Having the right tool at the right time can be a game-changer. Using the correct tool can easily turn a serious problem into a solution. The same is true for marriage. Although every marriage is different, certain tools are beneficial for everyone. With this reading plan, we are going to give you four tools you can use every day to have a healthy and thriving marriage.
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Day 1
Scriptures: 1 John 3:18, Ephesians 5:1
Exploring Compromise
Did you know there are at least seven different ways to get to the Grand Canyon from Alabama? I didn’t know this until we decided to go there for my husband’s 30th birthday. He sat down and mapped out all the possible ways we could go.
Each route would get us to the same destination. Some were longer and more scenic. Some were quicker and easier, but at the end of the day we would end up at the Grand Canyon.
Just like there were multiple routes to get to the Grand Canyon, there are multiple ways to achieve your goals and make daily decisions in marriage.
However, that is not how we see it when our spouse has another way of doing things, am I right? In an instant, we are right, and they are wrong. Instead of sitting down and talking through all of the options, we go into an all-out war to prove who is the winner and who is the loser.
In those moments of disagreement, we need to use the tool of compromise.
Compromise happens when both sides listen actively and work together to move in the same direction. You use this tool to work together as a team instead of fighting to see who is right.
Compromise means both people may have to make certain changes to accomplish the task at hand. It’s also a way you can love your spouse well. By considering their opinion, you are showing them through your actions that you value and appreciate them.
Although important, compromise doesn’t happen naturally. It requires a change of heart on our part.
So how do we get this change of heart? We get into the Word of God and we become more like Christ. When we spend time in His Word, we will start to take on His unselfish love and concern for others and compromise will come more easily.
A lot of unnecessary damage has happened in marriage because the tool of compromise was not used. Let’s change that today.
Next time you disagree with your spouse, pause and consider their opinion. Be open to the idea that there are multiple ways to arrive at the destination.
Marriage is an adventure. You and your spouse will see and experience so much more (and be much happier) if you are willing to explore compromise in your relationship.
Prayer
Lord, I know compromise is a tool that will grow my marriage and help me to love my spouse well. However, I also know it is extremely hard to put into action when I want things a certain way. Help me, Lord, to be open to different routes to the same destination. Be with my spouse and me as we work together as a team to find common ground. Amen
Action
Start today by digging into the Word and becoming more like Christ. Then the next time you find yourself in a disagreement with your spouse, PAUSE, and ask yourself how Jesus would respond. Instead of instantly shutting them down, start a dialogue, ask clarifying questions, and work through several different options to get to your desired goal.
Day 2
Scripture: Matthew 5:37
The Power of Consistent Behavior
How would you like to be “the” couple?
You know the one: the couple that seems genuinely happy. They speak kindly to each other and about each other. Regardless of how long they have been together or what season they are going through their marriage is thriving. There is just something about this couple. Everyone enjoys being with them and wants to know what their secret is.
What if I told you, I know the secret?
Honestly, it isn’t a secret at all. It is something every couple can achieve. It is a very small, but powerful tool that, over time, can impact not only your marriage but other marriages that encounter yours.
The tool we are talking about is consistent behavior.
Consistent behaviors are very powerful in a marriage. Most people take for granted just how powerful and impactful those everyday consistent behaviors can be.
Why do we take this for granted? Because results do not happen instantly. This is something that takes time, intentionality, and effort.
We find a perfect formula for how we can be consistent in our marriage in Matthew 5:37.
Let your yes be yes. If you say you are going to do something, do it.
Let your no be no. If you can’t do something, be honest with your spouse about it.
Communicate often. If things change, communicate the changes to avoid unnecessary conflict.
By following this one Biblical principle, we can achieve greatness in our marriages.
Let me give you an example of how daily consistent behaviors can create great results.
My husband and I have a friend that accomplished a huge goal: he walked the entire 2,190-mile Appalachian Trail from start to finish. Thousands of people attempt to accomplish this goal in one trip every year, but only about one in four finish it. Our friend did it.
How did he do something so big? He got up every day and said, “Yes” to walking in the same direction. Through consistent behavior, he accomplished something great.
That’s what consistent behavior does for our marriages. It moves us in the same direction every day. You may not see the positive impact instantly, but over time as you keep making those consistent decisions in your marriage you will accomplish great things.
Prayer
Lord, I want to be “the” couple. The couple that not only has a thriving marriage, but is helping others to thrive as well. I know it’s going to take consistent behavior over time for this to happen. Help me to start today and continue in the same direction so I can accomplish this goal and bring peace and trust into my marriage. Amen
Action
Use Matthew 5:37 as a simple formula to start walking out consistent behavior.
