. He wants our lights to shine in each industry. You want to do something that also brings you joy and life. Not just doing something that makes all the money. Remember, 1 Corinthians 10:31 which says,“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (ESV)

The second “life” I challenge you to really think about is the life with your spouse. What I mean is not thinking about a way out of marriage. You must decide to take divorce off the table. Remember, this is for life and this is not a contract that you can just rip up but a covenant. Covenant means a divine agreement between you, your future wife, and God. There are spiritual repercussions when we break a covenant that can cause generational curses on our lives and our legacy through the bloodline.

If you are having a traditional wedding in a few days you both will be saying “as long as we both shall live.” This means that you are promising to build, grow, and nourish your relationship until death. But it starts with you. If something is off, you first should go to the Father and see if your relationship is strong with Him and then to your wife. Create a habit of always going to the Father because the vertical relationship affects the horizontal ones.

Prayer

Father, thank You for Life! I am thankful that I get to serve You each and every day. Also, thank You for the life I am about to build with my future wife. Please help me see that my purpose is to bring You glory and joy. Guide me on how I can best serve You in my work, career or any other venture You want me to take on. I pray for my future wife’s purpose as well. I pray for our future covenant and rebuke and revoke any thing, person or unclean spirit that tries to come between our union in Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Scriptures: Proverbs 17:22, Ecclesiastes 3:4, Job 8:21

LAUGH

I am not going to keep you long, because you have a wedding to plan for!

Let me tell you a quick story. On our wedding day, everything was going great. We were getting compliments that our wedding was the most peaceful and organized wedding that our friends have ever been a part of, and then it happened. Kenady and the photographer were still taking pictures when she was supposed to be walking down the aisle.

I freaked out because of the schedule and money that I saw leave our wallets. Plus, I am somewhat a stickler for time. My groomsmen were trying to calm me down but I was not having it. I was furious. After a while and seeing my mom with her smile and beautiful dress, I decided to let it go and just enjoy the moment. And I started to lighten up and laugh.

Sir, everything in life is not going to go as planned but know God holds all the plans. If you know that this is God’s will for you then learn how to just have fun and laugh. Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.” (NLT) Scientific studies have shown that laughter is literally medicine. There are health benefits to those who laugh. Yes, Solomon was also right when he wrote in Ecclesiastes 3:4 that there will be “A time to cry and a time to laugh.” (NLT) But what I have experienced is if I know who holds the future I can laugh more than I cry.

If you ever met me or Kenady or watched us on social media, then you know that we love to laugh. In fact that is one of our values. We have decided there is too much hatred and pain in the world and we must laugh more often than we are sad and angry. Even in disagreements, we learned to laugh rather than to stay mad at each other. So I implore you, learn to laugh!

I want to leave you with this last verse:

Job 8:21: “He will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” (NLT)

Prayer

Father, thank You for laughter. Please help me and my future wife rediscover the joy of the Lord this season and beyond. I pray that all the wedding planning and the wedding itself is a joyous occasion not just for us but for our family and friends as well. We invite You into the plans because without You our wedding is meaningless. Come Holy Spirit. It’s in Jesus’ matchless and wonderful name I pray, Amen.