Divorce is messy. In the aftermath, relationships with your ex-spouse and children can be tense. We invite you to follow along with this seven-day devotional where we’ll find transformation, healing, and victory in Jesus Christ, even in the aftermath of divorce.
UNCOMMEN
Day 1
Scriptures: 1 Peter 5:7, Isaiah 41:10, Psalms 25:16
Lost & Found Dad
When exactly did I lose my way? When did I stop being the husband God called me to be? It can be a very humbling question to ask yourself truthfully.
We can so quickly look at our spouse and find all the things we think they should be doing better, or the problems that may have started since becoming married. It sometimes begins with that harsh word, that should have been understanding or kind. Along the way, sin happens. Empty promises, porn, and a hurting marriage. Then one day, another man pays your hurting wife a compliment. It makes her feel wanted. Several text messages lead to lunch. Affairs can be many things; most common are emotional and physical.
When we live in sin, we must also live in the consequences of that sin. I had no idea any of this was about to happen, but God knew. A few months prior, God began to call me to draw close to Him. He was preparing me for the journey I had no idea I was about to go on.
She did not feel we could ever reconcile. She did not want any part of any marital help I had suggested. When I asked my wife to leave, I started calling myself a “single dad.” My life shattered. My marriage fell apart; my relationship and trust with my kids were broken.
How could I forgive her? How could she forgive me? Realize this! Both parties are responsible for a marriage that falls apart. We could sit here all day pointing fingers at whose offenses are the worst.
She was gone. I felt alone, and I blamed myself. It was just the kids and me. Their mom was around to help get them off to school and back home, but that was about it. We argued every time we crossed paths. I felt empty. Felt like part of me was missing.
“Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.” — Psalm 25:16
As I sat next to my bed, crying, I was asking God why? I could barely begin to sort through all these feelings that had me floored. For God, this is a perfect place to start. He can start anywhere in our lives. Sadly for most of us, it takes us falling on our faces before we look up and listen.
Over these next six days, we will discover how, when it seems you have lost it all, there is surrender, obedience, transformation, healing, purpose, and victory.
Uncommen Challenge: Change your focus from your circumstances, to focus on Jesus to provide all you need during these trials.
Day 2
Scriptures: Philippians 3:7-8, Galatians 2:20
Surrender
Surrender? Is that not what weak men do?
Everything we learn from the world tells us that surrender means losing. Look where you are now. In your thoughts, you have lost the essential part of you, your wife. Good thing that is not true. She never could fill that part of your life. Jesus is the only one who can complete us. First, you must accept Jesus as your Lord and savior. Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”(John 3:3 )
Giving up the control you thought you had will be one of the first steps. Trying to control everything has been what made most of this mess. It does start on your knees. There is no better posture to show our LORD God, that we are ready for Him to take over this mess. Do you want to know what is so great about this? He has been waiting for you this entire time. Cry out to God; He wants you to draw near. He will draw near to you. He knew you would come to Him. He wants to take over. All glory belongs to God. When you come out on the other side, you will see that the Potter transformed you. Surrender is what children of God do. You are a child of God.
New surrender happens every day. You have to discipline yourself to give everything about your life, your mind, and your soul to Jesus. Surrendering will be one of the hardest things you will ever do. But once you have learned this discipline, it will be how you live for Christ Jesus. “Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him.” (Romans 6:8 NIV)
Daily prayer
Heavenly Father teach me how to let go of this life. Show me how to have faith and trust in you. I know that you use all things for my good. I want my will to be in line with your will and purpose for my life. In King Jesus’ name, Amen!
Uncommen Challenge: Pray to God about everything, no matter what it is. Rely on Him!
Day 3
Scriptures: Luke 6:46-47, John 14:15, Romans 2:6-8
Obedience
Surrender is a form of obedience; obedience shows faith. When you give it all to God, you are showing your willingness to do what God wants for our lives.