Day 3
Scriptures: Proverbs 25:11, Proverbs 12:8, Romans 12:18
The Art of Communication
If you are dating, engaged, a newlywed, or have been married for a while, you already know how important communication is in a relationship. However, you have also discovered how difficult it can be to communicate effectively with another person.
We communicate with our spouses every day. In fact, a marriage is one extensive line of dialogue between two people. The problem is, we all have different communication styles.
There are times in marriage when it just seems like you and your spouse are speaking different languages. Although this can be frustrating, we need to understand three things about communication.
Communication is a gift that should be appreciated.
The ability to communicate is such a good gift from God. It is the tool we use to pray and connect with the Father. It is the way we express ourselves to Him through worship and dialogue.
It is also the way we get to connect with our spouses on a deeper level and work together as a team to make decisions. Communicating is the way we let our spouses know how much they mean to us and how much we love them.
Communication is also an art that must be practiced.
Just like we need to have an active prayer life to stay connected to the Father, we must have an active communication style with our spouses to stay connected to them. We must practice and grow in the way we communicate with our spouses so our marriages will grow and prosper.
Communication without restraint can be a weapon.
Communication is a great tool, but when used incorrectly, it can also be a weapon according to Proverbs 12. We can use our words to build up or to tear down. In marriage, we should always be in pursuit of unity, and when needed, reconciliation. Our words have the power to heal, but they also have the power to cut like a sword.
By using restraint, we can use our words as a tool to build our spouses up instead of tearing them down.
Many marriages have grown because of proper communication, but many marriages have crumbled because words were used as weapons.
Choose your words wisely and your marriage will grow!
Prayer
Lord, You gave us the gift of communication and I’m so thankful for it. This is the way that my spouse and I can grow closer together and close to You. Help me to practice and grow in the way I communicate with my spouse. Help me to use my words to grow our marriage and not as weapons to harm it. In Jesus’ name. Amen
Action
Set aside quality time without distractions to communicate with your spouse in a way that brings harmony, not discord.
Day 4
Scriptures: Ephesians 4:26-27, Ephesians 4:31-32
Conflict Management
In every marriage conflict is inevitable. Two people living in the same space will never agree on all things all the time. It is easy to miscommunicate in those times of conflict, even to the point where things become overheated.
Most of the time it is simply a communication breakdown, and the resolution can be achieved. However, once tempers flare and certain words are spoken, resolution does not come easily.
Most people respond in two basic ways to conflict. They either choose fight or flight. They confront the situation head-on speaking exactly what pops into their minds regardless of the repercussions, or they retreat, either verbally or physically, not wanting to deal with the problem at all.
Both methods, when taken to the extreme, can be harmful to a marriage.
That is why the tool of conflict management is so important. It allows us to deal with the issue in a healthy way, to get closure, and move on.
Did you know that there are rules for combat? You would think in war all bets were off, and you could do anything and everything you wanted. However, that is not the case at all. The rules that are in place for combat are called “rules of engagement.”
Rules of engagement (plural noun) a directive issued by a military authority specifying the circumstances and limitations under which forces will engage in combat with the enemy.
These rules are in place so certain boundaries are not crossed and unnecessary suffering does not occur. I believe we can have our own version of these rules in our marriage.
Ephesians 4 gives us the Biblical version of rules of engagement. We know conflict will come. Why not be prepared for it so we do not sin? Why not be prepared to fight fair by taking out things like slander and bitterness so you do not have to worry about regrets later?
My husband puts it like this, “If you make rules in times of peace, they will be easier to follow in times of struggle.”
By sitting down and creating your own rules of engagement based on Ephesians 4, you and your spouse will increase your chances of handling conflict correctly and avoiding unnecessary harm.
Prayer
Lord, I know conflict is inevitable in marriage. However, my spouse and I want to handle it the correct way. Give us self-control and the right words. Help us to establish our own rules of engagement and follow them when we don’t see eye-to-eye. Above all, help us to always strive for unity and extend grace where it is needed so bitterness cannot grow in our marriage. Amen
Action
Sit down with your spouse (when you are not in conflict) and create “Battle Boundaries” and a “Delete List” for when conflict arises based on the Biblical principles found in Ephesians 4.
Battle Boundaries are a list of rules you should follow during an argument. (i.e. No name-calling.) A Delete List is words you will not use again because they only cause more harm.