Anger Free Dad

Scriptures: James 1:19-21, Colossians 3:8

The Danger of Anger

There’s nothing quite like introducing your son to something you enjoy. Or so thought one father, who was thrilled to finally be on his first fishing trip with his teenage son. 

Their fishing lines hadn’t been in the water 30 minutes when his son became irritated. They hadn’t caught anything, and his son was bored from just sitting and waiting. Two hours later, his exasperated son exclaimed, “Dad, we’ve been here for hours, and we’ve caught nothing! Let’s go home!” The father calmly tried explaining the art of fishing, but his son only focused on the fact that his fishing rod had not moved an inch. As their time on the bank hit three hours, the son leaped up in frustration and said, “Dad, this is a waste of time.”

The dad’s eager expectations for their father/son bonding had been slowly dissolving into frustration. And with his son’s last outburst, the dad lost patience and a surge of rage rushed through his veins. He snatched the fishing rod out of his son’s hand, yanked the boy’s collar, and screamed, “FINE! GRAB YOUR STUFF! WE’RE GOING HOME!”

Being a dad is kinda like sitting on a dock with our kid. We know our role is to help our sons “reel in” what the Lord wants for their lives. Unfortunately, they don’t always see what we see, they get impatient, and they’ll push the boundaries. When he is impatient and pushes back, how do you respond? Anger is never to be a part of the equation. When we get angry, it becomes even harder to help a son mature in Christ and see God at work. Anger stops the righteous plans our Heavenly Father has for our leadership. 

At times, being an anger-free dad can feel like a tall order. Without Jesus, it is. That’s why we need to look to the perfect Father who has been slow to anger with us and ask Him how He does it. God calls us to “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”. When we live that way— quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger—we can achieve the righteous plans He has for our lives as dads. 

Ask God to help you be quick to hear His voice. Seek His strength to be patient and slow to anger.

Scriptures: Colossians 4:6, Proverbs 15:1

The Light of a Dad’s Response

Most dads have experienced anger on the road with various bad drivers. We’ve encountered the speeder who didn’t use his turn signal, the oblivious guy who cuts us off, and even the texter who is riding our bumper on the highway. Whatever reason lies behind their poor driving etiquette, it doesn’t take away our frustration. We can’t control their bad driving, but we can control how we will respond. 

We can make a bad situation worse by rolling down the window and letting them have it… or we can put grace on display. 

In a similar way, most of us have experienced “bad driving” in a conversation with our wives or kids. Sometimes a family member may cut us off mid-sentence, disrespectfully text someone else while we’re trying to talk, or clam up and not communicate at all. Regardless of what they do, our response as dads can make or break the situation. 

We can make a bad situation worse with our anger… or we can put grace on display. 

God has commanded us to let our conversations be full of grace. Your grace-filled response can encourage and minister to your family. Those in your house may do things that frustrate you, but remember that everyone is on a path of growth—especially your kids. When you respond with anger in a trying situation, it can hinder God’s plan to use you for the good of your family. God has given fathers a specific leadership role—one that is spiritually influential. We are to be strong in Christ and set an example for our families, churches, and communities. 

Thankfully, God doesn’t leave us to do it alone. We lean on Jesus, and trust Him to shows us how to respond, how to love, and how to lead. This means we respond to what He shows us in His Word with trust and submission to His lordship. 

We can avoid letting circumstances with our spouse and kids trigger anger in us. The key is in remembering how God has been patient and gracious to us. Exhibit that same grace and let grace—not anger—drive the words you use. 

Ask God to fill you with His grace and let that grace come out in the way you express yourself and talk to others.

Scriptures: Psalms 119:165, John 6:55-59

What’s Your Meal Plan Look Like?

I’m sure I don’t need to mention the importance of good eating habits, but that advice is often ignored when the stomach is yelling. Loudly. When that happens, what do we do? We usually eat what we can get the fastest. It’s called fast food for a reason. 

Good eating habits can be hard, and it often takes retraining the way we think. It doesn’t help that we’re also juggling marriage, kids, work, bills, schedules, and the occasional golf game. Eating healthy is a challenge when there is so much on a dad’s plate (pun intended), but we face greater challenges if we don’t eat well: loss of energy, weight gain, poor brain function, and even depression. 

