The Love Everybody Wants

Scriptures: Matthew 6:33, Matthew 7:24-27, Matthew 22:34-40, 1 Corinthians 3:11

“The Order of Loves”

Love is something we all want, so why is it so hard to find? What if it’s because we’re looking for the wrong love, in all the wrong places?

We have mistaken ideas and skewed perspectives about what it means to love and be loved. We often think we are owed love the way the world defines it. But what if there’s a better way? A deeper way?

What if finding the love that deep down we all want isn’t nearly as complicated as we’ve made it? The Bible tells us pretty clearly how love works in Matthew 22:36–39:

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

First and foremost, we must set our hearts right with God, know the depths of his love for us, and believe that his words about us are true. Then comes the often-difficult work of learning to love ourselves. When we get those two relationships where they should be, only then can we start to talk about loving other people, whether that’s cultivating a deep community of friends, better relationships with family, or a romantic relationship—all three of which combine to create a healthy support system.

If you want to use a tried-and-true metaphor, imagine your life as a house. Your relationship with God is the foundation. Your relationship with yourself is the framework and walls. You can’t start adding furniture and decorations before the foundation and walls are in place. I mean, you can try. But you won’t be successful.

When we can learn to see God, ourselves, and others in whole, holy, and healthy ways, our hearts will stop looking for love in all the wrong places. We were made for love, but it takes work to get these loves in order. But believe me when I say it’s possible to know the love of God. It’s possible to love—maybe even like—yourself. And it’s possible to navigate the matrix of relationships with confidence and hope. It’s possible to look out to your future with joy.

Reflect: How does the “order of loves” described in Matthew 22 play out in your own life?

Challenge: On a scale of one to ten, one being the lowest, rate your relationship with God, then with yourself, and then with others. Now, rate each relationship where you want it to be.

Prayer: Lord, I repent for taking my desire to love and be loved to other things and people over you. Satisfy me completely and fully with your unfailing love, Lord. Give me the faith to seek you with all my heart first, above everything else. Help me build my life on the foundation of Jesus Christ. In Jesus’s name, amen.

Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 13, 1 John 4:7-10, 1 John 4:16-19, Romans 5:8, Romans 8:38-39

“Real Love”

What is love? Is it just a feeling or is it attraction? Chemistry and passion? Is it rewards based? What if love wasn’t built on other people’s approval or acceptance. What if it wasn’t based on Hollywood movies and the filters and often false realities of social media? If we base our definition of love on an ever-changing culture, we’re going to stay confused. If we use our own emotions as a standard for love, they will continue to fail us. We will never feel the security we crave if we try to build it on the quicksand of today’s version of love.

Why do we settle for a knockoff version of love? Is it because it’s easier? Doesn’t cost as much? Doesn’t take as much time to obtain? For many of us, we have settled for a less-than version of what we could have. But we don’t need more of what we have been settling for; we need something that will last.

There are a lot of other “loves” that will try to steal your heart and attention and deceive you into thinking that it will satisfy you. But there is only one love that will light up your life, change your whole world, meet your greatest desires, last forever, and never fail you. I want you to experience the love of God, because only in that relationship will you find all the answers you’ve been looking for and fulfill all the longings you’ve been living with.

The love that comes from God is greater than any love we could ever try to find apart from Him. Just think about 1 Corinthians 13. Love is patient and kind? Love is selfless and others focused? Love isn’t reactive or resentful? Love trusts, protects, and hopes? I hate to break it to you, but that kind of love is bigger than you and me! And that kind of love is greater than what we can give on our own.

That’s why figuring out where you stand with God matters so much when it comes to loving others. Cultivating a connection with him is what sets you up to be successful in healthy relationships. Getting to know His character by reading His words and spending time with people who know Him well help you become more Christlike and, as a result, more loving.

Reflect: How have you been settling for a knockoff version of love?

Challenge: In 1 Corinthians 13, replace “love” with “Jesus” and read it all the way through. And since you and I are called to look like Jesus and be like Jesus, read it through one more time and replace “love” this time with your name. That is our call to love.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for showing me your love through dying on the cross for my sins. You love me even when I don’t deserve it. Give me the strength to resist settling for a knockoff love and the wisdom to receive the love you have for me in fullness. In Jesus’s name, amen.

Scriptures: Psalms 139:14, Luke 12:6-7, Ephesians 2:8-10, 1 Peter 2:9

“Pick Me”

We won’t ever feel enough based on external standards. If we try to be, we will constantly be living off the highs and lows of other people’s acceptance or our own performance, predicating our worth and value on external, uncontrollable, inconsistent factors.

I reached a point where I longed for something steadier, more constant. I longed for my confidence and view of myself to be unwavering, no matter what was going on around me. I needed a new measuring stick, because the one I had been using left me feeling worthless and unlovable.

I realized what was most important about myself was what God thought about me. So, I began reminding myself of what God says about Madi. And I encourage you to do the same.

What do today’s Scripture passages tell me about myself? God says I am wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). God says I am worthy (Luke 12:6–7). God says I am loved (1 John 4:19). God says I am His special possession (1 Peter 2:9).

It may not come naturally at first, but replacing lies with truth over time rebuilds our brains and rewires our hearts to stop relying on the world to find the love everybody wants. We already have that within ourselves—if we’re willing to do the work to build that relationship within.

When we learn to view ourselves the way that God views us, we don’t long for acceptance and belonging, we love from acceptance and belonging. And when we learn to love who we are in Christ, we experience true contentment, freedom, and confidence.

