Unglued

Scripture: Proverbs 15:2

WHEN CRITICISM HURTSIt was one of those voicemails that left me rubbing the sides of my head wondering, “Why me? Why today?” I was blindsided by the criticism and felt this would be the perfect time to find a hole and crawl into it.Criticism hurts. No matter who you are, how many people are encouraging you, and how happy you felt before you got “that call” or “that email,” one drop of critical yuck spreads fast and furious.Oh how I wish I had a little “criticism antidote” to make it all better. I don’t. But I do have a little sermonette I preach to myself when criticized.When someone criticizes, I’ve got to quickly discern if they are trying to help me or hurt me.No criticism is fun, but it can be helpful if it is from a wise person speaking words that are truly intended to help us. Proverbs 15:2a says, “The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge …” To me, a wise person is someone who:• Cares enough about me to get their facts straight and isn’t speaking out of assumption.• Has talked to God and reflects a gentle, caring tone in their communication.• And wraps their criticism with grace and humility.This kind of criticism is given with the intent of sharing helpful wisdom that is constructive rather destructive.If the criticism is destructive and hurtful, I must remember the second part of Proverbs 15:2b, “… but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.” The definition of folly is a “lack of understanding or sense.” We need to remember this kind of harsh and unnecessary criticism says a lot more about their insecurities than our inadequacies.We can’t fix whatever hurt caused them to lash out. But we can decide to stay calm and not compound the hurt. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1 NIV)No matter what kind of criticism we get—helpful or hurtful—it still stings. And we might not feel like being calm at first. When I returned the call that left my heart racing and my head pounding, I didn’t feel like being calm. I had to choose to be calm despite my feelings. I’m learning that staying calm is as much of a gift to myself as it is to the one criticizing me.Dear Lord, I know You are not a God of condemnation and criticism. Teach me to hold my tongue and trust in You when I am hurt by those around me. I want to be able to take the criticism that is helpful and leave the criticism that is hurtful, but I know that only through You can I do this without the weight of condemnation. Thank You for Your gentle conviction and patience with me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Scripture: Luke 8:15

WHEN I’M DEALING WITH DAILY FRUSTRATIONS

I was talking with a customer service agent from an online company I have enjoyed doing business with for years. I called thinking she could help me with a return. But when I explained I needed to return this certain item, things started to head south with our conversation.

She informed me that my item wasn’t on the returnable list. It was on the final sale list. I had no clue there was a returnable list and a final sale list. It wasn’t posted online or stated in their catalog. 

I logically stated my case and felt sure she would see things my way. But she didn’t. No matter what I said or explained, she wouldn’t budge.

I knew the lady on the other end of the phone was just following procedure, but it made no sense. It wasn’t right and I was frustrated!

After my call, she probably moved on to the next frustrated customer. And then the next. And then the next. Suddenly, I felt so sorry for her. 

I decided it wasn’t her desire to not be able to help me. She was truly just following the orders of the higher-ups at her company. I imagined her packing up her things at the end of another long day and heading home. A home where she had to face her own daily aggravations and frustrations. 

That’s when it hit me. While on the phone, I never pictured her as a person really. To me, she was just a voice on the other end of the phone that was causing me extreme frustration. 



How might my reaction have been different if I’d stopped to think about her as a woman just like me? What might it be like to be her, to live her life, and to have to go to her job every day?

I decided God was trying to get my attention to be more aware of my reactions. More aware of handling daily frustrations in a way that reflects a heart that loves the Lord. In today’s key verse, Luke 8:15, Jesus reminds us, “But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop.” (NIV 1984) 

I want Jesus’ message to fall on a heart that is humble and fertile enough to:

Receive God’s Word …

Retain God’s instruction, and …

Reflect God’s character in both my action and reactions.

When I stop to think about this I am challenged. Whether I am talking with a customer service representative I don’t know or interacting with those I do everyday life with, I want to work towards being a woman who displays godly character. 

Dear Lord, it’s easy to honor You with my carefully thought through actions but, sometimes much harder with my reactions. Even when I’m caught off guard, may Your love and patience be the spillover from my heart. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Scripture: Colossians 2:6-7

WHEN I WANT TO BE MEANI don’t know who made up the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can’t ever hurt me.” Either they had nerves of steel or they lived on a deserted island with no other people. Because not only do words hurt me, but they make me want to fight back and be mean, too.Have you ever had a little situation with someone where you just knew you were right and they were wrong? Or at least you could make a really good case for your side of things?Oh how I have this burning need to state my case in these kinds of situations. It’s like an inner attorney rises up desperate to defend my rights and get the other person to see things my way. This is pretty normal, right?Yes. But normal doesn’t always mean good. Especially in light of today’s key verse.Colossians 2:6-7 reminds me, “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” (NIV 1984)I should live rooted in Jesus’ teaching and overflow with thankfulness. The opposite of this is when I’m rooted in self-centered opinions and overflowing with grumbling. I need to let God show me how to see things from this other person’s side and gain a different perspective. In doing so, I will be strengthened and taught.Colossians 3:12-14 reminds me, “… as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (NIV 1984)My job isn’t to fix this person or make them see my side of things. My job is to obey God by offering an extension of the forgiveness I’ve been given. But I can also stay healthy in this situation by remembering forgiveness doesn’t mean giving this person access in my life that sets me up for destructive patterns.Finally, Colossians 3:17 reminds me, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (NIV 1984)Everything I do and say tells a story of who I serve. If I act out of anger and spite, I give in to the ways of the enemy, spreading his darkness. If I honor the Lord with my actions, I serve to further the Name of Jesus and spread His light.At the end of the day, honoring God leads to good things. Anything else leads to confusion, emotional exhaustion and a lack of good things.Recently, I processed a hurtful comment someone had made to me with my husband. He said something that brought much clarity. “Lysa, you know when you’ve taken the high road, God blesses you. You’ve seen these blessings over and over as you’ve made choices that honor God. So choose a blessing today and save yourself the emotional turmoil of trying to prove you’re right.”He’s a smart man.I know this isn’t easy stuff. I’m having to live it in the midst of feeling hurt. But I’m also feeling more at peace being able to see another perspective—a healthier perspective—a biblical perspective. And I’m really excited about the blessings that are surely coming my way. Dear Lord, You know the hurtful words and actions that have been pummeled my way. Please give me Your strength to not retaliate, but instead to react based on Your Truth. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Scripture: Proverbs 13:10