There’s another diet that is even more important: feeding our souls with the Word of God. We need spiritual sustenance! If a dad isn’t sensitive to his spiritual diet and continuously feeds his mind and heart with excessive social media and news reports that get his dander up, he quickly becomes malnourished. We can’t “eat” this way and only consume a bite or two of God’s Word on Sundays. That’s like expecting to have great health by eating unhealthy foods for six days and only eating healthy on Sunday. 

As dads, what we spiritually consume shows up in our marriages, parenting, and all relationships. Over time, it becomes easy to pick out the dad who is feeding regularly on God’s Word. A regular diet on God’s truth gives you the wisdom, knowledge, and spiritual power to fight things like temptation, lust, greed, hate, and anger. Filling your mind with the things of God fills you with peace, and where there’s peace, there’s no room for anger. 

Being aware of your negative intake from the world shouldn’t be something you do passively, and you should not wait until your spiritual health is critical before you change it for the better. Develop a biblical meal plan in which you intentionally receive and obey God’s Word every day. The very fact that you are reading this devotion may well indicate a desire on your part to get a handle on your anger and a handle on God’s Word. May the Lord go before you as you daily feed on God’s Word, gaining an appetite for His peace over your anger. 

Commit to making time in God’s Word a priority every morning. If it means getting up 15 minutes earlier, ask God to give you the discipline to do so.

Scriptures: Colossians 3:12-15, Ephesians 2:8-9, John 3:16

Receive the Gift of Forgiveness

Every father sets out to earn the right to wear the “World’s Greatest Dad” T-shirt. We love our kids and will do what we can to make them happy. Consider the dad who wants to do that for his own son. Christmas is coming, and he’d love to gift a bicycle to his son. Money’s tight though—real tight—but this father is undeterred. He works overtime. He cuts back on some of his own expenses. He even sells a couple of items he’s held on to for sentimental reasons. Why? He doesn’t want to just give his son a bike; he wants to give him a top-of-the-line bike. 

And he does. Christmas comes, and this father is thrilled as his son opens all his presents. Then he rolls out the bike with a big bow. The son looks at the bike, tosses out a perfunctory “Thanks, Dad,” and turns his attention to playing with all the cardboard boxes. Days pass, then months, and the bike stands untouched in the garage. It still has the bow. 

It’s hard to imagine any kid ignoring the freedom and exhilaration that comes with owning a bike, but a lot of us ignore an even greater gift: forgiveness. God paid a huge price, giving His most prized possession, His Son, to die in our place. With that death, the penalty of our sins was dealt with, and forgiveness is offered to us. Forgiveness is ours when we trust in Christ as our Lord and Savior. 

Forgiveness is truly a gift—it’s not earned through your efforts—and it’s just waiting for you to unwrap it! God won’t unwrap it for you; it’s up to you to choose to accept and embrace His forgiveness or ignore it. 

Anger often arises out of our own sense of unforgiveness. We feel the guilt of our sin. We feel the frustration of living under the burden of our own sin, and that can trigger a lot of anger. Even if it’s self-directed anger—angry at ourselves for our sins and mistakes—that too quickly boils over into anger toward others. But when we see ourselves as forgiven in Christ, we can forgive the offenses of others and not let anger rise in our hearts. 

Want to live as a dad free from anger? Start by unwrapping God’s gift of salvation and receive His forgiveness. With His forgiveness in your life, let that forgiveness overflow out of your life into the lives of others. A forgiven and forgiving heart has no room for anger. 

Thank God for the grace of saving you. Thank Him for His forgiveness.

Scriptures: Matthew 6:14, Mark 11:25

The Poison of Unforgiveness

Ever notice how easily we can latch on to forgiveness from someone, but we struggle to give forgiveness? We can be thankful that God, the perfect Father, forgives us, but the perfect Father expects us to give forgiveness just as freely as we take it. 

It’s not that God is incapable of forgiving, but if you’ve got a dose of unforgiveness in your heart, there’s no room for God’s forgiveness. It’s wise to periodically check your heart for… 

unforgiveness toward a family member or friend who owes you money… 

unforgiveness toward an individual who wronged you years ago… 

unforgiveness toward your own father or mother who dropped the ball… 

unforgiveness toward a co-worker who was out of line or took credit for your work… 

unforgiveness toward a child who disrespected you… 

unforgiveness toward your spouse. 