This means those mistakes you’ve made, the things that have happened to you, the experiences of being rejected, the times someone walked out on you, the moments of watching everyone else be happy, and the seasons of heartbreak that left you to question, “Am I enough? Am I hard to love?”, don’t define you. They cannot hold you back from who you’re becoming and where you’re going.

With Christ, we are loved, chosen, and full of purpose. And we can say with confidence, “Because of Jesus, I am enough.”

Reflect: What lie about yourself have you been believing?

Challenge: Take out a piece of paper, write on the left side the lies you believe about yourself. On the right side, write down biblical truths that combat those lies. Then, speak that truth out loud over yourself (for example, Lie: I am unlovable; Truth: I am loved (John 3:16)). It will feel weird, but it is empowering.

Prayer: Lord, help me to see myself the way that you see me. I renounce all lies this world or the enemy has put on me and I choose to believe Your Words of who I am. I thank you that my identity is in the finished work of Jesus Christ! It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. Give me the confidence and assurance of who I am and to be a light for this world. In Jesus’s name, amen.

Scriptures: John 4:7-14, John 6:35, Matthew 5:6, 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

“Complement, Not Complete”

When it comes to relationships, we live in a world that constantly tells us we need to find our partner to be truly happy. I mean, how many movies do you watch where there’s a strong, independent single woman who, at the end of the movie, is still unattached? The message is clear: A happy ending is a romantic relationship with a partner.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want just a happy ending. I want to find contentment and meaning through all seasons and stages of my life. I want that for you too.

Yes, finding the right person does add so much goodness to your life—I’m not going to pretend that it doesn’t. My husband, Grant, has added so much laughter, joy, and fulfillment to my life in ways I hadn’t thought possible. But that’s the point. He’s added. He hasn’t completed.

A partner in life is meant to complement you, not complete you. Before you can be ready for another person, you have to be made whole all on your own—through your relationship with God and your relationship with yourself.

With a healthy perspective, and with the right attitude, we can view a relationship as something life-giving and good that we desire. But we also understand that no person is going to be able to make our hearts feel healed, whole, or complete.

Let’s not forget that Jesus was single throughout his earthly lifetime. I don’t think you would say that he was incomplete or inadequate. In fact, we know “God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him” (Colossians 1:19).

Who you are is not defined by another person. Looking for divinity in humanity leaves us with insecurity and anxiety because humanity is broken and imperfect. Our hearts can only be made whole and complete by the One who created it. Anything else—a relationship, money, job, status, followers—might satisfy for a moment, but when those fail you, and they will, they leave you more broken and emptier than before.

No matter what your “relationship status” looks like, remember, your purpose is not a person. Your identity is not a relationship. When we make someone our everything, we lose everything else.

Each of us can say, “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing” (Psalm 23:1).

Reflect: How would your relationships change if you viewed them with a “complement” perspective rather than searching for “completion?”

Challenge: Find someone who loves Jesus and confess the relationships that you have idolized (or the relationship you desire to have) and allowed to consume your mind and heart over Jesus. Ask them to pray over you.

Prayer: Lord, you are more than enough. With you, I have all that I need. Help me to seek you with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Forgive me for letting people and things take first place in my heart. I pray for more of you and less of me. I make you my greatest desire and treasure of my heart. I love you. In Jesus’s name, amen.

Scriptures: 1 John 3:16, 1 John 4:20-21, Ephesians 5:1-2, Philippians 2:5-8, Colossians 3:12-14

“The Love Everybody Wants”

John 3:16 is the most famous Bible verse. Most of us have heard that verse many times and some of us can recite it in our sleep. But can you recite 1 John 3:16? This one doesn’t seem to be as popular. Yet it is the second greatest commandment Jesus gave us. I don’t think it is a coincidence that John 3:16 describes the love our God has for us and 1 John 3:16 describes how we ought to love one another.

In this verse we see the radical call of what it looks like to know and follow Jesus. Jesus gives unconditional love for us, even to the point of death. And he calls his followers to give unconditional love for each other, even to the point of death. Most of us want an unconditional, radical love, yet most of us aren’t willing to lay down our lives to get it.

It makes sense why we all desire love and relationships. We were made from love, for love. Yet the relationships we choose matter. Are you seeking relationships that push you closer to Jesus and your purpose? Are you being the kind of person offering that to others?

There is a lot I tackle in my book The Love Everybody Wants—redefining true love, learning to love ourselves and how to navigate loving others well in a godly way in waiting seasons; dealing with rejection, heartbreak, and shame; learning how to build strong identity, faith, relationships; and a lot more. We’re all looking for the same kind of love. But my goal is to show you that the love everybody wants is already ours.

God’s commandments to us in Matthew 22:34–40 are clear. The greatest commandments—the most important guides and safeguards you can have in place to preserve your life and future—are simple: Love God, love yourself, love others.

Reflect: Do I love like 1 John 3:16 calls me to love? Do I surround myself with others who love and live out of the overflow of God’s love?

Challenge: Use these three questions to evaluate the relationships in your life:

(1) Do they make me more like Jesus?

(2) Do they push me closer to Jesus?

(3) Do they help me make a difference for Jesus?

Then, use those three questions to evaluate yourself. Are you offering that kind of love to others?

Prayer: Lord, you have called me to love your church. The radical, unconditional love you have freely given me, I am now called to give to those around me. Help me love others in a way that honors you. And reveal to me the relationships in my life that do not honor you. Help me to walk in the way of love today. In Jesus’s name, amen.