WHEN IT FEELS BETTER TO BLAME SOMEONE ELSEYou want to know one of the hardest three-word statements to make? “I am wrong.”It’s so easy to point out wrong in others. It’s so easy to want it to be someone else’s fault. It’s so easy to get critical and cynical and caught up in our limited perspectives.But boy is it hard to see our own flaws. Where we went wrong. What we need to own.I’ve been challenging myself on this. I recently had to correct one of my children for trying to blame someone else for something my child needed to own themselves. I could clearly see the pride, the insecurity, and the fear all wrapped around her blaming words. And why could I see it so clearly?Because I see it in myself.Bummer huh? I had to have a conversation where I explained to my child something I’m learning myself. About blaming. And the dangerous path blaming can take us on.In most conflicts I have two ways I can choose to travel:The Path of Pride: I can blame the other person, focus only on their flaws, and refuse to own my part of it. That response will increase my pride and decrease the Lord’s blessing in my life.The Humble Way: I can honestly assess what I’m contributing to this conflict, admit where I went wrong, and ask for forgiveness. That response will lead to humility and increase the Lord’s blessing in my life.I see this principle woven throughout the Bible:James 4:6, “That is why Scripture says: God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (NIV 1984)Proverbs 29:23, “A man’s pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.” (NIV 1984)Matthew 23:12, “For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” (NIV 1984)I know this. I believe this. So, why do I still find it hard to implement sometimes?Well, here’s where my head wants to go when I start examining certain conflicts: “But what if it really isn’t my fault? It’s not fair to assign the blame with me when this person did this and this and this.”But that’s the wrong direction to go. Don’t try to assign the blame. Just own the part you brought into the conflict. When I approach a conflict with a heart of humility, I’ve yet to see where I haven’t added something to the issue.And if the other person doesn’t own their issues—the Lord will deal with them. (See the verses above.)There are gifts hidden in the tough stuff of conflict. There is grace and honor to be gained. But I’ll only see those gifts if I stop blaming others and start examining myself.Dear Lord, I want to follow Your teaching in this. But it’s so hard. I’m mad and frustrated and hurt. The last thing I feel like doing is examining where I am wrong. But I know that’s what I need to do. Will You soften my heart? Will You give me eyes to see beyond my hurt? Will You help me cut through the assumptions and wrong-thinking? I want to honor You in this, I really do. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Scripture: Lamentations 3:19-23

WHEN I GET IN A TWIT

A few months ago, my husband made the decision to have a tree cut down in our front yard. He’d consulted with a professional who told him the tree was sick and a storm could cause the tree to break and fall. Plus, this tree had been dropping these prickly gumball things that drive my husband crazy.

So, with one swift decision and a few strong men, the tree was gone.

I wasn’t in any of the conversations about the tree.

I didn’t know it was sick.

I didn’t know it could fall during a storm and damage our home or our cars.

I didn’t mind the prickly gumball things.

All I knew was I walked out my front door and a tall, lovely, shade-providing tree was just chopped down. My heart seized at the sight. What in heavens? I called my husband in a panic.

His calm and reassuring explanation didn’t make me feel better. Every time I looked outside, all I could see was the stump. The gaping hole in the typical landscape of our front yard. The shade that was missing.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and before I knew it I was in a twit! Hyper focused on what was missing, I couldn’t appreciate the bigger picture.

We live out in the country and have countless trees all around our house. Lots and lots of trees. But the more I got all in a twit about that one tree that was gone, the less I noticed all the others.

Distracted by one wrong thing, I missed out on seeing many right things.

I think this is a tactic the evil one uses against me. Against you. Against us.

The devil loves to get us to focus on the little that’s wrong so we miss the big picture of all that’s right.

Recently I noticed something in Lamentations chapter 3 verses 19-23 that gave me a new strategy. Look how the writer’s depressing outlook turns around when he intentionally calls better things to mind:

“Remember my affliction and my bitterness, the wormwood and the gall! My soul continually thinks of it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness.” (RSV)

So today when I’m tempted to get in a twit and start focusing on something that’s wrong, I’ll stop myself and say, “but”… and then start listing things that are right.

My front yard was missing a tree, BUT … my husband promised to plant a new one. One that isn’t sick and doesn’t drop prickly things.

My husband didn’t talk to me about the tree before it was chopped down, BUT … he was being my family’s protector. One who cares enough to just take care of what needs to be taken care of. One that I can trust.

I have a tendency to get in a twit about little things, BUT … today is a new day with new possibilities. And I’m going to try to remember all that is right instead of focusing on the little that may be wrong.

Dear Lord, I want to follow Your teaching and focus on the blessings You have placed in my life. Please help me learn to look through Your lens and to see today as a new day full of Your mercies. Mercies for me, and mercies for others. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.