You must not live in sin any longer. Ask God to reveal to you what needs to be changed. Change can be tough. You will need to step outside of your comfort zone. What feels easy? Nothing recently has seemed easy! Obedience can start with just getting up every day, going to your job, doing it well, doing it as unto the Lord. God will show you many things you need to change in yourself, and he will use the people you work with and come across each day.
Do you have a problem with anger? Well, guess what happens to your co-worker that is best at pushing your buttons? How will you react? Will you snap at them? Be kind? Listen with understanding? The right answer may seem obvious, but it is not as easy as you think. But guess what? God loves you so much He will keep working on you until you learn. Also, do not beat yourself up when you make a mistake. It is a process to be obedient. God is the Gardener; He will prune you so that you bear more fruit. Pray about it some more, and He will change your heart.
You have been made new in Christ. In obedience, God will show you the way; the path will not be easy. Just remember your “flesh” is what got you in this situation in the first place. Stop trying to fix things on your own. You will end up in a bigger mess than you already are. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding;” (Proverbs 3:5 )
Daily prayer
Heavenly Father, search my heart. Show me the sin I do not see, the sin I have turned a blind eye to. I trust that You want what is best for me. Show me how to change, how to be obedient. In King Jesus’ Mighty Name, Amen!
Uncommen Challenge: When God calls you to change, no matter how scary it seems, trust in Him. This change takes action on your part.
Day 4
Scriptures: Romans 12:2, 2 Corinthians 13:5-6, John 15:1-2
Transformation
So much has happened up to this point. Your daily routine has changed. The kids do not fully understand what is going on in their lives. You may even be at a loss to explain what is happening. You have to learn to filter what you say to the kids about the current situation with their mother. Do not let your feelings dictate what you speak. The kids love both parents. The kids are half of each of you, so when you talk bad about their mom, you are speaking bad about them. Take this one day at a time. You will have to filter through so many feelings. Also, every time you talk to her, you will most likely try to find something to be offended by so that you can try to justify lashing out at her. You must change the way you speak and behave.
You must abide in Jesus to experience transformation. Give Him every part of who you are—what you have done, and what you want to be. His work had already started before you even looked up to Him.
As the Father begins to prune your heart, your mind, and your soul, transformation occurs. He will bring what needs to be changed to the surface by showing you why it is not right and help you overcome it. Some of this happens quickly, but some takes time. You will barely be able to wrap your mind around half of it. Your kids will begin to change. Relationships with friends, family, and co-workers will change. “By this, we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us his Spirit.” (1 John 4:13). When we surrender, His Spirit works in us, leads us, changes us, comforts us.
Daily Prayer
Heavenly Father, I thank You that you are my personal gardener. You prune me, so that I may bear the fruit of Your Spirit. In the name of Jesus, our King, Amen!
Uncommen Challenge: Speak love to your children. Do not bad-mouth their mom. Show them you can love their mother, regardless of the chances of reconciliation.
Day 5
Scriptures: Jeremiah 17:14, Romans 15:13
Healing
What is healing? We understand being healed from physical pain, like injury, or sickness. But how do you recover from spiritual pain? Or the pain of hurt feelings? There are many types of this kind of pain and many causes. Most of these causes are relational, and some are the consequences of sin. Now the remedy for all of it is the same, which is Jesus. Healing takes time. This healing will not only be your healing, but affects your children also. They may not even talk about it much to either of you, because each time they do, we tend to say something not so wonderful about the other parent. These words hurt the kids; they love both of you, and it hurts them when we do this.
You have control of what comes out of your mouth. Even quiet anger when they mention mom can be just as bad as saying something unkind. Everyone is hurting in their way.