Make no excuses for unforgiveness. Just forgive. That doesn’t mean what the other person did was OK, but it does mean you will no longer hold it against him. After all, God did not excuse your sin, but because Christ paid the penalty for your sin and forgave you, He does not hold your sin against you. 

Who benefits most from a forgiving spirit? I can’t say for sure, but I know you will benefit when you forgive. With forgiveness, anger, resentment, and bitterness lose their grip on you. God gives you freedom from anger when you forgive, and isn’t that your goal: to become an anger-free dad? 

Let God’s example of forgiveness through Christ fuel your willingness to forgive others. Let your love for Jesus motivate you to forgive. Discover the beauty of what is possible through forgiveness. Take this step in becoming an anger-free dad. 

Confess any unforgiveness you may be holding on to. Ask God to remove any resentment and bitterness, and to empower you to forgive, even as He has forgiven you.

Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 12:9, Ephesians 1:17-21, Galatians 5:22-23

The Power To Be at Peace

Most men don’t like asking for directions. We feel as if we have a sense of where we are going—even when we’re far from where we need to be. There’s an old joke that the Israelites spent 40 years in the wilderness because Moses wouldn’t ask for directions. For a long time, we treated maps as suggestions. If we were convinced of a better route, we might write off the map as outdated. 

Then along came the GPS and all that changed, right? Not necessarily. We often argue with the GPS. 

• The GPS is telling us to take a longer route.
• I know a short cut GPS doesn’t know about.
• The GPS thinks it knows best, but I’ve known how to get around long before this app showed up.

Most men can tell at least one story of ending up somewhere they hadn’t planned on going. It happens too often when we rely on ourselves and our own, often misguided, sense of direction. 

When it comes to handling our anger, too many of us men think we know the direction to take. We’re sure we know what to do to curb our anger and become anger free. Let me offer a one-word response to that: nope. You can’t rely on your own methods to remedy the stronghold of angry tendencies. If you knew how to free yourself of anger, you would’ve already done it. You wouldn’t be reading about how to be an anger-free dad! 

Dad, you can’t overcome anger and find peace on your own. And the good news is that you don’t have to! God does not leave you alone to struggle in the battle with anger on your own. You must seek God and let Him lead to a place where peace, not anger, is resident. Under His lordship, you have the power to be at peace. We can’t navigate the twists and turns of life and respond adequately without the Word of God. 

Just as the GPS provides what we need when navigating the roads, God provides everything we need when navigating the tension between living for Christ and giving in to anger. You’ve learned to trust the GPS to give you the right direction, so do the same thing with God: trust Him to give you the right direction. Surrender to Him. Lean on Him. Trust Him—and He will lead you away from anger. 

Confess to God those times when you rely on yourself. Ask Him to fill you with His Holy Spirit and give you the direction you need.

Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 5:17, John 8:36, Ephesians 5:1, Galatians 4:5

The Anger Free Dad

If you have kids, they likely took your last name—the same last name you inherited from your father. Your last name is more than an identifier on your driver’s license. It points to your heritage. There’s a long history behind the name you carry: good people, bad characters, maybe fortunes gained and fortunes lost. You may be like many dads who are hoping to instill in your son the value of a good name. 

Throughout the Bible, God often changed people’s names. It wasn’t that their old name was bad, but the new name identified a change in their relationship with God or a change in their character. For example, Abram (“father is exalted”) was changed to Abraham (“father of a multitude”). Jacob (“he grasps” or “he cheats”) became Israel (“He strives with God”). Their names reflected their identity. 

When you put your faith in Christ, you were given a new identity. The old man—the old sin nature—has been rendered dead, and you have been born again. 

With that new identity comes a new name. You are a child of God! You have been adopted as His son. Let that truth sink in and guide your thoughts and actions. You are not who the world says you are. You are not what your old thoughts say you are. You are a child of God, free from the bondage of the old life. Live up to your new name and identity in Christ. Live in the identity God has given you. 

The old anger-engulfed dad is gone. Live as an anger-free dad by the power of the Holy Spirit who lives in you. The old sin nature with its pull toward anger is dead and need not control you. Lean on Jesus and walk in the way of love. When you do, your new identity will become obvious to all. Christ gives you a new identity where anger does not reign. 

Thank God for giving you a new identity free from your past. Acknowledge that old habits like anger can be hard to break, but ask Him to so fill you with His love and grace that there is no room for anger.