For me, I knew I needed to get into God’s word more. So we made it a family event each evening to read scripture together. I did choose scripture at that time that would show comfort to the kids. I gave them each a verse, then had them look it up in their Bibles. Then read it out loud to me, and tell what it meant to them. By doing this together it took the focus off of our suffering. It helped us to realize how grateful we were for all that God was doing in our lives. Together we began to heal. “Come, let us return to the Lord; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up.” (Hosea 6:1)
We need the way we think and act to be changed. Jesus will guide us along this path. The pains begin to fade to be replaced with peace and joy beyond anything you can imagine. You realize that your circumstances haven’t changed, but in the midst of all of it, JESUS has changed you. You are now thriving by the strength you never had, but by which Christ Jesus gives abundantly. This strength you receive will strengthen your household. When the kids see you, they begin to feel more secure, which helps them heal.
Daily Prayer
Thank You that Your strength is made perfect in my weakness. That each new day You are there to show me the way! Thank You, Jesus, Amen!
Uncommen Challenge: Get the kids out of the house. Take them somewhere new; a place you can create new memories!
Day 6
Scriptures: Colossians 1:28-29, Acts 2:23
Purpose
Everyone has a purpose in the Kingdom of God. You must be living obediently and in the will that God has for your life. To honestly know your place in His kingdom, you must have a relationship with Him. Without this relationship, you will be stumbling all over the place. You must have a clean and pure heart. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8).
Seeing God means I can see what His purpose is for me. Do not think you will not take the wrong steps at times. When you are unsure, it is time to pray and wait.“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!” (Psalms 37:7). All around you, it will seem people succeed while you struggle. This struggle is the part that makes it worth it. It took time to grow into a mess; it will take time to grow out of it.
Also, remember to keep focused on what God puts in front of you. We, at times, look too far ahead and miss what God is trying to teach us now. It is like looking up at the clouds while trying to walk around. You will eventually stumble. When your focus remains on Jesus, it is so much easier to see what your purpose is. There are going to be days when it doesn’t seem much is happening, but that can be when you are learning the most and not even realizing it. Some of the best growth occurs when it doesn’t seem like anything is happening. So, keep focused and discipline yourself.
Daily prayer
Heavenly Father, through this journey You have been with me every step of the way. You are showing me Your tenderness and Your correction. Thank You for allowing me to serve in Your kingdom, and bring You glory. Thank You, Jesus, Amen!
Uncommen Challenge: Find your purpose and understand it. Do not be surprised if it calls you out of the comfort zone. Make sure prayer is a priority.
Day 7
Scriptures: Matthew 5:14-16, 1 John 5:4-5, Deuteronomy 20:4
Victory
When the Holy Spirit dwells in us, we become radiant in Christ. We live for Him. We live in Him and He in us. Jesus is so luminous in our life that people all around us see it. They will notice that you are different. Some know what you are experiencing. Some have been through similar trials. Most do not understand, but the amazing thing is this light draws people to you. They begin to ask or say things like, “How do you do it?”
You are called to be a disciple of Christ. Let them know everything He has done in your life and is still doing. All the things He can change in their lives and how much He loves them. Victory in Christ is living like Jesus, spending every day trying to be more like the Son. You will always face adversity. Seek Jesus!
Some people will push away from you. That was hard for me to understand at first. When you live by the Spirit, God’s glory reflects from you. I believe the Holy Spirit convicts others through us at times. Some people accept this well, and it stirs something inside them. They have no idea what it is at first, and then others will turn and run the other way. But with our humbleness, we can still love them as we are called to love as Jesus did.
So, all these changes in life have happened over this last year. Do I understand it all? Definitely not. I do know I have a life in Christ now, which is what matters most. Did I want this to end in divorce? No, but it did. Did I make mistakes in my marriage? Yes, plenty. Will the kids be ok? Yes, if you lead them to live a life like Christ! IS THERE HOPE? ALWAYS! I will never claim to know all that God wants for my life, except that I know I can live to always bring Him the glory!
Daily prayer
Heavenly Father, every single day You show me new victory in Your name. Jesus, You made us all victorious and paid our debt with Your blood. Thank You, my Lord Jesus! Amen!
Uncommen Challenge: Every day, spend time with our Father. Pray, read your Bible, and thank God for everything.
Be Uncommen!